irresolute Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I've always loved him. He never felt the same for me. I've tried and tried to make him love me (what a terrible mistake!) but of course, his feelings never changed for me. Yesterday I asked to meet, after a month of texting (and me trying to go no contact last week) but he said he was busy. Busy, really busy, like he's not sure he can see me again. I got mad because I know hes active on old and then the bomb: He said he cannot handle me anymore. That he's looking for fun and easy only. That I want a full relationship and that I should look for that...but not with him. And he dumped me. I told him I love him. Nothing worked. He dumped me. That night, I was online on old and he was online as well. How awkward. It's the end? He never dumped me before. This time was for real. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I think I made reference to this in my last PM to you. Yes, it is the end. You have your closure and it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I've always loved him. He never felt the same for me. I've tried and tried to make him love me (what a terrible mistake!) but of course, his feelings never changed for me. Yesterday I asked to meet, after a month of texting (and me trying to go no contact last week) but he said he was busy. Busy, really busy, like he's not sure he can see me again. I got mad because I know hes active on old and then the bomb: He said he cannot handle me anymore. That he's looking for fun and easy only. That I want a full relationship and that I should look for that...but not with him. And he dumped me. I told him I love him. Nothing worked. He dumped me. That night, I was online on old and he was online as well. How awkward. It's the end? He never dumped me before. This time was for real. I went back and read a few of your posts. That gave me the perspective that I felt I needed to answer your current post. Truth is, he's a douche. And you know that. I will be blunt, I know you love him (I KNOW!), but your behavior is pathetic. I am so, so sorry to be saying that so bluntly. I would like for you to wake up and realize he's no good for you. He's just not! The way he treated you is not the way a man should treat a girl. And the way you let him treat you is not something you should have allowed. (and guys, a girl should treat you well, too. Don't get me wrong). So.. so.. wake up. I am not sure why you let it happen. Try and see a therapist. No decent health insurance? (I can relate) - Try and go to the library, or if you can afford it, go buy books that you feel will tell you more on how to fix your issues. Nothing changes until we decide to make the change. As for the "right now", get away from the dating site. And you're not in a good place to be dating anyway. Block his number, block his email, etc.. make an effort to get better, and slowly, it will. I can't see an easy road for you to recover from that kind of treatment, but it can absolutely be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 I think I made reference to this in my last PM to you. Yes, it is the end. You have your closure and it's time to move on. Yes, you did. He was blatantly clear yesterday: there was no doubt he didn't want to have anything to do with me. He doesn't want to see me or talk to me. He dumped me, he let me go for good. I guess he got tired, indeed. Good thing is this time I have my closure, and I'm free now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 I went back and read a few of your posts. That gave me the perspective that I felt I needed to answer your current post. Truth is, he's a douche. And you know that. I will be blunt, I know you love him (I KNOW!), but your behavior is pathetic. I am so, so sorry to be saying that so bluntly. I would like for you to wake up and realize he's no good for you. He's just not! The way he treated you is not the way a man should treat a girl. And the way you let him treat you is not something you should have allowed. (and guys, a girl should treat you well, too. Don't get me wrong). So.. so.. wake up. I am not sure why you let it happen. Try and see a therapist. No decent health insurance? (I can relate) - Try and go to the library, or if you can afford it, go buy books that you feel will tell you more on how to fix your issues. Nothing changes until we decide to make the change. As for the "right now", get away from the dating site. And you're not in a good place to be dating anyway. Block his number, block his email, etc.. make an effort to get better, and slowly, it will. I can't see an easy road for you to recover from that kind of treatment, but it can absolutely be done. I'm not sure what part of my story you've read...What I can say about him is that we are all human beings, we make mistakes, and we try to learn from them. you saying that my behavior is pathetic and adding that he's a douche, doesn't really help. He is not a douche, he's a troubled man. and my behavior was the best I could do in that moment. I guess we are both broken. I hope I can be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I looked at some old posts too so I could get an idea. I didn't realize that you were a MW. That explains everything to me. The men I know who go for married women do so because they can have more of a no strings attached sexual relationship. He must have felt you were adding too many strings. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Pastel Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 You won't move on in a day but you can do it. Just keep telling yourself that you're worth more than the way he treated you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 I looked at some old posts too so I could get an idea. I didn't realize that you were a MW. That explains everything to me. The men I know who go for married women do so because they can have more of a no strings attached sexual relationship. He must have felt you were adding too many strings. I guess so. It's sad though because I cared for him. I still do. It was his decision to let me go and I'll respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I'm sorry for your pain..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) Thank you David. Why I am feeling so sad. He let me go. That means he doesn't care enough. He said he wanted to see me happy and that he was the source of my sadness. That he hoped I'd find someone else who could make me happy. I agreed. What should I had said? He chose to have me out of his life, right? He just don't want to handle with my issues right? Why I feel i should have acted differently us it was obvious he just didn't care? I got mad because he said he was busy to have dinner with me. That probably in 3 weeks but he wasn't sure. He didnt say he missed me because I went silent for one week, or proposed to meet me another time, or said he wanted to meet indeed... When i got mad he said I should look for someone else. Why I am feeling sad gezzz???!!! Edited June 11, 2014 by irresolute 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Why I am feeling so sad. He let me go. That means he doesn't care enough. He said he wanted to see me happy and that he was the source of my sadness. That he hoped I'd find someone else who could make me happy. I agreed. What should I had said? He chose to have me out of his life, right? He just don't want to handle with my issues right? You're sad because you're emotional about him. You're disappointed and hurt that it didn't turn out the way you hoped and expected. This is normal. There was nothing you could say to that, but accept that as the truth and your closure. Yes, he chose to remove you from his life and more so didn't want to handle the emotional expectations you desired from him. He couldn't give you what you needed as it is not what he wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 You're sad because you're emotional about him. You're disappointed and hurt that it didn't turn out the way you hoped and expected. This is normal. There was nothing you could say to that, but accept that as the truth and your closure. Yes, he chose to remove you from his life and more so didn't want to handle the emotional expectations you desired from him. He couldn't give you what you needed as it is not what he wants. But i think he made a horrible mistake! Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 But i think he made a horrible mistake! Well, don't we all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 So … I hope you don't mind my asking, but how is your marriage faring through all of this? If you had not said you were married at the beginning of two of your threads, I would not know it. How can you have a "full relationship" with a person when you are married to a different person? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Well, don't we all.. I know... Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 So … I hope you don't mind my asking, but how is your marriage faring through all of this? If you had not said you were married at the beginning of two of your threads, I would not know it. How can you have a "full relationship" with a person when you are married to a different person? If I'd have wanted to talk about my marriage, I'd have posted in another section of this forum, but thanks for taking the time reviewing my posts. Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I get where you are coming from, and I did not want to bring it up, I just think that in the future you should expect this from most guys willing to date you. I so was not trying to be mean. I just know that guys see MW as easy fun. Might be different if you randomly met someone and had a connection, but if you OLD I don't think it will end well. Best of luck to you, I really hope I did not hurt your feelings, it was not intended. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Oh labelle, I totally get your point! You didn't hurt my feelings don't worry (I don't really think anyone could hurt me after the rejection I've suffered lately, honestly), plus I love the style of your answers. I tend to agree with you. Thing is we had a connection with this guy buy he sabotaged every intent to go deeper. His loss. I'm so hurt by he letting me go I don't think I'll ever talk to him anymore. I'm valuable but this guy chose to discard me. That makes me feel empowered, believe it or not. I just keep this in mind: "if you don't love me, fine. Do not love me". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 He is not a douche, he's a troubled man This is priceless. Please open your eyes otherwise you'll be doomed to repeating the same mistakes (dating "troubled guys") 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 This is priceless. Please open your eyes otherwise you'll be doomed to repeating the same mistakes (dating "troubled guys") My eyes are wide open, but thank you for taking the time to warn me about repeating "mistakes". It amazes me the degree of advice here . First one calls me pathetic, and he a douche. Then another asking me private things about my relationship with ex husband (not you jbelle) and now someone else inferring I got doomed and asking me to open my eyes. Good lord. I thought this was a support forum not a judge mental one! Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Irresolute I can relate to your situation and i know how much it hurts, but better days are coming, trust me Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 My eyes are wide open, but thank you for taking the time to warn me about repeating "mistakes". It amazes me the degree of advice here . First one calls me pathetic, and he a douche. Then another asking me private things about my relationship with ex husband (not you jbelle) and now someone else inferring I got doomed and asking me to open my eyes. Good lord. I thought this was a support forum not a judge mental one! The thing you have to remember is, yes, this is indeed a support site, but it is not a hugbox. Support and advice are what's offered here, not an endless stream of glossing over some glaring issues or a refusal to give the best advice in favor of doling out the bits that would be more palatable to an OP. For the record, I don't really see someone asking you to open your eyes as some sort of personal attack, simply because, well, it's sound advice. Nor do I see see the issue with calling your xOM a.....less than desirable character. From your other threads it's clear he has ignored you, toyed with your emotions repeatedly and now it appears he's blown you off completely. Not at all signs of a very god guy IMO.... 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 This is priceless. Please open your eyes otherwise you'll be doomed to repeating the same mistakes (dating "troubled guys") Laernan_Hydra, I'm sorry if you can't see the irony in this post. I do. All because I said the guy is not a douche. I was not defending him, I think every human being has his faults and makes mistakes, and everyone have needs. I accept all advice here, but please, be reasonable! I know I made mistakes, I know the guy has his issues, but that doesn't allow everyone to assume that because I started a relationship in not the best terms, I'm pathetic and he's a douche. For your record, I've been dumped as well, and I'm suffering as everyone here. Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I'm sorry if bringing up the fact that you're married is harsh. I did not really want you to discuss your marriage. A person who really wants to support you and give perspective in your situation probably wants some context and you being in a committed relationship would be pertinent. When you decide to post on a public forum you are going to hear things that are not exactly what you were looking for. Probably the same if you talk to your friends and family. Anyway, I am sorry you are hurt right now and I hope you heal soon. Rejection is very painful. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 I'm done with rejection. I'm done with fighting for people who don't care. While I'm crying, he's sleeping peacefully. I feel so lonely. It's like the world turned black suddenly because he's no longer part of my life. I'm done with the misery of waiting a breadcrumb. He will never love me back omg this is unbearable. My heart hurts. My soul hurts. The world hurts. 4 days after he dumped me. Link to post Share on other sites
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