Woman alone= desperate woman

[hotpotato]

I'm over people assuming that I am desperate for a man because I do a lot of activities alone.

 

I was at the park last night. It's late, and I'm on the bridge stretching and trying to clear my mind. So this older guy comes by and starts asking questions. I tell him I'm doing stretches. Next thing he is talking about how I need a man in my life (him), and he's invited me to his place. Mind you this guy is old enough to draw social security.

 

Just because a woman is single and spends a lot of time by herself does not mean she is lonely, unfulfilled, desperate, etc. It certainly doesn't mean she is desperate enough to take whatever comes her way.

 

Besides, if I wanted to be social and meet guys, I wouldn't be on the beach by myself on a Saturday night.

 

Anyone else tired of people thinking you are desperate because you are single?

[GoreSP]

Well I don't generally assume people think I'm desperate because they are flirting with me…

[BigIdiot]

It annoys me when people say you ''need'' a man or girl in your life. Who are they to dictate/judge whether you do or not.

 

 

We forget that we're all individuals.

[todreaminblue]

yeah the last thing i want to be seen as desperate or needing of a man ....I can occupy myself i am also a night walker, how i look at men who come up to me is most of them are lonely and i dont mind talking to them, i do mind when they put their hands on the back of my neck though ...touching me is unwarranted and often a mistake

 

 

i see them though as craving human interaction,they need touch, and they are not getting it.... that's not a guy for me , i am not desperate but i am looking for someone to hare my life with someone that will complete an already full life.....a bit of joy in there would be a ...well....joy and he would have to be a pretty strong guy....i am not easy...i can wait for a guy like that and thats the one i will look up for...... otherwise i am just there to help them in some way...took me a while to figure this out.....and i have dated guys who i was only meant to help...........deb

[hotpotato]

It annoys me when people say you ''need'' a man or girl in your life. Who are they to dictate/judge whether you do or not.

 

 

We forget that we're all individuals.

Exactly. I could be lesbian, asexual, celibate, etc. It's impossible for him to know what I "need."

 

Well I don't generally assume people think I'm desperate because they are flirting with me…

If a 60+ year old man is hitting on a woman who is less than half her age and assuming that she will have sex with him right off the bad, he could very well be assuming she is desperate. He just assumed I was gonna f him because he gave me a little attention. Sounds like he thinks I'm desperate.

[todreaminblue]

Exactly. I could be lesbian, asexual, celibate, etc. It's impossible for him to know what I "need."

 

 

If a 60+ year old man is hitting on a woman who is less than half her age and assuming that she will have sex with him right off the bad, he could very well be assuming she is desperate. He just assumed I was gonna f him because he gave me a little attention. Sounds like he thinks I'm desperate.

 

 

hi hot potato if you read your journal and find a post from me...deb stuffed up...lol...meant to post here.......

 

 

 

guys who tell you you are desperate have a desperation in them to say that to you thats why i dont like any guy to tell me that...its projection from them....i know then that is how they feel and sympathy and empathy with me well i end up taking them on in some capacity because i feel them......i know now that a guy who is desperate doesnt make a good partner for me.....and i can help them just not be with them....adn flirting isnt desperate i agree, its interaction....just needs to be clean and thoughtful flirting...i cant flirt ...too straight up..so i use music.....subtle....im out..deb

[GoreSP]

Exactly. I could be lesbian, asexual, celibate, etc. It's impossible for him to know what I "need."

 

 

If a 60+ year old man is hitting on a woman who is less than half her age and assuming that she will have sex with him right off the bad, he could very well be assuming she is desperate. He just assumed I was gonna f him because he gave me a little attention. Sounds like he thinks I'm desperate.

 

And he actually said all of this? Or you are assuming this is what was going on in his mind?

 

Don't get me wrong - creepy. But when should a man make an approach if not when he sees a woman alone?

 

I mean - did he insist? did he keep flirting despite you saying you were not interested?

[hotpotato]

hi hot potato if you read your journal and find a post from me...deb stuffed up...lol...meant to post here.......

 

 

 

guys who tell you you are desperate have a desperation in them to say that to you thats why i dont like any guy to tell me that...its projection from them....i know then that is how they feel and sympathy and empathy with me well i end up taking them on in some capacity because i feel them......i know now that a guy who is desperate doesnt make a good partner for me.....and i can help them just not be with them....adn flirting isnt desperate i agree, its interaction....just needs to be clean and thoughtful flirting...i cant flirt ...too straight up..so i use music.....subtle....im out..deb

 

You're right deb.

[hotpotato]

And he actually said all of this? Or you are assuming this is what was going on in his mind?

 

Don't get me wrong - creepy. But when should a man make an approach if not when he sees a woman alone?

 

I mean - did he insist? did he keep flirting despite you saying you were not interested?

 

He didn't say it, and he didn't have to.

It was weird. It wasn't like he was even flirting. He was asking me some benign question, then a few minutes later he trying to get me to his place. He just went from 0 to 60.

 

Forget about the age, if he's assuming I'll go to his place and I don't even know him, he obviously doesn't think highly of me.

[No Limit]

Tell me about it.

Many people from my friend circle have gotten boy/girlfriends over the last year. I'm one of the last ones to be single, so for a while I kept getting "Hey, why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" thrown in my face until I answered "And where do you think am I supposed to find one?", which made them go quiet about it.

 

I'm living in the country so there are few guys left as it is, half of them is already out of the picture because thanks to two bullying b!tches my name's tainted, another big part of them drink way too much for my liking and the rest just doesn't match. Although I guess finding men interested in politics nowadays isn't that easy anyway, but I will gladly wait rather than waste my time. Already had a guy asking but it was obvious that he just wanted to get in my pants (and months later I got my confirmation about it as well; that guy's slept with half of his class and probably many more), and then another guy who might be genuinely having a crush on me but anytime we've talked he always went on to brag about how much he can drink. Big turn-off.

 

Other then that, I get plenty of glances, but that's about it. People don't seem to talk to each other on the street anyway, so I guess it's just natural this way. I'm just happy I'll be moving to a city by the end of the year, will give me plenty more opportunities. I hope.

[ascendotum]

Besides, if I wanted to be social and meet guys, I wouldn't be on the beach by myself on a Saturday night.

 

Anyone else tired of people thinking you are desperate because you are single?

 

Well quite a few guys who are out & about and come across a woman on her own wearing gym gear stretching on the beach on a Saturday night are going to try and chat you up. It does not mean they think you are desperate, thought I know because an older geyser flirted with you, you think that. He was just making the assumption you were alone on saturday night (which many single women would really prefer not to be) and making the most of an opportunity for some pretty company. At his age, maybe he doesn't give a shyte about being labelled a creep trying to pick up a younger woman on the beach, than some other younger guys might.

I don't think guys automatically think 'woman alone = desperate woman', but they do think 'woman alone = opportunity for a chat up'.

[gaius]

I get the urge sometimes to invite you places hotpotato. I don't think it has anything to do with you seeming lonely or desperate though. Or that it's a wholly sexual thing. Beyond that I can't really explain, there's just a vibe you give off that illicts that reaction. Maybe like you've been neglected in some way and I just want to fix that? Partly paternal? Maybe thats why you get hit with so many older men.

 

That's the best I can do. =/

[Glinda.Good]

There is a lot of it here on this board. You know, "when they are in their 30's and find themselves alone, they will be happy to date anyone who will have them."

 

I think there is at least one such themed thread active right now.

[Tayla]

Usually when the conversation falls along that path, Its a person complimenting another saying..."you have the resources it takes to be in a committed relationship", its a compliment for the most part.

 

I do not consider it anything less then a person sharing their perspective or opinion.

 

Most times a quick glance and a smile assuring them you are a better role model of living the single life settles it. Sometimes I go so far as to say I am allergic to committed relationship, it makes me break out and want my freedom

[iris219]

It sounds like you were offended an old creeper hit on you and you're assuming he thought you were desperate. You're trying to explain why this old man who you would never be interested in had the nerve to hit on you.

 

There's no explaining why he did it. He probably decided to just go for it and see what happened.

[Imported]

It was probably the way you look around that tipped him off. Not so much that you were alone on a Saturday night, but that you were alone and how you look around at your surroundings and the people in it. I am sure there is more, like your facial expression and how you react. But usually, just observing how people look around can tell you if they are lonely and stuff.

[OpenBook]

He may have had some success with that approach previously, so he keeps on doing it. In any case, it's a creepy way to pick up chicks, and it's a reflection on HIS standards, not yours. He'll just keep throwing that hook out there and eventually someone will bite; doesn't matter who it is. Yuck!! Don't associate it to you.

[thefooloftheyear]

Its been my experience that some women get approached and others dont, even though they have similar relationship statuses..And it has nothing to do with how she looks...

 

My advice(I guess?) is to figure out what it is that the women that dont get hit on by creeps do and make that your M/O....Then they wont bother you...But, then some women would much rather have unwanted attention than none at all, but thats a topic for another day I suppose...

 

TFY

[Emilia]

I was at the park last night. It's late,

 

......................

 

Anyone else tired of people thinking you are desperate because you are single?

Not really but then I don't hang out in parks late. I'm not being facetious but that's a pretty bad call for a woman to do. No wonder he was concerned. You do need someone to stop you doing dangerous things by the looks of it.

[GoreSP]

Not really but then I don't hang out in parks late. I'm not being facetious but that's a pretty bad call for a woman to do. No wonder he was concerned. You do need someone to stop you doing dangerous things by the looks of it.

 

Maybe she has a black belt in some sort of martial art...?

 

In all seriousness though, I'm sure OP wouldn't have been as stupid as to go hang out in a remote location by herself on a Saturday night.

Also, by 'Saturday night' perhaps she meant Saturday at around 5 or 6.

 

Assumptions are flying on this thread...

[hotpotato]

Well quite a few guys who are out & about and come across a woman on her own wearing gym gear stretching on the beach on a Saturday night are going to try and chat you up. It does not mean they think you are desperate, thought I know because an older geyser flirted with you, you think that.At his age, maybe he doesn't give a shyte about being labelled a creep trying to pick up a younger woman on the beach, than some other younger guys might.

I don't think guys automatically think 'woman alone = desperate woman', but they do think 'woman alone = opportunity for a chat up'.

 

I just want to say, I do not dress sexy or in any way that is inviting. I wear a baggy top and some shorts. I dress a lot more conservatively than a lot of the other women at this rec area. I go there even on week nights. I thought it would be obvious I'm not trying to date or f but I guess not.

 

Where I am on the beach is literally right next to a casino. If I wanted to socialize, I would have just gone to one of the many clubs at all the different casinos.

 

He didn't just flirt, he asked me to go back to his place.

 

He was just making the assumption you were alone on saturday night (which many single women would really prefer not to be) and making the most of an opportunity for some pretty company.

 

He made a terrible assumption. He thought I was so lonely I was gonna have sex with a man who was old enough to be my gramps bc I was alone on a saturday night. That is terribly presumptive.

 

It's only older guys who talk to me on this bridge. I do think on some level they are assuming I'm hurting badly for some male company.

[hotpotato]

It was probably the way you look around that tipped him off. Not so much that you were alone on a Saturday night, but that you were alone and how you look around at your surroundings and the people in it. I am sure there is more, like your facial expression and how you react. But usually, just observing how people look around can tell you if they are lonely and stuff.

I actually had my back turned to him. I was all caught up in the music, moon, and stretching lol

 

It sounds like you were offended an old creeper hit on you and you're assuming he thought you were desperate. You're trying to explain why this old man who you would never be interested in had the nerve to hit on you.

 

There's no explaining why he did it. He probably decided to just go for it and see what happened.

It wasn't just hitting on me. Even aside from age, he was assuming I would go to his place because he gave me some attention.

 

 

Its been my experience that some women get approached and others dont, even though they have similar relationship statuses..And it has nothing to do with how she looks...

 

My advice(I guess?) is to figure out what it is that the women that dont get hit on by creeps do and make that your M/O....Then they wont bother you...But, then some women would much rather have unwanted attention than none at all, but thats a topic for another day I suppose...

 

TFY

Back in the day I was a terrible mean mugg-er. I trained myeslf out of it, but maybe I shouldn't have.

I hate to be presumptive about someone intentions when they ask innocuous questions, but maybe I should be.

 

I think he thnks that,to. "At least this poor girl alone on a Saturday night is getting some kind of attention!"

 

Not really but then I don't hang out in parks late. I'm not being facetious but that's a pretty bad call for a woman to do. No wonder he was concerned. You do need someone to stop you doing dangerous things by the looks of it.

I have never had a guy invite me over to his place out of concern, and that definitely wasn't the gist I got from him.

I don't live in fear, and I would go out to the park at 1am if I wanted.

 

Maybe she has a black belt in some sort of martial art...?

 

In all seriousness though, I'm sure OP wouldn't have been as stupid as to go hang out in a remote location by herself on a Saturday night.

Also, by 'Saturday night' perhaps she meant Saturday at around 5 or 6.

 

Assumptions are flying on this thread...

It was late, but the location is not remote. There's always people at the park no matter how late.

 

There is a lot of it here on this board. You know, "when they are in their 30's and find themselves alone, they will be happy to date anyone who will have them."

 

I think there is at least one such themed thread active right now.

Exactly.

 

 

I get the urge sometimes to invite you places hotpotato. I don't think it has anything to do with you seeming lonely or desperate though. Or that it's a wholly sexual thing. Beyond that I can't really explain, there's just a vibe you give off that illicts that reaction. Maybe like you've been neglected in some way and I just want to fix that? Partly paternal? Maybe thats why you get hit with so many older men.

 

That's the best I can do. =/

Well, that's nice of you to want to include me.

 

 

It doesn't hurt to try. Men tend to care less and less about rejection as we get older. He hit on you, it didn't work, and he went on about his day. I give the old guy props for hitting on a much younger woman. If I'm single at that age, I'll probably be doing the same thing lol

 

That must be how my gramps feels. He's always hitting on someone a fraction of his age. It makes them very uncomfortable, but he either doesn't see that or doesn't care. He embarrasses everyone in the family.

 

Usually when the conversation falls along that path, Its a person complimenting another saying..."you have the resources it takes to be in a committed relationship", its a compliment for the most part.

 

I do not consider it anything less then a person sharing their perspective or opinion.

 

Most times a quick glance and a smile assuring them you are a better role model of living the single life settles it. Sometimes I go so far as to say I am allergic to committed relationship, it makes me break out and want my freedom

Hes also saying I cant find someone my own age, and I will screw a guy for talking to me for 5 minutes.

[Els]

 

I have never had a guy invite me over to his place out of concern, and that definitely wasn't the gist I got from him.

I don't live in fear, and I would go out to the park at 1am if I wanted.

 

I actually agree that 'concern' was unlikely to be the guy's primary motive. That being said, this sounds incredibly naive. There is a difference between living in fear and exercising reasonable caution. Obviously you can do 'whatever you want' - you could plank on the balcony of a 10th floor apartment if you wanted - but that doesn't mean it's always a wise thing to do.

 

I also agree that single women can sometimes be given more flak than they deserve, when singlehood is a perfectly fine choice for anyone, male or female, to be choosing for themselves. And there will always be old creepers hitting on much younger women, even younger women who aren't single. Some of them even make the rounds, hitting on woman #2 when woman #1 is barely out of sight.

 

But in your particular case I am not surprised that the creeper chose you, in all honesty.

[Emilia]

I don't live in fear, and I would go out to the park at 1am if I wanted.

there is a huge difference between irresponsibly putting yourself in the way of serious harm and taking calculated risks.

 

Don't complain and start threads about creepy old men when you put yourself in that situation knowingly in the first place. Taking responsibility for your actions might be warranted.

[hotpotato]

there is a huge difference between irresponsibly putting yourself in the way of serious harm and taking calculated risks.

 

Don't complain and start threads about creepy old men when you put yourself in that situation knowingly in the first place. Taking responsibility for your actions might be warranted.

 

Where I am there is no risk of serious harm.

Knowingly? I dont go there so I can get hit on, not even by younger men.