An OKCupid experiment

[Kid_Charlemange]

Of course looks matter when it comes to QUANTITY of responses. But that doesn't say anything about quality.

 

Great observations. Thank you! I could not agree more.

 

My "test" is deeply flawed on so many levels, and of course all it does is reveal that looks matter. Which I think most people would respond with a profound "Well DUH."

 

You are absolutely correct about "Joe's" responses. I didn't even read them, for the most part, just noted that they came back. So all this did was get a number. BFD. It's what happens afterwards that makes all the difference.

 

And you raise an interesting point, one that has been echoed in many other third-party observations about OLD: Women get lots of attention on those places, but a lot of it isn't of any value; they are, far too often, d**k pics, "UR hot wanna meet," ones from guys who aren't even close to what they're after, from married guys, etc, etc. The sheer work of sorting through all that crap must be exhausting.

[Kid_Charlemange]

Online dating is mostly for those wanting something to do one night and that's it.

 

Wow, I've had the complete opposite experience.

 

Like I said earlier, I met my late wife on eHarmony 10 years ago. Before her, I dated a couple other women I met online. One lasted about three months. Some were only one date. But none were hookups.

 

Fast forward 10 years, and I've dated six women that I've met online. Three went past one date. One had the promise of becoming a relationship (we went out about five times) and the other has become a FWB. But even in her case, we went out four times before going to bed. Again, no hookups.

 

 

and btw, I am not a bad looking guy. I get hits, but most want hookups.

 

Well, that must be the difference -- sucks to be you

 

In all seriousness... when I started this process, I was a shattered wreck, and that's all I was looking for. Can't pick up women at a bar worth a damn, so I took the OLD route. Now I've more or less got my **** together, so it's a different process.

 

Of course, I've never had a ONS in my entire life... true story.

[mrs rubble]

I did a bit of a social experiment myself on an online dating site a few years ago. I set up a profile looking for sexual meetings and instantly got 100's of replies. I didn't even have a picture on the profile.

I did have a serious profile for a few years, never met the man for me though.....however my partner today...was on the same site and lived less than 5 mins from me. If I'd encountered him on the site, I would have probably never given him a second glance, because of his height, weight and looks. I actually met him while on a date with a guy off the site who was tall, dark, handsome and well-off. I chose my man for his kindness, generousity, thoughtfulness, sense of humour and fun. If I ever find myself single again. I will NOT use OLD!

[Kid_Charlemange]

I did a bit of a social experiment myself on an online dating site a few years ago. I set up a profile looking for sexual meetings and instantly got 100's of replies. I didn't even have a picture on the profile.

 

Impossible. I was told earlier in this thread that it's ALWAYS men who do this

 

however my partner today...was on the same site and lived less than 5 mins from me. If I'd encountered him on the site, I would have probably never given him a second glance, because of his height, weight and looks. I actually met him while on a date with a guy off the site who was tall, dark, handsome and well-off. I chose my man for his kindness, generousity, thoughtfulness, sense of humour and fun.

 

What a great story! I'll bet there are a lot of couples who could say the same thing. Heck my parents met when the IBM 360 was the hot ticket, but they didn't even like each other the first time they met. My Mom said my Dad was too short and my father didn't like southerners. Had OLD existed then, they would have skipped right past each other... and this thread would not exist (they met again at a party a while later and things were different)

 

Cool story -- thanks for sharing that.

[pteromom]

And you raise an interesting point, one that has been echoed in many other third-party observations about OLD: Women get lots of attention on those places, but a lot of it isn't of any value; they are, far too often, d**k pics, "UR hot wanna meet," ones from guys who aren't even close to what they're after, from married guys, etc, etc. The sheer work of sorting through all that crap must be exhausting.

 

Very true.

 

I haven't done OLD in a long time, but when I did, most responses were guys looking for sex (mostly guys who sucked at looking for sex too), and most of the others were boring, typical... "Hey how RU? What's up?" from guys with lacking profiles, so I had to work very hard to find out ANYTHING about them.

 

A literate guy who wrote me a well-thought out message that showed he read my profile, who had a profile worth reading? I ALWAYS wrote them back. They were like rare diamonds! Even if there ended up being no romantic connection, I kept some of them as friends. And another interesting thing about the ones I kept as friends - they are ALL married now. Even the ones who were below average in looks.

[Targetlock]

Very true.

 

I haven't done OLD in a long time, but when I did, most responses were guys looking for sex (mostly guys who sucked at looking for sex too), and most of the others were boring, typical... "Hey how RU? What's up?" from guys with lacking profiles, so I had to work very hard to find out ANYTHING about them.

 

A literate guy who wrote me a well-thought out message that showed he read my profile, who had a profile worth reading? I ALWAYS wrote them back. They were like rare diamonds! Even if there ended up being no romantic connection, I kept some of them as friends. And another interesting thing about the ones I kept as friends - they are ALL married now. Even the ones who were below average in looks.

 

Its nice to know there are women who do respond to these kind of messages, i always take the time and trouble to do these kind of messages and very rarely get responses, so much in OLD seems to be based on looks ( i will admit good looks get my attention, but its a great profile that makes me want to message them) i guess my average looks let me down in this case.

[FitChick]

I'm so glad I stick to the paid sites.

 

If some people are so convinced that looks matter, isn't it a bit strange that they continue to eat themselves into oblivion, wear the same clothes everyday, don't comb their hair, etc.? The solution should be easy, according to them.

[HappyLove]

For some reason, this doesn't shock me in the slightest...

 

Yet, I still haven't been pathetic enough to do dating experiments where I pretend to be my pretty male friend. That's a SAAAD LOW I hope to never reach.

[guest572]

I still think "aim for someone in your league" is rubbish, who are you to decide if the person is out of your league. Love and attraction don't care if you are "balanced" by some sort of non existent consensus or scale in terms of appearance.. because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You could be losing opportunities with this attitude. And i have very low self esteem, i don't think i am pretty but have dated very handsome men with admirable careers. They may be considered WAY above my league (in my opinion) but they were attracted to me and wanted to date me.

Edited June 13, 2014 by Brightnight

[ascendotum]

I kept hearing from friends -- mostly female friends -- that there is no such thing as "being out of my league." I thought that was BS. So I proved them wrong.

 

lol. Yeah heard the same, but then at other times, the total opposite. Depends who else is there with you, formal company, if its mixed company, or if they have a nice girl image to uphold, or if they had a couple of drinks and feel they are not being judged (then you tend to get the truth about their views on men/dating)

[guest572]

Looks are important, no denying it. But there are no "leagues" and beauty is subjective. Come on.. Unless the person is an arrogant or shallow prick and thinks they are too good. In which case, the attraction plummet in my books. But that is why we don't judge based solely on looks.

[Imajerk17]

Very true.

 

I haven't done OLD in a long time, but when I did, most responses were guys looking for sex (mostly guys who sucked at looking for sex too), and most of the others were boring, typical... "Hey how RU? What's up?" from guys with lacking profiles, so I had to work very hard to find out ANYTHING about them.

 

A literate guy who wrote me a well-thought out message that showed he read my profile, who had a profile worth reading? I ALWAYS wrote them back. They were like rare diamonds! Even if there ended up being no romantic connection, I kept some of them as friends. And another interesting thing about the ones I kept as friends - they are ALL married now. Even the ones who were below average in looks.

 

Awesome!

 

But it goes both ways though. I have seen many, many, profiles of women that are just a paragraph of the usual cliches with a couple of alluring pictures. And I'm sure these very same women are surprised as all get-out when the only messages they get are all sex focused or complimenting their looks.

 

From the way these women wrote their profiles though, how could it be otherwise? If a woman's profile is just the usual cliches, then what the hell else could a guy writing her even comment on. Many women in their profiles gave basically nothing except illustration of being pretty--so a genuine guy who would be willing to explore a connection finds it very hard coming up with something good to say. If said guy is a catch and has options, he will go for the attractive women with more well-thought-out profiles or he'll avoid OLD altogether.

 

So women who complain about OLD being full of dregs would do well to consider what they themselves are putting out there in their profiles. Sex-focused men will always be writing them. If they put more thought into what they write, the quality of the better emails they receive will probably go up. They will attract more genuine guys.

Edited June 14, 2014 by Imajerk17

[guest572]

Ok, go ahead and prove someone's attractiveness to a group of people. There will surely be debate! How will you measure beauty? Place photographs of everyone on a scale from 1-10 and see how long it takes for everyone to agree.

 

Haven't you ever pointed someone hot out to your friends and they cringe and disagree?

 

As for supermodels, how often do we hear people whine about how skinny and ugly they are with ribs and hip bones jutting out.

 

You cant convince my on this one

Edited June 14, 2014 by Brightnight

[SJC2008]

I'm sorry to break it to the "there are no leagues" brigade but it is a sociolical fact that people date those of similar atractiveness. Looks may be "subjective", but to the minority. I've read many examples that women have used and it's usually Brad Pitt. They say they don't find him attractive. Well I can assure you ladies that you're in the minority!

[Kid_Charlemange]

Ok, go ahead and prove someone's attractiveness to a group of people.

 

Um. I kind of did. That's how this thread started...

 

There will surely be debate! How will you measure beauty? Place photographs of everyone on a scale from 1-10 and see how long it takes for everyone to agree.

 

Not everyone will agree, but you can reach a consensus pretty quickly.

 

People have different tastes, sure. I like thin women, and a lot of my male friends like big boobs. So we're not going to agree. But if you take 100 men and ask them to rate ten photos, it won't be a random distribution.

[Kid_Charlemange]

I have seen many, many, profiles of women that are just a paragraph of the usual cliches with a couple of alluring pictures.

 

"I love to laugh."

 

That one gets a skip from me every time. And I see it at least once a day.

 

I suspect there are just as many cookie-cutter male profiles, and the ladies here could give examples.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Ha! Exactly. I hear the same thing about Brad Pitt often. Lucky for him, his dating history has shown that quite a few beautiful women find him attractive. Funny how that works out.

 

But there's a difference between not finding someone sexually attractive or even just datable and thinking they're flatout ugly. I don't think the majority of women who fall into the "I don't like Brad Pitt" camp say so because they think he's some sort of hideous beast.

[irc333]

Ah, that, I'm not an "A-List" member that explains all the chronically obese women/backwater women that the site's been matching me up with.

[John316C]

keep a online profile but dont spend time messaging ppl its a waste of time. go outside - 100x more opportunities that actually are a lot better to work out.

 

looks matter. but there are people who care less. this goes for men and women.

[Stillits]

For all you oh so gorgeous people who got dumped by someone you refer to as average Joe.. Do you even realize that perhaps he didn't like your personality? Maybe your looks didn't make up for what he perceived as personality incompatibility/flaws?

 

Damn, you sound incredibly entitled.

[Gaeta]

keep a online profile but dont spend time messaging ppl its a waste of time. go outside - 100x more opportunities that actually are a lot better to work out.

 

looks matter. but there are people who care less. this goes for men and women.

 

I wish people that suggest meeting face to face would give the step by step instructions with that. Where out there? I am at the grocery store every 2 days and never found love.

[normal person]

keep a online profile but dont spend time messaging ppl its a waste of time. go outside - 100x more opportunities that actually are a lot better to work out.

 

While I agree it's good to "keep a profile online," I don't think I could disagree more with the rest of your post. Online you have access to thousands of other people. Offline you're limited only to the people you run into coincidentally. If you're trying to meet the right person, do you think you're more likely to find them at a bar with 1000 people or at one with 10 people?

 

Messaging people is only a waste of time if they think you're a waste of their time. If you don't warrant someone's attention you're not going to get it. Online or otherwise. There's no need to blame the technology for your own shortcomings.

[El Brujo]

To me, the OP's experiment with OKC is the dating equivalent of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

[kart180]

To me, the OP's experiment with OKC is the dating equivalent of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Maybe you might be right, I tried OKC for a yr and got nothing, no message nothing

[jay1983]

Dude I got that you are hot email. A lot of women that rated me hot did respond to my messages, but that was as far as it went. Out of maybe 25 girls, I only actually met 6 in person. The women on there are just having fun, not real serious about it. Several put it on their "I'm just bored"

 

Yeah your right, what you write in your messages doesn't matter that much. Best thing to do is to not take it too seriously yourself. I'm not saying you do, I'm just speaking in general.

 

Oh and after I got that you are hot email, my searches only turned up hot girls. Now that sounds like a good thing, but all these women have that red indicator "replies very selectively"