Simon Phoenix Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I feel so broken inside. I KNOW i sound pathetic and i feel pathetic but I'm so heartbroken. I cant believe he hasnt regretted his decision I honestly am in disbelief over it. I thought he would come to his senses, I cant stop looking up his friends on facebook and snooping to see if he's out having fun. Course he is, course he doesnt care. He is so sure that he has done the right thing and i hate him for that. I hate him for bailing. I need to get a grip of myself, what is wrong with me i'm so angry at myself for feeling like this. I dont wana feel so low. I hate that i miss him even after he hurt me. I just hate this, i'm a breaking point. A lot of my friends are mutual friends with him so I cant talk to them, its so so hard. Usually dumpers work through the "will I regret it?" aspect of a breakup before they actually break up. So, it's not the least bit surprising that he hasn't "come to his senses", especially since he broke up with you one other time and only rescinded that when you begged and pleaded and went through thick and thin to convince him otherwise. He did a breakup dress rehearsal, so when he did it this time there was nothing to debate in his mind. Honestly, when people break up with you, it's usually something that they've been contemplating for weeks/months -- very rarely is it an impulse decision. So you really have to stop projecting your wants on his actions. There's no need to "come to his senses" in his mind so you need to stop hanging on to it. And STOP CHECKING UP ON HIM IN SOCIAL MEDIA! You aren't No Contact when you do that. You need to block him if you haven't already and if he frequently shows up on your friends' news feed, you either need to block those feeds or actually block those friends. And there has to be someone in your life you can talk to that has no outside affiliation to your ex. If that's not the case, that's more reason to go out and meet people! Join a club, go to a meet up, hang out with people from work or your classes, heck, go to a bar during happy hour and chat people up. Even if they are "single-serving" friends, it's someone you can interact with that has no relationship to your ex or that whole situation. But more anything, you really need to get past him "coming to his senses" and work on making yourself a person that others want to embrace. Honestly, would you come back to the person you currently are being right now? Become a person who isn't waiting around wondering if someone will come back -- be the person that other people have to sprint towards to catch up to. But baby steps first -- a) taking the breakup seriously for what it is -- an actual end of a relationship and b) stop the social media snooping. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I feel so broken inside. I KNOW i sound pathetic and i feel pathetic but I'm so heartbroken. I cant believe he hasnt regretted his decision I honestly am in disbelief over it. I thought he would come to his senses, I cant stop looking up his friends on facebook and snooping to see if he's out having fun. Course he is, course he doesnt care. He is so sure that he has done the right thing and i hate him for that. I hate him for bailing. I need to get a grip of myself, what is wrong with me i'm so angry at myself for feeling like this. I dont wana feel so low. I hate that i miss him even after he hurt me. I just hate this, i'm a breaking point. A lot of my friends are mutual friends with him so I cant talk to them, its so so hard. You need to stop bashing yourself for feeling what you are feeling. It is normal. It is not pathetic, and it is okay to feel all of these emotions. You are far from the only person who has ever felt any of this, so I can promise you that we all empathize and have been there. It's bad enough to go through a breakup, but you need to, at the very least, support yourself and not minimize what you are feeling as pathetic and wrong. Maybe you should journal all of these feelings. There is something to be said about getting it all out on paper. It makes it more real for some people because I know it can feel like a right mess floating around in your head. All of these feelings coming at once give you anxiety, and, yes, sometimes you do feel like you are going crazy. You need some sort of outlet for your feelings, and I'm glad you aren't bottling them up. That's the worst thing you could do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) I did something crazy a few days ago.... My fault that I kept starting fights with him.. And he was so angry and he just let me go.. I went to his place and I refused to get out. Even when he was telling me I had no right in his place. I still didn't budge. We made up but I was still stressed over things. So I lashed out a week later. We'll he told me he was deadly serious to get out of his life. He told me he wud come drop off my things and block me off everything. In the past after he has cooled he did come back. This time I don't know. He told me he wasn't angry. Which isn't true cause he is clearly angry. Whether people have a change of heart with time and space, I don't know... He used to tell me he just needs space and time and he lashes out but he doesn't want to lose me. But obviously they say things... And his called me many names.. So it's not just dumpers that go psycho,,. He said I was a psychopath. Locked in my world world and out of reality. And I was trying to explain how his words hurt me. When people are angry they won't listen to anything you say. Everything becomes an excuse. That was how you were too, angry that he let you go. Eventually he will understand. When you really love someone and is passionate about something the more you react. Think of it as a chance to prove that you can do it. Make it on your own. Ur life isn't about one guy. Edited June 27, 2014 by FailedFirstLove 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emotionalMess Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) "The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away" - Alysia Harris "The only guy who deserves you is the one who thinks he doesn't" - Truth Edited June 28, 2014 by emotionalMess 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KS11 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Hi EM, I really like that first quote, particularly as I feel that on reflection I was trying to prove my worth to my ex for a large part and as a result have been left feeling like I have none! Do you not think though, and i know the two quotes aren't meant to be read in tandem, that they contradict each other slightly? In my experience, I never felt I deserved my ex, that she was too good for me etc and because of that, I felt like I had to continually prove my worth to her in some heartbreaking effort to feel that validated. Just a thought... Link to post Share on other sites
emotionalMess Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) KS11, The second quote was meant to give a boost for HB84. She's a good person who's bf broke up with her. So, in that context.... The guy who deserves her is the one who thinks he does not. Meaning, the right guy will be the guy who feels she means so much to him that he feels he does not deserve her. Edited June 28, 2014 by emotionalMess 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 "The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away" - Alysia Harris "The only guy who deserves you is the one who thinks he doesn't" - Truth Thanks EM, those quotes are brilliant I really need to try and take them on board. ESPECIALLY the first one!!!!!! I felt like I had to prove my worth all the time, there is something seriously wrong with that. WOW reading that has really made me think thats what I was doing for so long. Its sad that I felt the need to do that, hence my own self-worth and self-esteem went down the drain. Its a vicious cycle Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 Thanks for your posts guys I really appreciate all your comments and advice. If I wasnt able to vent on this forum and get all my thoughts and feelings down i think I would go mad. Again! Its nearly been 2 weeks now I just cant wait till its been 2 months. I think as soon as my exam is out the way and hopefully if I pass and graduate, then my confidence will come back a little and I'l feel a bit better. Right now I feel like a failure and I have no self-esteem. I used to do modelling before I met my ex but then i moved and went back to university, maybe I need to get into that again, or join some kind of club so i can meet new people and start to feel like my old bubbly self again. I dont have many friends because of issues I had in the past so I was hanging about with the wrong kind of people who were into messing their life up and had no goals. I got out of that circle and went back to university, i wanted to turn my life around for the better, but as a result I dont have many friends now. I get on with people when I meet them and I know I am a likeable person, but I really want to make some actual friends, not just aquaintances. Any idea, what the best way to make friends is? without coming across like a creep?? I think that would really help me, because I feel like there is a huge void or gap in my life. I really want to make new friends!! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I started volunteering at a food bank once a month. I see the same people, so it's a good way to meet new people. I stated going out with people at work where I used to not do that. A lot of people say Meet Ups, but I haven't tried that. I had to really force myself in the beginning, but it can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 Guys one last thing, I need some clarity and perspective so I dont feel like I'm crazy and dramatic here. I blocked all of his friends and his family on facebook AND also went to the extreme of blocking some of our mutual friends. I HAD to do it. Thats like 30 or 40 people. I feel like a complete freak now because I'm sure they will all realise I've blocked them and it makes me look like a weirdo, but I just had to do it because now there is no way I can snoop or spy and even though i feel like a freak i think it was the right thing for me to help me heal. Now even if I want to I cant find out anything about him, unless Im physically told something by someone. It was the right thing to do....right? I'm not a freak am i? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Guys one last thing, I need some clarity and perspective so I dont feel like I'm crazy and dramatic here. I blocked all of his friends and his family on facebook AND also went to the extreme of blocking some of our mutual friends. I HAD to do it. Thats like 30 or 40 people. I feel like a complete freak now because I'm sure they will all realise I've blocked them and it makes me look like a weirdo, but I just had to do it because now there is no way I can snoop or spy and even though i feel like a freak i think it was the right thing for me to help me heal. Now even if I want to I cant find out anything about him, unless Im physically told something by someone. It was the right thing to do....right? I'm not a freak am i? It does seem like a lot of people, but, if it helps you heal, it's the right thing to do. What may seem extreme to your ex is actually helpful to you. I mean, I would most definitely block his family members, and I guess it depends on how close you were to the mutual friends. Maybe you should just get off of FB for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I think it's fine. I think you have to block his family members no matter what. As for the mutual friends, a news-feed block might have been the way to go first, but if you can't stop yourself from checking their pages, than a full block like you did is necessary. And sotp worrying about how others perceive you. This is about you and your recovery only. Everything else pales in comparison. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I think it's fine. I think you have to block his family members no matter what. As for the mutual friends, a news-feed block might have been the way to go first, but if you can't stop yourself from checking their pages, than a full block like you did is necessary. And sotp worrying about how others perceive you. This is about you and your recovery only. Everything else pales in comparison. I've also noticed how concerned OP is with how everyone else sees her. It's normal for all of us to some extent, but this seems excessive. People will always have an opinion about you, and you just can't control that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 I've also noticed how concerned OP is with how everyone else sees her. It's normal for all of us to some extent, but this seems excessive. People will always have an opinion about you, and you just can't control that. I know, and you're absolutely right. i'm not even going to deny it. Its so annoying that I care so much about what other people think of me. I shouldnt. I have always been a people pleaser though and always worried about how others perceive me. Maybe thats a lack of self-esteem and confidence on my part Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I know, and you're absolutely right. i'm not even going to deny it. Its so annoying that I care so much about what other people think of me. I shouldnt. I have always been a people pleaser though and always worried about how others perceive me. Maybe thats a lack of self-esteem and confidence on my part Probably a lack of self-esteem. Look, it's human to care what other people think of you. But you need to put it in perspective. Put yourself first, and people will actually respect you more in the end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Probably a lack of self-esteem. Look, it's human to care what other people think of you. But you need to put it in perspective. Put yourself first, and people will actually respect you more in the end. ^^Agreed. Also a lack of clearly defined wants & needs and a strong boundary system. BTW - Why not just take a hiatus from FB all together. I bet a few weeks away from it and you'll see how silly, ridiculous and a waste of time it really is. I, myself, have never even set up an account 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I've also noticed how concerned OP is with how everyone else sees her. It's normal for all of us to some extent, but this seems excessive. People will always have an opinion about you, and you just can't control that. My ex was like this. Simply could not accept that anyone did not like her, or view her positively. I remember I always used to tell her 'who cares?' and how I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't like me and I don't really mind. She never agreed. I wonder how she feels about me. Even though I absolutely do not hate her, I am quite confident she thinks I do. And that's probably buggin' her good. But I'll never know for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 I feel like I'm dying inside just now. I miss him so much and I have an exam in 2days. I actually hate him so much for hurting me but i miss him at the same time. How is that possible Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 I feel like I'm dying inside just now. I miss him so much and I have an exam in 2days. I actually hate him so much for hurting me but i miss him at the same time. How is that possible Don't hate him!! Because he has given you the biggest and best lesson you have yet to receive in life. Now is the time to forget about him, and work on yourself. Learn how to accept and love yourself so that you never rely on someone else for your happiness, validity or approval!! And when you figure out exactly how to do this, please let me know 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Share Posted June 29, 2014 Hey guys so I have my exam tomor and guess who I got a message from? My ex messaged saying 'good luck for tomorrow zahra u can do it' Eugh I've got the rage I wish he would f*** off, it's so insulting after him breaking up with me then having the cheek to actually say good luck for my exam???? It's purely to make himself feel better, to look like the bigger person and ease his own guilt. It's such a fake,insincere and ungeniune message. I actually can't stand him what a joke Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 I thought you blocked him everywhere. How is he contacting you? Link to post Share on other sites
sugarlove Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 Ouch, reading all those posts reminded me how awful I've reacted to my own break up in April. But I"m telling myself, it's normal to behave out of ordinary for circumstances like these! So what if you blow up his phone, cry, etc etc, at least you tried your best to talk things out. You didn't give up, you tried to hold on. I was in the same state of mind and a lot of the things you did and feel now.. I felt the same too. Trust me, you are not abnormal. A lot of posters here been through these. But time, as cliche as it sounds, really does make things better. You will come to a point when you realised that you've tried all you can, and you can no longer think of any other solutions to rectify the situation. And then, you just give up. You will start to realise and accept that this guy is not the ONE for you. The One for you, or soulmate as they say, they will never break up with you. THey will stay even during the worst crap and love you even on your worst days, trust me on this, he is not the ONE. Accept that fact and you will eventually find it easier to move on. Don't rush, take it slow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Hey guys so I have my exam tomor and guess who I got a message from? My ex messaged saying 'good luck for tomorrow zahra u can do it' Eugh I've got the rage I wish he would f*** off, it's so insulting after him breaking up with me then having the cheek to actually say good luck for my exam???? It's purely to make himself feel better, to look like the bigger person and ease his own guilt. It's such a fake,insincere and ungeniune message. I actually can't stand him what a joke Why haven't you blocked his number or email? Link to post Share on other sites
sugarlove Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Well it's easier said than done, don't we know that? Link to post Share on other sites
emotionalMess Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Focus on your exam and pass. Come back after you pass, you can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
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