healing process after the affair end.

[sisa]

I was the OW and now is in my healing process.

many people talk about time, say time will heal us. but, I also see some people still in the depression mode for so long... for me, I think if the grief time longer than affair time, then it's called long for me.

 

my mood now is in weird mode, sometimes I feel so bless that I get out of this mess, and in the other time, I just miss him, thinking about some genuine time we spent together. it was so real and I was very happy with him. I cannot hate him though sometimes it's one of the way get over the feelings for him. it's tough.

 

losing him is very sad, I feel very sad he is married that I cannot be with him. why it's also the love, but his love for wife is bless, but his love for me is sim, his wife love for him is nature but my love for him is forbidden. I feel very sad about all these. no one like to hurt others.

 

well, actually I want to ask the OW or OM here who recover well after the affair end. what thoughts making you move on finally. I really afraid I will always feeling loss in the rest of my life. then I might regret why I don't just take OW role, because it's better than miss him.

[carhill]

As a result of MC, I learned how to better process emotions in general, and in particular those surrounding loss, and one area that was particularly problematical to work through was that regarding 'unfinished business', so I made it a point to 'finish business' wrt to the respective relationships, end them and then treat them like deaths, which in a sense they were.

 

Since the AP was the person who was a MW decades ago, I could compare the resultant feelings. Prior, I was depressed for a couple years and still admittedly had to have maintained thoughts or feelings somewhere in my psyche, or I would not have sought her out again, much as she did to me off and on when a MW. The mere reality of doing so proved the 'unfinished business'.

 

Sorting that stuff out helped enormously. Today, I'm sincerely happy for the various parties (exW and fMW/OW) in their respective relationships and am similarly happy being alone. For me, MC made the difference. For another person, they could find a completely different path.

 

Tip: Focus on the relationships you do have in your life which uplift you and energize you. They can assist in the healing process.