Waiting for what?

[cagedbird25]

On the date of May 30th 2014 I was waiting for the trax (a train that runs throughout my city). The trax station I was waiting at sits right across the street from a tattoo parlor. When I was waiting for my train to arrive, I noticed two guys sitting outside of the parlor. One of the guys kept looking at me while talking to his friend. At one point the friend goes inside and the guy who kept looking at me started talking to me from across the street. After a little bit of small talk, the guy runs across the street to sit next to me.

 

He introduces himself and said that we actually ran into each other last summer. He described our interaction last summer consisting of me telling him that I liked his tattoos and he said that he thought I was beautiful. As he described this interaction we had, I started to remember and was flattered that he knew the details of our interaction so well. My train was about to arrive so he stood up and proceeded to tell me that I was gorgeous. I thanked him and got onto the train. Fast forward to Tuesday, June 3rd. I arrived to work that morning and started my day by checking my emails. I noticed that one of the emails was by a man whose name I recognized.

 

I opened the email and discovered that the man that talked to me at the trax station had emailed me. The email mentioned that he was thinking of me all weekend and that he couldn’t get over how drawn to me he was and how sexy he thought I was. The email was sweet and I appreciated that he took the time to find me on the internet. I responded and told him that I was flattered and that I found him to be attractive as well. We interacted a bit through email and ended by me giving him my number (he asked for it). Once I gave him my number we started texting throughout the day. In between the emails and texts I remember briefly checking my Facebook messages and discovered that he had messaged me on there as well saying pretty much the same thing he originally sent me on the first email. I was flattered that he wanted to reach out to me so badly.

 

During our texting phase he confessed that he was married. I was disappointed, and started to ease off the texting for a bit. How could he chase after me so badly when he had a wife at home? I thought about this for a few days while he still continued to text me. Finally at one point after he asked if he could see me again, I agreed. I was curious to see what he was about. On our hang out we spent a few hours at a park talking about an array of subjects. There was no physical contact between us except for a few flirtatious looks that we gave each other. After our park date, he took me to the coffee shop (where I had to get work done). Before I left his car, he asked me for a kiss.

 

I gave him the kiss and felt a spark or two. He wanted it to be longer but I refused. That has been our only hang-out this far. A few days after our park date, we texted each other back and forth hinting at another get together. At one point throughout our texting phase, he calls me. During this call he expressed that we couldn’t see each other anymore and that he had to work on things with his wife. I understood and agreed and we ended that conversation. After I dropped the phone I remember feeling super bummed because I was beginning to really like this guy (crazy I know). The conversation we had at the park was rich and stimulating and he was not bad to look at either. But then I thought about the situation and was reminded that this was not a good situation to put myself in. I went on a walk that night and when I came back I felt refreshed and put the MM behind me.

 

The coming weekend MM decides to text me as if we never had our phone conversation. I remember calling him out on the inconsistency of his words and his actions and he responded that he says many things. Pretty soon our texts went from talking about our day to pretty sexual stuff. This did not help with how I was starting to feel about him so I started to back off on the texts particularly when it came down to sexual topics. One of our last texts consisted of him telling me that he wanted to see me again at some point. I responded that it would be trouble to get together and he mentioned that trouble can be fun. I just don’t understand how he could call me and say that he cannot see me anymore due to the fact that it is not fair to both me and his wife and that if he continues to hang out with me he can see himself falling for me which would only make matters worse to texting me a day later saying that what he told me were just “words”. What is he doing here?

 

The last time we have texted each other was a day and a half ago. I was the last person to comment on the text thread and he has since not responded. I will be honest and say that I look forward to his texts but I am irritated that he has not texted me since Tuesday late afternoon. At this point, I do not understand how this guy can pursue me like crazy sending me all these email/Facebook messages to little communication, particularly this past day and a half. What do you think he is doing? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Edited June 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[gettingstronger]

He's bold and brazen so that seems to indicate he's done all of this before. He possibly had several others on the line and you simply became too much work or took too long to get physical with him. Either way, he's a bum. If you caught his eye you'll catch another mans eye. Just make sure he's worthy of you.

[Speakingofwhich]

It sounds as if he's both unstable and/or gamey. Neither of which makes for a good friend, boyfriend or husband.

 

Lucky you that he's already married! Seriously.

[Scarlet2]

To me it sounds like he is testing your reactions to his behavior before he starts a full blown affair with you. A MM doesn't pick just anyone to have an affair with. He wants an AP that's mature and isn't going to go all crazy or spill the beans or blackmail him or become needy.

 

He's also unwittingly giving you a heads up of what the affair is going to consist of. His saying he wants to work out things with his wife indicates that he'll use that excuse again when he wants to take a break but leave the door open for when he wants to come back.

 

His "just words" reasoning will also come back into play, like if he says "I love you" or promises something, the next day he'll come back and say "it just sounded like a good thing to say at the time".

 

If you're going to have an affair with a MM, I'd suggest someone who doesn't give off these kind of red flags because this guy sounds like he'll manipulate to get whatever he wants and then toss you aside with total disregard of your feelings.

 

If you want him to leave you alone, go all obsessive with the texts and he'll back off. Telling him you'll wait until he's no longer married is the mature thing and that's what he's looking for in an AP, so he's just going to keep trying until you give in, so seriously do the crazy text thing and he'll go away.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Yikes. He sounds shady.

 

So sick of these married swooping in and preying on unsuspecting women, pulling on heart strings and then throwing her on the emotional back and forth roller coaster! Men (sneaky men) know that most women have an innate desire to be adored, calling a woman beautiful over and over is what women love to hear and are weak to the power of feeling special. Grrrr makes me so mad.

 

He is doing this very quickly though. I have to wonder about his mental stability. Does he do drugs?

[jwi71]

The coming weekend MM decides to text me as if we never had our phone conversation. I remember calling him out on the inconsistency of his words and his actions and he responded that he says many things. Pretty soon our texts went from talking about our day to pretty sexual stuff. This did not help with how I was starting to feel about him so I started to back off on the texts particularly when it came down to sexual topics. One of our last texts consisted of him telling me that he wanted to see me again at some point. I responded that it would be trouble to get together and he mentioned that trouble can be fun. I just don’t understand how he could call me and say that he cannot see me anymore due to the fact that it is not fair to both me and his wife and that if he continues to hang out with me he can see himself falling for me which would only make matters worse to texting me a day later saying that what he told me were just “words”. What is he doing here?

 

Baiting you in.

I mean, how SPECIAL it/he/you/"us" must be for these WONDERFUL irresistible feelings that he must forcibly pull himself away in great mental and emotional angst....

 

...until the text you get asking if you want to hook up.

 

The last time we have texted each other was a day and a half ago. I was the last person to comment on the text thread and he has since not responded. I will be honest and say that I look forward to his texts but I am irritated that he has not texted me since Tuesday late afternoon.

 

That annoying W of his (and potentially family) - always getting in the way with (kids?) and family stuff and, God forbid, a date night.

 

I mean, why can't SHE just bugger off for a bit so her H can text and call and so raunchy sex-ting with you. How rude of her.

 

At this point, I do not understand how this guy can pursue me like crazy sending me all these email/Facebook messages to little communication, particularly this past day and a half. What do you think he is doing? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

 

He's looking to cheat on his W, you are looking to oblige him, and his W (perhaps kids) is making demands of his time. A MM does NOT have the absolute freedom to call or text - he haas to keep that hidden from the prying eyes of his W (and potentially family).

 

If YOU can't handle that the an A needs be hidden - further meaning you will have to accept broken dates, lies, and sometimes not hearing from him at days at a time, then perhaps reconsider your choice.