KMA Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Dear jjsk, Please, check my tread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/455613-suspecting-my-wife-cheated-15-years-ago Although it's a different story, there are many points in common between our two stories, in my opinion. 6 months after my tread and corresponding interesting discussion in this forum, I haven't found the truth ... and I invested a lot of efforts, really. Seams that what I call "historic intelligence" is a truly difficult stuff. I have been accused by some fellow forum members that I look for justifying my own cheating on my wife. Well, 6 months later I haven't cheated on her nor I intend to. However, I still want to know if she cheated and I continue to think in "historic intelligence" and how to find out .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikethemechanic Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 well what your win in all this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjsk Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 Dear jjsk, Please, check my tread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/455613-suspecting-my-wife-cheated-15-years-ago ... 6 months after my tread and corresponding interesting discussion in this forum, I haven't found the truth ... and I invested a lot of efforts, really. Seams that what I call "historic intelligence" is a truly difficult stuff. ... However, I still want to know if she cheated and I continue to think in "historic intelligence" and how to find out .... Hi KMA Thanks for the thread. Yes I can see some parallels, but there was not such a drastic change in our relationship. It was just deteriorating slowly over the years, with some happy periods sprinkled here and there ) I don't think I'm trying to find the "real" truth anymore. I can't even get details about the most recent EA, much less about something that *may* have happened a decade ago. The best I can do is believe my W and be ready to listen, if she decides to get things off her chest. if she chooses to live a lie, I guess it's going to be a weight on her shoulders, for the rest of her life. Not much I can do about it... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Hi KMA Thanks for the thread. Yes I can see some parallels, but there was not such a drastic change in our relationship. It was just deteriorating slowly over the years, with some happy periods sprinkled here and there ) I don't think I'm trying to find the "real" truth anymore. I can't even get details about the most recent EA, much less about something that *may* have happened a decade ago. The best I can do is believe my W and be ready to listen, if she decides to get things off her chest. if she chooses to live a lie, I guess it's going to be a weight on her shoulders, for the rest of her life. Not much I can do about it... How about realizing by throwing your hands up in the air and not doing anything to change the situation...you enable her to live that lie...and in fact deliberately and intentionally sign yourself up right alongside her for the same ride? Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 I've been there. Done that. Didn't get the shirt. Just got divorced and heartache. Being apathetic and doing nothing is absolutely the worst course of action. Decide what you want (divorced or not) and make it happen. If you decide to stay tell your wife you won't tolerate affairs and want you both to be happy and find a way to get that. Counseling (individual or otherwise) is a good idea. Doing nothing will likely just lead to more of the same and a gradual sinking into depression and/or divorce. Do something more active instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjsk Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 Owl and notbrioken I'm doing something. We talk all the time. She begs me to believe that she was not in love with anyone or had a PA in our marriage. There is no way for me to know for sure if she is telling the truth. If she is lying I can not force her to be honest. No one can. Most people choose to believe in things that are not objectively true. I don't have religious beliefs but I may have faith in what my W is telling me. How about that. I need to trust *someone*. Link to post Share on other sites
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