Peacock_Tail Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 And ... let's say the cheating wasn't just a ONS but several times. My friend is having second thoughts about this after forgetting his girlfriend's affair and moving one and I couldn't keep my relationship going after my ex (also) cheated on me. The spark in her eyes was still there for sure (they were big and beautiful) but the one in her soul was gone forever, it just wasn't the same. So after these two examples, I'm very curious about your opinions. Peace! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Not just no, but hell no. Dating is the audition for marriage. She failed. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I wouldn't be in the position of marrying them after being cheated on so it wouldn't be a concern. Trust takes a long time to heal, and life is too short. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 **** no. They are gone once they cheat, physical or emotional. No second chances, and certainly not marriage! Cheating is one of the worst things you could possibly do to someone. There are NO excuses for cheating! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Marriage? I wouldn't even consider a relationship at all. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Sorry hun, this is a no brainer. It's a HELL NO from me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Cheating and lying aren't struggles. They're reasons to break up. Cheating and lying are the TWO worst traits a person can have. If you marry someone who has cheated on you, you're really just cheating yourself out of a genuine relationship with another person. So that's a big HELL NO from me too. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I have a lot more self-respect than to marry a known cheater. I ain't that desperate! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Maybe I'd think about it if it was one kiss . . . possibly a single ONS early on in our relationship but the minute I found out there had been more than one ONS, the relationship never would have progressed to the point of an engagement. If the confession came after the proposal I would still probably be out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Non-negotiably NO! Like others, it would NEVER get to the point of even considering an engagement let alone marriage. Yeah, cheating is a deal-breaker. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Major deal breaker....wouldn't even be in a position to consider marriage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dragon_fly_7 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) Nope, I have much more self-respect and self-love than to be settling for less. I don't want to represent another ''why do women go for jerks and not good men'' stereotypical woman that doesn't love nor respect herself, that doesn't ask for the same in return from a man. Maybe my only single exception of possibly letting it slide once but with a warning would be if he had one of those very short, stupid, drunken kiss but he left in disgust right away. Nothing more than a kiss nor that kiss being done repetively times. Then if he decides to commit another stupid drunken slip, that's even unrelated to cheating it would still be over. Edited June 13, 2014 by dragon_fly_7 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Another vote for hell no! Anyone who marries a known cheater deserves exactly what they are going to get - cheated on again. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Orange floor Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Should have had the internet all those years ago and maybe my years of grief and sorry would not have happened. My engaged GF cheated on me for around 3 months in the six months running up to the wedding. I had given everything to the relationship even gone against my families wishes [they never came to the wedding] Yes we married - she had an EA and quickly went to PA with a married co-worker 15 years older than her. He was attentive, he said the right things, he knew which buttons turned me on; not in any lifetime to come will i make the same decisions to marry it still eats at me today and destroyed the marriage - she was not nice in the end comparing my efforts to his and then banning sex because it wasn't good enough, oh and the best excuse "WTF we weren't married" SO NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO CHEATED ON THE RELATIONSHIP IT JUST IS NOT WORTH THE ........MAYBE 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Hell no. If they do it before marriage they will surely do it after. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Never understood why a person cheats, when breaking up with someone is a much better solution. But that's how I see it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 What if they cheated on previous exes but not you? Would you still marry him/her? What if they cheated to BE with you... would you marry him/her? What if if was both.. they cheated on every previous ex and cheated to be with you, but have not cheated ON you while together? All of it seems like a no brainer to me but yet I still hear about people doing exactly that! Even better, they marry the cheater and then blindly believe that they won't get cheated on in the future and brag about how much better off the cheater is now because they finally found their one true love. (or so it seems anyway) To me... past behavior is a pretty good indicator of future behavior. It isn't always the case but why would you want to take that chance? Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 To me... past behavior is a pretty good indicator of future behavior. It isn't always the case but why would you want to take that chance? I totally agree with you on that Raena. A former female friend of mine cheated on her 1st husband with her 2nd husband, while she had 3 small children to take care of. She claimed she cheated on her 1st husband because he was away in the military a lot, yet the man she cheated with (and then married) has a job that keeps him away for periods of time too. It's like she created her own vicious cycle by choosing to marry men who aren't around a lot. I say 'former' b/c I ended the friendship after I couldn't stand listening to her complain and whine anymore (years of listening to the same thing gets old, fast) about how she thinks he's constantly cheating on her when he's away. They never did any marriage counseling either. Her 2nd husband is estranged from his ex-wife and his son, and my former friend is also estranged from her 1st ex-husband. When I asked her why she married him, her response stunned me, "because he was good looking and made a lot of money." Maybe not all cheaters are shallow people, but I think you'd have to be pretty shallow to cheat on your significant other. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 What if they cheated on previous exes but not you? Would you still marry him/her? Depends on the number. If it was 1 time on one of his first relationships, I'd be wary, but I think I could get over it. But nothing above that number, no serial cheater ever. What if they cheated to BE with you... would you marry him/her? If I found out that I accidentally became the OW, I'd break up immediately. Guess I'm kind of the 'dream-OW' of every person being cheated on out there in that aspect. What if if was both.. they cheated on every previous ex and cheated to be with you, but have not cheated ON you while together? I'd still cut all ties. Old habits like these tend to come around, and karma is a real pest. I don't want to be dragged down into his pit. What other people find attractive in cheaters, I can't say. But it's quite clear that cheaters are weak, so weak that the appreciation and confirmation of one person isn't enough for them. Let alone go responsibly through life. They're self-destructive to everyone around them and I'll gladly kick anyone of the sort to the curb. Still sad to watch when good people become dependant on liars and backstabbers though. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MadJackBird Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I made the mistake of trusting my girlfriend when there were so many red flags that she was a cheater. Married her. 9 years into my marriage I learned she had cheated multiple times while we were married. I tried to reconcile and had a false recovery. She ended up cheating again and wanted a divorce. 4 months after our divorce she married her latest affair partner. I have 3 wonderful kids but also a lot of pain and hurt from those 13 years with her. I say get out and save yourself the pain. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Should have had the internet all those years ago and maybe my years of grief and sorry would not have happened. My engaged GF cheated on me for around 3 months in the six months running up to the wedding. Probably for quite a few here, cheating is cheating, but I do find people who cheat on their fiance during the engagement to be more deserving of being loathed. To me it is worse than cheating in a marriage. There are plenty of reasons why many people have cheated in a hum-drum or stressful or lovesless marriage, but to do it at before things got bad in what should be the prime days of your relationship fulfillment when you could just say no to the marriage proposal is really crappy imo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I can very safely say that despite the nasty behaviour within my marriage and having worked through a lot of that..... I wouldn't have nor would I marry someone that would cheat on me before marriage. If they can cheat and lie before the tough parts of a life together, what is going to happen to them the second they lose a job, the kids get sick, the mortgage payment is late or one of us gets a serious disease. I am not saying that those who cheat stand in a pit of severe judgement and "all is lost those selfish bastards." But those who turn to cheating to cope have not developed a sense of internal strength and fortitude. Forget it. Not great partner material. It took years of EMDR and EFT to reach into the emotional issues plaguing my husband. Not worth investing in someone who can't even keep it together during the dating stages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
John316C Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 several times? looks like a pattern. maybe it was his fault, definitly was hers too. character flaw? how long, when and what made them do it needs to be taken into account. marriage is serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts