How Would You Feel If He Told You This????

[loveturtle]

hey everyone,

I've got a question. Well, i've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years, and i love him to death. i cant even bear the thouht of him thinking about anyone else. he masterbates everyday, and this really bothers me because it just hurts to think about him thinking sexual thoughts about someone else. i know he is a guy, but is it wrong for me to be so jealous. I asked hm what he masterbates about, and he said he never thinks about attractive girls, but instead, the girls who really want him. Hes a good lookin guy and any girl who sees him does want him, its just that it hurts that he thinks about other girls in that way. He masterbates about girls who lust after him, and never masterbates about me. I'm so jealous and i even feel so hurt. Am i irrational to feel this way. Is this normal for him to be masterbating about that all the time. He says it's his only excitement in the day... i jsut wish i could be me. We do have a lon distance relationship, and i trust that he will never cheat on me..... i'm jsut so hurt about what he masterbates about. what would you guys feel?? thanks

[tattoomytoe]

i think you should stop wotting so much about this!

 

why not ask him if he will do it in front of you, to let you watch, maybe that will turn him on too and he will think about that as well?

[RoxStar]

It seems like he has a big ego for one thing. No matter how hot he is for him to think about all the girls that want him??? Whatever. But I know thats not the point here so I digress and get back to the topic...

 

Do you ever fantisize about anything? As strange as it might be or as corny you might feel it is? Fantasy is just that... Fantasy. So even though he might be thinking about the girls that want him (that part is killing me!) its not real.

 

I am not saying this is your situation but a lot of women are insecure about their men masterbating. Talk to him about it. Make yourself part of it. My guy masterbates daily. He tells me sometimes he thinks about nothing. Sometimes is just a release. Sometimes he thinks about places I have given him head and sometimes he thinks about the threesome we had. But at the end of the day or week or however often you see each other he is with you.

 

Do you think you can overcome your insecurity about it and encourage him? Tell him you want to watch. That has proved to be very hot in my relationship. It made us a lot more honest about what we wanted sexually and we are more in line with each other now. Just a thought.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by loveturtle

what would you guys feel?? thanks

 

I'd be glad he felt he could be honest, open and truthful with me about it and not feel that he has to hide anything.

 

You'll need to get your insecurity and jealousy under control. If you don't eventually he'll just avoid telling you anything - he'll hide how he really feels and will placate you by telling you only those things you want to hear. Before long, he'll realize that he can't handle being in a relationship with someone that he can't be himself and be honest with. How he'll handle that is anyone's best guess: but wouldn't you rather not find that out the hard way? I know you are concerned for yourself and your needs, but don't forget your boyfriend's needs too. You need to feel secure, and he needs to know that he has a girlfriend who treasures him for himself and his honesty rather than just his ability to meet only your needs.

 

Have you talked to him about how you feel? Not just talked to him about what he's doing - but how what he's doing makes you feel?

[savethedrama4allama]

If he's jerking every day, does he have anything left for you?

[Lonestar]

why not ask him if he will do it in front of you, to let you watch,

 

Now this totally turns me on, and I can get few men to masturbate in front of me. They're all too shy. Why is that? Let me watch, damnit!

[tattoomytoe]

Originally posted by Lonestar

 

 

Now this totally turns me on, and I can get few men to masturbate in front of me. They're all too shy. Why is that? Let me watch, damnit!

 

Mee too! I love it, i think it is tremendous turn on!

[nugirl]

Your boyfriend must not have any feelings of respect. You need to ask him what he would do if he go the chance to sleep with any of this girls. Ask him if he would take advantage of the oppurtunity. If he says yes, you need to break up with the jerk and move on. If he says no, ask him why and evaluate his answer and make sure he has a good reson. No bull**** like he doesnt want to catch a STD or he doesnt want to get a girl pregnant. He needs to say something of the nature that he respects your relationship. If not, leave him.

[Pocky]

Fantasies are a natural part of life. It is extremely unrealistic and naive for you to believe that your boyfriend should never fantasize about anyone but you.

[Pocky]

Originally posted by nugirl

Your boyfriend must not have any feelings of respect. You need to ask him what he would do if he go the chance to sleep with any of this girls. Ask him if he would take advantage of the oppurtunity. If he says yes, you need to break up with the jerk and move on. If he says no, ask him why and evaluate his answer and make sure he has a good reson. No bull**** like he doesnt want to catch a STD or he doesnt want to get a girl pregnant. He needs to say something of the nature that he respects your relationship. If not, leave him.

 

I have fantasies that I would never, not in a million years, act on. It's a fantasy for a reason. Did you know that most women fantasize about forced sex? If we followed your line of thought then we'd have to say all these women want to be raped. Absurd, isn't it?

[bluechocolate]

Originally posted by nugirl

Your boyfriend must not have any feelings of respect. You need to ask him what he would do if he go the chance to sleep with any of this girls. Ask him if he would take advantage of the oppurtunity. If he says yes, you need to break up with the jerk and move on. If he says no, ask him why and evaluate his answer and make sure he has a good reson. No bull**** like he doesnt want to catch a STD or he doesnt want to get a girl pregnant. He needs to say something of the nature that he respects your relationship. If not, leave him.

huh??

 

 

.....and never masterbates about me

 

Loveturtle, did he actually say that? You have a long distance relationship therefore I take it his masturbating isn't affecting your sex life?

[Hund1976]

I'm suprised he would tell you "I masturbate thinking about other girls"

I would never say that to my GF, I've been with her for almost a year and that subject has never come up. I'm guessing that she probably takes care of herself from time to time. And I don't know what she thinks of when she's doing it. But I don't really think I want to know either. Sometimes you can have too much information. If your man is treating you well and giving you good loving when you're there you should be happy.

 

You could try having phone sex with him, that might get him to think of you while he's doing it.

[loveturtle]

Yes, well we do have a long distance relationship, i live in california (i had to move there a year ago), and he lives in pennsylvania. We visit each other once every three months. I trust him completely, and I know he'd never cheat on me. He's been saving himself for the girl he wants to marry, and says its me. We've been together for two years, and he is very sincere and honest, too honest sometimes, thats all. I do trust him, I mean, for his application for his job, instead of filling out single or married, he wrote taken and circled it. For his job, he's surrounded by gorgeous girls, and he's a very attractive guy, he coould have anyone he wants but he always tells them about me and how much he loves me. I know there is nothing i could ask for more. I guess i am just being selfish by wanting to be in his thoughts at all times. I just love him so much that it breaks my heart to even think about him lusting over someone else. He says fantasy is completely different from reality, and that he'd never go through with fullfilling them. I really don't understand why i feel so offended and upset and jealous that he fantasises about other girls he knows who he knows lust after him. I think i sould feel happy that he is that honest with me enough to tell me the truth and be that open.... i guess i am irrational. But its so debilitating how much it hurts and tears me apart, i need to get over it and i dont know how. I know i want to marry him, but marriage seems so hard when i think about how hurt i will be when i know hes fantasizing about some girl we both know. It just feels too hard to handle sometimes, i love him to much. I need to get stronger to get over this, he loves me sincerily, I guess humans are ****ed no matter what. Any tips for overcomin the human condition of jealousy with this? I mean, i masterbate about him, it bothers me unbelievable that he has needs to fantasize about other girls. Sorry to whine guys, i guess i sound ridiculous.... i'm just so jealous.

[RoxStar]

Honestly it sounds like you have some insecurities about it. Him telling you about all the girls that lust after him dont help - whether he is materbating or not. That part to me is a SCREAMING NEON SIGN that he either has his own insecurities or his ego is HUGE - too HUGE for his own good. To me it seems like he is trying to let you know how hot your man is whilst instilling jealousy in you it feeds his ego. It sounds like you need to work on you though. Even if you dont marry this guy the next guy will also masterbate... they all do and he might think of you but he also might think about some chick he saw in the store that was super hot. Maybe search masterbation on this board and read about other posts where people may have overcome this or accepted it.

[mymojo]

Masterbation is normal and healthy but really,some things are better left

unsaid. I really don't need or want to know about whom my partner masterbates to.

[Dude x]

Well masturbation and my libido were always a bit of a mystery.

I did feel shy about it. My wife was very curious and kept asking questions no body had ever asked. It was difficult for me but I fessed up to masturbating approx every other day, thinking of many different women, but I would also fantasize the sex we had the day before or sex with past girlfriends or one night stands(before we were together). I got so comfortable I'd just snap off " oh I thought of the girl at the gas station, or this girl walking down the street, or the one on tv...etc

 

She never said much about it at all. I was curious for any input. I knew something happened to me the first time I had an orgasm. It was a light switch that never turned off. But I rembered how I was before that day and I wondered what had changed and why do i crave girls now so badly. Noone knew and no one was willing to talk about it. Any discussions of male masturbation in high school were forbidden.

 

I wish she would have shared her feelings with me at the time. I would have resisted earlier.

So just a few months ago she finally tells me that my fantasy life makes her feel there is no such thing as monogomay and she felt encouraged to cheat on me.

 

I don't understand her logic but I don't care. I have sucessfully resisted my fantasy life.

 

I had read elsewhere that to spice up a relationship you could try to make sure you fantasize about your SO.

So if you catch yourself thinking of soemone else it is possible to simply do the mentally switch out the other person and put the SO there. It works for me.

 

I had been trying this for awhile before she told me about how she felt about it all. She was away for her job I was starting to miss her and it really did impact me. I was curious if my fantasies had taken energy from the relationship. I wonder if it has, I think it did. So I was already on a path of resistance when she finally told me her full perspective. Now no problem, I just remember all the things we've done or think of things she said.

 

It's much easier for me now, I'm tired of lusting after all these women anyways, I'm tired of wanting something which is not possible. I have no plans of cheating so why torment myself with these other women. What I need is reality and my wife here in front of me is my reality. And sure she's not as horny as I but then I can just remember our own activities.

 

It's also much easier now to see a woman I find attractive and not instantly start undressing her in my mind.

 

Also at first I was skeptical of these ideas of resisting a fantasy life but once I committed to it, it was not hard at all, I do occaisonally get flashes of nudity when I see good looking gals walking through campus but I don't fantasizes about having sex with them or anything.

 

I feel I have lost nothing by resisting my fantasy life.

[jellybean]

An LDR huh?...yep, it's normal that he's going to be masterbating ALOT.

 

My ex (who lived 2000 miles away) would sometimes let me watch him do it on the webcam...I also had sent him plenty of sexy pics of MYSELF, which he really appreciated, and used as visual aides when the mood struck.