PuppetLife Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 So basically, I found out that my friends are bitching about my good friend. I wouldn't have known if I didn't see their conversation accidentally. But they didn't know I saw it, and I didn't tell them. The thing is that I do agree with what they say, but I'm still upset about the fact that they are talking behind my friend's back and they are good friends with each other as well. Should I tell my good friend about it? although it might ruin their friendship...Or should I just leave it and pretend nothing happened? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'd take it up with the ones who are doing the talking. Remind them that nobody is perfect and your friend has good qualities too and that talking about her behind her back isn't nice. Remind them that if she does something that bothers them they should take it up with her directly when she can defend herself. Think you can do that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Most friends talk about each other behind their backs even when they're all friends. I wouldn't make a big deal about it but would feel free to defend your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 If you agree with the comments that were made behind your friend's back, what purpose will be served by talking to either the speakers or your friend? If the friend is doing something you don't like / agree with perhaps you can gently tell her that it's an issue with multiple people. Otherwise, what do you hope to achieve? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 donnivain and amays advice is spot on it serves no purpoe to inform a friend fo things said by speakers if you agree with the speakers and are doing it to let her know people are talking about her, and denying how you think or feel, unless you come out with it in a compassionate manner.... when i talk about a friend behind their back and yeah i do it but not to hurt them to brainstorm ways to help, say what can we do to help or how do i handle this or they hurt me what do i say now because i aint backing down its the triple t's its simply tone tact and thoughtfulness in relaying messages, help her by not letting him or her know you have talked to another,help him/her by what you relay to them , which concerns your own friendship with said person, if there are multiple people talking it needs to be straightened out..... dont be affronting be calming but firm in how you think or feel about what that person has done or not done and give them to process hey she is being a really good friend to me , maybe she has validity in what she said and you should always defend a friend when they are not their if you know what is said is crap....play up the strengths nto the weakness like yeah but he she has a big heart of said friend and point out like amay said no one is perfect but neither are you so all is cool you can however be a perfect friend to them..deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 I agree to what they say as in I agree that my good friend did the things they said. But that doesn't mean that I'm okay with them bitching about her. And also, they didn't know that I saw their messages....so... Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I'd have to say no, don't bring it up, unless they bring you into it. If you tell your friend, all you are going to find is a lot of trouble with all parties involved. The friend they are bitching about is likely to become upset with you (the messenger), and the friends who did the bitching will also become upset with you for telling her. So, unless they directly bring you into it, there is really nothing you should do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I'm left thinking these aren't "friends". My friends don't gossip that way. If something needs to be discussed that info should only go directly to the person it pertains to. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Either put up or shut up is a mantra that works. I usually ask the persons to meet with the "topic" of conversation. its called an Open discussion. Air out the concerns without finger pointing. Sometimes friends can have that openess to discuss with support and concern in the forefront. Ya see, when the cards are laid on the table, something is bound to happen. The Ultimate goal in any open discussion is to find a resolution . the real issue here that needs to be wisely persued though is...Is it something that is a character flaw or something that is a social concern? Secondly How open minded is each person coming to the round table for discussing. If its previously known that some are brash or poor listeners, then nothing will be gained. Think about it, and then as an adult, choose wisely which way you think is best for the person at the heart of this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 So basically, I found out that my friends are bitching about my good friend. I wouldn't have known if I didn't see their conversation accidentally. But they didn't know I saw it, and I didn't tell them. The thing is that I do agree with what they say, but I'm still upset about the fact that they are talking behind my friend's back and they are good friends with each other as well. Should I tell my good friend about it? although it might ruin their friendship...Or should I just leave it and pretend nothing happened? Just know that chances are those same friends talk behind your back as well. Would you want to know what was said? Since you know too, it'll cause drama and a chance it'll ruin their friendship, stay out of it. Also if you tell your friend, your friends will know you said something to her if your friend confronts them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I agree to what they say as in I agree that my good friend did the things they said. But that doesn't mean that I'm okay with them bitching about her. And also, they didn't know that I saw their messages....so... Ok so if you tell your friend, the other friends won't know its you unless your friend tells them you told her you saw messages.. How did you stumble across their messages? Still say, stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 To be honest, I would rather not know what others are saying behind my back. This happened recently, a friend told me a cruel remark another friend said about me. I already sensed that other friend can't be trusted but the cruel remark still really hurt and I would rather that I never knew. I even secretly question the motive of a friend that told me this. Link to post Share on other sites
Aedra Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) I'm actually grimacing so many people are just essentially saying "shut up and ignore it." I would want my truest friends to tell me what's going on and be honest with me. There are enough two-faced people out there that are all smiles but make fun of you behind your back. I know one has to be diplomatic about it and analyse the personalities involved, but surely honesty is the best policy here? Edited June 18, 2014 by Aedra Link to post Share on other sites
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