Female coworker willing to cheat on her b/f with me..

[samslick]

To preface, she is unmarried, 21 years old, and has 2 children and is in a relationship with a guy who treats her poorly. I'm 30 years old and in a relationship with a fantastic woman whom I love very much. I've worked with this female coworker now for about 2 months.

 

Early on I noticed that she flirts constantly with all the men at our shop (roughly 12 employees, all men, she is the only female). She then turned her attention to me, and it was innocent flirting at first but it rapidly progressed in the last week beyond that. She is very attractive and wears very tight clothing and short skirts almost daily.

 

Yesterday she told me she had a sex dream about me and started to go into detail about what took place. I'll admit it was pretty hot and definitely got me thinking. I told her I could never cheat on my girlfriend nor would I want to cause problems for her boyfriend. She then proceeded to tell me that she would love to sleep with me and that she could make it happen and no one had to know. I rejected her again, but she said she was going to keep trying until I break down and sleep with her. We exchanged some text messages regarding her sex dream after we went home for the day.

 

I instantly felt terrible about doing that and shut it down with her politely. I told her that as enjoyable as the sex would probably be, its not worth ruining my relationship with my girlfriend or hers with her boyfriend. She said she understood and apologized if she made me uncomfortable. After that, I just said have a great weekend and see you on Monday.

 

On one hand, it made me feel great that I still have my "touch" and younger women are attracted to me, but after I stopped thinking with my dick, I knew it would be a horrible mistake as she desperately wants to be in a good relationship that goes beyond sex--which I would absolutely would never do with her.

 

 

I know its going to be awkward with her when we go back to work. Going forward I will be cordial and polite to her, and cease flirting back. Anyone else have any advice or gone through a similar experience?

[preraph]

I'm going to be harsh on this woman now. Having a lot of experience with the women who throw themselves at musicians, I've seen her type a few times. Usually they're ex-strippers or call girls who act like that and actually get that blunt. I've never heard a woman who's never been in the sex trade proposition men and assuring them that no one will ever know and it will be their little secret. A trade secret in the prostitute profession is that you can get sex with almost any guy by telling them that no one will ever know. That alone is enough to get most guys to bang you. I know musicians who have been lured with this only to be paranoid about what she's going to say on the internet 30 years later that will destroy their marriage. I've seen a stripper on a tour bus keep up this routine in the most desperate manner to a guitarist who ended up having to go into the back and slam the door literally in her face to get away from her. She was nearly hysterical because he wasn't at all interested. She had gotten into his room earlier in the day because he had a willing roommate and then when on the bus later and he bluntly told her how f*d up she was, she tried to make that into something, that she'd been in his room earlier. You can't trust women who operate on this level.

 

You cannot trust any woman who tells you they only want sex and no one will ever know. She has something to gain by it. Like 85% of sex workers, whether she's gone pro or not, she has had some form of trauma or abuse or severe boundary crossing in her background that made her look upon sex as power. I know an old stripper who has now been married 30 years, but when I used to go out to eat with her, she never stopped flirting with men, trying to get that validation she's still sexy. She took power from that. It looks pathetic on an old lady, let me tell you. They feel that sex is all they've got.

 

If this woman decides to get stuck on you, she will deliberately cause all kinds of problems with your girlfriend. If possible, she needs to be reported to upper management that she's basically working the room like a hooker, IMO. I'd certainly want to know if this was going on in my business. It's very disruptive. Unless you have some business reason you have to talk to her, tell her in a mean tone to stay the f away from you and not to talk to you.

 

And remember, deleted text messages can and will be subpoenaed during a divorce proceeding.

 

P.S. That story that her husband treats her bad, gee, I wonder why. Who would marry someone like that? That's her sympathetic story to justify how she's acting. Again, just like sex workers use a story to make hesitant men think they're really good girls. If her husband is treating her bad, gee I wonder why.

Edited June 14, 2014 by preraph

[samslick]

I had informed my manager that she had been flirting quite a bit with me about 3 weeks ago, and he asked me if I was okay with that. At the time it was just banter back and forth, so I said I could handle it. Towards the end of this week is when she really ramped it up. I'll see how she acts in the next coming week and make sure I don't give any indication that I'm interested in her.

 

She's not married, but does have a boyfriend. I do know she had her 2 children when was only 17 and that the father left almost right away. She lived in Vegas for a while too, so it wouldn't surprise me if she was a stripper in the past and lied about her age or something.

[ExpatInItaly]

The next time you're tempted to flirt back and exchange inappropriate text messages, imagine the face of your fantastic girlfriend learning what you've been up to. Imagine her feeling of betrayal. You say it isn't worth it, and you're right. Do you want to be the cause of her pain? Of course not.

 

Be very careful in the future around this girl at work. If you decide to report her, remember that she has text messages from you that could be incriminating. I'm not suggesting you don't report her if she persists, only that you be prepared to deal with the consequences. I say this not from personal experience, but from knowing a dear friend who wound up in a similar situation. His own words came back to bite him in a big way and it cost him a lot.

[almond]

Early on I noticed that she flirts constantly with all the men at our shop (roughly 12 employees, all men, she is the only female)

 

On one hand, it made me feel great that I still have my "touch" and younger women are attracted to me

 

Don't take it as a compliment - from what you have outlined here, it doesn't seem like she looks for anything very special or even particular in her sexual partners.

 

Cut all contact with this woman immediately. You seriously disrespected your wife. Work on yourself and your marriage, to ensure nothing like this happens again.

[Woggle]

When it comes to women in relationships act like Nancy Reagan and just say no. It is not worth it.

[ThatMan]

On one hand, it made me feel great that I still have my "touch" and younger women are attracted to me

 

Actually no, this probably wasn't about you to begin with.

 

First of all you may very well be the only guy at the workplace who-

A)

Took several steps backwards from being professional at the workplace and tolerated the flirting to continue.

B)

Wasn't turned off by the fact that she presents herself as a messed up teenage mother who flirt with and wants to screw everything that moves.

So I'll think real carefully about this. It's one thing to be emotional in the heat of the moment like you said. But now you can continue being rational about the situation. You can reasonably trust she wouldn't have even started this banter if you weren't so willing to permit it in the first place. It probably didn't matter who you were, just that you were the one guy available out of all the guys there. She literally flirted with everyone. Most thirty year old men wouldn't be too flattered to be hit on by a shank, quite frankly, which might also have something to do with why she selected you out of everybody else. You were probably her only option at the workplace.

 

That impression you had about her possibly being a stripper? I'm sure everybody else had the same impression, too. And everybody else probably had enough self-respect to not be turned on from dealing with somebody that so strongly illustrates being messed up. I don't think the normal reaction is to take any of this as a compliment. So while it might be true that few men in your position would be thrilled to be hit on by a shank you've barely known for two months, and even fewer men would jeopardize their own relationship by behaving inappropriately this way, it isn't true that your without choices. You can still do something about this. None of this changes the fact that stepping back to think rationally, and not with your penis, is a choice.

 

Make the choice to step back and think things through and you'll never cheat on anyone.

Edited June 15, 2014 by ThatMan

[TAV]

Agree with the posters. And to add to that; if this fantastic woman who you are so in love with does not do enough to boost your ego or is not showing you every corner of your bedroom anymore; talk to her!!! Work on that! Don't be so ignorant to hop into bed with this messed up woman or any other woman and ruin what you have!

[samslick]

Thanks everyone for the input. I feel like a major ****bag for even engaging her and letting it perpetuate to where it did. I've never been in this situation before with a woman being so open about having sex.

 

I'm glad I shut it down when I did. My sex life with my current girlfriend (i'm not married) is fantastic. There is nothing lacking in the relationship, period. I was an idiot and let my ego get the best of me when my coworker acted the way she did.

 

Moving forward, I unfortunately have no choice but to continue working with her (she is our receptionist, and fields phone calls to me and we do have to communicate regarding work related topics). She did apologize via text on Friday if she made me uncomfortable.

 

I'd rather not got my HR department and manager involved at this point, as I'm confident that I can cease any communication non-work related down to good morning and that's it.

[No Limit]

I feel like a major ****bag for even engaging her and letting it perpetuate to where it did.

 

Considering how many people fall for toxic people like your coworker, you have reason to be proud that you resisted.

[Thicke2013]

I have worked in/around a shop environment all my adult life. I have seen this and experienced this first hand. We all as humans covet the attention of the opposite sex. It's perfectly natural. What it boils down to is that she enticed you by finding you attractive. At that time, she was giving you attention that you probably aren't/don't get at home anymore. I have a female co-worker that flirts with me pretty blatantly even though she has never came out as blunt as you described. I will engage in conversation but when the flirting starts I find a reason to walk away. She is married and pregnant! I know that she just likes the attention of other guys. If I wasn't completely in love with my fiance' I would have been tempted to flirt back or allow the flirting to continue as well and I have done that in the past too. I would say at this point all you have done is discover a weakness of yours. You like the attention and it makes you feel good. Doesn't mean you are a bad guy, but now that you know, it is up to you to notice this the next time and stop it before it gets to this point again. You did disrespect your GF by engaging in the flirting and the text messages were way out of line if you ask me, but I think you learned a very valuable lesson going forward. Main thing is, recognize it for what it is next time and stop it before it gets to that point. Don't continue putting yourself in situations where you know you are weak. Good luck OP.

[preraph]

You did the right thing by putting on the brakes and stopping to think this through. Vegas is so full of sex workers on every level, so...

 

If she even continues to try to text you on a personal level, I would report her. I guarantee you she is going to cause lots of trouble and probably division in your work environment with some people.

[pteromom]

I would tell SOMEONE. Because what if you do something to tick her off and she shows someone your texts and tells them that YOU are the one who said "Nobody has to know".

 

Better to be the one telling the story than the one defending yourself.