How long should I keep this going on for? When to stop?

[Pattiroxxi]

First off, I am 22 years old. I have been dating my current BF for 3 years and cheating on him for 6 months. He cheated on me 2 years into the relationship with massage hookers who were touching him in an inappropriate way. This had a massive impact on me and I felt the need to get revenge. It destroyed my academic life, as I failed my exams and I am now retaking due to the trauma he caused me. I just could not handle the fact that other OLDER women were touching him naked and massaging his private parts.

 

I decided to forgive him for the sole purpose of making him feel like a complete . I am a very good actress so I manage to persuade him into unknowingly playing the game with me. It's been 3 months since and I still can't get out my head what he was doing with those prostitutes.

 

In short, I have been engaging in sexual activities with men for the past few months and I am proud to say that I feel no guilt at all. Should I? He is oblivious to my cheating because he started university recently and that gives me a LOT of space to do how I please. At first I only did it for the revenge but then I started to enjoy it.

 

I am sometimes disgusted by what I am doing and want to stop, but the urge comes back every time I think of what he has been doing. I want to find now a new partner now and forget about what happened. He has been acting very nice since the start of our relationship but I can't forgive him for hiding it from me for so long. Should I end it now or wait longer? He has been doing it for couple of years while I did it for a few months I don't feel like it's enough yet.

Edited June 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Considering your (both of you) pasts, I would say your relationship is done and you should move on to a healthier life. You do not have to jump right into another relationship but take your time and date around. You are only young once so have some fun. Please use protection when having sex.

[Pattiroxxi]

Considering your (both of you) pasts, I would say your relationship is done and you should move on to a healthier life. You do not have to jump right into another relationship but take your time and date around. You are only young once so have some fun. Please use protection when having sex.

 

I never go past oral sex, but thanks for your input.

[No Limit]

I think you're searching for something that doesn't exist. Cheating doesn't bring satisfaction if done only for revenge, or at least no long-time satisfaction. You've actually just turned into your boyfriend with that behavior.

 

And yeah, your relationship is long gone. Why pursue it?

[ExpatInItaly]

Why are you still together? He's cheated, you've cheated. The relationship is broken. Just move on so you can find someone who makes you happy.

[d0nnivain]

What's your end game here? He cheated. You opted for revenge without listening to that old proverb which says when you want revenge, 1st dig 2 graves.

 

For 6 months you have been cheating & yet you feel nothing. You have effectively destroyed your own conscious & soul. How do you think this will effect your next relationship? It isn't making you healthier. It's not making you a better person. Where is the up side for you? When you figure that out, you will know what to do next.

[BetrayedH]

Before you embark on a journey for revenge, dig two graves.

 

Revenge is like drinking a poison in hopes that the other person will die.

 

Stop now. It's enough.

[Pattiroxxi]

I think you're searching for something that doesn't exist. Cheating doesn't bring satisfaction if done only for revenge, or at least no long-time satisfaction. You've actually just turned into your boyfriend with that behavior.

 

And yeah, your relationship is long gone. Why pursue it?

 

 

My BF did it for 2 long years. I don't feel satisfied yet. I keep getting the urge to touch more guys as time passes.

[Zahara]

I never go past oral sex, but thanks for your input.

 

Oral sex doesn't protect you from being the recipient of an STD. Did you know you can get warts in your mouth from someone carrying the HPV virus, even when they show no symptoms. Educate yourself.

 

The relationship is broken and you're getting absolutely nothing from what you're doing but involving yourself in unhealthy and toxic behavior detrimental to YOU and only YOU.

 

End it and begin your life on a new path.

[Pattiroxxi]

What's your end game here? He cheated. You opted for revenge without listening to that old proverb which says when you want revenge, 1st dig 2 graves.

 

For 6 months you have been cheating & yet you feel nothing. You have effectively destroyed your own conscious & soul. How do you think this will effect your next relationship? It isn't making you healthier. It's not making you a better person. Where is the up side for you? When you figure that out, you will know what to do next.

 

I feel a lot better after revenge actually. I am much calmer and it helps me to avoid thinking what those prostitutes were doing to him. He actually thinks i have forgiven him and tries to make things better. He can't even realise what he did wrong. He is such a loser.

[d0nnivain]

Then why are wasting so much energy & effort on a loser? Just dump him & move on. You can still have all the sex you want with as many people as you like. Cheating on him doesn't change anything. Living well is really the best revenge.

[Pattiroxxi]

Then why are wasting so much energy & effort on a loser? Just dump him & move on. You can still have all the sex you want with as many people as you like. Cheating on him doesn't change anything. Living well is really the best revenge.

 

 

Its just that i wasted 2 years on him, i want them back.

[d0nnivain]

You clearly know that's not an option unless you learn to build a time machine.

 

Are you really going to waste 2 more years on him? Wasn't the 1st 2 enough?

[Pattiroxxi]

You clearly know that's not an option unless you learn to build a time machine.

 

Are you really going to waste 2 more years on him? Wasn't the 1st 2 enough?

 

I was trapped in a fogg for the first two years. I was mortified when i first found out he was frequenting these massage palors several times a WEEK, if i would be married to him a divorce would be definite. I guess i just see what time will bring.

[Chi townD]

I never go past oral sex, but thanks for your input.

 

 

Cheating is cheating. But, he was getting HJ while you've been putting other men in your mouth and then kissing your boyfriend afterwards?!?!

 

 

Come clean and tell him you've been having sex with other men for six months, that you enjoy it and would rather continue to have what you have with these other men (considering that you've already admitted that you don't have any remorse and that you do, in fact, enjoy it.) and break it off with your boyfriend.

 

 

Should be too hard to tell him the truth, you don't feel guilty; therefore, there shouldn't be any shame in telling him the truth.

 

 

Oh, and this wasn't his fault. This was your choice to get your "revenge affair". As far as he knew, you forgave him. So, don't try to blame him for your decision to sleep with other men.

[angel.eyes]

When you stoop to someone's level, all you prove is that you are no better than that person.

 

What you're doing won't give you back those two years. It's just wasting more time, wallowing in dysfunctional interactions, and creating additional baggage to haul unhealthily into your next relationship. Release your bitterness and need for revenge. Learn to forgive. It's a gift to yourself.

 

There's a reason why they say living well is the best revenge. Let your negativity go.

[central]

Neither of you are relationship material. You're both immature, and you are actively and deliberately unethical.

[Pattiroxxi]

Cheating is cheating. But, he was getting HJ while you've been putting other men in your mouth and then kissing your boyfriend afterwards?!?!

 

 

Come clean and tell him you've been having sex with other men for six months, that you enjoy it and would rather continue to have what you have with these other men (considering that you've already admitted that you don't have any remorse and that you do, in fact, enjoy it.) and break it off with your boyfriend.

 

 

Should be too hard to tell him the truth, you don't feel guilty; therefore, there shouldn't be any shame in telling him the truth.

 

 

Oh, and this wasn't his fault. This was your choice to get your "revenge affair". As far as he knew, you forgave him. So, don't try to blame him for your decision to sleep with other men.

 

Its was not just a handjob!!! he got rubbed all over naked and they washed him as well, that is VERY intimate in my opinion. I also heard that there is a lot of teasing. It sends shivers on my back everytime i mention it.

 

Yes he thinks so, but i am not gonna come clean yet. I am going to enjoy myself as long as i can and then tell him the truth. I am not sleeping with other men.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why are you still with him, OP? Are you afraid to be on your own? I couldn't imagine staying with a man who frequented prostitutes. Why put yourself through that mess?

[BetrayedH]

Why do you suppose that so many people are trying to discourage you?

[Keke1]

Cheating is cheating. But, he was getting HJ while you've been putting other men in your mouth and then kissing your boyfriend afterwards?!?!

 

 

Come clean and tell him you've been having sex with other men for six months, that you enjoy it and would rather continue to have what you have with these other men (considering that you've already admitted that you don't have any remorse and that you do, in fact, enjoy it.) and break it off with your boyfriend.

 

 

Should be too hard to tell him the truth, you don't feel guilty; therefore, there shouldn't be any shame in telling him the truth.

 

 

Oh, and this wasn't his fault. This was your choice to get your "revenge affair". As far as he knew, you forgave him. So, don't try to blame him for your decision to sleep with other men.

Agreed and OP this is not a mature way of acting or thinking. You are seriously only hurting yourself. You sound younger than 22 honestly with the way you are behaving. Why forgive him if you were not really going to forgive him?

[Pattiroxxi]

As a student how could he afford those massage parlours ? They are very expensive as you probably know. Are you a student too ? I believe term time is over for the summer in the UK isn't it ?

 

How he affords to pay for his visits is his problem. He is 28 and he is doing his masters currently, so he probably earned some cash beforehand. He also worked during university so it should not be a problem i think.

 

No, i already finished my degree and i am currently unemployed waiting to find a job.

[Chi townD]

Its was not just a handjob!!! he got rubbed all over naked and they washed him as well, that is VERY intimate in my opinion. I also heard that there is a lot of teasing. It sends shivers on my back everytime i mention it.

 

Yes he thinks so, but i am not gonna come clean yet. I am going to enjoy myself as long as i can and then tell him the truth. I am not sleeping with other men.

 

 

 

 

 

He was getting a massage with a "happy ending". But, you're having sex with these other men. (oral sex is still sex).

 

 

Who says you can't enjoy yourself. Cut your boyfriend loose. No reason to keep him around right? I mean, what's the point of continuing what you're doing and having him around.

 

 

I mean, you even wrote that he's been working to try and be better and make things right by you. But, you're trying to tell us that it's fruitless.

 

 

So, cut him loose. He'll learn from his mistakes and hopefully apply what he's learned as what NOT to do for his next relationship. But, don't keep him on the hook if you had no plans of fixing this relationship. That's not fair to him or to you. It just makes you a bitter person.

 

 

Now, I'm not defending him, but I'm also not defending what you're doing. You are lowering yourself and your morals to what? Make him hurt? You could have done that when you discovered his infidelities and told him "Don't bother coming back."

 

 

Or are you looking forward to seeing the pain in his eyes when you tell him that you've been cheating on him. You think you might that you'll feel vindicated, but the fact is, you're not going to feel good about yourself after a while (if the bitterness hasn't completely consumed you.)

 

 

So, my question is, why are you keeping him around?

[Pattiroxxi]

He was getting a massage with a "happy ending". But, you're having sex with these other men. (oral sex is still sex).

 

 

Who says you can't enjoy yourself. Cut your boyfriend loose. No reason to keep him around right? I mean, what's the point of continuing what you're doing and having him around.

 

 

I mean, you even wrote that he's been working to try and be better and make things right by you. But, you're trying to tell us that it's fruitless.

 

 

So, cut him loose. He'll learn from his mistakes and hopefully apply what he's learned as what NOT to do for his next relationship. But, don't keep him on the hook if you had no plans of fixing this relationship. That's not fair to him or to you. It just makes you a bitter person.

 

 

Now, I'm not defending him, but I'm also not defending what you're doing. You are lowering yourself and your morals to what? Make him hurt? You could have done that when you discovered his infidelities and told him "Don't bother coming back."

 

 

Or are you looking forward to seeing the pain in his eyes when you tell him that you've been cheating on him. You think you might that you'll feel vindicated, but the fact is, you're not going to feel good about yourself after a while (if the bitterness hasn't completely consumed you.)

 

 

So, my question is, why are you keeping him around?

 

 

It's helping me cope, i don't want to go to counseling or any therapy to help me cope with his wrongness, i feel like this is helping me to get through the fog i am currently in and i really can't explain why, i guess that's the way it is.

[2sunny]

Neither one of you are relationship ready.

 

Be on your own to do as you please.

 

Blaming his behavior to justify your bad behavior is really destructive for any relationship.

 

Since you don't want to change and you intend to play more with other men - end the R you think you're in with the 28 year old dude.