summerxo Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I need answers. I think that my professor is attracted to me. I am not interested in pursuing him. I just want to know if I am reading all the signs wrong. I have known him for a little over a year. Recently, he has been staring at me during his lectures. I look down to take notes and when I look up, he is looking straight at me. He looks at me long enough for our eyes to meet. Obviously I feel shy and look down. This does not happen only once but several times in one lecture. For some reason, I have been seeing him a lot both inside and outside of school. When other students pass by, he does not say hi. When I see him, he says hi with a huge grin on his face. When I ask him questions during class, he stares at me (checks me out?) as I find myself back to my seat. When I talk to him in his office, he seems very flirty and happy. Before I leave, there are long silent pauses when he just stares into my eyes as if he doesn't want me to leave. I feel awkward, and stumble out of his room. I am a good student and I get good grades but I once managed my time wrong and I was both late and did terrible on an essay. He gave me an extension and gave me a good grade that I don't think I deserved. Other students think that he is far too strict and try to avoid him. I find him to be relaxed, funny, and far from strict. There are more examples that I could think of, just trying to keep this short. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 If you're not interested then it makes no difference in the end. If he ever approaches you then you need to establish boundaries and let that be the end of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I kinow you need answers but the best person to answer this question is your professor. I agree if you aren't interested in him what does it matter. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) I think you're just reading into things. I had a college professor who liked to stare when he lectured, to the point where he looked like he was in the middle of having a stroke, orgasm, passing a kidney stone, or was really constipated. The entire semester some classmates and I waged bets on what caused his staring...who won the bet was based on one of us asking him why he stared (which would have been rude, let's face it). Well, we never did ask him. He was still alive by the spring so we figured he either must have mini strokes when lecturing on John Milton or he passed quite a few kidney stones. My point: professors are people too. Unless you ask yours if he's flirting with you, and if he hasn't tried to french kiss you in his office, he's likely just a friendly guy who is very busy and happens to like you as some professors like some of their students more than others. Edited June 13, 2014 by writergal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Are you a good student? If this is not the 1st class you have with him, he may see you as a kindred spirit someone who shares his passion for the subject matter. If that's true then he's making eye contact because he's invested in making sure you understand the material. It's also easier to make eye contact with a friendly student then one who is bored or hostile. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 First off, if you aren't interested you shouldn't care. But I get the ego thing and to be honest, if I were in your shoes I'd probably be curious too. So a few observations: 1. Try changing where you sit. Try sitting on the edge of the class and see if he does the eye lock thing. He could just be staring at a particular spot in the class as a course of habit. 2. Educators are always looking for that bright shiny gem of a student they can really teach. So it could be that - given that you are a good student. 3. He might be attracted to you. Professors are people too. Doesn't mean anything can or should come of it. 4. You say you're not interested. But you've taken time to post here and by your own admission, his presence really affects you. I mean, you talked about stumbling out of his office after office hours. Not saying you should do anything but you should probably think on that with some introspection. What about him makes you so enthralled? Is it the age difference? The authority/power gap? His looks? Feeling special out of all the other women in the class? The reason I bring it up is that while this may only be a student/teacher crush thing that should never go any further, you might learn a few things about yourself in terms of what types of men you are attracted to. That can pay huge dividends down the road. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Addendum: Many moons ago I had a professor in law school with whom I sort of felt the same connection. My grades in her classes were consistently great - which is law school is a precious commodity indeed - strict curve an all. I ended up taking four courses with her. I didn't think there was any sexual chemistry there. I just thought I was special. Unique. Flash forward 15 years and I ran into her at a conference. Initially she could only vaguely remember me. Ego blow. But after a beer she was like, "oh ya, I remember you now. You were the one that 'got it'". She also talked about how I had this boyish enthusiasm for the subject and she felt like she could speak shorthand or "binary" to me and we could progress at a far faster pace than the rest of the class. She said that she always looked for 1-2 students like that, who shared her enthusiasm (payment systems - particularly electronic - a precursor to virtual currency) as that made teaching less of a grind. But the funniest thing of the whole conversation, once we were pretty far down memory lane, she wanted to know what ever happened with me and the hot blonde I was dating. Yep, they're humans too and noticed who was dating who. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Professors tend to feel more comfortable with students who like and participate in their courses, and generally make more eye contact with them. I have had this too, with a few male and female professors. Looking at people's eyes, is a way to check whether the lecture is well delivered - if the expression of the most skilled students is puzzled, then, Houston we've got a problem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 ^^Exactly. ^^ My friend is a professor and I think it's just human nature to make eye contact with people you like more than with people you dislike. Same goes for professors with students they really want to connect with what they discuss in class as most college students are half asleep, face down on their desks, texting on their phones, or not paying attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Did your username used to be veganpilot? If not, you should look up her thread. It was basically exactly the same as this one. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/465260-my-professor-attracted-me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Did your username used to be veganpilot? If not, you should look up her thread. It was basically exactly the same as this one. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/465260-my-professor-attracted-me Good call KaliLove. I thought the post seemed familiar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author summerxo Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Thats not me. But I will take a look! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Thats not me. But I will take a look! Thanks VeganPilot liked her professor. The prof did nothing more than what yours did but she was convinced this was the start of something wonderful. She was also struggling academically so I'm not sure how much that thread will enlighten you about your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I have occasionally taught history and math courses on a college level over the years, and the first thing I do is find some students who likes and appreciate the subject matter to bond with. That way, I know if I'm on the right track if they are engaged and secondly, I have some people to give me energy when others are staring at me blankly. I learned to not do this so much with female students as I get a few love notes and giggly office meetings. Your professor appreciates that you get it, as Mrin said. When I look out in the sea of young faces, I am concentrating on my subject matter and reciprocity. Best, Grumps 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Did your username used to be veganpilot? If not, you should look up her thread. It was basically exactly the same as this one. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/465260-my-professor-attracted-me Was just thinking exactly the same thing. All these professor threads (and there have been others by various posters) have one common feature: the OP claims not to be interested, but eagerly awaits confirmation that we all think the professor is. Then proceed to analyze every little behaviour of said professor that will support their belief that they like OP. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
you_can_not_see_me Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I need answers. I think that my professor is attracted to me. I am not interested in pursuing him. I just want to know if I am reading all the signs wrong. I have known him for a little over a year. Recently, he has been staring at me during his lectures. I look down to take notes and when I look up, he is looking straight at me. He looks at me long enough for our eyes to meet. Obviously I feel shy and look down. This does not happen only once but several times in one lecture. For some reason, I have been seeing him a lot both inside and outside of school. When other students pass by, he does not say hi. When I see him, he says hi with a huge grin on his face. When I ask him questions during class, he stares at me (checks me out?) as I find myself back to my seat. When I talk to him in his office, he seems very flirty and happy. Before I leave, there are long silent pauses when he just stares into my eyes as if he doesn't want me to leave. I feel awkward, and stumble out of his room. I am a good student and I get good grades but I once managed my time wrong and I was both late and did terrible on an essay. He gave me an extension and gave me a good grade that I don't think I deserved. Other students think that he is far too strict and try to avoid him. I find him to be relaxed, funny, and far from strict. There are more examples that I could think of, just trying to keep this short. Its hard to say. professors look at students a lot, usually focusing more on students who students they find more interesting or have a greater rapport with. Many of my male professors look at me a lot, but I believe it just cause have a more unique look than most students. I really wouldn't worry about it, even if your professor was interested he would probably stay clear since he is aware of school policies in regards to this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts