BF of 2.5 years suddenly cheated on me.

[verawen12]

Here is some background info. Me and my boyfriend A know each other as kids as our parents knew each other. However we didn't really speak to each other back then as he was 5 years older than me. And I was more childhood friends with his younger brother B who was the same age as me. When I turned 15 I lost my virginity to B on a family vacation who I never spoke to after that. When I was 17 A called me up out of the blue and asked me out for a date. At this point I thought A must have known about the history between me and his younger brother. But he didn't and I decided not to tell him.

 

After a few dates with A he told me he had already been seeing another girl before me. This didn't bother me at first but I became annoyed at how unequal the situation was. So I asked A if he would still see me if I slept with someone else. He told me no and that he had already broken up with the other girl as she was giving him drama for seeing me.

 

A few weeks later I had my final high school exams coming up so A told me we should meet after 6 weeks when my exams were over. A month later A told me a week prior to our scheduled meeting he received a blow job from another girl. I was pissed off since he implied we were exclusive but he argues otherwise. He had went over to his dads house when a girl friend of his invited herself over. She made a move on him and he told her he was seeing someone. She said okay and she kept undressing him. He told her to give him a blowjob instead.

 

This happened in June 6 months into our relationship but at this point I didn't really care for him so it got swept under the rug until several months later where I developed feelings for him. Eventually after 1 year A found out about my past history with his younger brother and how I lied to him about it. He wanted to break up but we got over that hurdle.

 

We were very happy and were 2 and a half years into our relationship. It's important I explain myself as a person now. I have very little friends and only one close friend I can count on. I haven't had much social experiences due to the lack of friends so I'm very envious of other people. I have trouble connecting to other people so that's why I lack friends and I also have slight social anxiety. So I have low confidence and low self-esteem.

 

So when my boyfriend walked into my life I became really happy. Before I felt lost but being with him I didn't any longer. He's also very traditional and prefers a woman who can cook over a intelligent woman with a career. He became unhappy as I couldn't cook very well, I didn't clean his room much and I also wasn't able to make him ejaculate from a blow job. He himself is social savvy, intelligent, driven, good looking etc. So he feels that I don't compare to him. This was also his longest relationship as his second longest relationships only lasted 6 months.

 

I trusted him so much. He always told me that he would tell me if he cheated. Last Sunday night someone called Kim phoned him at midnight. I got suspicious and questioned him but he told me it was just a friend at that point and he wouldn't tell me how he met her. Red Flag ! I asked him if he was planning to cheat on me and he said no.

 

I phoned him on Thursday and he sounded strangely down which was unusual of him so I went over there. And come this Saturday evening he told me he cheated on me. He had picked up a girls number with a friend to show him how it was done. And the girl called him on last Sunday and nothing had happened at that point. But she invited him over on Tuesday and he went over and received a blow job from her.

 

He said that he wanted to sleep with other girls and he blames me partially for him cheating because I wasn't fulfilling my womanly duties. But he said he couldn't cum and he regretted immediately afterwards. And he said it wasn't worth it. He said he would try very hard not to do it again and remain faithful but he has broken my trust completely.

 

Here comes the dilemma. It is beyond difficult for me to leave him. I love him and I know I wouldn't be able to find someone as good as him. I will also have a comfortable life if I stay with him. I cannot imagine my life without him. But I can't trust him anymore. He's very traditionalist so he doesn't think a woman cheating is equal to a man cheating. Which is why he never had sex with her as he needed more time to think about it. But this has ruined what we had completely. And he had to do it on June which is the same time 2 years ago when he was with the first girl.

 

What should I do ? I'm thinking about revenge cheating to make withs even.

Edited June 14, 2014 by verawen12

[dreamingoftigers]

Here is some background info. Me and my boyfriend A know each other as kids as our parents knew each other. However we didn't really speak to each other back then as he was 5 years older than me. And I was more childhood friends with his younger brother B who was the same age as me. When I turned 15 I lost my virginity to B on a family vacation who I never spoke to after that. When I was 17 A called me up out of the blue and asked me out for a date. At this point I thought A must have known about the history between me and his younger brother. But he didn't and I decided not to tell him.

 

After a few dates with A he told me he had already been seeing another girl before me. This didn't bother me at first but I became annoyed at how unequal the situation was. So I asked A if he would still see me if I slept with someone else. He told me no and that he had already broken up with the other girl as she was giving him drama for seeing me.

 

A few weeks later I had my final high school exams coming up so A told me we should meet after 6 weeks when my exams were over. A month later A told me a week prior to our scheduled meeting he received a blow job from another girl. I was pissed off since he implied we were exclusive but he argues otherwise. He had went over to his dads house when a girl friend of his invited herself over. She made a move on him and he told her he was seeing someone. She said okay and she kept undressing him. He told her to give him a blowjob instead.

 

This happened in June 6 months into our relationship but at this point I didn't really care for him so it got swept under the rug until several months later where I developed feelings for him. Eventually after 1 year A found out about my past history with his younger brother and how I lied to him about it. He wanted to break up but we got over that hurdle.

 

We were very happy and were 2 and a half years into our relationship. It's important I explain myself as a person now. I have very little friends and only one close friend I can count on. I haven't had much social experiences due to the lack of friends so I'm very envious of other people. I have trouble connecting to other people so that's why I lack friends and I also have slight social anxiety. So I have low confidence and low self-esteem.

 

So when my boyfriend walked into my life I became really happy. Before I felt lost but being with him I didn't any longer. He's also very traditional and prefers a woman who can cook over a intelligent woman with a career. He became unhappy as I couldn't cook very well, I didn't clean his room much and I also wasn't able to make him ejaculate from a blow job. He himself is social savvy, intelligent, driven, good looking etc. So he feels that I don't compare to him. This was also his longest relationship as his second longest relationships only lasted 6 months.

 

I trusted him so much. He always told me that he would tell me if he cheated. Last Sunday night someone called Kim phoned him at midnight. I got suspicious and questioned him but he told me it was just a friend at that point and he wouldn't tell me how he met her. Red Flag ! I asked him if he was planning to cheat on me and he said no.

 

I phoned him on Thursday and he sounded strangely down which was unusual of him so I went over there. And come this Saturday evening he told me he cheated on me. He had picked up a girls number with a friend to show him how it was done. And the girl called him on last Sunday and nothing had happened at that point. But she invited him over on Tuesday and he went over and received a blow job from her.

 

He said that he wanted to sleep with other girls and he blames me partially for him cheating because I wasn't fulfilling my womanly duties. But he said he couldn't cum and he regretted immediately afterwards. And he said it wasn't worth it. He said he would try very hard not to do it again and remain faithful but he has broken my trust completely.

 

Here comes the dilemma. It is beyond difficult for me to leave him. I love him and I know I wouldn't be able to find someone as good as him. I will also have a comfortable life if I stay with him. I cannot imagine my life without him. But I can't trust him anymore. He's very traditionalist so he doesn't think a woman cheating is equal to a man cheating. Which is why he never had sex with her as he needed more time to think about it. But this has ruined what we had completely. And he had to do it on June which is the same time 2 years ago when he was with the first girl.

 

What should I do ? I'm thinking about revenge cheating to make withs even.

 

Seriously.

 

You are in your early 20s with a guy that has zero sense of loyalty or personal responsibility.

 

Trust me, this will become the guy that will erode your self-esteem even more and the self esteem of your (God forbid) future children if you stick with this. The type of guy who is completely spoiled and passive-aggressive, lying, sneaking etc etc etc.

 

There is NO comfortable life here with this person.

And fear often holds us captive.

You KNOW how bad this relationship hurts. It hurts like Hell and it hurts even worse that you are not helping and taking care of yourself from being degraded by this man.

 

You are allowing yourself to be defined by someone that is actively abusing you as "not enough" and "not fulfilling womanly duties."

 

Would you allow yourself to be judged by a rapist for "not being supportive enough of his need to force himself on women?" Would you allow yourself to be judged and defined by a pickpocket as "not supportive enough of his need for extra cash?"

 

I hope not. So why would you allow an irresponsible, disloyal, cheating, selfish man who can't even clean his own room(!) to define what you "fall short of?"

 

What is he actually offering you here that can't be replaced down the road with someone that actually IS loyal, affectionate, appreciative and respectful?

 

I don't care if his penis shoots chocolate and jewellery, (when he does manage to ejaculate) it isn't worth the price you are paying. Not a chance.

 

I am not saying that I don't understand the fear, and our lovers can feel like a good drug that we are afraid to withdraw from.......

 

But as a much older woman, I strongly assure you that you will forget him much quicker by turning your back on him, RECOGNIZING your own fear and anxiety and stop answering his phone calls. Go for a walk, ride a bike, get together with your friends, make new friends. Get the heck away from him and the world WILL seem brighter and happier than wondering what his sick, selfish ass is up to when your back is turned and you forgot to "pick up his socks."

 

2.5 years..... I can tell you that this road does not get any more fun. The happier times get shorter and shorter with a man that does not take responsibility for himself. And real life and the years you have get shorter too. Your time and life have value. Don't sell them to the first, (and lowest) bidders.

 

Find some better offers.

[Timmos]

"I wouldn't be able to find someone as good as him."

Are you sure about that?

[No Limit]

You'll find someone better than him in no time, for sure.

Don't waste your time, you cannot change him. But you can spare yourself a lot of heartache.

[ExpatInItaly]

Here is some background info. Me and my boyfriend A know each other as kids as our parents knew each other. However we didn't really speak to each other back then as he was 5 years older than me. And I was more childhood friends with his younger brother B who was the same age as me. When I turned 15 I lost my virginity to B on a family vacation who I never spoke to after that. When I was 17 A called me up out of the blue and asked me out for a date. At this point I thought A must have known about the history between me and his younger brother. But he didn't and I decided not to tell him.

 

After a few dates with A he told me he had already been seeing another girl before me. This didn't bother me at first but I became annoyed at how unequal the situation was. So I asked A if he would still see me if I slept with someone else. He told me no and that he had already broken up with the other girl as she was giving him drama for seeing me.

 

A few weeks later I had my final high school exams coming up so A told me we should meet after 6 weeks when my exams were over. A month later A told me a week prior to our scheduled meeting he received a blow job from another girl. I was pissed off since he implied we were exclusive but he argues otherwise. He had went over to his dads house when a girl friend of his invited herself over. She made a move on him and he told her he was seeing someone. She said okay and she kept undressing him. He told her to give him a blowjob instead.

 

This happened in June 6 months into our relationship but at this point I didn't really care for him so it got swept under the rug until several months later where I developed feelings for him. Eventually after 1 year A found out about my past history with his younger brother and how I lied to him about it. He wanted to break up but we got over that hurdle.

 

We were very happy and were 2 and a half years into our relationship. It's important I explain myself as a person now. I have very little friends and only one close friend I can count on. I haven't had much social experiences due to the lack of friends so I'm very envious of other people. I have trouble connecting to other people so that's why I lack friends and I also have slight social anxiety. So I have low confidence and low self-esteem.

 

So when my boyfriend walked into my life I became really happy. Before I felt lost but being with him I didn't any longer. He's also very traditional and prefers a woman who can cook over a intelligent woman with a career. He became unhappy as I couldn't cook very well, I didn't clean his room much and I also wasn't able to make him ejaculate from a blow job. He himself is social savvy, intelligent, driven, good looking etc. So he feels that I don't compare to him. This was also his longest relationship as his second longest relationships only lasted 6 months.

 

I trusted him so much. He always told me that he would tell me if he cheated. Last Sunday night someone called Kim phoned him at midnight. I got suspicious and questioned him but he told me it was just a friend at that point and he wouldn't tell me how he met her. Red Flag ! I asked him if he was planning to cheat on me and he said no.

 

I phoned him on Thursday and he sounded strangely down which was unusual of him so I went over there. And come this Saturday evening he told me he cheated on me. He had picked up a girls number with a friend to show him how it was done. And the girl called him on last Sunday and nothing had happened at that point. But she invited him over on Tuesday and he went over and received a blow job from her.

 

He said that he wanted to sleep with other girls and he blames me partially for him cheating because I wasn't fulfilling my womanly duties. But he said he couldn't cum and he regretted immediately afterwards. And he said it wasn't worth it. He said he would try very hard not to do it again and remain faithful but he has broken my trust completely.

 

Here comes the dilemma. It is beyond difficult for me to leave him. I love him and I know I wouldn't be able to find someone as good as him. I will also have a comfortable life if I stay with him. I cannot imagine my life without him. But I can't trust him anymore. He's very traditionalist so he doesn't think a woman cheating is equal to a man cheating. Which is why he never had sex with her as he needed more time to think about it. But this has ruined what we had completely. And he had to do it on June which is the same time 2 years ago when he was with the first girl.

 

What should I do ? I'm thinking about revenge cheating to make withs even.

 

Honey, your boyfriend doesn't even come close to meeting my criteria for a good guy. I hope you realize how low you've set the bar. I promise you, there are far better guys than him! He's a douchey chauvanist who fancies himself as some sort of macho Lothario

 

Also, I hope you don't buy his story about getting this girl's number to show his buddy "how it's done." I can virtually guarantee you it's not the whole truth, and in fact, I wouldn't be surprised to learn she's not the only one. It is not your fault, don't let him manipulate you into believing that. He doesn't value you or respect you as his girlfriend. Revenge cheating isn't going to bring the result you want, because he clearly doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him. He'd probably use that as the perfect opportunity to end the relationship and blame you for it. And he'll try not to cheat again? Not good enough. Get rid of him instead of wasting any more of your youth on some clown who's looking for a mommy/housekeeper.

 

P.S. No, you won't have a comfortable life with him. You'll be miserable and constantly worrying about who else he's sticking his unresponsive unit into, because he'll learn that he can behave how he wants and you won't do a damn thing about it. Sound comfortable to you?

Edited June 14, 2014 by ExpatInItaly

[Ultramarine]

I have to ask this...is this a real story or is someone messing with the board?

[jbelle6]

I'm a traditionalist and take on a tradition female role in my relationships, that being said, your guy is not traditional, your guy is an a-hole.

[ThatGirl213]

He sounds like a total jackass. He just wants a faithful girl who will stay by him while he fools around. Maybe he chose you knowing about your self esteem and confidence, so he can play you like a puppet. Why does he want a traditional girl when he isn't traditional? What an ******* to blame you for his cheating? Does he fulfill his manly duties of staying loyal? No he doesn't.

 

It doesn't matter if the blowjob did not make him cum, he still chose to go over to the girl's house. He could have brushed her off when she called and told her about you. Why didn't he?

 

"You won't find someone better than him" is bull****. You need to work on your self esteem and confidence. Go to therapy, work on yourself, go to a gym, take up a new hobby where you will meet new people and take it from there. I know it sounds difficult but you gotta try. You are just 20. The possibilities are endless.

 

This guy has made you believe that you should be tied down as he has his merry way. And if you do decide to have revenge sex with someone else, chances are he will break up with you and make you seem like really bad gf in front of everyone. Believe me, he sounds like a good manipulator. My advice, either you cut your losses and break it off or take what you get but work on your self esteem. Don't try revenge sex. I am 100% certain you will find someone better than him.

Edited June 15, 2014 by ThatGirl213