Familia Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Hang in there gorgeous, I am feeling the same way its Friday night here in Australia, I survived a week of no contact and crumbled tonight and sent a damn message, hours and no response, I am feeling terrible about myself now and feeling like more of a breadcrumb ...... we will get there. we need to let them go, let em go Link to post Share on other sites
broken16 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Yeah, its going to hurt for a while. cry all you want, it wont change a damn thing. every memory you have of them whether its a smell they had or the way they made a certain cute face will hit you out of nowhere. you feel like hell right now and i get that. once you come to realization that this just isnt the **** you will ever tolerate again, you will begin to feel better. accept it all and move on. 3 months into my breakup from a 6 year relationship. trust me honey, it WILL get better and time does heal! Link to post Share on other sites
Familia Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Watch this and I will all make sense, keep watching it -- I am Madea - Let em' Go on Vimeo Link to post Share on other sites
Tally123 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My heart goes out to you, it really does. I am just over 2 months post break up! Its not easy that's for sure. I don't have tears during the night or in the morning, but I do wake up quite a lot with a feeling of panic. If I wake in the night I lay there thinking of him asleep at that exact moment - the pain is horrible. BUT I find I am having more good days as time goes on. Today I feel down, but yesterday I felt a whole lot better. This will take time, but hang in there T Link to post Share on other sites
Familia Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Certainly comes in waves, I have days where I am convinced its a good thing and angry with her, although it just takes one small smell like broken16 advised and I am all undone, I am overwhelmed and upset that its over and how will I ever love anyone like I did her, a 7 year relationship gone you will have ups and downs. Keep strong and watch that video I posted Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I know how you feel, unfortunately there's no shortcut to happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jennyc33 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My heart is breaking too right now. I know some of the things I am about to say sound trite, but they are true. Just remember that as time goes by, every day you wake up you get a teeny bit better than the last. For me (my boyfriend broke up with me last night) it makes me feel better knowing that what I feel today will not be quite this bad next week, or the week after, and so on. I will get better, and you will get better. Today is the worst of it. Try to remember and write down all the things that you did not like about your relationship. Were you 100% yourself around him? Did he make you feel great about yourself? If those were both true, then maybe he was in your life to teach you something. For me, my ex taught me that being 100% Jen around a man (not 60% of myself) is so amazing. In other relationships, I used to pretend to be things I was not, and not feel comfortable being myself in relationships. As soon as I'd get a whiff or uncertainty from the man I was seeing, I'd bring things to a head just to get over that uncertain feeling, even if it led to a break up. I know now that being able to be 100% of myself is a feeling I need to find when I date next. And that it's okay to have that uncertain feeling. At least when the break up happens I don't feel the remorse that I did anything wrong. I can feel confident in my own actions. And while I wish he felt what I felt, I can appreciate the fact that I learned this from him. And I know that I'll be better for it in my next relationship. Years ago, I read this book called Zen and the Art of Happiness by Chris Prentiss. I still pick it up & read a chapter or two on occasion when I'm feeling down. It really just makes you confident in the realization that everything happens for a reason, even if you don't know what that reason is. I hope that sharing the positive things I'm trying to tell myself about my break up helps you at least think along those lines. (though maybe it's too soon, and if it is I'm sorry). Honey, I wish I could give you a big old hug right now. You are awesome, even without this guy in your life. You need to keep telling yourself (verbally & non verbally) how much you love yourself 50 times a day. You are spectacular and if this guy could not see that then he was not worth spending another minute of your life with. Anybody who is right for you will not make you feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
triniechu Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My <3 goes out to you girl! I've been there too. MY ex broke it off with me almost 2 weeks ago and I've contacted him twice already to try and fix things. He is still unsure, but i now know that his heart isnt with me 100%. It really does hurt that i still tried to fight and he didnt want to fix things. If he ever asks me back, I'm not even going to get back with him. I mean he ended things with me for a reason. Either there was something missing, he got bored, or maybe there was someone else. Either way, right now I dont really care what his reasons are. The break up definitely showed me that he could give up on my easily once again and THAT is something I dont want. Hang in there love. Really think about why this happened. But it's ok to cry too. It is part of the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 The problem is that i can't let him go. It hurts. It's 9 am and I woke up crying again. I decided I won't log into dating sites because it was our main way of communication besides texts and it hurts to see him online. I've tried to go online when he was offline but seeing offline hurts the same or more. He decided to let me go and I'm tempted to ask him if he's sure about this but he's a grown man and he knows what he's doing so it's useless. I never cried so much in my entire life. When this will pass?? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 The problem is that i can't let him go. It hurts. It's 9 am and I woke up crying again. I decided I won't log into dating sites because it was our main way of communication besides texts and it hurts to see him online. I've tried to go online when he was offline but seeing offline hurts the same or more. He decided to let me go and I'm tempted to ask him if he's sure about this but he's a grown man and he knows what he's doing so it's useless. I never cried so much in my entire life. When this will pass?? The problem you're having is that you are wanting an instant fix. It's going to take a good amount of time before you accept and let go. It's not going to happen overnight. 4 days is absolutely nothing on the NC scale. You're going to cry and feel despondent for awhile. You are going through grief. It's equivalent to losing a loved one to death. And with grieving (stages of grief -- read up), everything that you feel is normal. Yes, he's sure about letting you go. He knows how he feels. He's had ample time to evaluate his feelings for you and from day one nothing has changed. This is called denial on your part. Again, one of the stages of grieving. It will pass when it passes. There is no set time. Everyone goes through grief in their own way. You just have to trust the process in that it's getting you somewhere and what you feel now isn't indicative of you never ever being able to move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
triniechu Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 We have to be strong girl. I know how you feel since i'm going through the same thing. Definitely stop checking out the sites he is on, that is just going to be more painful. For now it will be painful for awhile. My days are different everyday. There are days where I feel strong, where I feel I am ready to forget about him and move on. Some days I miss him so much and I cry when I wake up or at night. It's different for everybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 The problem you're having is that you are wanting an instant fix. It's going to take a good amount of time before you accept and let go. It's not going to happen overnight. 4 days is absolutely nothing on the NC scale. You're going to cry and feel despondent for awhile. You are going through grief. It's equivalent to losing a loved one to death. And with grieving (stages of grief -- read up), everything that you feel is normal. Yes, he's sure about letting you go. He knows how he feels. He's had ample time to evaluate his feelings for you and from day one nothing has changed. This is called denial on your part. Again, one of the stages of grieving. It will pass when it passes. There is no set time. Everyone goes through grief in their own way. You just have to trust the process in that it's getting you somewhere and what you feel now isn't indicative of you never ever being able to move on. Yes. It feels as I've lost a loved one. I can only compare this pain as the time my father died. I feel exactly the same. My body aches. My soul aches. I have palpitations. My eyes are red. My head aches. I'm nauseous. I was in denial I guess because I started crying yesterday night and couldn't stop. And im still crying. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Yes. It feels as I've lost a loved one. I can only compare this pain as the time my father died. I feel exactly the same. My body aches. My soul aches. I have palpitations. My eyes are red. My head aches. I'm nauseous. I was in denial I guess because I started crying yesterday night and couldn't stop. And im still crying. I know how you feel. Just know that it won't always be this way. You just have to hold tight and get over this hump. Cry and let it all out. If you can't take care of yourself emotionally, you have to force yourself to drink and eat some to care for yourself physically. You need to hydrate and you need to eat a little something to at least nourish yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Watch this and I will all make sense, keep watching it -- I am Madea - Let em' Go on Vimeo Funny, but so true. We waste so much of our time trying to get back what isn't good for us in the first place. All that time wasted could be used to find someone who truly cares. OP, mourn, but do not make this a lost opportunity to dwell on indefinitely...look at it as a new opportunity to find someone better, more loving. God, it's posts like this that make me realize how much I love my gf and how much work I need to do to make certain she is always shown the love that I profess to her. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Yes. It feels as I've lost a loved one. I can only compare this pain as the time my father died. I feel exactly the same. My body aches. My soul aches. I have palpitations. My eyes are red. My head aches. I'm nauseous. I was in denial I guess because I started crying yesterday night and couldn't stop. And im still crying. Friend, I lost my dad too and it was the worse day of my life and my cousin came over to talk to me after I said my final good bye and he also lost his dad and he told me something that I didn't think about much because I was hurting so bad. He said that right now you hit rock bottom and you can't go down any further but every day after, it gets better. You don't know it at first but given time it does get better. You know that from losing a loved one (your dad) and guess what happened? You survived like I did and kept going. Yeah it stinks right now, but it will get better and make you a stronger person. Right now you have to think of yourself. It's not being selfish, it's called surviving an bad experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 "If somebody wanna walk out of your life...LET THEM GO" "Some people come to your life for a lifetime, some come for a season, you've gotta know which is which" "Don't get mad at people like this, there's all they are" "When you get one with roots, hold on to them, but the rest off, let them go, just let them go, LET FOLKS GO" "If they don't care, no matter how much it hurts, let them go" "It'll get easy, you just have to make it through" Thanks for sharing the vid. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My eyes are wide open, but thank you for taking the time to warn me about repeating "mistakes". It amazes me the degree of advice here . First one calls me pathetic, and he a douche. Then another asking me private things about my relationship with ex husband (not you jbelle) and now someone else inferring I got doomed and asking me to open my eyes. Good lord. I thought this was a support forum not a judge mental one! Oh, so you are not married. We thought you were. I would think talking about an affair partner would be more hidden (private)than asking about a husband. But since you are not married I can understand better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I've always loved him. He never felt the same for me. I've tried and tried to make him love me (what a terrible mistake!) but of course, his feelings never changed for me. Yesterday I asked to meet, after a month of texting (and me trying to go no contact last week) but he said he was busy. Busy, really busy, like he's not sure he can see me again. I got mad because I know hes active on old and then the bomb: He said he cannot handle me anymore. That he's looking for fun and easy only. That I want a full relationship and that I should look for that...but not with him. And he dumped me. I told him I love him. Nothing worked. He dumped me. That night, I was online on old and he was online as well. How awkward. It's the end? He never dumped me before. This time was for real. I find it curious why you chose the quote you will never make a saint of me can you explain please why you find that quote compelling enough to imprint it...i dont knwo the guy in question so i can only work with you ......i wouldnt work with the guy anyway or too work out that guy too easy...... .....sounds fickle and quite shallow in design ...i like deep waters..... so you dont seem shallow to me...why do you like the quote..il try and help you by being an honest friend i can be insightful in part, so share the quotes importance with me like you would an old friend.so i can discover why deep waters would rush into shallows and crave it......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 I'm sorry if it sounded confusing. I'm not married anymore. And he knew it. Perhaps he got scared I was available. I just don't know anymore. What I do know is ill never go back with him. As much as I'm hurting right now, I'll never forgive him he let me go. I just can't forgive him. He let me go and his last words were: "muah all over your pretty face!" Like. He was somehow happy he was letting me go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2014 Author Share Posted June 14, 2014 Things are moving faster than I thought with my breakup. Turned out that before breaking up with me, he told me he couldn't have dinner today because he had to have dinner with his parents. But...he was online on Adult Friend Finder at 7 pm, then off line, then on line again at 8:30 pm. He was supposed to be having dinner, no? I logged in at 8:35pm, so he saw me on line. Is he a dumb.as.s or what? I think this guy really doesn't care a sh.it about anything, really. Why should I be crying for a person who is a no brainer? I'm infuriated right now, I'm just about to text him but really, he doesn't deserve anything from me, nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 It's pretty clear he was using the dinner with parents excuse not to see you. You are right to stay strong and keep moving on. If you can please stop checking for him online. That is doing you no good at all. And, yes he is looking for other women. Link to post Share on other sites
BigIdiot Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I can't say I know the story, but from what I've read... Sorry for your pain but you just gotta move on. It's just one of those situations where the one you want...doesn't want you. Few weeks of staying away from his sight of contact and you'll be able to cope fine. On an alternative note: I'll take you into my capable hands, I'm a creep like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 If you're married and you're cheating on your husband behind his back and he would be vera hurt if he found out the sorry, but you deserve every bit of pain you're feeling. If this is not the case I would be happy to offer you words of support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irresolute Posted June 17, 2014 Author Share Posted June 17, 2014 The guy I was seeing promised me there were no one else. Still, he's been busy and don't want to meet me. He dumped me last week, I texted him on Friday because I saw him online on adult friend finder when he was supposing to have dinner with parents and we texted for a while. He said he doesn't want yo hurt me and he is not confident to say I miss you t miss you to me blah blah. After this, I discovered a comment on a picture of his on adult friend. A woman commented on a pic of his butt: "I miss that a.ss". I got mortified because the comment was recent. Should I let him know I saw it? Should I comment on the pic: "yes, I miss your ass too. You're too busy lately no?" Or just go no contact without explanation? What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 Stop communicating with him. You were supposed to be having a casual sex relationship, so what he was and is doing with other women is not your business, regardless of what you thought. Time to quit. Link to post Share on other sites
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