Lying husband - help!

[Penelope]

I'm desperately seeking sanity here. My husbands seems to be turning into a complusive liar, or so I am just finding out. I've always had suspicions that my husband was lying but never had any proof. So, I waited, collected information, and provided him with proof. (He met a girl at a club and took her to the movies, nothing sexual. Also he hung out with his friend and some girls, one who constantly called him for three weeks. He lied about everything until I confronted him.) So I kicked him out of the house only to take him back a week later since I was due anyday with our first child.

 

Six weeks later, he lies to me about going to a club. This time I tried the "please honey don't lie, this hurts me" approach. Two weeks later I have a strong suspicion he lied again about who he was hanging out with the night before. And it has even spread to everyday lies like today, he told me he changed the baby's diaper 4-5 times, but when I finally changed her I realized he didn't do it once!

 

I know I need to do something and I don't like what I have turned into...a nagging, jealous, resentful wife. I constantly find myself asking him where he was, what time he left, who called, etc.

 

As I write this "plea for advice" I realize how pathetic my situation is. If I were single, I know what I would do...LEAVE. However, I am married with a newborn, and I do want this marriage to work.

 

Some info that made explain the situation. He's 22 and comes from a family oriented culture where you are looked down on if you get a divorce. He too wants this marriage to work, but he just seems so secretive with his friends.

 

What should I do?

[Flippzoid]

I'm desperately seeking sanity here. My husbands seems to be turning into a complusive liar, or so I am just finding out. I've always had suspicions that my husband was lying but never had any proof. So, I waited, collected information, and provided him with proof. (He met a girl at a club and took her to the movies, nothing sexual. Also he hung out with his friend and some girls, one who constantly called him for three weeks. He lied about everything until I confronted him.) So I kicked him out of the house only to take him back a week later since I was due anyday with our first child. Six weeks later, he lies to me about going to a club. This time I tried the "please honey don't lie, this hurts me" approach. Two weeks later I have a strong suspicion he lied again about who he was hanging out with the night before. And it has even spread to everyday lies like today, he told me he changed the baby's diaper 4-5 times, but when I finally changed her I realized he didn't do it once! I know I need to do something and I don't like what I have turned into...a nagging, jealous, resentful wife. I constantly find myself asking him where he was, what time he left, who called, etc. As I write this "plea for advice" I realize how pathetic my situation is. If I were single, I know what I would do...LEAVE. However, I am married with a newborn, and I do want this marriage to work. Some info that made explain the situation. He's 22 and comes from a family oriented culture where you are looked down on if you get a divorce. He too wants this marriage to work, but he just seems so secretive with his friends. What should I do?

In response to your question what should you do? He sounds like he's being very imature,and very irresponsible.for one if he is sleeping around that should cause you great concern especially with all the garbage that is going around.two he isn't even taking care of his own daughter right your little one is something that you both should have created out of love.But it sounds like the the only thing right now that he loves is going out having a good time for himself.You poor thing.I understand that you're a new mom married with a little baby,and you only want what's best for all of you.But girl you're gonna have to stand your ground and let this man know that your not going to put up with his nonsense!Remind him of his wedding vows that he promised to you,also remind him that running aronud and not taking care of his family is not one of the vows that you took when you married him.If he's so concerned about what his family would think if would get divorsed ask him what his family would think if they knew he was breaking every one of his wedding vows.Having children is a mental strain as it is without having other problems besides you'll end up getting sick.Take it from one that knows.A person that truly loves you should not hurt you and that sounds likes he's doing to you.If he really truly in hs heart wants to work things out let him know that there are going to have to be changes if the marriage is going to work.If it doesn't work out then move on with your and your little girl's life. And create a new one for the both of you. good-luck flippzoid

[Kevin Robb]

I'm desperately seeking sanity here. My husbands seems to be turning into a complusive liar, or so I am just finding out. I've always had suspicions that my husband was lying but never had any proof. So, I waited, collected information, and provided him with proof. (He met a girl at a club and took her to the movies, nothing sexual. Also he hung out with his friend and some girls, one who constantly called him for three weeks. He lied about everything until I confronted him.) So I kicked him out of the house only to take him back a week later since I was due anyday with our first child. Six weeks later, he lies to me about going to a club. This time I tried the "please honey don't lie, this hurts me" approach. Two weeks later I have a strong suspicion he lied again about who he was hanging out with the night before. And it has even spread to everyday lies like today, he told me he changed the baby's diaper 4-5 times, but when I finally changed her I realized he didn't do it once! I know I need to do something and I don't like what I have turned into...a nagging, jealous, resentful wife. I constantly find myself asking him where he was, what time he left, who called, etc. As I write this "plea for advice" I realize how pathetic my situation is. If I were single, I know what I would do...LEAVE. However, I am married with a newborn, and I do want this marriage to work. Some info that made explain the situation. He's 22 and comes from a family oriented culture where you are looked down on if you get a divorce. He too wants this marriage to work, but he just seems so secretive with his friends. What should I do?

Question is, why does he lie.

 

Compulsive lying is generally the result of insecurity. When someone has doubts about their relationship they are afraid to tell the truth as it might bring a reaction they wish to avoid. I could assume that his lying goes way back and is not uncomon among people from strict high moral parental backgrouds, particularly those of a different culture.

 

maybe you need to let him know that you won;t be judgemental if he tells the truth but also advising him that should it continue then you may end the relationship.

 

Kevin