Co-worker bought me a drink... Am I being too hopeful? I'm into him!

[Elle1975]

I never asked for life advice, I asked if he seemed interested. I'm not interested in any other kind of advice.*

 

So, new developments...

 

So a couple of days ago I scheduled something for him, calendar was open, and he writes "Just filled that but will make it work".

 

Today, I had to go into his office again and he was waiting for me by the door; then at one point, in his office, I said "Sorry, one more thing. I don't want to take up your time.". He said, in a sweet tone:"You're not..."

 

Then he mentioned that at the time I had booked something for him, he was triple booked. He said, smiling "But don't feel bad, I'll make it work" (I had been complaining that he always changes his schedule and I have to reschedule everything.)

 

Then I felt bad and later said "Are you sure you don't want me to move that triple booked meeting?". He said "No, it's fine." I thought it was cute, because he had made it a point to tell me that he didn't want me to have more work... My intuition told me that he was only saying that - to make it seem that I was a priority and he didn't want to disappoint me (since I had complained).

 

So, there has been some staring, trying to run into me (long story), waiting for me by his door while I talked to someone else, etc... It keeps progressing every day!

 

Anyway, I just need help figuring out if he's engaging me; I know he's already attracted. But whether he would make a move is something else...

 

He may be interested in sex, since he's still married. I don't think he'd jump in a relationship with another woman so early.

 

I would just back off and wait till he sorts out his life. That will give you a good shot at starting something on good foundations.

 

Now if you're only after a casual encounter, wait till he initiates. I am honestly not too comfortable with the whole married thing.. Like I said, I'd stress waiting till he's single, or you're going to find yourself entangled in a web that might cost you a promotion, and might cost him his job and his marriage.

[beach]

I doubt he'd risk his job to flirt and date you.

 

Why aren't you only reporting to your direct female boss?

[Jgirl24]

I only report to her, but he's above her in another division. I just need to work w him very closely bc of the nature of my job.

 

 

I do think it's risky. But I've seen men do worse things. They love the risk.

 

 

I know he's attracted, I know I'm not imagining things, he's definitely interested. I'm actually just excited about the possibility! I need some fun.

 

Btw, I don't have any interest in a relationship. I was in one for over a decade.

[d0nnivain]

Because you seem so keen on this, I doubt it would take much effort on your part to get him to fall into bed with you, assuming he doesn't care a whit about sexual harassment. Even if he's not in your direct chain of command, the fact that he is superior to you at work makes it a bad idea for him to get involved with you. If you do manage to get together, that action should ruin his marriage & have negative impacts on both of your careers but hey, who needs a job?

[Jgirl24]

Thank you for your input! So, new developments this morning!

 

 

Today, he walked by my office and stared as he walked by; I stared back. Every time he heard my voice, he'd walk out of someone's office he was in. I'd do the same... Then he would hear me coming (my heels are loud and I'm the only one wearing them!), would stand by the person's office door.

 

Then I was walking behind him at one point, he turned around, looked at me and made a joke/comment about something that was out in the hall... I joked back.

 

Last week, he bought me a drink at a function, offered to. Later on, with other coworkers, I told him "Should I tell them you're buying rounds?". He just smiled and looked a little embarrassed.

 

 

Am I wrong or does the staring mean interest?

[Diezel]

I know he's attracted, I know I'm not imagining things, he's definitely interested.

 

If you already know, why do you keep asking?

 

But if you need another man's opinion... nothing in this thread has any sexual undertone. Mountains out of molehills.

[thekid36]

Thank you for your input! So, new developments this morning!

 

 

Today, he walked by my office and stared as he walked by; I stared back. Every time he heard my voice, he'd walk out of someone's office he was in. I'd do the same... Then he would hear me coming (my heels are loud and I'm the only one wearing them!), would stand by the person's office door.

 

Then I was walking behind him at one point, he turned around, looked at me and made a joke/comment about something that was out in the hall... I joked back.

 

Last week, he bought me a drink at a function, offered to. Later on, with other coworkers, I told him "Should I tell them you're buying rounds?". He just smiled and looked a little embarrassed.

 

 

Am I wrong or does the staring mean interest?

 

Interesting that so many on here seem to be so quick to judge you when your original question has nothing to do with what many of the posts are actually about. Though, it is a public forum, you did ask a question, and everyone is entitled to an opinion.

 

Here is my two cents. As to all the judges out there. If someone is separated, and has basically emotionally and physically checked out of a marriage or relationship, then it is not necessarily cheating. Not saying it is right at all. I just think it is then much more of a gray area and open to individual interpretation. All in life is specific. We have no idea what his relationship is/was like. Hard to judge what we simply do not know.

 

You seem to not even be interested in a relationship. It is apparent that you want to simply just have fun. You have every right to have this desire. Based on all you have offered, it does seem as if he is making some sort of conscious/unconscious effort to cross paths with you. For whatever his specific reason may be. Enjoy each moment as it comes. I would continue to let it all play out and see what develops next. Not much good comes out of what is forced.

[GildedLily]

I think he is interested. The man is separated therefore its absolutely not cheating, separation is for dating other people. I met my husband at work, he was my boss. I say he's interested but hesitant to make a move, you could open the door by asking him to do you a favor, something outside the office. As an example, I asked my (future) husband to dog sit for me. ( btw; just make 100% certain he is separated and living somewhere else)

[Leigh 87]

Any decent person would first and foremost, caution you against going for a man who is technically married.

 

You need to hear this. He is seperated. He is still married. You have no idea whether or not their marriage could be saved.

 

You're being really inappropriate.

[Leigh 87]

Interesting that so many on here seem to be so quick to judge you when your original question has nothing to do with what many of the posts are actually about. Though, it is a public forum, you did ask a question, and everyone is entitled to an opinion.

 

Here is my two cents. As to all the judges out there. If someone is separated, and has basically emotionally and physically checked out of a marriage or relationship, then it is not necessarily cheating. Not saying it is right at all. I just think it is then much more of a gray area and open to individual interpretation. All in life is specific. We have no idea what his relationship is/was like. Hard to judge what we simply do not know.

 

You seem to not even be interested in a relationship. It is apparent that you want to simply just have fun. You have every right to have this desire. Based on all you have offered, it does seem as if he is making some sort of conscious/unconscious effort to cross paths with you. For whatever his specific reason may be. Enjoy each moment as it comes. I would continue to let it all play out and see what develops next. Not much good comes out of what is forced.

 

 

How does SHE know the state of their marriage!?!?

 

This man could have very well checked out of the marriage. Hence the seperation.

 

But the Op has no idea though, whether or not their marriage could be salvaged.

 

Without knowing the full story.... This woman is behaving in a way that her couldnt worker will from upon and people will lose respect for her.

 

I really dont think Its appropriate to give her advice about whether or not this married man like her.

[thekid36]

Any decent person would first and foremost, caution you against going for a man who is technically married.

 

You need to hear this. He is seperated. He is still married. You have no idea whether or not their marriage could be saved.

 

You're being really inappropriate.

 

 

Hi! So I think what you are saying here then is that you think that someone should always need to wait until not being married in order to have the right to flirt. Not even to mention pursue someone else. Which means that a woman who is 'going for' a man who is technically still attached is always being 'really inappropriate'.

 

 

And, you're definitely entitled to this opinion. Many out there are going to agree with you.

 

 

But, some of us crazy ones still think that all in life is specific. And that all circumstances are different. Not saying that I would go after a married woman or anything like that. Just hard to always live inside a sugar coated box is all.

 

 

I could be wrong, but I don't think that this woman consciously decided to go after a married man. I think she just happens to be attracted to him specifically and wants to know if there is any hope of him being into her.

 

 

They are both adults and any consequences that may come of their actions are of their own responsibility.

 

 

So, to say that she is being not appropriate is perhaps just a little unfair. I think she is simply doing the wrong thing according to you as well as some others. What is right and wrong to each of us is not always equal. That is the beauty of an opinion.

 

 

If all of this makes me indecent, then so be it.

[GemmaUK]

It sounds like just very light but normal office banter to me.

 

I think you notice meeting in the hallway etc because you have a crush on him.

 

Office banter is part of office culture.

 

It doesn't mean anything except that having a giggle as well as working brightens the day up.

 

I had a male colleague ask me this week 'how's your chassis?' and he winked..I laughed and said 'my hot physiotherapist in on the case thank you!'

He asked that because I have had repetitive strain injury.

It was a fun way of asking is all.

 

My boss compliments me on how I look sometimes. It's just a compliment.

He has also run up behind me and scared the life outta me by slapping my desk and has literally kicked my butt when I am cheeky/sarcastic about his age or something (he is the Finance Director btw, 16 years older than me and very happily married).

 

Maybe the difference here is that I don't have a crush on my boss nor on that colleague.

 

It's all just a laugh and in jest. Makes the day fun!

 

I wouldn't read much into it if I were you.

[Jgirl24]

I have a question for those commenting, this just came to me. Consider two scenarios:

 

A) The woman in question looks like Gilda Radner, Sandra Bernhard, Sandra Oh. In other words, not aesthetically pleasing. The man behaves in the way I've described.

 

B) The woman looks like Christie Brinkley/Jennifer Aniston/Some other blonde woman who's hot. The man behaves in the way I've described.

 

In which of the scenarios would you call the man "innocent" or "not really flirting"? Does it make a difference?

 

(Btw, as for the other controversy... I made it a point to find out if he was married as soon as I became attracted to him. I was so relieved when I was told he was separated! I did it discreetly, of course, but I was still glad to find it out. I really think that separated men are fair game!

 

And I need to reiterate that I'm not asking if he's attracted. I'm asking if he's engaging my attraction, which to me would mean he's willing to take a risk. Or would that be too much of an assumption at this point? THIS is the question.

 

Another btw... Shortly after i walked by and stared at him ( to reciprocate what he had done earlier in the day), he walked*into my office to talk, was very friendly, revisiting a subject we had just discussed with a third party... Then he was walking out, but returned and asked me to do something for him. I said "Sure, you're the boss...". He smiled. Then he stayed and helped me do it!

 

He's a very senior guy and now takes one minute to reply to my emails. Literally, one minute!)

[beach]

I don't think it matters what anyone here tells you - you want to make it something even if it's nothing.

 

 

He hasn't asked you out, right? That tells you everything.

 

Either way, I doubt he's willing to risk his job by having sex with anyone at work!

 

He can most likely find anyone willing away from his job = less risky!

[Jgirl24]

After a week? We started flirting a week ago! Of course I want to make it something, because it is...

[snowflakes88]

Another vote for trying desperately to make something out of nothing.

[beach]

I'll try it this way:

 

Just ask him for sex only then.

 

Be embarrassed by everyone in the office gossiping behind your back about how silly you look- and bank on being fired because you are the cause of too much drama.

 

Try it!

[thekid36]

I don't think it matters what anyone here tells you - you want to make it something even if it's nothing.

 

 

He hasn't asked you out, right? That tells you everything.

 

Either way, I doubt he's willing to risk his job by having sex with anyone at work!

 

He can most likely find anyone willing away from his job = less risky!

 

Why does the fact that he has not asked her out yet or come up to her begging for sex mean that attention is not being eagerly engaged? I am just curious.

 

 

Some of us guys are not as direct when first showing initial interest. Since he is still technically married, maybe he is not sure how to proceed and perhaps even has mixed feelings. Does not mean that automatically nothing is there.

[beach]

Why does the fact that he has not asked her out yet or come up to her begging for sex mean that attention is not being eagerly engaged? I am just curious.

 

 

Some of us guys are not as direct when first showing initial interest. Since he is still technically married, maybe he is not sure how to proceed and perhaps even has mixed feelings. Does not mean that automatically nothing is there.

 

That was already addressed earlier in the thread.

 

She made it clear she wants him for sex but not for a relationship because she just got out of a long term relationship.

 

It seems that she wants him for sex only - correct me if I'm wrong OP.

[GemmaUK]

He's a very senior guy and now takes one minute to reply to my emails. Literally, one minute!)

 

I got quick in response to mails at one point. I can't say how quick as I have never timed responses to mails or texts.

The mails were from a guy at work. He would turn any work conversation into a personal chit chatty conversation.

I wasn't interested and didn't have time for the chatter..plus he would sometimes send kisses too! Eek!

I certainly didn't want any history of mails being on my system. There wasn't anything between us.

I would reply quick and delete.

It got to the point I just stopped any replies as he would keep on and on replying.

 

He still does it now and then 5 years later. I am polite, will reply for a bit but I'm always the one who drops the conversation.

[Jgirl24]

Just because it would only be sex for both of us, it doesn't mean we need to be brutes about the seduction process. This is what it is: seduction. Fun.

 

New developments...

 

 

He had been very busy for a couple of days so I thought he wasn't interested anymore... Today, I got to the office late, mid-morning and saw that his office was empty. I went in and left a document on his chair, to keep him from thinking I'm too interested.

 

Later, I had to eat lunch early and was in the lunch room alone, looking at my phone. I see this shadow by the door, looking at me, but don't look up. I finally do because I had counted to 5 and they were still there... And it was him! He was smiling, and said "Did they leave you here alone?". I gave him an excuse and talked about the document. He walked away.

 

Later, I was getting water in the kitchen, he was walking by. Then he stopped, looked at me and came to get water too! We made small talk, then he asked about the document! I said "I left it in your office, like I told you... Wasn't it there?" he looked a little embarrassed and said maybe it was. He was trying to make conversation, and I get very shy around him so I didn't talk much...

 

Interested? I had a feeling... He felt "nervous" to me, if that makes sense.

[thekid36]

Just because it would only be sex for both of us, it doesn't mean we need to be brutes about the seduction process. This is what it is: seduction. Fun.

 

New developments...

 

 

He had been very busy for a couple of days so I thought he wasn't interested anymore... Today, I got to the office late, mid-morning and saw that his office was empty. I went in and left a document on his chair, to keep him from thinking I'm too interested.

 

Later, I had to eat lunch early and was in the lunch room alone, looking at my phone. I see this shadow by the door, looking at me, but don't look up. I finally do because I had counted to 5 and they were still there... And it was him! He was smiling, and said "Did they leave you here alone?". I gave him an excuse and talked about the document. He walked away.

 

Later, I was getting water in the kitchen, he was walking by. Then he stopped, looked at me and came to get water too! We made small talk, then he asked about the document! I said "I left it in your office, like I told you... Wasn't it there?" he looked a little embarrassed and said maybe it was. He was trying to make conversation, and I get very shy around him so I didn't talk much...

 

Interested? I had a feeling... He felt "nervous" to me, if that makes sense.

 

Hi, JGirl! Glad to see you posting around these parts again. I have to say that the art of subtle seduction is something which is most likely sort of endangered. But then again, nice to see it is not completely extinct! I have always thought that just a little anticipation and build up can be an incredibly sexy from of foreplay. As long as it is natural and sincere. Which all of this seems to be.

 

What I think is a shame is when a woman tries too hard to be sexy. That to me has the opposite effect. So, some of this interaction may be seen as rather tame to some and not explicit. Does not make it any less realistic.

 

Being that this man busy at times does not necessarily by itself mean that he is no longer into you. He still seems to be trying to find ways to locate you. This is a sign that continues to suggest interest.

 

As you hopefully continue to communicate with one another, the whole shy thing may go away. Then, who knows what will happen after that!

[2sunny]

What does your female boss think about this?

[mrs rubble]

Nope still doesn't sound like flirting to me. Sounds like friendly office interactions is all.

You should hear the way we carry on at my work!

"Do you want me to look at your genitals today?"

"That's not fair, noone asks to look at my genitals!!" etc etc (we work in a med. lab, testing for STI's amoungst other things.)

[ain5053]

Sounds like he is definitely flirting with you.... Like you described you are an attractive woman and he is probably interested in sleeping with you like any other guy, but I doubt he is actually *interested* in dating you, at least not at this point. He wants to have sex with you but is cautious because you work together and he is a senior. But do other people at work know about this? I am in a similar situation - I work in a male dominant place (There are maybe 10 girls for every 100 guys) and I ended up dating a senior too whom I had a crush on since I started. Apparently he had a crush on me the entire time too, but I had no idea. In fact I was always nervous to talk to him because I didn't ever want to come off as flirtatious by accident because he always acted very indifferent towards me. But turns out he wanted me, but was concealing his urges because of our work positions. The one thing here though - we were work friends before anything and took the flirting OUTSIDE of work - for example when we would hang out outside of work with other coworkers, and now even though we are dating we NEVER show any signs of flirtation and don't act any differently than before, nobody at work besides our close friends knows about our relationship and we would like to keep it that way for the sake of my reputation (giving that he is senior and i am just associate). So I recommend you do the same - be careful and cautious when you flirt with him at work, you would not want the wrong people to get their hands on this information which could potentially harm you.

 

Also, the fact that he is separated but still married confirms that he might be looking for just a fling and you are an easy target.