How long should I keep this going on for? When to stop?

[Keke1]

It's helping me cope, i don't want to go to counseling or any therapy to help me cope with his wrongness, i feel like this is helping me to get through the fog i am currently in and i really can't explain why, i guess that's the way it is.

 

This is terrible juvenile thinking. I wish that the guy never did what you said because his actions have pushed you down a terrible road. Remember this. If you ever decide to get serious again Karma may have a word with you. There is no reason to continue to hurt the guy if you claim you forgave him. You have showed that you are a cheater and liar in an intimate relationship. Dont get labeled around town guys love to talk.

[Chi townD]

It's helping me cope, i don't want to go to counseling or any therapy to help me cope with his wrongness, i feel like this is helping me to get through the fog i am currently in and i really can't explain why, i guess that's the way it is.

 

 

 

 

 

So, keeping the guy around that hurt you, that you have no respect for, that you despise....is helping you cope. That makes no sense whatsoever.

 

 

Sorry, that's not a real answer.

 

 

why do you keep him around? Does it give you some sort of sick pleasure seeing him right after you get done with someone else? Like, you like the fact that he's clueless to what you're doing? Chances are you, like going up to him and kissing him right after you've been with someone else. You like thinking to yourself, If you only knew what I was doing an hour ago.

 

 

Now, is that the kind of girl you've turned into? Are you proud of yourself? You think your family would approve of your behavior?

 

 

Why do you keep him around?

[Pattiroxxi]

So, keeping the guy around that hurt you, that you have no respect for, that you despise....is helping you cope. That makes no sense whatsoever.

 

 

Sorry, that's not a real answer.

 

 

why do you keep him around? Does it give you some sort of sick pleasure seeing him right after you get done with someone else? Like, you like the fact that he's clueless to what you're doing? Chances are you, like going up to him and kissing him right after you've been with someone else. You like thinking to yourself, If you only knew what I was doing an hour ago.

 

 

Now, is that the kind of girl you've turned into? Are you proud of yourself? You think your family would approve of your behavior?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why do you keep him around?

I keep him around because I feel its what I need to do. I believe in time I eventually get over it, but at the moment I am not in a position to move on. Everything you said is true though.

[Keke1]

This is sick

[2sunny]

Using sex as a weapon is just so.... Wrong.

 

You're ruining the beauty of the way it's intended to be.

 

I hope you reconsider your approach.

 

Blaming him for your bad behavior isn't right.

[Glinda.Good]

Stop today.

[stillafool]

I keep him around because I feel its what I need to do. I believe in time I eventually get over it, but at the moment I am not in a position to move on. Everything you said is true though.

 

He's probably going to break up with you anyway when he finds out you have been out giving oral to other men. Yuk! Hey, but at least you will have your revenge to keep you warm while he will move on to another woman.

[ascendotum]

Its was not just a handjob!!! he got rubbed all over naked and they washed him as well, that is VERY intimate in my opinion. I also heard that there is a lot of teasing. It sends shivers on my back everytime i mention it.

 

In many/most guys eyes, I am sure an erotic massage (maybe handjob maybe not depends on the girl + management policy) wont be seen to be as bad in terms on intimate sex act than their girl giving out BJs. I know you say the guys you treated used a condom, but in my experience and my friends that's rare and your bf/we could easily assume like you and the handjob, that you took cum. Really, the first time you had sex was enough to devastate your bf....if he knew. Your bf is really good to you now (making up for the hurt) but you are still seeking out guys and I think its gone past revenge and that's somewhat of a cover now. Its not proper revenge unless your bf knows and experiences the hurt back

 

I also think you are blowing this up in your mind a bit more to justify the revenge sex (imo), by calling the massage women, hookers. Sex worker would be the appropriate term. if they do do tug jobs, they are performing a sex act. They are not having sex with your bf and he is not having sex with them. I know, its still cheating for many women. With your revenge, the guy being in you, its sex.

 

I do appreciate revenge, but I do think it is more appropriate in a LTR/kids, marriage relationship where it is not so straight forward to just walk out. You two are so young and the relationship is only 2 yrs, its so easy to walk out and find a new bf. Just breakup. Stop blowing this up more by acting like he stole/wasted 2 yrs of your life...unless all you did was just sit on the couch watching tv with him dreaming of marrying him. I don't mean to negate the fact he betrayed your trust getting erotic massages, but lots of people get cheated on and deal with it or breakup and find new happiness.

[Justaguy30]

I think you're searching for something that doesn't exist. Cheating doesn't bring satisfaction if done only for revenge, or at least no long-time satisfaction. You've actually just turned into your boyfriend with that behavior.

 

And yeah, your relationship is long gone. Why pursue it?

 

My ex cheated on me and I called her out about it which just made her do it more and she did it just to hurt me even though I knew she was I loved her very much. Cheating just to hurt someone is really gross. My ex GF slept with 50 or more men to try and hurt me and guess what it did hurt me very badly and I might never be the same person. At least he admitted to you what he did. Have you thought about the fact that you are not only cheating but lying to him. He didn't do that to you.

 

Also if you are cheating the relationship is over. You made the choice to end it when you started cheating because you didn't care enough for the other person not to. Break up with him tell him what you did and move on.

[road]

I never go past oral sex, but thanks for your input.

 

 

 

That does not matter. You are still cheating. Dump the BF. Grow up stop cheating.

 

 

Then learn how to have a healthy relationship before you start your next one.

[DarkKnight1]

Thats is So F**cked Up. I Dont Get How Him Getting A Massage And A Happy Ending Is Cheating?. I Can Understand You May Feel A Little Violated But Your Actions Are Far More Vile, You need tell him you been giving head as therapy.

[serial muse]

Thats is So F**cked Up. I Dont Get How Him Getting A Massage And A Happy Ending Is Cheating?. I Can Understand You May Feel A Little Violated But Your Actions Are Far More Vile, You need tell him you been giving head as therapy.

 

This is so bizarre to me. So a handjob is not cheating, but a blowjob is? That is a distinction without a difference. What self-serving nonsense.

 

OP, you're both cheating and as others have said, you have nothing really tying you together. So I think this relationship has run its course. You should probably just end the whole shebang.

[Chi townD]

Folks, you're chasing after bunnies here....

[littleplanet]

DDon't feed me that nonsense.

 

Here's what you really mean.

 

I'm using my boyfriend's previous mistake as an excuse as to why I'm currently deceiving him and enjoying my flings behind his back.

 

I don't hate him nor do I resent him, I just like cheating and his past gave me a free pass to have him as my man, doing things for me and providing comfort and security while I go bang other dudes even though I am just saying it's oral.

 

Why? Cause I want my cake and eat it too and I feel ENTITLED to it cause I was hurt.

 

^The OP in a nutshell.

 

Stop acting like a victim. If you cared so much that he hurt you, you would have broken up with him when he did, now you're just trying to get it both ways. And this guy paid to get what he wanted, you're getting it for free.

 

So in essence, he was doing a business.

 

You're just acting like a h to the o with this attitude.

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Sapphire

standing ovation

 

OP, I don't know if you know the damage that surrounds your approach,

but keeping someone around for the sole purpose of punishment sounds pretty psychotic, in my book.

 

You don't move on because you can't. Not for love, but for hate.

And this is a good thing in exactly what way?

Why is it that you enjoy your revenge so much?

(and you just might find that one day that yummy revenge comes back to bite you...........right where it hurts the most.)

 

The game can turn awful fast. This is what people often grow up to learn.

 

sunny said using sex as a weapon is so wrong.

I agree.

So trade your nukes and blow it up.

Poison is a funny thing. You don't feel it in miniscule amounts.

Until the day it hits the tipping point.

( by then it's just a little too late.)

[jbelle6]

Thats is So F**cked Up. I Dont Get How Him Getting A Massage And A Happy Ending Is Cheating?. I Can Understand You May Feel A Little Violated But Your Actions Are Far More Vile, You need tell him you been giving head as therapy.

 

 

So you would not think it to be cheating if your girl got naked and rubbed all over? ALL OVER until she had an orgasm? Rubbing himself naked all over her? We will agree to disagree. Now, if the wife/girlfriend is OK with it, then good for them. I think if one has not discussed it with their partner that one should assume said partner will find it to be cheating.

 

 

OP, I think a better way to get over this would have been to hold your head high and end things. Just end it, it really won't hurt him more if you told him now or 20 guys from now. I do hope you are using condoms as you said, HPV can cause oral cancers and this isn't worth hurting your health.

I think you are actually prolonging your pain the way you are going about it now, just leave, move on and heal.

[April Moon]

I don't understand... For revenge like that, wouldn't you tell him or take pictures? Typically, it's not for therapy.... Actions like this lead to therapy. Honestly, you have disrespected yourself more than he ever has.