It's 3am and can't stop crying

[emotionalMess]

So if any of that abandonment stuff resonates with you, what you can do is begin to recognize the emotions for which you are dealing with are not simply on behalf of j.

 

Some of the stuff you are feeling is coming from your past and you are reacting to those too.

 

Can you recognize this?

Can you separate those past feelings from the present?

 

When you do, the intensity of emotions of the current situation will lessen.

 

This awareness alone will ease your anxiety.

[irresolute]

Yes, I totally relate. I'm reading several books, searched on the internet, done more than 20 years of therapy. And nothing worked.

 

I still don't really know where to look for answers.ill check out that link you provided.

[irresolute]

I checked the link and they propose a method to overcome abandonment, but I don't know if they charge you for that as I was looking thought it on my phone.

 

Today is the second day of no contact. Again. I'm feeling depressed but somehow I'm preserving myself to get hurt again. God, give me strengh to overcome this. This is the biggest battle ever. I'd never have imagined I'd have to deal with this.

[emotionalMess]

Cool! I don't know if they charge, I will do some more research too.

 

In regards to NC:

If you truly want to heal, there must be no possible way for him to contact you and you can not snoop on him.

If those things are not done, you are technically not in NC mode and you are prolonging the agony.

Since its been 10 times, sounds like you are waiting for 11. Is this true?

[Heartbroken_84]

After a whole day of consideration (yesterday), I decided to block him on the internet. He can still contact me if he remembers my name, which I seriously doubt, but I can no longer see what's he's up to on online dating. I deleted the fake profiles I created for that motive.

 

Yesterday it feels good. In the morning while I was still deciding what to do, I pictured myself attached to him by an iron bar. A big unbreakable iron bar. Then, at night, that iron bar was converted into a thin piece of rope about to break completely.

 

I had a setback though. I dreamt about him and now I'm a mess avain. I been dreaming about him for 3 consecutive nights already. In my dream, he got mad at me and broke with me because I told him how come he sleep with that old fat chick from adult friend finder. He got mad and left and then I found the chick and grabbed her by the hair yelling how much I hated her and that she was a prostitute. Ugh so draining. I only wish I'll be ok. I feel better than last week

 

Hiya I read this post and felt I had to comment because I am experiencing the exact same thing. It's been 2 and half weeks since I've been in NC and I keep dreaming about my ex EVERY night. The dreams vary from us getting back together to him breaking up with me to trying to convince him. It's mad they feel so real and I wake up in the morning with a pit in my stomach when reality sets in. I don't know how to stop dreaming about him, it's weird and annoying, it's literally every night

[emotionalMess]

I never remember my dreams. It is very rare but it happened once this year late April. I had a crazy-strange dream about the ex. we were gonna get intimate but we kept getting interrupted. To top it off, we were somewhere in Vegas. The dream was on a Friday night.

 

I had not seen her for maybe 2 months prior to this.

 

Me being naive and a romantic, took this as a sign. Next day, I went to a shopping area where there was a very small chance (5%) she would be there but I was hoping to see her. Sure enough she showed up because her sister had to buy something. After the dream I felt like I had to approach and at least say hello just in case it really meant something. She was not looking her best, tired, just off of work. I had on a new outfit and was looking great. I said hi I had a dream about you last night and somehow I knew I would see you today. After that we had a 5 min empty "hi how are you" conversation in which she seemed a little awkward, maybe because of her appearance, or seeing the dumpee approach out of the blue? not sure. The most interesting thing was I noticed that she was wearing a t shirt I gave her as one of her birthday gifts under her work-shirt. I thought to myself, if she wanted to forget me, why would she wear that? Certainly, it would be a constant reminder of me right?

 

It all turned out to be nothing as far as I can tell. It made me feel like a stalker and I will never stoop to that level again. The whole "hi, I had a dream about you last night" must have made me look loony. The whole dream thing taught me a lesson on not to react to silly romantic impulses.

Edited July 3, 2014 by emotionalMess

[irresolute]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been no contact for more than a month and a half now. We are still Facebook friends and I have to admit sometimes I take a peek at his profile.

It's been my birthday and he didn't greet me, which caused a lot of pain since I did greet him in May for his b-day.

 

Anyways, I've noticed he downloaded the Facebook Messenger and I've tried to avoid him at all costs.

Yesterday he liked a pic I uploaded on Facebook. This was VERY disturbing for me since all my friends will see this like and might ask me who this guy is. Besides, the picture wasn't even of myself. It was a random pic of my dog.

 

Why could he possible did this? I know he does nothing randomly, and he's clever and cunning. I also know he's dating someone else.

 

Maybe I'm thinking about this just too much. I simply got disturbed by this and wondered what could possible be his intentions...

 

It was clearly disrupting to see his name on my Facebook page for me. Still, I don't want to block him. I have all my exes on Facebook and I see no reason to do this...yet.

[Mary Oak]

It makes no difference why he liked the picture.

 

Since you don't want his name on your fb page, delete the picture. If you HAVE to have that random picture of your dog on your page then upload it again later.

 

Again, the reasoning behind his actions make no difference. It just gives you something to grasp for. And that is the last thing you need.

[jbelle6]

I think women assume men are more calculated and cunning than they really are. Men are pretty simple, he probably liked the pic of the dog because he liked the pic of the dog. When I like stuff on facebook I do so without even paying attention to who posted it to be honest.

 

You also need to stop fooling yourself into thinking you are no contact. You have not even completed a single day no contact if you are still friends on social media, that is contact. Block him asap.

 

I read a post on another site about a guy who pretty much solely dates married women and his reasoning was "she can't very well give me grief for sleeping with others when she is probably doing the same". Remember that.

 

Take the time to settle the marriage you are in because no man will take you seriously when they are essentially your side piece. Why would they? Would you want a man who goes home and lays in bed with another woman?

[irresolute]

No contact for me is not initiate anything with him. I'm trying to lessen my feelings for him. No contact is not destructing myself trying to make him to love me.

 

I'm not doing this anymore. I'm letting things flow. since I do care for him, still, I cannot block him from my life, but I'm hopeful one day I can be friends with him and not hope him to love me. I'm working on it.

I'm good with the fact he's dating someone else for the first time in 5 years. Yes, he found someone else on Adult Friend finder and now they're official.

 

I'm not putting myself in a situation of begging or initiate anything with him. I was just wondering why he liked my pic. He doesn't even like dogs, honestly.

 

It's just weird, thats all.

 

Oh, and no, I don't randomly like other's pics, specially when they are exes and feelings involved. In fact, one of my exes is dedicating me song on Facebook and I'm very careful on that, I just don't want to create faux expectations on him liking those songs etc.

Edited August 21, 2014 by irresolute

[Mary Oak]

Not everyone is as considerate as you regarding an ex feelings.

 

It does not matter why he liked the photo. My ex emailed me today telling me my boss was looking for me (we work together). I could go crazy trying to figure out WHY!! It doesn't matter. She probably did it because she was trying to be nice but I could read into it and try to imagine it means she was thinking about me.

 

But like I said, the reason does not matter.

 

Let it go.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been no contact for more than a month and a half now. We are still Facebook friends and I have to admit sometimes I take a peek at his profile.

It's been my birthday and he didn't greet me, which caused a lot of pain since I did greet him in May for his b-day.

 

Anyways, I've noticed he downloaded the Facebook Messenger and I've tried to avoid him at all costs.

Yesterday he liked a pic I uploaded on Facebook. This was VERY disturbing for me since all my friends will see this like and might ask me who this guy is. Besides, the picture wasn't even of myself. It was a random pic of my dog.

 

Why could he possible did this? I know he does nothing randomly, and he's clever and cunning. I also know he's dating someone else.

 

Maybe I'm thinking about this just too much. I simply got disturbed by this and wondered what could possible be his intentions...

 

It was clearly disrupting to see his name on my Facebook page for me. Still, I don't want to block him. I have all my exes on Facebook and I see no reason to do this...yet.

 

This post is a primary reason why you need to block him. And if you've been snooping his Facebook, you haven't been in No Contact. No Contact means no communication and absolutely no snooping. No Contact is thorough -- no lifelines of any kind.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think women assume men are more calculated and cunning than they really are. Men are pretty simple, he probably liked the pic of the dog because he liked the pic of the dog. When I like stuff on facebook I do so without even paying attention to who posted it to be honest.

 

This is true. Almost all of my likes on Facebook are simple -- I just liked the picture or link or whatever. No real ulterior motives going on.

[irresolute]

This is true. Almost all of my likes on Facebook are simple -- I just liked the picture or link or whatever. No real ulterior motives going on.

 

You also "like" pictures of your exes with that calm?

[Mary Oak]

Well, what do you think it means?

 

Do you think he was missing you and that was the only way to let you know? Do you think he want to leave his relationship and seeing if you are available? Do you think he is trying to aggravate you? What, possibly, do you think this MEANS?

[irresolute]

Not everyone is as considerate as you regarding an ex feelings.

 

It does not matter why he liked the photo. My ex emailed me today telling me my boss was looking for me (we work together). I could go crazy trying to figure out WHY!! It doesn't matter. She probably did it because she was trying to be nice but I could read into it and try to imagine it means she was thinking about me.

 

But like I said, the reason does not matter.

 

Let it go.

 

Well it may not matter to you because your probably over her or because you just don't care, but in my case this was the first time in almost 2 years that he "initiates" something.

Maybe i am reading too much into it. I just got surprised.

 

I think he liked the pic because he likes me but that's all. He feels safe with me and he might want to initiate a conversation again. Maybe he was feeling guilty he missed my b day.

I don't know. I can find one thousand reasons but the most important one is missing: he doesn't love me.

He sees me as a friend. And that's ok with me as well. I'm starting to see him as a friend as well. Slowly but steady.

[irresolute]

Well, what do you think it means?

 

Do you think he was missing you and that was the only way to let you know? Do you think he want to leave his relationship and seeing if you are available? Do you think he is trying to aggravate you? What, possibly, do you think this MEANS?

 

I don't know. He does nothing randomly.

[Simon Phoenix]

You also "like" pictures of your exes with that calm?

 

Definitely, especially if I couldn't care less about said ex anymore. I mean, not to minimalize your situation, but wasn't this man a fling from Adult Friend Finder? I'm guessing that the like was just a like. I seriously doubt it was him sending smoke signals or carrier pigeons to you in order to open up communication.

[Mary Oak]

I think that is good that he likes you. Now you know.

[irresolute]

Definitely, especially if I couldn't care less about said ex anymore. I mean, not to minimalize your situation, but wasn't this man a fling from Adult Friend Finder? I'm guessing that the like was just a like. I seriously doubt it was him sending smoke signals or carrier pigeons to you in order to open up communication.

 

Ok. Doesn't matter. I'm not doing anything anyways.

I'm in a better place right now.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok. Doesn't matter. I'm not doing anything anyways.

I'm in a better place right now.

 

Even though you seem diametrically opposed to this for some reason, I would encourage you to block him. You could block his news feed and accomplish much of the same things (especially since it sounds like you have no mutual friends), but the fact that you can't go without snooping his page (even if its occasional) takes that option out of play. But the fact a simple like got you this flustered means that you shouldn't have any sort of contact or access to this man. It's still too raw for you.

[Gatema]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this kind of pain. It's never easy, no matter what the circumstances are in your situation. I'm the last one to pass judgement; so I won't; it's a moot point anyway. How you deal with this is obviously going to be more limited, in the sense that you can't exactly share how you are feeling with everyone in your circle.

 

Nothing anyone can say to you will lessen the sadness that you are feeling at this moment. Just maybe though, knowing that you have a place to resort to, and it's 7/24, for the times that you feel like you're going to explode with a million emotions raging through you, you can privately do it here. If anything, it can be an immediate diversion for you when you want to do something that's probably going to be counter productive in the first place. Worse yet, by reacting out of your disbelief that this has happened, you go on a mission to seek some answers about the quandary that you're now living in. Well, 9 times out of 10, demanding to know "why" from the other person, doesn't always, or exactly, play out according to the script that you have been writing in your head, the day he told you that it's over.

 

When I was where you were, I had to keep telling myself to do the following:

 

 

Think carefully, examine the reasons that are making you feel that you need to do something, that is, before you do it, then think about it again. Prepare yourself, that it's quite possible, you may need to come up with a correction plan, anyway, no matter what the outcome brings. This is going to be be your back up plan, in the event that you are going to have to undo something that you've already done. Just sayin!

 

It's all so exhausting, no matter the approach; I'd rather chew on tin foil!

[irresolute]

Even though you seem diametrically opposed to this for some reason, I would encourage you to block him. You could block his news feed and accomplish much of the same things (especially since it sounds like you have no mutual friends), but the fact that you can't go without snooping his page (even if its occasional) takes that option out of play. But the fact a simple like got you this flustered means that you shouldn't have any sort of contact or access to this man. It's still too raw for you.

 

I unfollowed him. I only take a peek when I'm bored.

I'm not feeling anything when I see pics of him with the other woman. I still care for him because I loved him very much. But i understand I was not the one. I've cried weeks in a row but now i feel better. There's no need to block him. He's not that important anymore.

 

I was curious to why he liked a pic on my profile and why he keeps looking at my profile (yes, i know how to discover if someone visits your profile).

[sly_fly1]

my suggestion to you is look your hottest ,dress up, go to the club with your girls, drink some boose, party have fun, n do not talk to him at all. he loves you, he was probably just sick of you. maybe another girl has come around. but he will return, dont worry just watch

[Simon Phoenix]

I unfollowed him. I only take a peek when I'm bored.

I'm not feeling anything when I see pics of him with the other woman. I still care for him because I loved him very much. But i understand I was not the one. I've cried weeks in a row but now i feel better. There's no need to block him. He's not that important anymore.

 

I was curious to why he liked a pic on my profile and why he keeps looking at my profile (yes, i know how to discover if someone visits your profile).

 

He is that important, because you just posted about something as innocuous as a Facebook like to try to find some greater meaning. While I think you've progressed, I still think you are in denial to a certain extent. You should have him blocked until you take a like for a like and not to try to find some hidden meaning.

 

As for why he checks on your profile (the fact that you have researched a way to find this out further illustrates my point), it's probably because he's genuinely curious. I would guess my ex profile stalked me for a while. But that doesn't mean that they want to be with you. They might just want to know that you are OK. Either way, it's an absolute waste of time to try to figure their motivations, because it could encompass a million things. And the more you try to figure it out (and the more you continue to pick at the scab by checking his profile) the more you inhibit your recovery and progress.