My niece and nephew want me to adopt them

[Shaun-Dro]

I'm watching both of them today and then I'm taking them back tomorrow. They're really my little second cousins but I refer to them as my nephew and niece because of their ages of 10 and 8.

 

As soon as I picked them up from my cousin's house, they were excited to see me. It was more like an unusual high excitement.

 

I thought maybe it was because they had been consuming candy throughout the morning before I got there but it was anything but that.

 

They was just ecstatic to get away from home which struck me as odd. Then my nephew asks me pointblank "Shaun, can you adopt us?"

 

I turned to look at him, asking him why he wanted me to do that and what had happened to bring this up. He just shrugged and said nothing else.

 

Then once we reached my place where I share living space with my other brother, who's out of the state at the moment, my niece digs into her bag and shows me this little baby doll her mom bought her and makes a point to tell me that her father never buys her anything, not even for her eighth birthday, which just passed.

 

I felt a little bad for her so I said I'll see what I can do, pending if she's on her best behavior.

 

In response to this, my niece gives me a really big hug and brings up the same thing my nephew mentioned earlier, "Can you adopt me?"

 

I want to believe this is just typical child nonsense, but something inside my gut keeps telling me otherwise.

 

So I consult with my brother over the phone and he tells me not to pay them any mind because they're probably just spoiled or want to be spoiled, which is a possibility. However, more things just came to the surface.

 

My nephew asks me again about adopting them, explaining that at home his mom and stepfather always shouts and fights throughout the house. When I press him for what the fights are about he just looks down and shrugs.

 

While I'm trying to communicate with him about it, he finally gets annoyed and tells me he doesn't want to talk about it; then says he doesn't want to go back home for a long time. My niece agrees with him, all the while sitting on my lap with her baby doll, looking at me.

 

I really care about these kids but I'm unsure of what to do or if I should say anything to their parents about it.

 

My nephew lives with his mother, stepfather, and older sister, who has some problems going on from what I heard; typical teenage stuff, probably.

 

My niece, on the other hand, only lives with her mother. Her father pops in and out of their lives every few weeks or so, from what I heard.

 

I, personally, feel caught in the middle now because these kids are at a very impressionable stage in their lives.

 

I rarely seek advice on here because I'm usually one to give it, but I surely need some now.

[d0nnivain]

For now I would assure the kids that they will always have a safe place to go -- to you -- no matter what. Don't get involved in trying to dissolve their parents' rights. Just keep your eyes & ears open. Spend more time with the kids but steer the conversations away from adoption.

[Easyguy14]

This could become serious I think if these 2 kids want to live with you so bad that they keep talking about adoption things. I would have a small chat with their parents to see if there are some kind of neglecting going on.

[Tayla]

Its refreshing to hear a concerned relative speak up on his real life matters.

 

I would suggest NOT talking to the parents. Why? Because most times they are in vast denial and do not want their dirty laundry aired. Its the way of a dysfunctional family. Instead, keep your eyes peeled and your ears open. Listen and be supprtive of the chidlren, with the understanding that you'll be objective and empathetic to there perspective of home life. Most parents in this scenario would take offense and take it out on the kids, thus resolving nothing....

 

Take the adoption concept off the table. They deserve to know that its not realistic. Consider this an opportunity to brain storm with them on ways to cope and resolve home life turmoil.

[Easyguy14]

Its refreshing to hear a concerned relative speak up on his real life matters.

 

I would suggest NOT talking to the parents. Why? Because most times they are in vast denial and do not want their dirty laundry aired. Its the way of a dysfunctional family. Instead, keep your eyes peeled and your ears open. Listen and be supprtive of the chidlren, with the understanding that you'll be objective and empathetic to there perspective of home life. Most parents in this scenario would take offense and take it out on the kids, thus resolving nothing....

 

Take the adoption concept off the table. They deserve to know that its not realistic. Consider this an opportunity to brain storm with them on ways to cope and resolve home life turmoil.

 

 

I do happen to agree with all of these things. I do have a nephew and two nieces but I never get to see them. They live out in Florida somewhere but I would definitely try to be closer to them if I sensed issues at home.

[whichwayisup]

You didn't mention the ages of your niece and nephew (2nd cousins)?

 

Let them know they can come spend time with you anytime and do sleepovers every now and then. Let the adoption idea thing go.

[quankanne]

the adoption thing sounds like them wanting a secure/stress-free environment 24/7 they way they feel they've got with you. Assure them that you love them, and that you've got their backs, but that they already belong in a strong, loving family and that sometimes it can hurt when parents argue or ignore you, but that it's not always going to be like that.

 

then move on to the next topic. The main thing is that they feel secure being with you; they have that security as a fall-back when things go crappy at home ...

[Shaun-Dro]

You didn't mention the ages of your niece and nephew (2nd cousins)?

 

Let them know they can come spend time with you anytime and do sleepovers every now and then. Let the adoption idea thing go.

 

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies. I finally put them to bed just now. It wasn't easy because they wanted me to sleep with them on the pull-out couch. I can't be with them all the time like this. It's like they crave it.

 

We didn't talk anymore about the adoption stuff but they clung on to me at every turn, especially the girl, wanting to hold my hand in the store all the time and this got people staring at us.

 

My nephew, however, was a little more independent, which I appreciated. I guess it's expected for a young boy.

 

I'm really starting to believe that no one at home listens to them because I endured a few hours of shared conversation between them and even a few arguments broke out with them competing for my attention.

 

I told them they can come back next month over the July 4th weekend if it's okay with their parents. That was when I got the sad looks from them about not wanting to go home so soon.

[Glinda.Good]

I just want to say that it is really nice and kind for you to care for your niece and nephew like this. I'm sure it means a lot to them, especially if they have turbulence at home.

[juicygirl]

Sounds like their house is full of domestic violence. I'm afraid if you speak to the parents you'll never see those children again as you'll be branded as an interfering family member. Keep an eye on this situation, as others have said.

[lollipopspot]

Perhaps there's a school counselor at their school/s you can confide in. They might be able to arrange seeing the children - leaving you completely out of it so the parents don't cut contact with you - and advocating for them. Maybe their schoolwork is suffering, or they seem sad at school, or something else that the counselor can use to initiate contact with the kids and then the parents.

 

Don't let this one go. A lot of kids fall through the cracks, people who might be able to advocate don't do anything and just move on with their own lives, and the kids really suffer into the future.

 

I agree with not talking to the parents - they'll probably get too defensive, and at this point you need to maintain contact.