Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Advice..... Please! I've been seeing this Man for 8 months, yes I am the OW. Everything was fine, we met up occasionally and spoke a couple of times during the week, all of a sudden he's gone "Poof" I've initiated contact but been ignored, what shall I do? Try again, except it's over. It's driving me crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Accept that it is over and don't settle for being someone's "other" option in the future. He was never yours anyways. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Thank you. You are right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 So so typical. Ugh. Wimpy married man, poof! Gone! Don't question it too much. It is what they all seem to do eventually for the most part. Rarely do these married men take their OW all that seriously. But they sure act serious when they want the ego stroke or sex. Move on, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Oh it feels horrible ;-( Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Odds are, he was found out, and was forced to have no contact with you ever again if he wanted to stay married to his wife. He'll either abide by this restriction, or he'll reach out to you again when he thinks the coast is clear. The REAL question is...what are YOUR plans? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 How long has it been since you've heard from him? He most likely either got caught or got feeling too guilty. Mine appears to have disappeared (again) and it's always been for one of those 2 reasons. I'm sick of the hurt & anxiety & rejection each time. Do yourself a favor & save yourself a ton of heartache & tears and just move on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Stop over at his house unannounced and ask his wife why he's been so busy that he hasn't had time to play with you. Seriously, any REAL friend would! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 It's been 2ish weeks! Which Is unlike him as I previously said we talked quite allot so this seems odd. If his wife had found out I'm sure I would know about it. It's driving me crazy constantly thinking about him and checking my phone just to be disappointed. I did not think I liked him like this and thought I was stronger but the NC is making me think of him more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Thing is, when we were in contact and seeing each other I felt strong, even strong enough that I was prepared to never see him again and found myself saying to myself "This is the last time" but now this is awfully painfull. Shall I try contact one more time? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 It's been 2ish weeks! Which Is unlike him as I previously said we talked quite allot so this seems odd. If his wife had found out I'm sure I would know about it. It's driving me crazy constantly thinking about him and checking my phone just to be disappointed. I did not think I liked him like this and thought I was stronger but the NC is making me think of him more. Take this time to learn more about yourself and what you really want in a partner/friend/lover. You are training yourself to "accept" unacceptable behavior. When he pops up out of his black hole - I hope you don't respond kindly - IF at all! Wouldn't life be more fun for you to date a man that's available and doesn't disappear? Even the single ones that do this don't get any of my energy... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Thing is, when we were in contact and seeing each other I felt strong, even strong enough that I was prepared to never see him again and found myself saying to myself "This is the last time" but now this is awfully painfull. Shall I try contact one more time? Want to scare him out of his silent treatment? Just threaten that you will show up at his house. He will respond then. But to what end? He knows your number, he isn't calling however. Unless he is dead or very ill, he has been caught or has decided to stop the entire thing. You didn't feel strong when with him, you were using him as an excuse to avoid that you don't feel strong on your own. In fact you were very weak with him, dependent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 I'm hoping that he does eventually contact me so that I can vent my fustration and put him in his place!! I will not be used, picked up and dropped when it suits him. As much as this hurts and is driving me crazy I am also feeling angry that he has done this to me and I stupidly fell for it! God relationships of any kind are hard work! Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 He either got caught, or it is just not convenient for him to talk to you right now. Affairs are mostly conducted at the married person's convenience, so he will probably contact you when there is a gap to fill. If you are looking for a guy that considers your needs, who is available when you need him, and is considerate of your feelings... then a married guy is not for you. MM often lay on the emotional stuff really thick so that OW feel treasured, desired and like the bright spot in MM's day. They do their best with their words to make OW feel valuable and important to him. The problem is that during times like this, their actions tell another story. An affair can make you feel like the most special person in the world one minute, and worthless the next. This can do a lot of harm to your sense of self worth. It's not a balanced relationship, and you deserve better. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 He's probably on vacation with his family. Could be busy with kids school schedules and end of year events/celebrations. It's an obvious sign that he has his own life he's living and it involves and includes his family time. A more significant action to do when he pops up is to ignore him completely - just like he's doing to you. Believe me - he will quickly find a new gal that's a willing partner in accepting his crumbs and thinking that it's enough - for now. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Is there a way for you to check if he has been hospitalized (maybe got involved in an accident) or worse, has passed away?? Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 When my xOM did this to me, stopped talking to me, it was because he had found another girlfriend. While it hurts now, long-term it's much better not to have someone who treats people like this in your life. Good luck, you are strong. B Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Or he's just not into me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 No need to hand him all your power - get busy being so busy that when he appears again - you just don't have time to even think about him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Or he's just not into me Likely he is too distracted with himself to be concerned about you. (Or his wife) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Or he's just not into me Well do you feel like he was losing interest? You probably would've seen some signs in your relationship deteriorating over the past months or weeks. Although it sounds like your relationship was kind of casual to begin with? Not a best friends, talk all day & night, passionate love affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 It's was purely sex and fun! But still I dunno. Do I contact or delate his number? Link to post Share on other sites
Waverly Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 It's was purely sex and fun! But still I dunno. Do I contact or delate his number? If it was just fun, I would let it go. My guess is the same as others -- either he got caught or suddenly started feeling guilty. Either way, if it was just a light thing anyway, I wouldn't get dragged into it more by trying to figure out what happened to him. He knows how to find you, and you're better off getting out of the situation now anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Thing is, when we were in contact and seeing each other I felt strong, even strong enough that I was prepared to never see him again and found myself saying to myself "This is the last time" but now this is awfully painfull. Shall I try contact one more time? How many times have you contacted him in the past two weeks? Don't call or text him again. Whatever the reasons are that he's disappeared, his silence says a lot. It takes no effort to call, text or email someone. He hasn't. Sorry you're hurting though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2345 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 I tried just the once! A casual how are you? I know he's got hectic stuff going on at the moment although that isn't an excuse! Link to post Share on other sites
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