Close Encounter with the other kind

[Wambo]

I don't know where to begin and to be honest this isn't that important. I just find it very funny and just want to share this with the world.

 

I had a run in with my exAP's boyfriend when I was out doing some shopping and our encounter was very surprising. He looked at me and his expressions said it all. He looked fed up and this made me extremely happy.

 

The age gap between us is huge. There I was in my atheletic body with a loose t-shirt drench over my perks, with a hint of 15 1/2 stone underneth. There he was trying to be youthful, but fat and almost fifty. The contrast between us is huge.

 

In a way I do feel some sympathy for him, afterall he knew about the affair and tried to assualt me. It like he looked at me to aknowledge there're problems or to see what I got and he's missing? It really is ****ing pathetic especially how he blackmailed her back into a relationship and how she still reaching out to me.

 

I think the problem with removing ourselve from affairs, we tell ourselves made up stories to help us move on. Thinking they gone back to a happy relationship/marriage but the signs do not lie. If he had seen how my exAP behave around me then he should very concerned.

[gettingstronger]

Are you in counseling? You seem hung up on the fact she wouldn't leave a fat old man, as you put it, for your youthful hotness. Counseling could probate help you move on and find a healthy relationship.

[carhill]

This kind of underscores what I've seen my entire life with men and why we approach any encounter with another man warily, even if ostensibly peaceful in nature. All you have to do is watch the phone videos of soldiers giggling about the enemy being killed to know what is at the base nature of males. Here it's the young fit guy getting one over on the older fat guy. In another interaction, the stakes, method and 'win' can be completely different. This is why women use the word 'loser' with great alacrity and meaning. That's what social pressure is all about!

 

In this circumstance, my hat is off to the lady for her skill at managing two men into such an encounter. Truly skilled. The truth? You two could turn on her tomorrow and it wouldn't matter at all; another man would step right up and fill both your shoes. That's what men do!

[sisa]

I met exMM's wife too, she is 10 years older than me and also some pounds more than me. But I still feel jealous at her, sometimes it not about the appearance, it's becasue MM choose to build the life with her, which I will never have from this MM. I was willing gain some weight and get 10 years older if I could be his wife.

[MayP]

I met exMM's wife too, she is 10 years older than me and also some pounds more than me. But I still feel jealous at her, sometimes it not about the appearance, it's becasue MM choose to build the life with her, which I will never have from this MM. I was willing gain some weight and get 10 years older if I could be his wife.

 

You are very cute sisa... I just smiled at what you said.

 

Though I tell myself I look younger, prettier, better skin less wrinkles, pretty face, slimmer than her... YES I still envy her. Because she is the wife, he will always go back to her. I am just trying to make myself feel better on bad times, no offence to the wife really.

And I haven't mention it before. I am a MOW, he a MOM of sorts (we didn't really start per se. EA? what you call that? haha...).

Edited June 18, 2014 by MayP

[Got it]

I guess I am different. I was never jealous of his wife nor did I compare myself. I actually met her one time but couldn't tell you what she looked like and it never crossed my mind to look her up on social media. It wasn't about a competition for me or how I felt he viewed it. For me, if there was any competition, it was about his old life and a new life. But not about her or I.

 

I know what she looks like now and I couldn't say. We both have pros and cons. Maybe because I knew she had cheated on him, the dynamics were different.

 

But no, I never felt in competition with her.

[Wambo]

Are you in counseling? You seem hung up on the fact she wouldn't leave a fat old man, as you put it, for your youthful hotness. Counseling could probate help you move on and find a healthy relationship.

 

I think everyone is getting the wrong end of the stick. This has nothing to do with fitness, youth or even size. I'm just pointing out how miserable her boyfriend looked and it's a complete contrast compared to last year. Did anyone see where his big grin went? I swear I saw it on his face last year, when he stared at me. Mr cocky isn't cocky anymore.

[central]

I think everyone is getting the wrong end of the stick. This has nothing to do with fitness, youth or even size. I'm just pointing out how miserable her boyfriend looked and it's a complete contrast compared to last year. Did anyone see where his big grin went? I swear I saw it on his face last year, when he stared at me. Mr cocky isn't cocky anymore.

 

So you're taking pleasure and amusement in the fact that your unethical/immoral actions may have harmed an innocent man? That's messed up.

[purplesorrow]

I didn't grin very much after I learned my WH cheated either. It kinda hurt....a lot!

[gettingstronger]

You still seem hung up on losing out to someone you consider beneath you. Too much emphasis on looks and the external. You need to look internally to be healthy and have healthy relationships. Your ego is bruised, I get it but you have to get past it.

[chelsea2011]

Wambo, was there some kind of game going on that didn't take her feelings into cnsideration? Was she nothing more than a target?

[Tarnished]

I met exMM's wife too, she is 10 years older than me and also some pounds more than me. But I still feel jealous at her, sometimes it not about the appearance, it's becasue MM choose to build the life with her, which I will never have from this MM. I was willing gain some weight and get 10 years older if I could be his wife.

 

I can relate to this post! I came face-to-face with exMM's BS recently and in the looks/body department she doesn't compare, yet he still wants her and not me... I just held my head high and right or wrong took some comfort in the fact that for a just a little while he wanted me more than her. It helps a bit.

[Wambo]

So you're taking pleasure and amusement in the fact that your unethical/immoral actions may have harmed an innocent man? That's messed up.

 

Centeral if you're claiming this man to be innocent, can you please provide me the name of the woman in the center of the affair, also can you explain to me why he's innocent?

[Wambo]

Wambo, was there some kind of game going on that didn't take her feelings into cnsideration? Was she nothing more than a target?

 

She was a very a good friend of mine and I knew her for a number of years. I don't know all the facts but there are signs her boyfriend not only using her but controlling her aswell. It's not normal relationship behaviour.

[Wambo]

You still seem hung up on losing out to someone you consider beneath you. Too much emphasis on looks and the external. You need to look internally to be healthy and have healthy relationships. Your ego is bruised, I get it but you have to get past it.

 

 

I'm hung up that their relationship mess doesn't seems to be exiting my life. Afterall if I pulled one of his stunts then I deserve to a broken nose and fractured jaw.

[2sunny]

I think everyone is getting the wrong end of the stick. This has nothing to do with fitness, youth or even size. I'm just pointing out how miserable her boyfriend looked and it's a complete contrast compared to last year. Did anyone see where his big grin went? I swear I saw it on his face last year, when he stared at me. Mr cocky isn't cocky anymore.

 

We got the idea = straight from the egotistical words you typed.

 

Are you working on that?

 

I would hope you'd have compassion for the man! You screwed around with his gal, that's despicable... But THAT is on you.

[Wambo]

We got the idea = straight from the egotistical words you typed.

 

Are you working on that?

 

I would hope you'd have compassion for the man! You screwed around with his gal, that's despicable... But THAT is on you.

 

According to the historians, that is a loud of bull. While I do accept responsibilities for my own actions in the EA, I do not take any responsibilities for the problems in her relationship prior to the affair. I would also like to say the affair could of easily started much sooner but it didn't. However if I was egotistical then I'm sure it would of.

[XenoMouse]

i can understand where your coming from. When waywards disappear i think its common to assume that they are retreating back into their seemingly perfect life while your left standing there with a bunch of questions.

 

I do think if it was not an ego boost it was a reassurance that your not the only one in the triangle going thru problems because of the EA. Maybe knowing that its not all sunshine and rainbows for them will help to cleanse the A toxins out of you. Judging from her continued behavior around you and his ragged state it might give you the ability to look at their situation for how sad it really is, and maybe you'll decide that its so pathetic that its not even worth your time and move on.

[Wambo]

i can understand where your coming from. When waywards disappear i think its common to assume that they are retreating back into their seemingly perfect life while your left standing there with a bunch of questions.

 

I do think if it was not an ego boost it was a reassurance that your not the only one in the triangle going thru problems because of the EA. Maybe knowing that its not all sunshine and rainbows for them will help to cleanse the A toxins out of you. Judging from her continued behavior around you and his ragged state it might give you the ability to look at their situation for how sad it really is, and maybe you'll decide that its so pathetic that its not even worth your time and move on.

 

I do think the matter is made worst because I think she is suffering from anxiety over me. If the relationship is failing then the effects of the anxiety is only going to get worst.

I also like to add the EA ended over a year ago and I had a successful run of five months of NC. So in theory she should be refocusing all her energy on her boyfriend and trying to strengthen their relationship. However what I had seen isn't the case and I can only imagine this will get worst.

[XenoMouse]

im gonna ask you a question you once asked me...lol are you sure we don't have the same AP? mine is doing the exact same thing verbatim. Its almost scary. We are a year out of our A and after 6 months of NC multiple signs and hints are appearing. From when i posted about getting unblocked and whatnot almost every week something regarding my AP has happened in some way.

 

We would think that after all this time they would have refocused and repaired their original relationships but for some reason it doesn't seem so. I wonder if any of the women here could explain this type of behavior. Maybe its just the standard nature of the wayward thats not honest about reconciliation that just rug sweeps until the coast is clear. Either way im in the same boat as you and its really messing with my head.

[littleplanet]

A little story.

 

A long time ago in a land far away, when I was appropriately young and foolish, I had a fling/affair with a hot single mama, who was a bit of a blues diva and fun to be around. I served my time as a good-time Charlie, during which we bluesed and boozed and caroused a bit.

Until such time as she'd had enough of me, and handed me the pink slip.

I recall at the time, feeling a little sorry for myself afterward.

 

About a half year later (when I was driving a cab to upgrade myself from starving artist status) I happened to pick up a young dude downtown on the corner who flagged me down, threw his guitar in the back, and a case of beer in the trunk - and then jumped in the front, gave me the address, and away we went.

 

And where were we going? Her place. We chatted away the drive in a deslutory kinda way, talkin' tunes and women and such........

I parked on the corner, popped the trunk, he grabbed his guitar and the case of beer, and off he went, with a big smile on his face.

 

Was I glum? Did I feel replaced, defaced, chaste or waste?

 

I drove away with a grin on my face.

Life is funny that way.

[Wambo]

im gonna ask you a question you once asked me...lol are you sure we don't have the same AP? mine is doing the exact same thing verbatim. Its almost scary. We are a year out of our A and after 6 months of NC multiple signs and hints are appearing. From when i posted about getting unblocked and whatnot almost every week something regarding my AP has happened in some way.

 

We would think that after all this time they would have refocused and repaired their original relationships but for some reason it doesn't seem so. I wonder if any of the women here could explain this type of behavior. Maybe its just the standard nature of the wayward thats not honest about reconciliation that just rug sweeps until the coast is clear. Either way im in the same boat as you and its really messing with my head.

 

If they not working on their relationship/marriage, or it can't be repaired then things will go back to the way they were. The choices are then to put up and shut up, start another affair or leave.