CadeYeager Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Let me start off by saying that I'm EXTREMELY happy for my best friend and his now wife on their wedding this past weekend. In no way am I sad in terms of jealousy, but sad in the fact that I know that dynamics between us will now change. I fortunately had the honors of being a groomsman. He is 24 and I'm 21. When I first entered High School, I felt a huge wave of anxiety, like any other freshman, worrying about fitting in. I was very quite and unconfident. He was considered "popular" and a bit of a "jock." My view of him was "crap I need to keep my distance because I'm below this dude." No kidding, I was young and had that mindset. I don't remember how but he began talking to me. He invited me to hang out with him and talked to me as if I was a close friend. I felt... accepted. Years went by and out of all of the friendships I've made in HS, my friendship with him was the one that lasted. I look at him as a brother. So seeing him get married, I got kinda scared that I might lose him as a friend. He's going to spend more time with his now wife, job, etc. I'm not criticizing him, he's just doing the normal thing. Sorry... I guess this is more of a vent than a question. I've just been bummed since the weekend. Hope this is normal.... Link to post Share on other sites
SleeplessIn Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I don't think what you're feeling is unusual, it's probably pretty common for close friends (women as well as men) to hope their good friendship won't disappear completely into the new couple's "coupleship". How did your friendship go while this guy was dating/engaged to his wife-to-be, did he stay in touch with you, find time to hang out as good buds do, etc.? If so, that may change in terms of how often, or where, but there's no particular reason it should stop. Something you might do is plan something for them after their honeymoon -- a summer cookout where friends are invited but you do the hosting or planning, anything along that line. This shows your support of your friend in his new marriage as well as your support for them as a couple. Also, if you have a girlfriend, think about planning things the 4 of you might do together -- a movie night a couple of times a month, or getting together to play cards, things of that nature. Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I can totally relate to those feelings! Things do change when people get married, and sometimes friendships drift apart. For me, my platonic relationships with men are usually impacted the most upon them meeting their future wives. I don't even expect those friendships to last anymore, and even though I understand the nature of changing priorities, and I am respectful of their choices, it's still a bummer. Every now and then though, a friend hooks up with someone really awesome, and I get to benefit from the union. I met one of my best girl friends this way- through her dating a male friend of mine (actually, he was even an ex). You win some, you lose some... And in my experience, besides being respectful of the relationship and making some attempt to be inclusive, there's not much you can do to influence the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Change is scary. You need to expand your circle of friends. Then his absence won't be as acute. Link to post Share on other sites
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