Affect my affair had/has on my family....vent

[Hope Shimmers]

To be honest I do NOT think you should jump right into "he needs a therapist". I don't know if it is that bad yet. Think about it, your affair was 7 years ago and he is 13.

 

I agree with this. I think it's great if he wants to talk to someone other than his parents about things that have gone on in his family, but I don't know that he *needs* a therapist. Just seeing the two of you working things out will teach him a great deal about the realities of marriages in some cases - I think in the long run he may see your reconciliation as a positive for the importance of marriage and how to resolve marital problems.

 

I have to disagree with this overall mentality. I would find it a naive approach to see things like this. It is true enough that yes, the affair did happen 7 years ago. However, I think LDKT3 is right in that..it is going to feel like it isn't part of the past, and that is because in a lot of ways it isn't..in a lot of ways it will be a part of the present, at least for a while. She is in therapy and talking about the affair, etc. and of course it's not going to seem like it is WAY in the past.

 

She is also getting back together with the guy she cheated on, which obviously..it would be understandable that the affair would be on both their minds. We should be mindful of the past, lest we are doomed to repeat it.

 

I don't want to speak for Speakingofwhich (but I'm going to because I think I understand what she was trying to say). When she said "it's done and in the past", I don't think she meant to just forget about it. I think she meant for Lovin to stop beating herself up about something that happened in the past and she can't change, except to move forward in the right way in the future.

 

Okay now wait, hold on here. I don't think the husband would view the affair as a mere "small" part of the past. Look, they have decided to get back together. I get it, I gave my opinions before on that I wouldn't of, but that isn't what this is about. I can see Lovin is trying, but I also don't think it would be good for her to take on the attitude you seem to have. This was a significant thing that happened, how could it not be, for both of them?

 

I don't want people to see this and thinking I'm merely just trying to keep bringing up how bad what happened was..I'm not, but rather I don't think it helps anyone to minimize it.

 

Again, I think you are reading too much into what she said. Knowing Speakingofwhich and her posts I would not ever see her as 'minimizing' any such thing. I think she meant that this period of time was a relatively small portion of the overall time of their marriage and their potential future. Correct me if I am wrong Speakingofwhich. But I don't think anyone on this thread has minimized anything.

 

It also doesn't help to be overly sensitive to comments from others who are trying to help the OP... just my 2 cents.

[mrs rubble]

Isaac, Isaiah or Ishmael - he could go by Izzy.

 

I like Icarus, but the kids would probably call him Icky.

 

Indigo, Idris, Ilias

 

I like the J idea, just skip Jayden - it's overdone.

@ Icky!!

 

I like Ivan or Ivana.

[Hope Shimmers]

Here is an example of the exact attitude she shouldn't have. You do realize sometimes these things never heal, right? You do realize that they spent a lot of those 7 years apart, and only now are truly reconnecting, which is going to make the whole damn thing sort of like it wasn't THAT long ago?

 

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying keep torturing herself and blaming herself forever. But you kind of need to realize this is all going to seem somewhat fresh again given the time apart and then getting back together.

 

It's lovely you feel it is so easy to just find happiness again after this. Of course the guy seems less happy go lucky and he probably won't ever seem the same again to Lovin. He is forever changed from this, that is just the way these things go.

 

For instance, Lovin should never ever say anything to her husband like what you just said, since it essentially boiled down to "just get over it already". Granted, I don't think she'd actually say that.

 

 

 

Oh please, have you read their topics? She didn't pay 7 years penance, they spent most of these last 7 years apart. That..isn't really a penance of any merit. I'm not saying she should keep feeling horrible, but just the way you seem to say things is all wrong. 7 years penance is a bit dramatic.

 

 

 

This makes no sense and is the silliest thing you've said. The counselor isn't doing enough, but..I'm assuming Lovin hasn't been in IC prior to this..and hasn't gone over these issues before. So..WHY is it wrong for her to go over these? The counselor isn't trying to torture her, it seems like they are trying to allow her to understand the impact her actions had, and to deal with them, etc.

 

I would agree with you if Lovin had been seeing this therapist for the past 7 friggin years, but I find it hard to believe she has given I figured the subjects they are covering would of been covered LONG ago so I can only conclude therapy is relatively recent compared to how long ago the affair happened.

 

That is the thing I don't think you ever take into account while going on and on about 7 year penances and all that: because of circumstances with them being apart most of these last 7 years and now getting back together and her also in therapy, it is shocking to me anyone would be shocked that these feelings are surfacing, even 7 years later.

 

Lovin, don't let people think your therapy is wrong. I highly doubt your therapist wants to torture you.

 

It was my understanding that Lovin did not date during these 7 years and spent them trying to get DKT back and regretting her actions. That might be where Confused was coming from with her comment.

[Speakingofwhich]

I have to disagree with this overall mentality. I would find it a naive approach to see things like this. It is true enough that yes, the affair did happen 7 years ago. However, I think LDKT3 is right in that..it is going to feel like it isn't part of the past, and that is because in a lot of ways it isn't..in a lot of ways it will be a part of the present, at least for a while. She is in therapy and talking about the affair, etc. and of course it's not going to seem like it is WAY in the past.

 

She is also getting back together with the guy she cheated on, which obviously..it would be understandable that the affair would be on both their minds. We should be mindful of the past, lest we are doomed to repeat it.

Speaking of Which replies:

 

"With thanks to and agreement with Hope about my post just want to clarify: Lovin's choice to have the affair is in the past and the affair itself is in the past. So, I noted it being past tense as that is often a way people use to encourage another person not to continue beating oneself up about a choice they made in the past. It doesn't mean I believe that the affair left no damage or was insignificant.

 

It seemed to me that it's obvious the damage it caused is still being dealt with so didn't see the need to point that out. I wanted to encourage Lovin as it seemed appropriate and timely."

 

 

Okay now wait, hold on here. I don't think the husband would view the affair as a mere "small" part of the past. Look, they have decided to get back together. I get it, I gave my opinions before on that I wouldn't of, but that isn't what this is about. I can see Lovin is trying, but I also don't think it would be good for her to take on the attitude you seem to have. This was a significant thing that happened, how could it not be, for both of them?

 

I don't want people to see this and thinking I'm merely just trying to keep bringing up how bad what happened was..I'm not, but rather I don't think it helps anyone to minimize it.

 

Right, I didn't mean to minimize the fact that the affair occurred. Compared to the history of their relationship that they've posted on LS the affair does seem to occupy less span of time than the good times they've shared. To me, it seems from reading their posts that this couple has an unusually longstanding relationship of weighty significance both in years together and also in depth of emotion and unity. In that sense the affair seems to me to be a small part of the past. But, I can definitely see how labeling it a "small part of the past" could seem to be discounting it or the effect it had on the marriage. Didn't mean to do that!

Edited June 14, 2014 by Speakingofwhich
change for clarity

[lovinDKT3]

You are not going to like this perhaps because you and I have disagreed in the past and I have with your husband as well. But I have asked him this and I will ask you this. After SEVEN YEARS when will you finally be allowed to fall out of this cycle of you blaming yourself and and DK3 blaming you too?

 

Fine he had a huge blow, you feel regret, he seems less happy go lucky after the affair, but there needs to be a point where he takes responsibility to move on from this and find his own happiness again. It is obvious you feel terrible. You have paid 7 years penance, how long until you finally set free from this guilt jail cell?

 

 

I worry your counselor isn't doing enough for you if they allow you to remain in this torturous place for so long.

 

I wouldn't take anything too seriously what a youngin thinks, everything looks bleak in the early stages of life, I would likely say the same. I come from a broken home, but usually people get married

 

We have only been "together" since March of this year. We will be divorced 5 years in Oct. The A was seven years ago, however we have just started really dealing with it in recent months.

 

As far as DKT he has been great, I'm much harder on myself then he is on me.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

We have only been "together" since March of this year. We will be divorced 5 years in Oct. The A was seven years ago, however we have just started really dealing with it in recent months.

 

As far as DKT he has been great, I'm much harder on myself then he is on me.

 

 

Alright then, of course I don't know your entire story since I am new to this board, but just giving some food for thought. Each person heals at their own pace so I won't set you to any time table except the one that works for you.

 

It just seems that seven years ago is a LONG time and I didn't know how much of that time you have been apologizing for.

 

If it was me on the betrayed end, eventually I would be like "OKAY, this self torture has GOT TO STOP, I can't stand it anymore, I FORGIVE YOU, okay?

 

Lets go have fun and enjoy the rest of our lives together, because life is darn short and I don't know when or if I am going to lose you to the regular tragic events of life, it could be tomorrow, so I think that I will just hold your hand and smile for the rest of it, I love you."

 

The end.

[2sunny]

Your son will be a product of his adversities and his successes. He still has a lot to go through in life and when his hormones kick in he might look at it differently.

 

I think your therapist is asking you to look at things and understand that how we all choose to participate affects others.

 

I always ask myself "will this harm me or others?" If the answer is yes - then I shouldn't do it.

 

You have an opportunity to show your son that you aren't perfect, you've made errors that harmed yourself and others - but more importantly you can show him that you are doing the hard work to repair the damage you caused by changing to set things right.

 

You have a golden opportunity to show him what that looks like. To simply say you're sorry isn't enough - it's the action that aligns with those words that makes any apology meaningful.

 

I think it's an opportunity here that hopefully won't get lost.

[DKT3]

You are not going to like this perhaps because you and I have disagreed in the past and I have with your husband as well. But I have asked him this and I will ask you this. After SEVEN YEARS when will you finally be allowed to fall out of this cycle of you blaming yourself and and DK3 blaming you too?

 

Fine he had a huge blow, you feel regret, he seems less happy go lucky after the affair, but there needs to be a point where he takes responsibility to move on from this and find his own happiness again. It is obvious you feel terrible. You have paid 7 years penance, how long until you finally set free from this guilt jail cell?

 

 

I worry your counselor isn't doing enough for you if they allow you to remain in this torturous place for so long.

 

I wouldn't take anything too seriously what a youngin thinks, everything looks bleak in the early stages of life, I would likely say the same. I come from a broken home, but usually people get married

 

Gently, your thought process is so wayward, maybe the worst I've seen since joining the site.

 

Its easy for a WS to suggest a BS just "get over it". Its projection all the way. In past posts you've said your protecting your husband by not confessing, yet this post offers insight to your true motives for not telling. In my opinion you know deep down your husband will be deeply hurt, and like Lovin, you know the odds are he will walk away.

 

I have seen progress with you since you joined, I hope it continues.

[DKT3]

Lovin is over-analyzing this situation. This is the same kid that struck out twice and claimed he would never play baseball again, and said he didn't like oreos a few hours after he destroyed an entire bag. DS is a big kid for 13, 6' 1" 165 pounds. But he is a kid none the less.

 

 

As far as the baby, I'm yanking her chain abit on the names, I do like Isis but I'm actually leaning more towards Jaelyn for a girl and Morgan (my dads name) for a boy. Along with the I names I have been giving her sh*t about three kids means minivan. She is so anti being a minivan mom rocking her mom jeans. Just having some fun with her.

[dichotomy]

Parents actions do affect the children - even adult children. Part of the reason my now wife (then single) was "ok" with being a mistress to married men was that her dad cheated on her mom their entire marriage. She thought affairs were not bad, and could be good even, that a person could cheat on their spouse and still be loving. It has taken a lot of therapy to turn my wife around - even half way - on the negative effects of adultery.

 

I will share this as I have before - my wife's EA with her OM/MM and her views on adultery have changed me also. Its sad sometimes this change in me - but in other ways perhaps more realistic and less idealistic. Thats me as a husband.

 

But let me also say this - as a child of divorce/adultery (along with my sisters)....we actually were motivated to work harder on our marriages and to sick it out. My two sisters in particular have had difficult husbands and marriages - but desperately desired a stable family life of their own - and so they had many kids and never divorced. A not uncommon "positive?" side affect of divorce on kids is that they wish to avoid this for their own kids ....at any cost to themselves in their own marriages. I have this desire as well to counter the affects I mentioned above. Family and my kids life is so important to me. That's me as father.

Edited June 14, 2014 by dichotomy

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Gently, your thought process is so wayward, maybe the worst I've seen since joining the site.

 

Its easy for a WS to suggest a BS just "get over it". Its projection all the way. In past posts you've said your protecting your husband by not confessing, yet this post offers insight to your true motives for not telling. In my opinion you know deep down your husband will be deeply hurt, and like Lovin, you know the odds are he will walk away.

 

I have seen progress with you since you joined, I hope it continues.

 

Hmmm. Okay? It's been seven years. I am really only talking about you. I do think it is excessive to feel guilty for that long.

 

Of course my husband would be hurt, which is exactly why I am sparing him. But I can promise you that if he held it over my head that long if there happened to be a D-Day, I would let go of our marriage and move on. And although it would be painful for me to realize that he previously (recently to be more clear) I pretty certain I would forgive him rather quickly if he was committed to working on our marriage if this OW was out of the picture.

 

My attitude toward my xMM has changed, not about falling for someone else, which I find very natural. In fact I think my husband fell for someone at work as well. I don't want details although I gently encouraged him to tell me since I really couldn't care less since it was long ago, but he denies it. I can tell by his actions and from things in the past that he would rather me not explain since it would hurt him.

 

In either case, it isn't about having a "bad attitude" it is about having a different attitude. I just simply don't understand drawing something out for this long be it infidelity guilt, death of a loved one, loss, pain, whatever, life is short and you are both spending so much time dwelling on the past and I find that more damaging than infidelity could ever be.

[Trustnoone]

Confusedmarriedow[redacted] I will share some of my story with you. I am also fearful of our kids knowing the complete story of infidelity. I'm fearful they love their mother less, become angry, and think that a woman won't love them in a relationship. My bond with my kids is tight, I will at all costs raise them to be fine young men. I have been to everything they have going on in their lives all the way to every doctor appointment from being conceived. They are my children, I love, support, raise, teach, nurture, and everything else a father does. Lovindkt3 is finding herself in a difficult situation, as I probably will be in a few years. What you fail to see confusedOW is that children are very impressionable and aware of their surroundings. [Redacted] You have no comprehension of what it's like to be hit with infidelity.

 

For me it took away everything. Changed me. To the very core of what I once was it is gone and never returning. I used to have fun, pull pranks, love life, help people if I knew them or not. Now I see negativity but my MC says I'm getting better. [Redacted]

 

Lovindkt3 keep up the good work you will make it. Best of luck to and DKT3. How exciting to be expecting again!!!

Edited June 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SoleMate]

"Isis (Ancient Greek: Ἶσις, original Egyptian pronunciation more likely "Aset" or "Iset") is a goddess in Ancient Egyptian religious beliefs, whose worship spread throughout the Greco-Roman world. She was worshipped as the ideal mother and wife as well as the patroness of nature and magic." --> sounds good!

 

Or Isobel.

 

Or Isolde.

 

Or Iolana.

[lovinDKT3]

Hmmm. Okay? It's been seven years. I am really only talking about you. I do think it is excessive to feel guilty for that long.

 

Of course my husband would be hurt, which is exactly why I am sparing him. But I can promise you that if he held it over my head that long if there happened to be a D-Day, I would let go of our marriage and move on. And although it would be painful for me to realize that he previously (recently to be more clear) I pretty certain I would forgive him rather quickly if he was committed to working on our marriage if this OW was out of the picture.

 

My attitude toward my xMM has changed, not about falling for someone else, which I find very natural. In fact I think my husband fell for someone at work as well. I don't want details although I gently encouraged him to tell me since I really couldn't care less since it was long ago, but he denies it. I can tell by his actions and from things in the past that he would rather me not explain since it would hurt him.

 

In either case, it isn't about having a "bad attitude" it is about having a different attitude. I just simply don't understand drawing something out for this long be it infidelity guilt, death of a loved one, loss, pain, whatever, life is short and you are both spending so much time dwelling on the past and I find that more damaging than infidelity could ever be.

 

Its pretty easy to say what you will do when your not looking that decision in the face.

 

I along with most WS yourself included most likely never thought we would be involved in affairs.

 

I remember thinking "divorce won't be so bad" of course that was before I got served. Once the process started I would have done anything to stop it and have my life back.

 

Look, I'm not suggesting you confess. I'm not comfortable with that. I will say holding on to this secret will create a distance between you and your husband, a distance that will harm your marriage and may push him away.

 

I know in my situation, it wasn't the affair that ended my marriage, it was the lies the emotional distance, and my trying to rugsweep that ended our marriage. It slowly changed the way he felt about me. Clearly the affair was something he could get past or we wouldn't be here now. While I was doing that other stuff I was a woman he couldn't live with.

 

Doing the things I did, causing that level of pain doesn't just go away without dealing with it. Not in 2 years 10 years or 20 years. There is no way around it, you have to tuck your chin and go right through. Its hard, but you learn a lot about yourself, why you did what you did and how to prevent it in the future. Hopefully with time and hard work we can have a better relationship then we had before.

[Furious]

My children were teens and took it hard. They both reacted differently, my daughter was very vocal and my son held in it and stopped talking to his father. I got them into IC very soon after d-day. It really helped them process their feelings and gave them a safe place to move toward healing and forgiveness.

 

They are both doing well and are rebuilding their relationship with their Dad. Their Dad has also worked hard to rebuild his relationship with them too. It's a good thing.

 

On a side note, my son recently broke up with his long term sweetheart. He's off to college in the fall. He agonized over hurting her. He said it was like shooting a puppy. He really cares about her but he knew in his heart that it was time for him to move on. I felt so bad for his girlfriend, I really care about her too.

 

I told him he did the right thing. He showed compassion, empathy and courage. He's on his way to being a good man and I'm very proud of him.

 

Hang in there LovingDKT3, without a doubt you love children, and with your love

they will be just fine.

 

hugs

Edited June 15, 2014 by Furious

[SolG]

Hi Lovin :-) I am the product of loving parents in an intact and close marriage until my father died when I was a young adult. I would go so far as to say that my childhood was stable and pretty idyllic. However, at 13 I resolutely vowed to never get married because marriage was an outdated concept... A view I held until I ended up getting married at 21 :-/ Then my marriage ended years later, and I'm now an long-term OW.

 

If family of origin impact were the only important influence on life, I should be a model of relationship stability. But I'm not. Because soooooo many other factors come into play through life.

 

That's not to underplay the importance of family of origin influence. But just to contextualise it. And your influence is by no means over. You can now go on to model the reality that (despite what the child self esteem movement says) life and relationships are not easy, they are not all sunshine and lollipops, that you don't always win, that there are inevitably curveballs... But in the right circumstances it's worth the blood sweat and tears to keep trying anyway. IMO there is more value in modelling true resilience as opposed to fairytales. And that's exactly what you've got the opportunity to continue to show him.

[DKT3]

Hi Lovin :-) I am the product of loving parents in an intact and close marriage until my father died when I was a young adult. I would go so far as to say that my childhood was stable and pretty idyllic. However, at 13 I resolutely vowed to never get married because marriage was an outdated concept... A view I held until I ended up getting married at 21 :-/ Then my marriage ended years later, and I'm now an long-term OW.

 

If family of origin impact were the only important influence on life, I should be a model of relationship stability. But I'm not. Because soooooo many other factors come into play through life.

 

That's not to underplay the importance of family of origin influence. But just to contextualise it. And your influence is by no means over. You can now go on to model the reality that (despite what the child self esteem movement says) life and relationships are not easy, they are not all sunshine and lollipops, that you don't always win, that there are inevitably curveballs... But in the right circumstances it's worth the blood sweat and tears to keep trying anyway. IMO there is more value in modelling true resilience as opposed to fairytales. And that's exactly what you've got the opportunity to continue to show him.

 

We are both (Lovin and I) products of long and to the best of our knowledge, faithful marriages. My parents have been married 46 years and lovin's 43.

 

I personally don't think her parents relationship played much if any role in her decision to be unfaithful.

 

I do think that now, in the moment DS does believe what he is saying and how he feels about women and relationships. I'm positive its not long lasting. He is only now entering the stage were he is starting to notice girls and looking at them differently.

 

I hope it isn't just a male thing, but I simply don't see this in the same light as lovin. DS is a bright outgoing good looking kid. I'm nervous about the attention he gets from girls, lucky for us he is totally unaware of the attention and the motives behind it. Won't last much longer, but he will be fine.

 

The best thing we can do for him, and DD is the gift of family, a loving family that shows them the example of what a relationship should look like.

[jellybean89]

Protect them yes, that isn't what I did. I risked it all and lost most. I'm not suppose to be the source of adversity. I know I can't stay down from this. I have to get up and keep moving. But knowing what I've done to DKT and DS is hard to accept. Not to mention all the times that DD 9 cried for her daddy.

 

Alast a ray of light. Yes we are expecting number 3. Due in feb. Working on names. DKT says it has to be an I name, because of his freaking tattoo. Its takes up the left side of his chest DKT is the first letter of each our names me, ds, dd. Only has room for an I, so its looking like Isaac, Isaiah or Isabella, Inari. Not in love with any of them. Thanks for asking.

 

Congrats on the newest member of your family, I'm thrilled for both of you.

 

You both are in my thoughts. I have followed your story for a while and I think you and DKT are finding such good, solid, happy times and are rebuilding a new foundation for your family.

 

Yes, your son may have those thoughts now, but it doesn't mean he picked it up from watching his parents...TV is a huge influence, as is music. Both routinely deal with divorce and cheating. Please stop beating yourself up. I think you have come so far and don't want you to derail all the "good" that has been done. Plus,at 13, girls still aren't that interesting to boys. Bunch of drama filled gossipy, self involved being are what girls are to boys at his age.

 

Thinking and hoping the best for you and DKT. You both deserve to have the rest of your lives together filled with happiness, joy, laughter, and most importantly, LOVE. Y'all have a second chance together & that is a rarity. Remember to communicate, love and lean on each other. The past is over, focus on the now and the future!

[alwayshere]

The perfect slate is scarred the once perfect template by which they THOUGHT you lived is no more.

 

The thing no one wants to look at too closely is this:

 

No single person who has made it to adulthood has a perfect slate or template anymore. And no, that is not minimizing an A. Having an A is a terrible choice. But it is a fact. There is not one poster on LS or one adult walking the earth who "template" is perfect.

 

Your 13 year old son is not just watching you after your A; he is watching your marriage to see how people deal with adversity and whether or not redemption exists.

[lovinDKT3]

The thing no one wants to look at too closely is this:

 

No single person who has made it to adulthood has a perfect slate or template anymore. And no, that is not minimizing an A. Having an A is a terrible choice. But it is a fact. There is not one poster on LS or one adult walking the earth who "template" is perfect.

 

Your 13 year old son is not just watching you after your A; he is watching your marriage to see how people deal with adversity and whether or not redemption exists.

 

Dkt says the same thing. What we do now will have more impact on him then what happened.

 

He has a much better handle of this situation. Its just so hard not to have guilt when I see my kids deal with their father not being here everyday. We have been talking about being under one roof soon maybe, hopefully, before the fall.

[alwayshere]

Dkt says the same thing. What we do now will have more impact on him then what happened.

 

He has a much better handle of this situation. Its just so hard not to have guilt when I see my kids deal with their father not being here everyday. We have been talking about being under one roof soon maybe, hopefully, before the fall.

 

It sounds like you have a good man.

[cozycottagelg]

If your affair was so long ago and your son is only 13, how did he find out? This is why I'm never a fan of letting the kids know. I know that isn't the popular opinion around here, but there is really no need for a child to have to carry this emotional baggage.

[lovinDKT3]

If your affair was so long ago and your son is only 13, how did he find out? This is why I'm never a fan of letting the kids know. I know that isn't the popular opinion around here, but there is really no need for a child to have to carry this emotional baggage.

 

We never sat him down and told him about my affair. He a smart kid, when he started asking questions I didn't lie to him. DKT would try to take the blame for the why's when asked why he wasn't living here anymore.

[10thengineerharrison]

Iapygia.

 

That way, you will find out how to pronounce it and then you can tell ME so I'll know!

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[HereNorThere]

Wow, best post I've read in a while. It's amazing that you have truly accepted the damage that was done. Unfortunately, with children you only get one chance to raise them, but it sounds like you are doing a great job trying to mitigate some of the fallout. I encourage you to stay in therapy and if you haven't already, find a counselor for your children.

 

This forum doesn't like to admit it, but children learn what is and is not acceptable in relationships from their parents. By admitting your mistakes, you've set a great example. Sadly, some children do harbor resentment later in life, but who wouldn't? Lol, who wants a weekend dad? Personally, I don't know if I could ever get over someone hurting one of my parents, but I'm also older. I'd like to think you have enough time to make up for it given the age of your children.

 

Lying not only sets the wrong example, it messes with the whole foundation of your identity when you are betrayed by a parent. Trust me, there is NO infidelity that can compare to the betrayal of a parent (unless maybe it was your parent who slept with your SO).

Edited June 17, 2014 by HereNorThere