! Lost all dignity and self respect

[Heartbroken_84]

I'm on day 9 of NC and I'm not getting better I'm much worse. I feel I'm going to have a mental breakdown. My hands are shaking, I couldn't sleep last night and I want to cry all the time (but can't, I'm at work). My head hurts.

 

I'm reading about attachment styles and seeing that avoidants and anxious types don't mix and avoidants rarely change enough to make a r'ship work. In my case since my ex already ended our r'ship and is enjoying his "freedom" he is not interested at all in trying to start over w/ the newfound knowledge I have,and can share w/ him, about our attachment styles.

 

I keep hoping he will get to that point (where he'll want to try again, or at the very least, talk about it) but the more I read and the longer I stay NC and he doesn't come around, the more I doubt that will happen. I haven't been NC long at all but man does it feel like forever!!

 

In the meantime I am falling apart because even if he is an avoidant and I am an anxious, in about 85% (or more) our r'ship was excellent and we had so much fun. Maybe we didn't go out long enough for the ***** to really hit the fan, maybe things would have gotten progressively worse..but I do'nt know about that, I only know that what we had was for the most part really good and I still can't stand living w/out him.

 

I've never been this messed up over a r'ship in my life.

 

Hi requin, i know exactly how u feel. I am starting week 4 of NC and its been really tough. I know i still have a long long way to go. What I will say to you is please dont be so hard on yourself for feeling that way. I was exactly the same during the first couple weeks and I know I will still have those days for a while, but in order to heal we need to allow ourselves to feel that way. We need to get it out of our system, its healthier in the long run.

 

You sound like u get anxiety attacks like myself. I went to the doctors and got medication (just short-term relief) but it helped because I had an exam and I just kept freaking out and couldnt calm myself down. Maybe its something to consider?

 

I know its so tough, u keep wishing and hoping they will get in touch and tell you it was all a big mistake and they want u back. But honestly I have realised that if you keep thinking that way, u are just going to delay and also prolong the healing process. U need to concentrate on YOU and doing things that will make u feel better, things that will help bring you back to life again. You sound like a really nice smart person, please dont let one guy make u feel so low and down about yourself. (I know I need to take my own advice too)

 

Its so hard to see this now but maybe he just isnt the one for you. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and now the guy that is meant for you is able to come along. You need to work on yourself first, something I am trying to do just now. I think if we are truly happy within ourselves, we wont feel like we 'need' a guy to make ourselves happy. We need to love ourselves and value ourselves first, and then I think we will attract the right kind of people.

 

Hang in there, you're doing so well and it will get easier i promise. I mean I am only on week 4 now but if you had seen me on day 9 I was an absolute wreck. I thought my life was over. You are doing better than i was!

[mangetout]

I'm on day 9 of NC and I'm not getting better I'm much worse. I feel I'm going to have a mental breakdown. My hands are shaking, I couldn't sleep last night and I want to cry all the time (but can't, I'm at work). My head hurts.

 

I'm reading about attachment styles and seeing that avoidants and anxious types don't mix and avoidants rarely change enough to make a r'ship work. In my case since my ex already ended our r'ship and is enjoying his "freedom" he is not interested at all in trying to start over w/ the newfound knowledge I have,and can share w/ him, about our attachment styles.

 

I keep hoping he will get to that point (where he'll want to try again, or at the very least, talk about it) but the more I read and the longer I stay NC and he doesn't come around, the more I doubt that will happen. I haven't been NC long at all but man does it feel like forever!!

 

In the meantime I am falling apart because even if he is an avoidant and I am an anxious, in about 85% (or more) our r'ship was excellent and we had so much fun. Maybe we didn't go out long enough for the ***** to really hit the fan, maybe things would have gotten progressively worse..but I do'nt know about that, I only know that what we had was for the most part really good and I still can't stand living w/out him.

 

I've never been this messed up over a r'ship in my life.

 

Stay strong. it will get worse before it gets better

[Heartbroken_84]

It's day 14! 2 weeks! I can't believe I manage to pull through and maintain NC for that long.

 

Do I feel better? I don't know. All I know is that I can't remember anything of us.. every memory I cherished, I have blocked them out. I will keep moving on to the point I'll overtake him.. and I won't look back. Not ever.

 

Hey sugarlove, well done that brilliant! I thought the same too, I am on week 4 of NC (mind you I did have a few setbacks with blocking and unblocking him) it feels good though, i feel more in control now. I cant remember the last time I felt in control.

 

You will feel better as the days go by. Yes blocking him out is the best way, any time you think of something good, immediately cancel it out with thinking about something bad and when he mistreated you. Thats what I've been trying to do.

 

The one thing I will say though, and I dont know if anyone else is experiencing this, but i dream about him every night. And I mean EVERY night. its so annoying and weird. Whether its a meaningless dream, he's there or whether its us getting back together or me pleading with him to get him back its so vivid and I wake up feeling crappy. I'm not sure how to stop these dreams? Its been 3 full weeks and one day of me having dreams about him every night. Am i a freak!? I feel like one!

[requin]

Hi requin, i know exactly how u feel. I am starting week 4 of NC and its been really tough. I know i still have a long long way to go. What I will say to you is please dont be so hard on yourself for feeling that way. I was exactly the same during the first couple weeks and I know I will still have those days for a while, but in order to heal we need to allow ourselves to feel that way. We need to get it out of our system, its healthier in the long run.

 

You sound like u get anxiety attacks like myself. I went to the doctors and got medication (just short-term relief) but it helped because I had an exam and I just kept freaking out and couldnt calm myself down. Maybe its something to consider?

 

I know its so tough, u keep wishing and hoping they will get in touch and tell you it was all a big mistake and they want u back. But honestly I have realised that if you keep thinking that way, u are just going to delay and also prolong the healing process. U need to concentrate on YOU and doing things that will make u feel better, things that will help bring you back to life again. You sound like a really nice smart person, please dont let one guy make u feel so low and down about yourself. (I know I need to take my own advice too)

 

Its so hard to see this now but maybe he just isnt the one for you. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and now the guy that is meant for you is able to come along. You need to work on yourself first, something I am trying to do just now. I think if we are truly happy within ourselves, we wont feel like we 'need' a guy to make ourselves happy. We need to love ourselves and value ourselves first, and then I think we will attract the right kind of people.

 

Hang in there, you're doing so well and it will get easier i promise. I mean I am only on week 4 now but if you had seen me on day 9 I was an absolute wreck. I thought my life was over. You are doing better than i was!

 

Thanks HB. I envy you being at 4 weeks of NC! I do have meds for anxiety that I take usually at bed time if i can't sleep, but last night I was determined not to take any.

 

I'm so glad and quite astonished to see that you've been doing so well the last few days. It gives so much HOPE!!! I think I've lost most of my resiliency. This is so incredibly awful and I cannot stand that i am losing my mind over this; yet I sort of knew this would happen when I was dating him..I always knew he would leave (I wouldn't be the one ending it) and that when he did I would go off the deep end. Karma is a b i t c h eh?

 

But because of where I am in my life I knew I would put all of myself into the r'ship, and I did. So now that he's gone I am completely lost. I know this is absolutely the wrong way to handle r'ships but I did it anyway.

 

Now what I want to try to focus on is selling my condo and moving. But I'm just now thinking about it and EVERYTHING has to be done...such as even figuring out which towns I might want to move to, what property is worth these days (and what it's selling for), etc. I have TONS of junk to get rid of which I've had for years meaning to sell on e bay or whatever but I'm starting to feel I don't even want to go through all that I just want to get rid of all the unnecessary junk.

 

This is a huge daunting task and in my really bad emotional state where I can't think straight at all, I cannot make any big decisions and risk screwing things up. So there's a lot of steps I can take that don't require a buy/sell agreement.

 

Sadly my guy and I had talked of moving in together and that was really my goal so this has thrown a wrench in the works. The whole move was supposed to happen w/ him in the picture to help, etc but now I'll be doing it alone. I don't handle big life events well, I'm fearful of everything and usually mess things up. I'm petrified to start the process of selling/buying but it's my goal..I just want to get past this breakup enough to try to do that.

 

I've wanted to move for years (have always hated where I live) and I was so excited to think of doing that w/ him and now that too has been shot to hell. I pretty much just want to give up and die...I feel so horrible I have no motivation. I can only hope and pray that eventually things will get better. I don't think I'll ever truly get over this guy but if I can get to a more functional state, that will be a big step.

[requin]

It's day 14! 2 weeks! I can't believe I manage to pull through and maintain NC for that long.

 

Do I feel better? I don't know. All I know is that I can't remember anything of us.. every memory I cherished, I have blocked them out. I will keep moving on to the point I'll overtake him.. and I won't look back. Not ever.

 

Well done !!!

 

How in the world have you managed to block memories? Please tell us how!!

[requin]

 

The one thing I will say though, and I dont know if anyone else is experiencing this, but i dream about him every night. And I mean EVERY night. its so annoying and weird. Whether its a meaningless dream, he's there or whether its us getting back together or me pleading with him to get him back its so vivid and I wake up feeling crappy. I'm not sure how to stop these dreams? Its been 3 full weeks and one day of me having dreams about him every night. Am i a freak!? I feel like one!

 

Interesting you should mention this. The first month of our breakup I think I only dreamt of him once, and that was vague. But after that month, when I started no contact, I have been dreaming about him more and more. For example, last night I dreamt about him all night.

 

It's maddening for sure. One thing that used to help me when I used to dream of my ex husband was to say out loud before I slept, "I will not dream of ___ tonight." I keep forgetting to do that w/ this guy! Try that..it might help.

 

My belief is that dreams are memories, fears, and hopes, or a combination of those. When it comes to an ex, we have aspects of all three of those things to dream about..so it's going to happen. Why we dream about them more the longer we are no contact, I don't really know. But you're definitely not a freak!

[Heartbroken_84]

Thanks HB. I envy you being at 4 weeks of NC! I do have meds for anxiety that I take usually at bed time if i can't sleep, but last night I was determined not to take any.

 

I'm so glad and quite astonished to see that you've been doing so well the last few days. It gives so much HOPE!!! I think I've lost most of my resiliency. This is so incredibly awful and I cannot stand that i am losing my mind over this; yet I sort of knew this would happen when I was dating him..I always knew he would leave (I wouldn't be the one ending it) and that when he did I would go off the deep end. Karma is a b i t c h eh?

 

But because of where I am in my life I knew I would put all of myself into the r'ship, and I did. So now that he's gone I am completely lost. I know this is absolutely the wrong way to handle r'ships but I did it anyway.

 

Now what I want to try to focus on is selling my condo and moving. But I'm just now thinking about it and EVERYTHING has to be done...such as even figuring out which towns I might want to move to, what property is worth these days (and what it's selling for), etc. I have TONS of junk to get rid of which I've had for years meaning to sell on e bay or whatever but I'm starting to feel I don't even want to go through all that I just want to get rid of all the unnecessary junk.

 

This is a huge daunting task and in my really bad emotional state where I can't think straight at all, I cannot make any big decisions and risk screwing things up. So there's a lot of steps I can take that don't require a buy/sell agreement.

 

Sadly my guy and I had talked of moving in together and that was really my goal so this has thrown a wrench in the works. The whole move was supposed to happen w/ him in the picture to help, etc but now I'll be doing it alone. I don't handle big life events well, I'm fearful of everything and usually mess things up. I'm petrified to start the process of selling/buying but it's my goal..I just want to get past this breakup enough to try to do that.

 

I've wanted to move for years (have always hated where I live) and I was so excited to think of doing that w/ him and now that too has been shot to hell. I pretty much just want to give up and die...I feel so horrible I have no motivation. I can only hope and pray that eventually things will get better. I don't think I'll ever truly get over this guy but if I can get to a more functional state, that will be a big step.

 

Thanks requin, I have felt a bit better the last few days, but dont get me wrong thats not been every minute or hour of the day! I have my moments where i feel really sad and lost and that I miss him immensely. I guess this is normal though, it will be up and down unfortunately.

 

I also knew that he would leave, despite me feeling unhappy at times, i overlooked it and focused on the positives. I was never going to be the one to leave, so in that sense we almost in a strange way admire our ex for being the 'strong one' and ending it. Even if I felt that we could have worked through our issues, I realise now that it has to be 2 sided, otherwise you may as well bang your head against a brick wall...it would probably be less painful.

 

I can completely relate to you, i put my all in the relationship. I lost my identity, it was me and him as a unit, as one person and thats why its so much harder now that he's gone. U feel lost, i did too and I still do a lot of the time. We need to work at getting our identity back, as ourself, as an individual and explore who we are again as a single person. Its scary, its daunting but if you think about it it could also be exciting if we allow it to be.

 

I know moving house must feel like a huge task just now, but if you think about it, it is a big task for anybody..not just someone thats going through a break up. so I understand y u feel scared! Its a big change, and its difficult when you envisaged yourself sharing this experience with your ex. You need to try and see it as a challenge though, you can deal with it on your own! You're a strong woman!! Think of how amazing you will feel when you look back at this point in your life and the hurdles and challenges you tackled and overcame. You will feel great. And as for selling junk on ebay, see it as a distraction. Something you can focus on instead of thinking about him. I know you feel like you have no energy or enthusiasm,but trust me thats normal. You have to FORCE yourself though, the first time is the hardest. Life goes on and we need to get a hold of it and not let it get a hold of us!

 

I know what you mean about being fearful and anxious about changes and big events in your life, but i think that has a lot to do with our own insecurities and lack of self-esteem. Maybe things that have happened in our life in the past that have made an impact on us, i know with me its fear of abandonment. And thats a HUGE factor to why i went crazy during the break up. I wouldnt accept it and I didnt want to let him go because I was so afraid of being on my own. I can recognise that though, which in my eyes is a big step for me because it means I can work on myself.

 

Maybe you need to look deep within yourself and ask yourself why you are taking it so badly, I mean obviously you love him I get thats the main reason, but are there other issues there? Co-dependancy? I definitely fit that category anyway. You know when myself and my ex had an argument one day, it was over me being upset that he didnt come over to see me when I was unwell. You know what he said to me? 'you need to stop depending on me and feeling sorry for yourself' this is the kind of thing he said to me only because I wanted my comfort and sympathy from my boyfriend when I was poorly. Its small things like that that make me think, jeez he was just so negative and cold. No compassion!!!

 

I promise you it will get easier, but like mangetout said it will get harder before it gets easier. You will get over him I promise you, I'm not saying it will happen overnight because u and I both know it will take time, but i do believe we will get over them.

 

xx

[Heartbroken_84]

Interesting you should mention this. The first month of our breakup I think I only dreamt of him once, and that was vague. But after that month, when I started no contact, I have been dreaming about him more and more. For example, last night I dreamt about him all night.

 

It's maddening for sure. One thing that used to help me when I used to dream of my ex husband was to say out loud before I slept, "I will not dream of ___ tonight." I keep forgetting to do that w/ this guy! Try that..it might help.

 

My belief is that dreams are memories, fears, and hopes, or a combination of those. When it comes to an ex, we have aspects of all three of those things to dream about..so it's going to happen. Why we dream about them more the longer we are no contact, I don't really know. But you're definitely not a freak!

 

Yeah its weird that I've been dreaming about him every night, esp as I've been in NC. I think though like you said its because we are thinking about them so much every day, theyr in our subconscious as well as our conscious.

 

Yeah i agree, i think dreams are a combination of those things too. Maybe the more time that passess and the more we heal, the less we will think about them so in turn we will dream about them less. I hope so anyway!! Its really annoying!!

[requin]

 

I also knew that he would leave, despite me feeling unhappy at times, i overlooked it and focused on the positives. I was never going to be the one to leave, so in that sense we almost in a strange way admire our ex for being the 'strong one' and ending it. Even if I felt that we could have worked through our issues, I realise now that it has to be 2 sided, otherwise you may as well bang your head against a brick wall...it would probably be less painful.

 

Thanks HB. I'll try to respond more later to what you said, but I wanted to say that in the case of my r'ship, things were fine. We went out a year and it was the best year of my life. We had a few fights but nothing recent, when he broke us up I was completely floored. In his avoidant mind, he was keeping a shopping list of "flaws" and problems that he perceived where I did not see any problems. The anxious partner is a lot more forgiving. The avoidant will hang onto every little thing and either complain out loud to you or keep it inside (mine did the latter, so I had no idea he was unhappy). Instead of talking about things that bothered him so we could possibly work on things or I could stop annoying habits that bothered him so much (!!!) he'd harbor them and then wham he breaks up.

 

So I don't see the ending of the r'ship in any way as a good thing. It should NOT have happened the way it did. He simply does not understand r'ships have to be valued and worked on. They aren't "throw away". But as an avoidant that's how he sees it. If the woman turns out to not be "the one" (meaning, perfect in every way, which is how he first saw me), then he dumps her and continues his search. An avoidant w/ this mindset will continue this his ENTIRE life and of course never find that elusive fantasy woman because she does not exist.

 

My guy flat out admitted we had a blast together and had a great sex life, talked things out, etc. I asked him Well then what do you WANT? This was before I knew he was avoidant. Even knowing, I cannot understand why he wasn't willing to discuss and possibly work on things he thought were wrong. I guess to him, I just wasn't good enough so he didn't WANT to work on things.

 

One time when we almost broke up after a big fight, and i was at his house trying to get him back, he started to say "there's plenty of fish in the sea" but he caught himself, he goes, "there's plenty of fish--" and then blabbed something about going fishing!!! But i knew exactly what he wanted to say. That really hurt because he has the mindset of just going off and finding someone else rather than work on this good thing we had.

 

I did get him back that time but here he is doing it again and I highly doubt he'll come around. He thinks that fantasy woman is out there. It makes me insane, partly too because I highly doubt he'll come back because he already has decided I'm NOT his fantasy woman. I was hopeful he might come back but the more I understand about avoidants, the less I think that will happen.

 

It makes me so sick really...he'll just keep jumping from r'ship to r'ship and in each case will think the woman is The One--at first. He feels nothing about ending his r'ship w/ me just as he cared nothing about the others before me. He isn't a player, he truly thinks his Princess is out there but he is mistaken. This is part of what I wanted to tell him, that as an avoidant he has this overblown idea of a fantasy woman, but it's dysfunctional thinking, not reality.

 

I cannot stand the thought of him going about his day at work, etc, all cheerful and absolutely not upset about the loss of our amazing year together, thinking that when he's ready to look for a gf again, he will resume his search for Miss Perfection and I will be long gone history in his mind and heart.

[emotionalMess]

Yeah its weird that I've been dreaming about him every night, esp as I've been in NC. I think though like you said its because we are thinking about them so much every day, theyr in our subconscious as well as our conscious.

 

Yeah i agree, i think dreams are a combination of those things too. Maybe the more time that passess and the more we heal, the less we will think about them so in turn we will dream about them less. I hope so anyway!! Its really annoying!!

 

 

Either I don't remember my dreams or I don't get into deep levels of (REM) sleep ever mostly because I don't sleep much.

 

The only dream I remember this year was one - it was about the ex. about 2 months ago.

 

I am convinced that this and most dreams about ex's are directly related to unresolved issues, such as the urge to have closure, the unanswered questions

or the countless untold words that he or she will never hear.

 

Perhaps resolving the closure within yourself or however you need to will be the fix of unwanted dreams?

 

It is interesting that unresolved issues seem to reveal themselves through dreams even with my history of not remembering dreams.

To me it means these emotions are powerful and become more powerful as we become increasingly powerless when trying to hold on.

 

Letting go is surely the key to unwanted dreams.

Edited July 8, 2014 by emotionalMess

[Michael 93]

It's day 14! 2 weeks! I can't believe I manage to pull through and maintain NC for that long.

 

Do I feel better? I don't know. All I know is that I can't remember anything of us.. every memory I cherished, I have blocked them out. I will keep moving on to the point I'll overtake him.. and I won't look back. Not ever.

 

@sugarlove

 

For me that is the most difficult part.

 

Losing the memory of what you once shared. How disappointing is it that it had to end that way? I hate that.

 

We have no other way to deal with it I guess.

 

I know a lot of guys (friends) who can just come out relationship and feel nothing. Funny thing is I still don't wish I was like that..

 

This reaffirms me that I am alive..

 

Mike

[mangetout]

Either I don't remember my dreams or I don't get into deep levels of (REM) sleep ever mostly because I don't sleep much.

 

The only dream I remember this year was one - it was about the ex. about 2 months ago.

 

I am convinced that this and most dreams about ex's are directly related to unresolved issues, such as the urge to have closure, the unanswered questions

or the countless untold words that he or she will never hear.

 

Perhaps resolving the closure within yourself or however you need to will be the fix of unwanted dreams?

 

It is interesting that unresolved issues seem to reveal themselves through dreams even with my history of not remembering dreams.

To me it means these emotions are powerful and become more powerful as we become increasingly powerless when trying to hold on.

 

Letting go is surely the key to unwanted dreams.

 

Ha funny you should be talking about unwanted dreams. I dreamt that I was getting married to my ex last night. God knows why I thought this.

 

 

Maybe it is about letting go

[mangetout]

@sugarlove

 

For me that is the most difficult part.

 

Losing the memory of what you once shared. How disappointing is it that it had to end that way? I hate that.

 

We have no other way to deal with it I guess.

 

I know a lot of guys (friends) who can just come out relationship and feel nothing. Funny thing is I still don't wish I was like that..

 

This reaffirms me that I am alive..

 

Mike

 

Whenever I have felt nothing after a breakup it's usually because I never loved my partner in the first place.

 

 

When I love someone, the BU is excruciating

[David87]

@sugarlove

 

For me that is the most difficult part.

 

Losing the memory of what you once shared. How disappointing is it that it had to end that way? I hate that.

 

We have no other way to deal with it I guess.

 

I know a lot of guys (friends) who can just come out relationship and feel nothing. Funny thing is I still don't wish I was like that..

 

This reaffirms me that I am alive..

 

Mike

 

Try looking at the lost relationship with different eyes, not with sadness but with gratitude for the memories, experience ect.

[sugarlove]

Whenever I have felt nothing after a breakup it's usually because I never loved my partner in the first place.

 

 

When I love someone, the BU is excruciating

 

Well, i was doing so well. Today I was driving home and I cried all the way home. Wrote him a letter but didn't sent it, just deleted it. Maybe that's what happens when you block things out, do I remember much? No.. but i remember the feeling still.

 

F#$%@ that. I'm so angry at him. He didn't even apologise for his sexting, nothing. I'm so deluded with this and so angry at myself. I"m so much better than him, smarter, better looking, entrepreneurial, everything.. all he had was his niceness.. but it's all an act.

 

Today I caved. I checked his fb profile.. no updates. how do I feel? Guilty. Because the last time he was active was the day I sent him my last letter, saying he effed everything up for us, broke my trust, how I can't forget the words he exchanged with that indonesian girl, how I have this image in my head I can't remove, how it affected me and change the way I used to love him. Did he say anything? No. Nothing.

 

ALl he did was disappear from Facebook now. He hasn't liked or commented on any public page photos since then.

Edited July 8, 2014 by sugarlove

[Heartbroken_84]

OMG I'm having a bad night, I am missing him so much. Cant stop thinking about him and what he's doing, the fun he's having now with his new found 'freedom'. I feel so so down, I have MAJOR withdrawals. I'm so desperate to reach out to him. its only been 23 days and it feels like an eternity, i dont know how much longer I can go without contacting him!???? How do people actually do this NC thing forever??? I dont get it, I'm aching inside. I feel so lost.

 

Help

[Heartbroken_84]

Oh gawd I feel like I'm gona break NC I'm freaking out and feeling so upset and angry. I was doing so well the last few days I don't know what's happened to me tonight but I can't stop crying.

 

I feel so hurt and angry thinking about everything I did for him and how much I loved him and he chose to throw it all away. Not once but twice. What did I do that was do bad y wasn't I special enough I just don't understand y he didn't wana fight for me, y he didn't think our relationship was worth saving. All he had to do was make the effort, take responsibility for some of the issues we had and want to work on making it better. Y didn't he want to I'm just so hurt and gutted.

 

I feel like I'm back at day 1 I don't know y. I am desperate to txt him and say that I hope I NEVER meet a guy like him. Ever. I wish he knew how much he hurt me. He doesn't care.

 

I feel so pathetic

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh gawd I feel like I'm gona break NC I'm freaking out and feeling so upset and angry. I was doing so well the last few days I don't know what's happened to me tonight but I can't stop crying.

 

I feel so hurt and angry thinking about everything I did for him and how much I loved him and he chose to throw it all away. Not once but twice. What did I do that was do bad y wasn't I special enough I just don't understand y he didn't wana fight for me, y he didn't think our relationship was worth saving. All he had to do was make the effort, take responsibility for some of the issues we had and want to work on making it better. Y didn't he want to I'm just so hurt and gutted.

 

I feel like I'm back at day 1 I don't know y. I am desperate to txt him and say that I hope I NEVER meet a guy like him. Ever. I wish he knew how much he hurt me. He doesn't care.

 

I feel so pathetic

 

This is normal. NC is full of peaks and valleys, and you've experienced both pretty recently. Whatever you do though, DO NOT CAVE and do not send a mean-spirited text like that. It's like recovering from drug addiction, there will be times you need a fix and times where you feel like you can conquer the world. The further you go with NC, the valleys will happen less frequently and be less powerful. But you gotta ride it out.

[emotionalMess]

Don't count on it.

 

 

He may have an alias account or is using some other social media app. Many people are not cruel, if he knows you might check and he is not mean, he will refrain from updating it in a way that would give you more pain.

 

 

Well, i was doing so well. Today I was driving home and I cried all the way home. Wrote him a letter but didn't sent it, just deleted it. Maybe that's what happens when you block things out, do I remember much? No.. but i remember the feeling still.

 

F#$%@ that. I'm so angry at him. He didn't even apologise for his sexting, nothing. I'm so deluded with this and so angry at myself. I"m so much better than him, smarter, better looking, entrepreneurial, everything.. all he had was his niceness.. but it's all an act.

 

Today I caved. I checked his fb profile.. no updates. how do I feel? Guilty. Because the last time he was active was the day I sent him my last letter, saying he effed everything up for us, broke my trust, how I can't forget the words he exchanged with that indonesian girl, how I have this image in my head I can't remove, how it affected me and change the way I used to love him. Did he say anything? No. Nothing.

 

ALl he did was disappear from Facebook now. He hasn't liked or commented on any public page photos since then.

[emotionalMess]

You will regret the moment you hit the send button! You will feel like a dufass!! Just go punch your pillows a few times!

 

 

This is normal. NC is full of peaks and valleys, and you've experienced both pretty recently. Whatever you do though, DO NOT CAVE and do not send a mean-spirited text like that. It's like recovering from drug addiction, there will be times you need a fix and times where you feel like you can conquer the world. The further you go with NC, the valleys will happen less frequently and be less powerful. But you gotta ride it out.

[requin]

Don't count on it.

 

 

He may have an alias account or is using some other social media app. Many people are not cruel, if he knows you might check and he is not mean, he will refrain from updating it in a way that would give you more pain.

 

 

He may have hidden you so you cannot see what posts on his timeline. I have my ex on 'hidden' status. We are still fb friends but he can't see anything on my page. Our r'ship status is still w/ each other.

 

There is also a way you can "view your profile as ____" (another person). I often view my profile as my ex to make sure nothing is showing for him.

 

When I do that, there is nothing new on my timeline at all. But we are still 'friends" and I have not changed our r'ship status.

 

He so rarely gets on FB as to almost say he "never" does. I honestly don't think he's been on since well before our breakup. When he finally does,, he may change our r'ship status. At that point I may block him because I do not want to see that status change to him w/ someone else.

 

As well, his friends' newsfeeds do not show to me when I look at his page so there's nothing on his page, like ever, unless he posts something which he never does.

 

So anyway my guess is your ex has put you on "hidden" status.

[requin]

hi HB,

How are you doing now?

I know what you mean, it must be the moon or something because all day I've wanted to break NC. I'm not in freakout mode or emotional but I want to invite him to a concert on Sat. I've known about it for a while, we went last year and had a blast (we were very in love at this time last year). I want to go w/ him. I want to ask him.

 

I've come so close several times today to calling or texting but I cannot figure out how to word the request and I'm frankly very afraid of his answer which will most likely be No. I'm on day 10 of NC..the longest I have gone. I have felt ok today other than this strange desire to ask him to the concert.

 

But it's already 8 pm here so I think I will be able to avoid making contact today. It's all about getting through EACH DAY. Tomorrow is another day and you (and I) might not want to break NC then. Please try to hang in there. You know we will both regret it so much if we break NC. We will have to start all over at day 1.

[Heartbroken_84]

Thanks guys, i didn't break NC but it's nearly 4am here and I've been awake for an hour. I feel the saddest I think I've felt yet,I keep thinking things like I bet he's sleeping so peacefully and how is he doing that.

 

I miss him lying next to me I have never missed him this much. I feel so desperate to talk to him. It's like I need to know that he misses me I need to reach out to him , the urge to talk to him has never felt so strong before. I don't know what to do I'm in bits. I can't sleep

[requin]

it's almost midnight here and i can't sleep either. I managed to get through the day and evening w/out making contact but when I went to bed I totally lost it. Like you, HB, I feel this is one of my worst days yet. For me part of it is probably because I had myself thinking I was going to contact him today and was envisioning (wrongly, I'm sure) a positive outcome to that.

 

But I didn't contact him and of course he didn't miraculously contact me.

 

So it's probably a sort of unconscious let down or something I don't know. But I've been crying so hard I feel sick and there's just no comfort.

 

What I keep thinking about is memories ...all the memories that haven't let up since this breakup happened. Flashes, images, stories, things I thought I'd forgotten...it all just keeps going through my head. How he looks, his eyes, mustache, how he smells, how he laughs and drives and all the places we went.

 

The only time I could stop crying was when I started thinking of how I could end this pain by ending my useless life.

 

I had a dialog with him I bet you've done that too,HB, talking out loud as though he's there, going over it and over it, why did he do it. It doesn't help anything.

 

I want to poke him and say, "Well? Is this a time out or are we done forever?" but Im afraid of the answer. He might even say, "I don't know." He'll want to keep his options open of course, even if he has no intention of coming back.

 

I want to shove the Attachment book in his face and say READ THIS so you can see it's YOU whose the problem, NOT me, like you think it is!! You will NEVER find your perfect woman, she does not exist and even if she did, she wouldn't want you anyway! Give it up, get your arse out of the clouds and come down to reality and accept the love of someone (me) who wants you like no one ever has!!

 

This is the worst hell i have ever been through and Ive been through some hells. I"m so tired of this my brain hurts and I'm sick of hurting. I'm sick of thinking about him all the time while he never thinks of me except to think of negative things. There was so much GOOD and yet as an avoidant he's thinking only of my flaws faults mistakes, etc so he can feel righteous in his own mind for running away when things got intimate.

 

And he doesn't even know he's doing it. It's just priceless.

[Heartbroken_84]

It's 5am and I'm still awake, I'm exhausted. My brain hurts from thinking about him so much. I can't believe hen hasn't tried to contact me, it's devastating. I feel like I'm gona cave and just txt him telling him I miss him. Am I really going to regret it?? Howcome he hasnt changed his mind, it's nearly been a month I thought he would regret his decision, I thought maybe he just needs sometime. I can't accept it cause I don't understand, I know I acted crazy during the break up but I saw myself as such a catch, he used to get told he's a lucky guy. I thought I was the whole package for him I just don't understand y he didn't think that. I'm an emotional girl but most girls are, y couldn't he handle me. All girls are moody from time to time I don't understand y he didn't see how normal that was. He held on to every single thing, he held grudges, made me feel so bad for saying anything to him it wasn't fair he was so cold and mean yet he is the one that wanted to end it. I overlooked all his flaws and accepted him because I loved him. He couldn't go the same it isn't fair I'm so devastated.