Johnsmith1003 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 My 6 month old son will scream bloody murder if he doesn't get his way. Now, I know it could be about something else, but after exhausting options like feeding, nap, playing, changing etc etc he will cry from the top of his lungs if we put him to bed. Is this normal? Is he just showing us his dislikes the only way he can or does it delve into something worse? Is his age too early or what? Is he realizing cause/effect? He just quiets down when we go in there and stare at him, then he calms down, otherwise he'll scream for nearly a couple hours until he gets to hang out with us. He will do the same thing in his carseat by resisting by lifting his legs and arms from it when we try to strap him in. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 He just quiets down when we go in there and stare at him You just stare, don't pick him up or anything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnsmith1003 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 It was a generalization. We pick him up, hold him, talk to him gently, sing to him and it does its trick, sure, but what causes this behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Your post mentions him screaming for a couple of hours. Can I ask what you're trying to achieve with this? Just trying to understand your approach. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnsmith1003 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 Your post mentions him screaming for a couple of hours. Can I ask what you're trying to achieve with this? Just trying to understand your approach. I was seeing if it was his vehement refusal to sleep but evidently he would eventually go to sleep after not sleeping for hours on end. Just as long as he's on his own or anticipates something like, he gets utterly freaked. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 It was a generalization. We pick him up, hold him, talk to him gently, sing to him and it does its trick, sure, but what causes this behavior? Loneliness? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I was seeing if it was his vehement refusal to sleep but evidently he would eventually go to sleep after not sleeping for hours on end. Just as long as he's on his own or anticipates something like, he gets utterly freaked. The upset and exhaustion will inevitably lead to sleep, but has no long term benefits. Does he share your bedroom? Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I believe the "cry it out" method is very damaging to babies - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out Respond to their needs at this age, even their softer needs for companionship or comfort. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Do me a favour, google 'damage caused by crying it out' and there's a lot of really helpful info. I see someone beat me to it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 have you tried Gripe water? But it sounds normal to me. My daughter was the same. Common for some babies to cry 6 hours over the day. Maybe get the doctor to check? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 He is upset to be left alone. He now knows you will come when he cries, when you don't it probably upsets him even more. 6 months is a little young to let him cry it out, he is still completely reliant on you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I was seeing if it was his vehement refusal to sleep but evidently he would eventually go to sleep after not sleeping for hours on end. Just as long as he's on his own or anticipates something like, he gets utterly freaked. You have these few years where you have to be a really hands-on parent if you want to raise a fully functional, non-neurotic child. The first three years set the stage for the entire life. Are you thinking you're going to spoil him by giving him all the care and attention he desires? At 6 months old he shouldn't be getting to the point where he just gives up after hours because he realizes that no one will be there for him. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Yes, 6 month old babies are designed to scream loudly to get their needs met. Parents are designed to feel agitated when the baby cries, and respond to these needs promptly. In this way, the baby gets the touch and care he or she needs to grow into a healthy child, and eventually adult. Just pick up and comfort your baby. Rock or bounce the baby to sleep. Sing and shush the baby comfortingly. Before you know it, the baby will be a teenager off with friends, and you'll wish you'd held your baby more! 9 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 he will cry from the top of his lungs if we put him to bed. Is this normal? Yes. He may be lonely, scared, or just not yet wanting to go to bed. Remember this is the only way he can communicate with you. Is he realizing cause/effect? On a basic level. What he needs to be realizing right now is that when he is upset, he can trust his parents to take care of him. Building that trust is VERY frustrating right now (oh do I remember!) but it is building a foundation that you are going to want in the future. Trust me! He just quiets down when we go in there and stare at him, then he calms down, otherwise he'll scream for nearly a couple hours until he gets to hang out with us. Don't let him hang out with you, but DO go in and comfort him. Pat his back, sing to him, keep lying him gently back down. You can also try a white noise machine, so he can't hear your voices in the other room and want to be in there. Take turns so that you guys can get some sleep. The goal is to make him realize you still exist when you leave the room (research object constancy), that you will always be there when he cries, and that his bed is a safe, happy place to be. He will do the same thing in his carseat by resisting by lifting his legs and arms from it when we try to strap him in. Find a way to make going into the car seat, and riding in the car, PLEASURABLE for him. Come up with a little song or silly rhyme or game that you only do when putting him in the car, and taking him out. Sing, play music he likes, put up some kind of mobile, or have a stuffed animal he only gets in the car. This part of babyhood is so hard. But don't do CIO. I tried it briefly when I was young and uninformed, and I so regret it. Now my child is a great sleeper, a very happy kid, incredibly bonded with me, and very low-drama. I credit his feeling safe and secure as a big part of all of that. And what made him feel safe and secure? Going to him when he cried, even when I was crying myself from lack of sleep. It's an investment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I also want to add that your wife has natural instincts as far as how to handle him. Encourage her to trust those instincts! Hint: If a parenting method includes standing outside his bedroom crying because every fiber of your being is begging you to run in there and scoop up your baby, then it does NOT include natural mothering instincts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 These kinds of behaviors might be a little over the top for a three-year old - but at six months they're perfectly natural. You've had lots of great advice here - hope you follow it! The only thing I'd add...stress, in fact: there is nothing wrong with him. He's just a bundle of need - a stranger in a strange land and he needs some reassurance that everything is cool. And that WILL change over time.....and not too long a time at that. When my little kiddo was fractious, I remember I used to whip him into the car seat and take him for rides in the car. Soft jazz on the radio. He loved the motion. Within a very short time he'd be as mellow as a midnight moon. By the time I'd return home he'd be a slumber-happy baby. His very first word was "wheels." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I think it's important to help your baby to ease into transitions, whether it be going to sleep, going for a car ride, or whatever. Develop a bedtime routine that is relaxing and will help him to transition, such as a bath, followed by reading a book, and rocking him in a rocking chair while singing a goodnight song. Make sure it's predictable and the same sequence every time so that he gets used to settling down and can be comforted by the predictability of the routine. Make sure the bedtime routine is relaxing. After you put him in bed, continue the relaxing routine by singing him another bedtime song (the same one every night), and then leave quietly. If he cries when you leave, you still leave, or he will develop the belief that he can get you to stay by crying, and he will also develop the belief that he is not O.K. by himself in his crib. If he has not stopped crying after five minutes, then return to his room, but do not pick him up. Talk to him comfortingly: "Go to sleep, it's nighttime, time to sleep." After five minutes, then leave again. If he continues to cry, then leave anyway. Do not pick him up. He needs to understand that he is safe and O.K. in his crib. If you keep picking him up from his crib, he will develop the belief that he is not O.K. in his crib. This time, if he cries, you wait 10 minutes before returning to his room. Then repeat the soothing talk without picking him up. After five minutes, you leave again. Then you wait 15 minutes before returning to his room. Then 20. He will begin to realize that you are not going to pick him up after he is put to bed the first time, and he will get the messsage that he is safe in his bed. One of the biggest mistakes parents make with bedtime is picking up their children after putting them to bed, and rewarding their crying by picking them up from bed. If they have been fed, diapered, burped, and are not in pain, then make sure you allow them to stay in their bed. As far as the transition to the car seat, distraction is the way to go. Talk to them, sing to them, play with them while putting them in the car seat so that they are distracted with something pleasant. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Well, yes, infants seem to scream for no reason and they quickly learn that's how they get whatever it is because that's their only real option there. By the time they're like 2, you have to stop rewarding the demanding behavior and wean them off doing that or you'll have a very long and arduous time for the next few years with a tantrumy kid. In general, make sure they have their basic needs met but then for affection, reward them with affection more when they're quiet and peaceful and not when they're screaming and they will eventually learn that's how they get affection rather than screaming for it. And of course you have to be on the alert for any physical problems as well if it's really extreme. Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 It's very normal,his a baby. The baby at six month is crying because he wants something, if you've tried feeding, his not hurt etc he just wants your attention. Maybe he doesn't like sleeping alone. Parenting approach is down to the parents, wether you want to use the cry it out method or not, that's up to you. I read 'The no cry sleep solution' or something alone those line, you don't leave the baby just screaming their head off, your in the room for 5 mins,then you leave for 5 mins,come back, then you leave for 8 mins,come back, then leave for 10 mins and go on and so forth. Wasn't for me,Personally I don't like leaving babies in a room alone to sleep under 1 year old, that's just me.You don't have to co-sleep,but I'm a put the crib by the bed kinda gal.Anyway, if the baby is unsettled have you tried waiting for him to fall asleep before you leave the room? Babies feel safe around their parents, I call my youngest my little stalker because she follows me everywhere,but it's normal under 3. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I agree completely with Kathy. I had my son sleeping from 8pm to 5am daily from the time he was 4 months old just because we followed the same routine every single night. To this day, he gets upset and can't fall asleep if we don't do our routine. (he's 7 now) For us, when he was a baby was bottle, bath, baby lotion (I used chamomile and lavender scented), story, music and then sleep. I started at 7pm or so and by 8pm every night he was sound asleep. He knew what to expect. I also put an ipod in his room with mozart and other classical music loaded on it and left it on all night. He still sleeps with music on every night (now it's country music). As for why does the baby scream and then quiet down when you come in? He needs you and you need to be there for him each and every time like the others said. It's nerve wracking, but it must be done or he won't trust you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Babys' rely on human sensory. Its obsurd to deny human touch or comfort. Yes i am politely disagreeing with the concept of "dont pick them up". Its denying their own form of communication. Yes routine is vital . Consistency and repetitive assurance will last til.... Well til they outlast you. Its what parents do thru all the years and into adulthood. Anyways create that secure environment. I rocked my sons to sleep.... Sat up And listen to the drizzling rains... And i do not regret losing sleep... For those comforting times... Assured them... That someone could be counted on... To nurture. Sounds, rm temp, proper feedings... Lighting each play a key part in a soothing way.... Children sense when an adult is nervous or edgy. Slowly introduce calming ways to bring rest.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Your infant does not have the cognitive ability to "manipulate" you. Jeez, he likely can't see 5 feet in front of his own face at this age and you think he's already trying to manipulate his environment? Absurd. He is crying because, at that age, they lack the ability to self soothe. So pick him up and teach him. That's your job as a father. HELP your kid when he's distressed, for the love of God. Don't just stare at him when he cries. That's the epitome of laziness. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 If he's not sleepy or "ready" to sleep why place the baby in his bed when you could be playing with him or holding him until he's really sleepy? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 What is your night time routine with your baby? Even at 6 months, having a daily routine is a good thing. Try setting a regular scheduled bedtime and after a bath, lay down with your baby, read a baby book to him, or sing and cuddle until he gets sleep. I think shutting the light off and walking away with a baby still awake is wrong, of course he's gonna cry. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 How else would you expect him to tell you he's not happy? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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