Cheated on me because I can't cook

[verawen12]

So basically, you're happy being a dependent. What happens if he breaks up with you? No education, no job, and no friends.

This was my main worry before this happened. But I had enough faith in this relationship to believe this wouldn't happen. The longest relationship he had before me was 6 months and he told me he never connected with anyone else before. So I thought it was sufficient enough. Our relationship is going on 2.5 years. I worried about my university degree a lot. Thinking whether it was the right decision or not. Before I met him I chose international business because I thought it would land me a job where I would travel a lot. I wanted that kind of job because I was lonely. I felt that constantly traveling would feel better than being stuck at home alone on a Friday night.

 

Since I met him that's not what I want anymore. I want an office job of some sort. And I'm sure I can do that without a university degree. My boyfriend being in or out of my life would not have changed the amount of friends I have. I want more friends but as I said it doesn't happen easily for me.

 

Where I live university is free so the option of going back is always available to be although I don't fancy being a mature student.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Where I live university is free so the option of going back is always available to be although I don't fancy being a mature student.

 

I'm not even going to touch your other points, if you want to work in something that requires no degree, do so. But what are you waiting for?

 

Honestly, if uni is free, I can't see NOT going. As far as 'mature' student, just LOL. I went back at 33 for a second degree.

 

Make a plan. Take all the 'domestic engineering' courses you can find. Be what he wants you to be, if you feel this is the relationship for you.

[verawen12]

I'm not condoning his cheating at all...but...

 

He explicitly told you what he wanted out of a relationship. He wants the traditional woman who cooks and cleans. He wants you to take care of yourself and exercise. You refused to do any of these things.

 

It sounds like you quit school to move with him. Are you working? If not, what are you doing all day? Why not cook a meal for him or clean the house? Why not go for a walk every day or exercise? Why not take care of yourself? I must be missing something here. I'm not a big cook either, but if it was important to the man I loved that I learn how to cook, I would probably do it for him -- especially if I wasn't going to school or working!

 

Well my thought process at the time was that I would do all these things for him after we move in together. I kept putting it off not that I wasn't ever going to do it. Like the same way you eat a chocolate bar and think ill do the diet tomorrow instead. But I've realized the hard way now that I'm going to have to do all these things if I want to be with him. I'm planning on learning to cook and once I feel comfortable enough with my cooking skills I'll find a job. It's just recently that I've quit my course at university and I'm still working a part time job at the moment. I've always used the excuse that since we're not living together yet I don't need to.

 

I know all of you are in disbelief that he would cheat over me not being able to cook. But he was really angry at me at the time which allowed him to cheat. Since he wanted to show me I didn't deserve him. Of course he regrets it now. He wasn't expecting risottos from me but he has a very difficult job with long hours and I wasn't able to make him food that was of standard quality.

[MidwestUSA]

Well my thought process at the time was that I would do all these things for him after we move in together. I kept putting it off not that I wasn't ever going to do it. Like the same way you eat a chocolate bar and think ill do the diet tomorrow instead. But I've realized the hard way now that I'm going to have to do all these things if I want to be with him. I'm planning on learning to cook and once I feel comfortable enough with my cooking skills I'll find a job. It's just recently that I've quit my course at university and I'm still working a part time job at the moment. I've always used the excuse that since we're not living together yet I don't need to.

 

I know all of you are in disbelief that he would cheat over me not being able to cook. But he was really angry at me at the time which allowed him to cheat. Since he wanted to show me I didn't deserve him. Of course he regrets it now. He wasn't expecting risottos from me but he has a very difficult job with long hours and I wasn't able to make him food that was of standard quality.

 

Honestly, this is beyond ridiculous.

 

If you think cooking and keeping house is what it's going to take to keep this guy, prove it to him BEFORE you move in. If we're going to go that route with you, then I'll say 'be the best you can be'. Why should he believe anything you say or promise? What are you existing on now, food wise? You admit to putting on weight; you realize you're establishing a lifetime of habits right now?

 

What next, I'll learn to cook when baby turns one, I just don't have the time right now?

[verawen12]

I'm not even going to touch your other points, if you want to work in something that requires no degree, do so. But what are you waiting for?

 

Honestly, if uni is free, I can't see NOT going. As far as 'mature' student, just LOL. I went back at 33 for a second degree.

 

Make a plan. Take all the 'domestic engineering' courses you can find. Be what he wants you to be, if you feel this is the relationship for you.

 

I know you're skeptical as I would be if I was reading this.He is capable of cheating I know that now but he is not capable of lying. He said that if he cheated because he wanted to be with other girls then he would have had sex with her not just a blowjob. Don't think that I'm gullible and that I only hear what I wanted to hear. I've asked him many many times if that was really the reason why he did it. If he cheated because he wanted other girls then I can't be with him in that case.

I would have continued university if he hadn't had to move but secretly I wanted him to. Since I hated it that much.

[verawen12]

Honestly, this is beyond ridiculous.

 

If you think cooking and keeping house is what it's going to take to keep this guy, prove it to him BEFORE you move in. If we're going to go that route with you, then I'll say 'be the best you can be'. Why should he believe anything you say or promise? What are you existing on now, food wise? You admit to putting on weight; you realize you're establishing a lifetime of habits right now?

 

What next, I'll learn to cook when baby turns one, I just don't have the time right now?

 

I don't know why you're so hostile. We both made mistakes. I should have done all these things and he shouldn't have cheated.

[lonegirl]

Well my thought process at the time was that I would do all these things for him after we move in together. I kept putting it off not that I wasn't ever going to do it. Like the same way you eat a chocolate bar and think ill do the diet tomorrow instead. But I've realized the hard way now that I'm going to have to do all these things if I want to be with him. I'm planning on learning to cook and once I feel comfortable enough with my cooking skills I'll find a job. It's just recently that I've quit my course at university and I'm still working a part time job at the moment. I've always used the excuse that since we're not living together yet I don't need to.

 

I know all of you are in disbelief that he would cheat over me not being able to cook. But he was really angry at me at the time which allowed him to cheat. Since he wanted to show me I didn't deserve him. Of course he regrets it now. He wasn't expecting risottos from me but he has a very difficult job with long hours and I wasn't able to make him food that was of standard quality.

 

I do believe that are people out there that use any excuse to cheat and do all sorts of wrong things, and use small issues they think their partner have to validate their bad behavior. But I ask, what advice do you want? Don't get these words in any harsh way, you need to focus on what you really want.

 

I don't think cheating back on him is a nice thing to do, as you're going to start a never ending vicious circle and this WON'T make you feel better in the end, as his actions cannot be deleted from your mind or his own. Be honest with yourself, if you think it's ok what he has done, and you think you can adapt to his more traditionalist way, then go have some cooking classes, go to the gym, work on the small things he asked you to do and you avoided.

 

Speaking for myself I wouldn't accept a man that has so strict rules about what a woman must be or not, but only YOU can define the concept of happiness and fulfillment on a relationship that fits your personality. So, go fight for what you want.

[MidwestUSA]

I don't know why you're so hostile. We both made mistakes. I should have done all these things and he shouldn't have cheated.

 

I'm not being hostile. I'm encouraging you to move on and do what you want to do! If you notice, I haven't even mentioned the cheating, I'm focusing on you, and what you need to do to move on.

 

 

Pick up where you left off, and follow thru on the promises to do what you said you would. If you've forgiven/forgotten the cheating, who am I to judge? But his excuse for cheating (no matter what we think of it) can easily be used again. Do you see where I'm going with that? Would you accept it a second time?

[verawen12]

I'm not being hostile. I'm encouraging you to move on and do what you want to do! If you notice, I haven't even mentioned the cheating, I'm focusing on you, and what you need to do to move on.

 

 

Pick up where you left off, and follow thru on the promises to do what you said you would. If you've forgiven/forgotten the cheating, who am I to judge? But his excuse for cheating (no matter what we think of it) can easily be used again. Do you see where I'm going with that? Would you accept it a second time?

 

I'm going to do all those things so he won't be able to use this as an excuse and if he does it again then I'll know its because he wants to sleep with other girls. That will be our relationship over because it's not something I can accept even if I want to.

I decided to move on but the real reason I'm here is because I feel like he hasn't been punished enough. I don't have any fear of him cheating again since he's the type of person who doesn't repeat a mistake. But I feel like he should suffer as much as I did.

[MidwestUSA]

I'm going to do all those things so he won't be able to use this as an excuse and if he does it again then I'll know its because he wants to sleep with other girls. That will be our relationship over because it's not something I can accept even if I want to.

I decided to move on but the real reason I'm here is because I feel like he hasn't been punished enough. I don't have any fear of him cheating again since he's the type of person who doesn't repeat a mistake. But I feel like he should suffer as much as I did.

 

Well, before I sign off, I'd like to say that this is not a healthy approach, and will most certainly further damage your relationship! Why would you want to so this?! What do you consider an appropriate 'punishment'?

 

 

The time would be better spent working on the issues that caused him to cheat in the first place. Heavy sigh. Good luck.

[pteromom]

I know all of you are in disbelief that he would cheat over me not being able to cook. But he was really angry at me at the time which allowed him to cheat.

 

No, what allowed him to cheat is his own lacking integrity.

 

Since he wanted to show me I didn't deserve him.

 

This is messed up thinking. In a healthy relationship, you accept each other, and want to show each other how much they DO deserve you. You want to lift each other up, encourage each other, be supportive and loving.

 

Going out and cheating for REVENGE is the opposite of that. It's cruel, it's selfish, and it prevents intimacy in the relationship.

 

What he did was an act of asserting CONTROL over you. He basically said to you "You will bend to my will, or see what I am capable of?"

 

Your life with this man will be very unpleasant. I am sorry you refuse to dump him.

 

If I was you, I would go to uni NOW. Follow your passions, and set your life up so you can be successful no matter what your boyfriend does.

 

Of course he regrets it now.

 

No he doesn't. He just knows that if he doesn't seem to regret it, he can't control you.

 

He wasn't expecting risottos from me but he has a very difficult job with long hours and I wasn't able to make him food that was of standard quality.

 

Oh wahhh. That's what restaurants are for. Seriously...

 

If you want to learn to cook, learn to cook. But don't do it because you are bullied into it by a cheating jerk.

[pteromom]

But I feel like he should suffer as much as I did.

 

That will never happen. It's possible he is even secretly proud of himself.

 

It's possible he is not CAPABLE of suffering in the way you suffered, because he doesn't feel as deeply.

 

Don't worry about what he is feeling or not feeling. Take care of YOURSELF.

[Citizen Erased]

I'm going to do all those things so he won't be able to use this as an excuse and if he does it again then I'll know its because he wants to sleep with other girls. That will be our relationship over because it's not something I can accept even if I want to.

I decided to move on but the real reason I'm here is because I feel like he hasn't been punished enough. I don't have any fear of him cheating again since he's the type of person who doesn't repeat a mistake. But I feel like he should suffer as much as I did.

 

He isn't suffering at all and he clearly doesn't think it was a mistake, he isn't sorry in the least. So yes, he more than likely will do it again because he has the perfect excuse now that you accept your lack of cooking skills are the reason he had his cock in another woman's mouth.

 

Good luck with this moron, hopefully you wake up eventually.

[MidwestUSA]

He isn't suffering at all and he clearly doesn't think it was a mistake, he isn't sorry in the least. So yes, he more than likely will do it again because he has the perfect excuse now that you accept your lack of cooking skills are the reason he had his cock in another woman's mouth.

 

Good luck with this moron, hopefully you wake up eventually.

 

 

 

And I was worried about being blunt.

[ThatGirl213]

Sorry mehn but this can't be true. You actually bought his excuse?

[d0nnivain]

I can't cook either. My husband offered to get me cooking lessons & he teased me by saying he was going to get me an audition for the Food Channels' game show Worst Cooks in America. He didn't bang another woman.

 

 

You said something about him not being punished enough. The only one I see being punished here is you & you're doing it to yourself.

[giblesp]

I got as far as the first paragraph.

 

He is an ahole of the biggest kind. I'm glad you're no longer with him. You sound like a good person, you only deserve another good person.

[stillafool]

I'm going to do all those things so he won't be able to use this as an excuse and if he does it again then I'll know its because he wants to sleep with other girls. That will be our relationship over because it's not something I can accept even if I want to.

I decided to move on but the real reason I'm here is because I feel like he hasn't been punished enough. I don't have any fear of him cheating again since he's the type of person who doesn't repeat a mistake. But I feel like he should suffer as much as I did.

 

If you really want to PUNISH him, break up and move on. Otherwise anything else you say is just talk and he will do it again.

[MidwestUSA]

I got as far as the first paragraph.

 

He is an ahole of the biggest kind. I'm glad you're no longer with him.

 

But, she's still with him. arranging his 'punishment'.

[veggirl]

How can you "not know how to cook?" I mean...read a recipe and do what it says.

[ThatGirl213]

Your bf reminds me of my ex. When he first cheated, he told he did it because I weren't good in bed (I had just lost my virginity. I guess he thought I would be a pornstar in bed). He said he did not break up with me coz he liked the home environment he had with me. I would cook, do his laundry, wait for him to come home to have dinner and other wifely stuff. The girl he cheated on me with looked like she had no future and I was in a professional school at the time. Second time he cheated was because I was always around. He later said he wanted only me coz he realized no other relationship made any sense. I forgave him and begged him to be back with me all these two times. A year later, after I became "the best sex partner he ever had" and he moving in with me (his own decision), he cheated again. This time there was no reason. I guess he couldn't find any. Now he is begging to get back together and confessed that all his cheating were his own fault.

 

If your bf is truly remorseful and won't do it again, good for you. But what guarantee do you have? You said he won't lie. Are you sure? At some point in the relationship, you thought he won't cheat right? And he did.

Edited June 17, 2014 by ThatGirl213

[dragon_fly_7]

OP, the greatest punishment would be kicking this loser to the curb the very first time you found out about his cheating.

 

Sorry but I have actually dumped my ex bf for much less than cheating and would not ever be getting back with him. If for me, it doesn't even takes getting cheated on to dump someone that's not worth it then I can't imagine staying with someone that has no problems banging another woman while having the nerves to still demand that we remain their goody, faithful gf.

[preraph]

This guy is cruel. He doesn't love you for who you are. He is trying to make women fit the mold he has in his little fantasizing head. You don't need to conform to him. He will only keep finding ways to put you down. He is a bad choice, and you now have the opportunity to walk away and leave him to it -- and that's what you should do. Let someone else slave over the stove for his critical abusive butt and live with that! Find someone NICE to you.

[dragon_fly_7]

OP, think about this:

 

What benefits besides ''oh the feelings, oh the moon and the stars, but he's the love of my love'' would staying with this loser give you (esp. if he were to leave you any minute since you clearly won't do it yourself) and quitting college vs going back to college and obtaining a degree, better job positions, a good earning etc?

 

In the real world, love and emotions doesn't feed you. Love and emotions definitely doesn't pay for my college courses.

Edited June 18, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[ascendotum]

The inability to produce a really good Risotto should not be reason enough to cheat.

 

For many an Italian it breakup worthy though. Hmmm, still if you can keep your current gf who you know can't leave you and might try harder to win you over in other respects to makeup for her lack of culinary skills but also get a fwb who's a good cook and makes a great risotto then that sounds like a pretty good arrangement.

 

"What do you think I should do? I can't dump him."

As another person said, you are chopping out your best course of action. You got low self esteem and he knows it, and if he knows "I can't dump him" then, sorry but things are not going to change for the better for you. He knows he can get away with crap and also not even feel guilty or ashamed about it. Do your self a favour and start making plans to exit this relationship or else learn to get used to him cheating.