It's 3am and can't stop crying

[SoThatHappened]

I was curious to why he liked a pic on my profile and why he keeps looking at my profile (yes, i know how to discover if someone visits your profile).

 

Because you're an attractive ex girlfriend that he probably wants as a fall-back or FWB.

 

Or that doing something so insignificant alleviates his guilt while keeping you in his life.

 

The bad thing is, you're allowing him to keep tabs on you. And he's seeing that you're not dating anyone else, which makes him feel good.

 

If you post a picture up there with a guy that you're seeing, I doubt he'd "like" that. If he did, he's completely over you and doesn't care.

 

Maybe that's what you should do! Find a guy to pose with, have someone take a picture of you two, and post it.

 

Or... just block him and find someone else. You shouldn't have any trouble at all doing that. You're young, female, and attractive. Talk about a hat trick! You can get anyone you want. Go do it and drop the past.

[irresolute]

Because you're an attractive ex girlfriend that he probably wants as a fall-back or FWB.

 

Or that doing something so insignificant alleviates his guilt while keeping you in his life.

 

The bad thing is, you're allowing him to keep tabs on you. And he's seeing that you're not dating anyone else, which makes him feel good.

 

If you post a picture up there with a guy that you're seeing, I doubt he'd "like" that. If he did, he's completely over you and doesn't care.

 

Maybe that's what you should do! Find a guy to pose with, have someone take a picture of you two, and post it.

 

Or... just block him and find someone else. You shouldn't have any trouble at all doing that. You're young, female, and attractive. Talk about a hat trick! You can get anyone you want. Go do it and drop the past.

 

Haha cool. Someone posted in my profile pic: wow! Now that's a beautiful woman!

 

He might have read that

[tory1012]

Soo its obvious you need to go NC and move on! When I say move on, I don't mean to another person. You need to be okay at being alone!

 

You scared him away! You seem way too high strung and you hold on to tiny details!

 

He was most likely attainable in the way you wanted him to be, but you just gotta give people some space. I've read your other posts!

 

Maybe you need to find somebody like yourself but amplified so you can feel secure! Even then I don't think it will suffice.

 

Maybe seek some therapy or read some books to help you relax. Seriously it will be your romantic demise.

 

Sorry I don't want to be mean I just want to help.

[irresolute]

Soo its obvious you need to go NC and move on! When I say move on, I don't mean to another person. You need to be okay at being alone!

 

You scared him away! You seem way too high strung and you hold on to tiny details!

 

He was most likely attainable in the way you wanted him to be, but you just gotta give people some space. I've read your other posts!

 

Maybe you need to find somebody like yourself but amplified so you can feel secure! Even then I don't think it will suffice.

 

Maybe seek some therapy or read some books to help you relax. Seriously it will be your romantic demise.

 

Sorry I don't want to be mean I just want to help.

 

 

Wait...what? Really? I scared him away because I was clingy? Wow.

I guess if the guy that is seeing you is active in five different dating sites DAILY and different women left posts in his pics impliying he's slept with them WHILE the guy was dating you means I've been clingy and scared him away...oh well. Scared him away from what? He was free like a bird, I never asked him anything, what are you talking about?

 

I was overly obsessed with this guy, I agree, but all that because the jerk continuosly gave me mixed signals, hot and cold, and he made me act like crazy. the guy has issues. I have issues. We are a disaster together, I admit it, but me scaring him away?

[irresolute]

He is that important, because you just posted about something as innocuous as a Facebook like to try to find some greater meaning. While I think you've progressed, I still think you are in denial to a certain extent. You should have him blocked until you take a like for a like and not to try to find some hidden meaning.

 

As for why he checks on your profile (the fact that you have researched a way to find this out further illustrates my point), it's probably because he's genuinely curious. I would guess my ex profile stalked me for a while. But that doesn't mean that they want to be with you. They might just want to know that you are OK. Either way, it's an absolute waste of time to try to figure their motivations, because it could encompass a million things. And the more you try to figure it out (and the more you continue to pick at the scab by checking his profile) the more you inhibit your recovery and progress.

 

 

Well, I'm working on the "importance" thing right now. Not thinking about him for a long period of time is slowly making him less important.

 

YEah, I researched but not only him, my exes as well, and I feel nothing for them. I'm just a curious creature that is overly bored. Seriously. I like to see how people react. Not just him, everyone.

For example, you, simon. You've been here for years and I wonder if posting here for you is a way of not letting her go definitely. A way to hold onto something. Helping people in a way of revive what is no more alive. Just a thought.

 

Thursday night. I drunk a beer and I feel f...ing lonely ugh

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, I'm working on the "importance" thing right now. Not thinking about him for a long period of time is slowly making him less important.

 

YEah, I researched but not only him, my exes as well, and I feel nothing for them. I'm just a curious creature that is overly bored. Seriously. I like to see how people react. Not just him, everyone.

For example, you, simon. You've been here for years and I wonder if posting here for you is a way of not letting her go definitely. A way to hold onto something. Helping people in a way of revive what is no more alive. Just a thought.

 

Thursday night. I drunk a beer and I feel f...ing lonely ugh

 

I'm just here to help. Has nothing to do with my ex. That whole situation resolved itself long ago. Nice deflection though.

[Mary Oak]

Just like you are curious enough to look at his and your other exes profiles, he probably did the same thing. He saw a picture he liked, so he clicked like. The end.

[OffRail]

yes, i know how to discover if someone visits your profile.

 

Just out of curiosity, how can you do this ? As far as I know, there is no way to know who visits your profile on Facebook ! Are you going just by the fact that he "liked" a photo or a status or a comment you made on your profile ? Or posted something on your profile ?

 

If not and there is some other way of figuring out if a certain someone is viewing our profile or not, especially if that person never comments or likes anything of ours on FB, I would love to know.

 

Thanks for sharing.

[mightycpa]

I don't see why some people think this guy is a douche.

 

I've always loved him. He never felt the same for me.

I've tried and tried to make him love me but his feelings never changed.

I asked to meet, but he said he was busy. Busy, really busy, like he's not sure he can see me again.

I got mad because I know hes active on old and then the bomb:

He said he cannot handle me anymore. That he's looking for fun and easy only.

I want a full relationship and that I should look for that...but not with him.

 

He didn't lead you on, didn't string you along, liked you enough to be with you sometimes, but basically got sick of you and told you so. That's pretty stand up behavior, I think. Nobody likes being on the receiving end of that message, but it sounds very truthful, no game playing.

 

You're just going to have to hurt for a while. I'd ask him for a video where he dumps you by name, unceremoniously and brutally. Then, every time you feel like breaking NC, you can watch it and get stronger.

Edited August 26, 2014 by mightycpa

[irresolute]

Just out of curiosity, how can you do this ? As far as I know, there is no way to know who visits your profile on Facebook ! Are you going just by the fact that he "liked" a photo or a status or a comment you made on your profile ? Or posted something on your profile ?

 

If not and there is some other way of figuring out if a certain someone is viewing our profile or not, especially if that person never comments or likes anything of ours on FB, I would love to know.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

 

Send me a priv message and I let you know how to do this

[irresolute]

I don't see why some people think this guy is a douche.

 

 

 

He didn't lead you on, didn't string you along, liked you enough to be with you sometimes, but basically got sick of you and told you so. That's pretty stand up behavior, I think. Nobody likes being on the receiving end of that message, but it sounds very truthful, no game playing.

 

You're just going to have to hurt for a while. I'd ask him for a video where he dumps you by name, unceremoniously and brutally. Then, every time you feel like breaking NC, you can watch it and get stronger.

 

God. Your post literally made me cry. He's a troubled man but he always replied to my messages. He got sick of me. Alrighty.

 

Last week he looked for me but I didn't give him any signal so he disappeared. He deleted messenger for Facebook and he didn't log in to the dating site I have an account in. At the same time I realized he told me the truth about his pregnant ex. It was true.

 

I feel terrible but he might have other women right now. He doesn't need me. I guess in another life will be together again. I feel very very sad. I still love him. Two years loving this guy with all my heart. Two years and I can't possibly let him go.

[irresolute]

He'd never made a video dumping me. One time I asked him to dump me. He did and I got mad at him because he gave in so easily. Then he regretted doing so because he didn't want to make me sad.

 

If he's a player or a douche or whatever, I don't know. I only know I screwed everything and I have no chance to repair it. Not in this life. It sucks.

[Requiem4Dreams]

He'd never made a video dumping me. One time I asked him to dump me. He did and I got mad at him because he gave in so easily. Then he regretted doing so because he didn't want to make me sad.

 

If he's a player or a douche or whatever, I don't know. I only know I screwed everything and I have no chance to repair it. Not in this life. It sucks.

 

He wasn't the first person to love you, and I very much doubt he will be the last. The only reason that you're feeling so bad still is because it seems like you have this connection still inside you that you're unwilling to let go of. So he'll haunt you, and you'll stalk his FB, or question why a photo has been liked.

 

The absence of any information, destroys that lingering feeling, it allows you to move on so you finally remove the blinders you have on. Your heart is wrapped up in this so you're blind to any potential person out there that is interested in more. You could pass him on the street each day and never know it.

 

I've come a long way in my understanding of relationships and love. We all have many loves, not a singular. Each new love is a new experience where we grow and develop into more than we can be at this very moment, but it only happens when you choose to move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

You see no reason to block him? Really?

 

Come on, OP. Stop kidding yourself. You have more than enough reason to block him and cut contact for good. You are still in a very unhealthy place if one "like" on Facebook can send you tumbling upside down, tying to figure out what it all means. The only thing it really means is that you're not doing yourself any favours whatsoever by keeping him around on FB. You are not equipped to handle it at this point.

 

If you really and truly want to move on, delete him. Otherwise - lather, rinse, repeat. You must be utterly exhausted from all of this by now, no?

[SoThatHappened]

I only know I screwed everything and I have no chance to repair it. Not in this life. It sucks.

 

Been there. Thought that. The truth is, you didn't screw everything up. There's nothing to repair.

 

It does suck.

 

But you'll get over it if you focus on yourself and not him. As was said before, the perfect guy for you may be walking by you everyday. If you're not getting out there, you'll never find him.

 

That would suck more than losing the wrong guy, don't you think?

[OffRail]

Send me a priv message and I let you know how to do this

 

Hey, I can't send you a pm for some reason. That option does not even show up ! Maybe I am just entirely stupid. Where is this pm option ? Can anyone let me know, please ? TIA.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hey, I can't send you a pm for some reason. That option does not even show up ! Maybe I am just entirely stupid. Where is this pm option ? Can anyone let me know, please ? TIA.

 

You have to have a certain number of posts before you have access to private messages.

[OffRail]

You have to have a certain number of posts before you have access to private messages.

 

Simon, how many posts do I need to make before I get PM access ? Thanks !

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, how many posts do I need to make before I get PM access ? Thanks !

 

That I do not know. Sorry.

[SoThatHappened]

That I do not know. Sorry.

I believe it's 50 posts.

 

Also may be a duration of at least a month. That's when mine kicked in

[irresolute]

Oh I'm sorry you cannot message me. I'm not sure I can post that info publicly...anyone knows?

[irresolute]

Fair enough. Not blocking him though.

But I'm not stalking him anymore.

I'm reading a book: why men loves bitches.

Anyone had read it? It's really good.

[OffRail]

Oh I'm sorry you cannot message me. I'm not sure I can post that info publicly...anyone knows?

 

Hey, it is OK. No hurry, no worries. I will message you as soon as I am able to and you can let me know how via pm.

 

And, btw, hang in there. I feel your pain, girl, but hang in there.

[Natsu21]

Fair enough. Not blocking him though.

But I'm not stalking him anymore.

I'm reading a book: why men loves bitches.

Anyone had read it? It's really good.

 

Irresolute, I've seen your posts on a lot of my threads and whatnot, so after reading what brought you here, I was absolutely appalled. I wanna give you my take on the whole situation.

 

Since I don't know your marriage situation, I won't judge you on that. I will however, give my take on what you're going through.

 

You fell in love with a player. Sadly, let's all be honest, almost every girl has fell in love with a "bad boy" at one point in their life or another. Clearly, you are trying to apply logic but really, you want to be that "special one" that ties him down. That's why you agreed to be his side piece:

 

So you could work from the inside and make him fall for you.

 

Young girls(and some women older) seem to feel that's the best way to tame a man. Here's a man perspective.

 

For a woman, sex can equal love and closeness. For a man, however, a lot of times, sex is just sex...about an hour or two of romping in the sheets, and that's all she wrote. We don't usually have any emotions behind it. It's just animal instinct. This guy, no matter how many words he says to you, isn't going to think of you as the "one" You found him on Adult Friend Finder...they are sleazeballs.

 

You seem like an intelligent and beyond gorgeous woman. I mean wowzas. The fact that this guy has you reeling means he's either REALLY hot and successful or you're really coming off desperate.

 

Women may not admit it, but many of them LOVE a guy with options. Shows that he is desirable.

 

But despite all of that, what you are feeling: the need for him back, the constant fight not to go back to him, over-thinking about what he's feeling or doing, this is part of the stages of grief in a breakup, and you can twist logic around all you want, emotions aren't logical, and it'll take time to get over him.

 

Truth is, you seem young and you might end up slipping back and trying to contact him. This is normal too. You might even think about trying to win him back, which is also normal. But understand this...

 

NO matter what you do to him, nothing will change. Nothing.

 

Accept the grief, because our advice will fall on death ears. You'll want someone to tell you that he'll come back, but this is a site for advice...not a place to hug it out. When people help you, that doesn't mean they'll tell you what you want to hear. They will tell you what they know in an effort to try to save you from heart-ache. At times though, the best teacher is experience and class is in session.

 

What have you discovered?

 

You're extremely attracted to guys like him. Logically it doesn't make sense but his confidence and unavailability makes him a challenge. PUA(Pick Up Artists)s are probably drooling right now at the chance to get at you because you're player fodder.

 

That's why, if you don't want to get hurt, you'll have to be logical and sacrifice pleasure and instant gratification for long term healing. Meaning:

 

Absolutely NO CONTACT...BLOCK HIM! He will not be your boyfriend. You're a notch. Deluding yourself with emotion and thinking otherwise will not help.

 

Just because he rejected you doesn't make him better than you. When a person dumps you, it shows that you aren't a match for them. It doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't good enough. You and you alone determine that, Irresolute. You determine your worth. Not society, not him.

 

It just means you're on your way to finding someone who matches you.

 

Of course, right now you DON'T see that, because you see this guy as the best you'll ever get, and finding someone else, at this stage would be like settling for someone you don't want.

 

That's why trying to be single and fighting the feelings, while immediately unrewarding, can have long term effects.

 

Stand up, don't think with your heart, but your head, accept that you deserve an equal relationship, and move on. It's going to hurt a LOT...prepare for that, and having him in your life is going to make it worse, but you're a stunner in the looks department and you seem smart, but don't feel worthy.

 

As for your marriage, if you're legally still married, despite being separated, you are cheating, hands down. You might not feel that way, but if a guy notices you're still married, chances are he'll see you as an easy lay, and nothing more. Not all of them but guys who are on Adult Friend Finder definitely will. Pick a more reputable website. Free ones usually bring out the gutter snakes.

 

This is my advice. No one is going to treat you like a priority if you treat yourself like an option. Love yourself, and somebody else will. Forgive me for being harsh. Felt like you needed a dose of reality.

 

 

Hang in there.

 

--Natsu21

[David87]

Block him and your healing process will be much faster.