Women who don't feel they deserve a good guy?

[TouchedByViolet]

I need some understanding. Why do some women feel like they don't deserve a genuinely good guy. I have met many women in my life who choose the d-bag or ******* instead of the good guy because they feel like the good guy is too good for them. Why is this? Why do many women want a guy they can take care of or change or help?

 

I would like to hear mostly from women who do or have felt this way. I am not judging but trying to understand.

[salparadise]

Pretty much everyone has some feeling of shame and inadequacy beneath the surface. Choosing someone based on need is a strategy of guaranteeing strong attachment when a person doesn't feel inherently lovable. If a person has an underlying sense of being flawed, they fear that a self-actualizing, independent person would probably abandon them when he/she figures it out. But attachment based on need means an essential role in their life. If their need is greater than your flaws it feels secure.

Edited June 15, 2014 by salparadise

[No Limit]

I don't know any of these women. Perhaps your definition of a good guy and their's is not the same.

 

One would need to know specifics. Just because someone is good or nice doesn't make them desirable. How do you know if a woman had met a good guy that she also found desirable that she wouldn't choose him? That's certainly my first choice and women that I know. My guy isn't just good but he is also intelligent, attentive, educated, fit, etc.

 

Millhouse on the Simpsons might be a good guy but why would Lisa choose him? A man needs to offer more than being a good guy or women would all be chasing religious ministers.

 

This, exactly. Loyalty and a positive attitude are good traits for a dog too, but it's the overall package that has to fit as well.

 

Of course, these basic traits have to be in there as well. And if your question is rather, "Why do women pick men even though really nothing, absolutely nothing speaks for a relationship with them?", then the best answer I have for you would be "Because they don't know better".

[SadNLonley]

I need some understanding. Why do some women feel like they don't deserve a genuinely good guy. I have met many women in my life who choose the d-bag or ******* instead of the good guy because they feel like the good guy is too good for them.

 

I dont know why a woman would feel she wasnt good enough for a good guy if there was a choice. Maybe there is no attraction for the good guy. Maybe the d-bag has more of an appeal to these women. Just me.... But I would never think I was not good for any man. I may feel that we are not on the same page, or I may feel he may be smarter than me, or from a different upbringing than me, but never not good enough.

 

 

Why is this? Why do many women want a guy they can take care of or change or help?

 

Maybe its the maternal instinct is us to feel to take care of someone. Unfortunately I think I attract these type of men. Weak, not being able to fend for themselves, need a woman to tell them the next step.

[iris219]

Some women have never had a good guy so they don't even know what one looks like. They accept crappy relationships because that's all they've ever known. They've never had the option of a good guy.

[somedude81]

Some women have never had a good guy so they don't even know what one looks like. They accept crappy relationships because that's all they've ever known. They've never had the option of a good guy.

 

That is why I believe. They simply don't know what else is out there.

 

What really sucks is when they get attached to a guy that does not respect them, you can just see them breaking down. It's very painful to watch.

 

All we can do is hope that one day they will realize they deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship and have the strength to end it on their own.

 

I'm still not sure how women even end up in really bad relationships. Is the guy sweet for a month or so and then he says, "surprise, it was all an act" but by then she's stuck on him?

[Glinda.Good]

Some women have never had a good guy so they don't even know what one looks like. They accept crappy relationships because that's all they've ever known. They've never had the option of a good guy.

 

A lot of this starts in childhood with unhealthy relationships modeled in the home.

 

There are exceptions, of course, but many women who grew up seeing a respectful and otherwise good relationship between her parents and in other adult couples around her learned that THAT was "normal." And, the opposite.

 

Also some of us are just attracted to the idea of "helping" somebody, or taming the wild beast, or whatever.