It's 3am and can't stop crying

[maysj18]

No contact.

You're on Adult Friend Finder..what kind of men are you expecting to find?

[Potion9]

No contact.

[irresolute]

So no one word about what I do know?

 

He told me I was the only one and that I was acting mad being so jealous. He said this before I realized about the comment.

Plus the lady is older than me by 10 years. I cant believe he actually slept with her. I thought he was a catch but that lady is cute but I'm more attractive. Should I let him know or not? I'm mortified

[ExpatInItaly]

So no one word about what I do know?

 

He told me I was the only one and that I was acting mad being so jealous. He said this before I realized about the comment.

Plus the lady is older than me by 10 years. I cant believe he actually slept with her. I thought he was a catch but that lady is cute but I'm more attractive. Should I let him know or not? I'm mortified

 

No. He dumped you. Move on and be glad you discovered this now before getting too involved with him. He clearly doesn't care what you think anyway. And if you're looking for quality, relationship-minded guys, Adult Friend Finder isn't exactly a brimming source. Don't contact this guy again.

[Zahara]

So no one word about what I do know?

 

He told me I was the only one and that I was acting mad being so jealous. He said this before I realized about the comment.

Plus the lady is older than me by 10 years. I cant believe he actually slept with her. I thought he was a catch but that lady is cute but I'm more attractive. Should I let him know or not? I'm mortified

 

PLEASE STOP THIS.

 

He is not your boyfriend. He is allowed to flirt, have sex, date, sleep with as many women as he wants. He has no obligation to you. He has no loyalty to you. You have NO RIGHT to question his actions with other women.

 

He does not love you. He has dumped you.

 

In not sure why you are mortified. You knew from before he had women on the side. You said you knew of at least 4. Why are you doing this? Stop trying to get him to validate you. He never did and he never will.

 

Stop checking his social media and start focusing on healing. You're going around in circles with this. How many times are you going to keep confronting him? Even if you do, it won't change a thing. He'll still go onto other women and you'll be driving yourself crazy stalking him.

[lonegirl]

So no one word about what I do know?

 

He told me I was the only one and that I was acting mad being so jealous. He said this before I realized about the comment.

Plus the lady is older than me by 10 years. I cant believe he actually slept with her. I thought he was a catch but that lady is cute but I'm more attractive. Should I let him know or not? I'm mortified

 

NO! He was clear when he said what he wanted from you and by what you said, right now he wants you out of his life. Men are usually pretty straight and don't deliver messages to be over analyzed. It's usually "blue", we women tend to analyze everything and think "oh I think he means royal blue, light blue, what does he means?"

 

Please have a bit of self love and heal yourself, leave him alone!

[Michelle ma Belle]

PLEASE STOP THIS.

 

He is not your boyfriend. He is allowed to flirt, have sex, date, sleep with as many women as he wants. He has no obligation to you. He has no loyalty to you. You have NO RIGHT to question his actions with other women.

 

He does not love you. He has dumped you.

 

In not sure why you are mortified. You knew from before he had women on the side. You said you knew of at least 4. Why are you doing this? Stop trying to get him to validate you. He never did and he never will.

 

Stop checking his social media and start focusing on healing. You're going around in circles with this. How many times are you going to keep confronting him? Even if you do, it won't change a thing. He'll still go onto other women and you'll be driving yourself crazy stalking him.

 

THANK YOU!

 

Yet another thread that has us all running around in circles like chickens with our heads cut off trying to offer advice that is falling on deaf ears.

 

OP, you don't seem to want to own up to the fact that you're a married woman having an affair and you're acting like a psycho stalker with your lover. Unfortunately, I don't have any sympathy for this kind of delusional thinking. You're the creator of your own hell and I pray that you get some help.

[lonegirl]

I got mortified because the comment was recent. Should I let him know I saw it? Should I comment on the pic: "yes, I miss your ass too. You're too busy lately no?"

 

What kind of answer are you expecting from him if you ask this? He was not your boyfriend as I know by your posts.

[Zahara]

I thought he was a catch but that lady is cute but I'm more attractive.

 

You thought he was a catch? Are you kidding me with this?

 

You met him on a site where people seek affairs. Do you really think that meeting a man that seeks married women to have affairs with is a great catch? You're sounding like a lovesick, jealous teenager with the "I'm cuter than her."

 

You better start using your brain. Start thinking, rationalizing, seeking truth instead of being emotionally driven and going haywire in your delusion. Self-control -- learn to apply it. Self-love -- seek it and work for it. Rationality -- focus on it and let it be your guide.

 

This behavior you are exhibiting -- not only is it turning him off even more, you're justifying his reasons to stay away from you. He's probably sick of it but guys like this love when a woman begs. It's boosts their ego and they feel grandiose. No matter how much confronting you do, it's done, it's over. He's not going to revisit this because you're high risk for him -- that being too much drama and too emotional. So let it go. You will get nothing from this.

 

Let go, feel your pain and heal. For once, do something different.

[David87]

Start NC please ......

[irresolute]

He's been looking for me on the internet, visiting my profiles and login in when he knew I was online. I haven't said a word to him. I'm in shock still because even though I imagined he had other women, discovering he in fact has them, paralyzed me in horror and disgust. Just Imagining him having relationships with her makes me nauseous.

I won't contact him anymore. On Friday I texted him and he engaged and said he likes me and missed me and this whole thing hurts but I don't want him anymore in my life. You're riggt. He's not a catch and i am still delusional

[Zahara]

He's been looking for me on the internet, visiting my profiles and login in when he knew I was online. I haven't said a word to him. I'm in shock still because even though I imagined he had other women, discovering he in fact has them, paralyzed me in horror and disgust. Just Imagining him having relationships with her makes me nauseous.

I won't contact him anymore. On Friday I texted him and he engaged and said he likes me and missed me and this whole thing hurts but I don't want him anymore in my life. You're riggt. He's not a catch and i am still delusional

 

The only way you know he's looking at you is because you're looking for him. Checking up on Adult Friend Finder. Be honest. You stalk him. You won't have all this information if you're not looking for him as well.

 

You haven't said a word to him? You just confronted him on Friday after everyone kept telling you to NC. How have you not said a word to him?

 

NC means blocking him on your profiles. Why haven't you done that? It's futile for us to keep harping on this with you doing the exact opposite.

 

Be serious about your healing, please.

[irresolute]

Zahara, I'll stop now. I promise this to you, and I promise to myself.

[Zahara]

Zahara, I'll stop now. I promise this to you, and I promise to myself.

 

Make that promise to yourself. I can't tell you how great you are going to feel when you achieve emotional freedom from this. Yes, it's going to be painful to get there but once you get there, all this will be over. Life will be so much better. Give yourself a chance.

 

Please invest in YOURSELF and no one else from this point forward.

[irresolute]

Mixed emotions.

 

today I went to see my counselor and realized he has been giving me mixed signals about my relationship with J. (Let's call him J. He deserves a name after all, even thought he didn't remember mine ).

My counselor keeps saying that J. is into me but he's broken. That J. sees me as different from the others, and that he's afraid to commit and for that reason he pulls away from me.

I left feeling uneasy because deep inside me I know J. doesn't care about me, and that I'm not really different from the woman who misses his a.s.s.

 

So, after crying a little more (because I haven't been crying enough lately...) I deleted my profile on Adult Friend Finder. Yesss. No longer a member.

 

My logic is that if I need to have an account there to have J''s attention, it's not worth it. I'm not that type of girl. I respect all those who want sex with no attachment and can have multiple partners just because it's fun, but not me.

 

And also, if J. really likes the girls there, and they miss his a.s.s. so much...I'm just let him go with them. They can have as much a.s.s. as they want. I'm not gonna fight for someone that is blatantly not interested in me.

 

I'm letting him free (in my mind, because he was always free) to sleep with whomever he wants. I'm worth more than a f.u.c.k. Seriously.

Yes, I AM A CATCH. and if he couldn't see it this way, his loss.

By the way, I'm still crying while I'm writing. wtf

Edited June 18, 2014 by irresolute

[jbelle6]

GIRLFRIEND, you met him on Adult Friend Finder and you are shocked he just wanted to have sex???????????????????????

 

And what your councilor said makes no sense at all and this is the reason I think most councilors suck butt.

 

This guy is not and will never be into anyone but himself.

You have no real reason to even worry about him having a relationship with the other girl, because he's probably doing the same to her.

 

Work on making yourself and your life right. I know it's hard and hurts, but you have to. You have to settle things at home and make sure you are ready to date and meet someone wonderful for you. You will find him.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, that's one of the worst counseling takes I've heard. He went to a hook up site to hook up, not to develop feelings. He saw that you were, so he bailed. Even if you were dating for months (I don't know your exact backstory except you are/were married) men don't go on sites like Adult Friend Finder to find "the one". I've never been on AFF personally, but I don't exactly use Tinder looking for a long-term relationship.

 

It sucks that you went through it (assuming you aren't married anymore, if you are, then there are much bigger issues going on) but let this be a lesson. If you are going to online date, go with eHarmony or Match or something a bit more conservative.

[littleplanet]

THANK YOU!

 

Yet another thread that has us all running around in circles like chickens with our heads cut off trying to offer advice that is falling on deaf ears.

 

OP, you don't seem to want to own up to the fact that you're a married woman having an affair and you're acting like a psycho stalker with your lover. Unfortunately, I don't have any sympathy for this kind of delusional thinking. You're the creator of your own hell and I pray that you get some help.

 

Someone yelled BINGO! when I read this. (might have been me)

I'll share the jackpot, Belle.

 

Aw shucks, maybe I should stop before I start, but here goes.

(red flags are falling around me like a picnic in a bullring)

...........and Spanish ain't the loving tongue anymore.

 

OP,

Maybe your biggest problem at the moment is that you consider this to be love at all.

(It sounds a whole lot more like ownership to me)

and yeah, I'm speaking as a man. That's what I am.

 

You can't let go of what is no good for you.

I'm not quite sure what is............but this is definitely NOT it.

You need to pull out the fangs. Too much poison.

And maybe you expected a scooter to run like a Rolls Royce

- but I seriously think you just need to stop. Cold.

Just take the keys out of the ignition (but please pull over, first!)

 

Sometimes....we can create a whole lot of our own pain, you know?

(been there)

But tantrums of the heart aren't going to help you.

Not with this.

I strongly suspect that you don't need to heal from him..............

but from something - yeah.

 

So if all I did was just add another harmony to the chorus in here, I hope you catch the tune and hum it to yourself.

[emotionalMess]

Here is a forward looking song to lift your spirits and make you feel better . Get excited, you will soon be free from this pain.

 

 

Run run run away, like a train running off a track.

Reach for the sky, Baby just spread your wings and get higher, get higher.

So baby dry your eyes, Save all the tears you cried...

 

We'll get higher and higher straight up we'll climb - Leave it all behind.

Who knows what we'll find.

 

 

Courtesy of YouTube:

Edited June 18, 2014 by emotionalMess

[Zahara]

That's the worst piece of advice I've ever heard. He should be helping you with your issues, not diagnosing J and what his issues are, unless he's had a session with J and knows what drives J to do what he does.

 

Great step! I'm glad to hear you deleted your profile. I know it's hard but your logic is spot on in why you had to do it.

 

Keep affirming all the wonderful things about yourself. Self-love is important and it is evident that you have been on the wayside in terms of prioritizing you. Cry as much as you want. It's therapeutic and cleansing. I'd rather you cry tears for your loss, than cry tears as you chase him. I swear in time the pain of NC will be much more bearable than the pain of fighting to be in his life.

 

It's going to okay, Irresolute. We've all been through some horrible times and we've all come through. It's going to turn around soon and you're already heading in the right direction.

[stillafool]

I had no idea you are a married woman. What does your husband think about all of this crying? Is he asking you why? What are you going to do about your marriage? Are you going to seek a divorce since you don't seem to be in love with your husband.

[Smarty Pants]

She isn't married anymore. She said this in this thread. Stop accusing her of having an affair. Other posters will read that and not be able to give sound advice.

 

OP - hope you're doing better! People like this aren't worth the heartache.

[stillafool]

She isn't married anymore. She said this in this thread. Stop accusing her of having an affair. Other posters will read that and not be able to give sound advice.

 

OP - hope you're doing better! People like this aren't worth the heartache.

 

I didn't accuse her of anything Smarty Pants. I just stated I didn't know she was married because of what another poster said.

[Smarty Pants]

My post wasn't directed at you in particular. You asking is the result of you reading other comments. Hence why I said what I said.

[irresolute]

Dear all,

 

thank you for your words and insight. I am not in a relationship with my ex husband anymore. I'm still married, but only for the paperwork. I'm separated. and j. knew this.

 

Today I feel defeated and powerless, but I'm glad I deleted the account on Adult Friend Finder.

 

Now I feel he lied and deceived me in so many ways, that I'm infuriated, but infuriated with myself. I only hope, and with all my heart, this will never happen to me again. Being deceived and rejected is truly horrible, but I guess I deserve all that is happening to me. I was unfaithful to my ex, and I met J. in a dating site that promotes affairs. I was naive and stupid, and even though I saw reg flags everywhere, I decided to continue this path of destruction.

 

I'm so hurt right now.

 

Nothing feels worse than this. But I'll overcome this. I will. I am a great person, and I am a catch, probably a better catch than J. I want to believe he is a loser, so I can heal properly. I don't want to put him on a pedestal.

 

This is the first day of the rest of my life without J. and even though I can't see how I will make it, I know I will. I can't wait for a time when I'd remember all this and I'll laugh about it. right now I just can't but I know I will.