Hope4thefuture Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 To be honest, I feel stuck right now. I don't want my old relationship back. I am not ready to date. I am trying to work on myself before entering into anything new. I am having a difficult time moving forward though. I don't seem to have any interest in doing anything. I started exercise and actually made it a week so far without quitting. I want to get motivated and do things. I just don't know where to begin. I have all these high expectations for myself. I know what I need to do to feel better. I am not sure how to start the process. Anyone out there who was or is in the same situation and can help? Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 How long since your break up? I am just over a year post BU from a 6 year RS/engagement and still feel like that sometimes. I think it is important to make the effort to move on, time and NC will definitely heal, but making a conscious effort to move forward is necessary. These feeling seem to come in waves, they ebb and flow. Treat yourself well and do things YOU want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
TrappedWanderer Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I feel the same. Like I'm too exhausted from all the work to get through the heartache to be able to want to put myself out there full force. Trying to do something every day just for me-even if that's something small (buying my lunch out instead of bringing it, walking home down a different street, reading a new book, etc). I'm thinking there's a lot of pressure-from our own selves-to move forward 100% once we've gotten past the pain. But maybe in-between for a while is ok?!? Or at least having a few "blah" days is ok...as long as it doesn't become woe-is-me. I'm struggling with that too...hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
joanofark Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 fyi exercise is like a drug. and it does wonders. When i went thru my divorce, I stopped working out. It was the biggest mistake of my life. A week is huge. Stick with it. You release so many endorphins that it isn't even funny. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 If you look up the stages of grief, depression is a common factor and a part of the process. The inertia you're feeling is typical and temporary. The good news is that getting through this part normally means acceptance is close at hand. Better days ahead... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope4thefuture Posted June 15, 2014 Author Share Posted June 15, 2014 Thanks for the support. It helps knowing that I am not alone, even though there are days when I definitely feel like it. I have read through threads, searched the internet, and talked to friends and family until I'm blue in face. I do it all to help me feel better. Some days I feel like I am right on track, and others I feel lonely and sad. Last year I was a puddle on the floor, and this year I am feeling a little stronger. I just thought I would be further along by now. I am not looking for a reconciliation anymore, which is a huge step for me. I think having "blah" days are ok to have. I am afraid I am having too many though. My mind keeps telling me to get involved in a hobby or interest, but I don't want to. I take care of my kids all day in the summer, work the rest of the year, and I am tired by the end of the day. This routine seems fine some days, but other days I want to do something else with my life too. I just don't have the energy and motivation, and that is what terrifies me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope4thefuture Posted June 16, 2014 Author Share Posted June 16, 2014 I had a decent morning. I am continuing to exercise. Spent the day with my boys at the pool. Not thinking of my situation too much, but enjoying the day. Then BAM! Get an email from my lawyer. We are on the final stages of the divorce process. But when I see this email it makes all of the anger, sadness, and loneliness come back flooding to the surface. I took some deep breathes and tried to calm down. I just want this over already. Every time I have to deal with this, it brings me down, and I just don't want to deal with these feelings anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
ashleyjohn Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 You need to keep yourself as busy as possible and indulge in activities you like. Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 To be honest, I feel stuck right now. I don't want my old relationship back. I am not ready to date. I am trying to work on myself before entering into anything new. I am having a difficult time moving forward though. I don't seem to have any interest in doing anything. I started exercise and actually made it a week so far without quitting. I want to get motivated and do things. I just don't know where to begin. I have all these high expectations for myself. I know what I need to do to feel better. I am not sure how to start the process. Anyone out there who was or is in the same situation and can help? In the same boat.......not ready to date, but bored as _____. I exercise daily and do not stay at home at all....I think that's the thing that really bothers me, is I hate living by myself. Never have. We all do the same crap....watch TV, get on the computer, really just waste time to try not to think about what kind of situation we are all in. I've tried to stay busy, working 2 part-time jobs, trying to get back old hobbies, connecting with old buddies, etc. But they all have lives going on and are mostly married. As far as dating, I have no interest in getting to know someone else's issues, etc. cause I got my own. However it's extremely BORING. Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Find something that inspires you. If you want something great to happen, then go do something great that you have not done. Someone mentioned exercise.. it DOES help. I am guilty of not doing it lately but when I did, I felt so much better. I have been feeling in a funk but I know its anxiety and fear of the unknown- the future. I certainly don't want the stbx back...I think sometimes I miss having him here..who he used to be...but then I think.. is it really him I miss or just having someone around? It's the second. He had the personality of a box and most nights he didn't interact much anyway in that last yr or so. So then I do put myself out there... but then the fish bite...then I get daily phone calls, daily texts.. that I find myself not really answering after a while. It's either that none of these people truly interest me or I do not want to have to obligate myself to answer. It's a conundrum...Be with someone who you may enjoy and care about....but then...you will be faced with obligation and routine again...Do I really want that again? So right now I am not answering either question and just out to have fun. You can have fun, have dinner, go out or "etc" without having to worry about "where is this going". Thing is... if they are around your age.. they are thinking that...even if they say they are not. Link to post Share on other sites
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