Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Look at it this way. Yes, its your bruised ego which is dominating your thoughts and it is difficult to have any closure when your ego is calling the shots. When you are ready, take baby steps to find closure within yourself. You have to trust that no matter what he says, it will not give you closure. Start with this thought. Releationships usually go two routes: marriage or Breakup Be honest, do you truly see yourself ever married to this person and being happy after all that has happend? I'm guessing no. So keep this in mind when you go into future relationships and you will likely be the one to end things first or at least be better prepared for what route you hope to take. You know that is a really good point. I definitely did see myself being with him forever at one point but when I really think about it and admit it to myself, for the last year I have been wondering to myself whether he is the right person for me. I mean if you feel like your trying so so hard to show someone how loving and caring you are and its not being reciprocated then how is that right?? I mean we had our fair share of arguments but I was always willing to overlook his flaws. Always. and he could honestly be so cold and mean to me if I said something he didnt like. That would upset me and thats how the 'drama' would start. I dont think he is a very forgiving person, he holds grudges over things. I need someone thats compassionate like myself and not scared to show emotion or scared to witness it. I just need to accept that he gave up on us 8 months ago and its then that i should have let him go, and gracefully walked away myself. EUGH! If only I had the sense and the control!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I am trying to feel better and I really want to work on my self-esteem and confidence so I can return to being the happy, bubbly woman that I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Guys I have an update. He whatsapped me saying 'I hope you're okay Zahra' I havent opened the message yet I just looked down and saw it. I havent been on whatsapp in a few days and I deleted him as a friend on Facebook yesterday so I am guessing he knows. I know that the ONLY reason he has messaged me is to make it look like he cares, or maybe he is trying to make himself look or feel better. I dont know maybe I'm just angry and he does genuinely just hope I'm okay. Its annoying though either way because I fee like he is doing it because he feels guilty or bad after how hysterical I was and he knows I have an exam in a week. I hate the fact that he is trying to show that he cares now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why even bother after how extremely cold you were with me???????? I just dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Its just so horrible!!!!!! I cant stop thinking about the good times its torture. Is this how its gona be for the next few months, every day???? Cause I really dont think i can take it It probably will be like this for a few months at least. I know it was for me because it's simple habit to keep thinking of the person. It's no fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Its just set me back now 100 steps because I keep thinking what is the point in him actually saying he hopes I'm okay!???? I mean it wasnt even a question - 'are you okay?' so he obviously isnt wanting a reply which I wouldnt give him anyway. I hate this why didnt he care enough to actually wana make it work and now he wants to show he cares by saying he hopes I'm okay!!!!!!!????? WTF Sorry I need to vent and let my anger out, I've actually got the rage. I hate him for not sticking around, for not thinking I am worthy of making it work, for not seeing my amazing qualities as enough to want to be with me, for telling me his feeling have changed a few days after we were making love, for not seeing how lucky he actually is to have me in his life, to have someone that loves and cares about him that much. Honestly part of me is like no wonder I went mad, its just not fair. Theres guys queueing up to be with me and the one guy I actually love doesnt want me. He doesnt want to commit or make it work. I think i do actually hate him. That isnt healthy and I know it wont help me in any way to be so angry. Please post your comments guys, I feel like I am back to square 1 now. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 (edited) This is why I kept saying you have to remove him from everywhere so you don't get triggered again. Remove him from the app or delete the app. And there you said it -- it has set you back again. He's not as emotional as you are so he doesn't really realize the damage he may be causing by asking a simple question. Does he care? Sure. But that doesn't come with the deep emotional feelings that you have. He may not have cared enough to be in a relationship with you, he does have some level of care based on his history with you. And he may also be doing this to relieve some of the guilt he may be feeling due to the pain and hurt he knows he caused you. Remove him from the app. Don't answer. Responding will set off a back and fort and the possibility of you sounding off on him again. Ignore him. You removed him from FB for a reason. The same applies here. Edited June 20, 2014 by Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Delete his message and don't answer it!! Please don't. This will make him miserable because he will become worried! Let him get a taste of his own medicine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 This is why I kept saying you have to remove him from everywhere so you don't get triggered again. Remove him from the app or delete the app. And there you said it -- it has set you back again. He's not as emotional as you are so he doesn't really realize the damage he may be causing by asking a simple question. Does he care? Sure. But that doesn't come with the deep emotional feelings that you have. He may not have cared enough to be in a relationship with you, he does have some level of care based on his history with you. And he may also be doing this to relieve some of the guilt he may be feeling due to the pain and hurt he knows he caused you. Remove him from the app. Don't answer. Responding will set off a back and fort and the possibility of you sounding off on him again. Ignore him. You removed him from FB for a reason. The same applies here. I did delete him from the app but I didnt want to have to resort to blocking him, the same with facebook. I deleted him from facebook but didnt want to block him because I dont want him having the power knowing i am still so uspet and distraught that I had to block him. I want to show that i'm strong by deleting him and that i've accepted it. Also blocking him means he cant see my profile picture if he searches for me and see that i am actually happy and not miserable. After the way i left it i dont want him thinking I am still upset. I know that sounds mad but right now thats where I'm at and feeling. Is it really weird that I'm feeling like that?? I just dont want to have to resort to an extreme by blocking him or deleting the app because I want to show that i am okay and that i have accepted it, but that I'm not weak. Does blocking not make me look like I am still really angry and weak and being petty?? I will definitely not respond to any messages, that i know of honestly. I wouldnt do that not after how crazy i acted, no way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Delete his message and don't answer it!! Please don't. This will make him miserable because he will become worried! Let him get a taste of his own medicine I wont! I havent even been on whastapp yet, he will have noticed that I havent been on in a few days. I am aware I am so wrapped up in what he thinks or how i might come across. Its only because of how desperate/needy/weak I came across. I dont want him thinking I still feel like that. I want him to think I am fine now and I dont care. Am I being pathetic?? Please be brutally honest with me I can handle it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 I just want it to look like I dont care anymore, that I am not upset. I really need it to come across. I need him to be left thinking 'looks like she has accepted it now and moving on' I dont want him thinking of me as that hysterical crazy person, I really dont want him thinking of me like that. Why does it matter to me so much. Am i a lost cause here?? Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 No, but I'd delete the app, or find a way to block him. Same on Facebook. I know you think it might seem like a spiteful thing to do, but it actually says that you are setting boundaries. Then, do some digging online about your anxiety, and drive to Barnes and Noble. Good luck on your exams! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I wont! I havent even been on whastapp yet, he will have noticed that I havent been on in a few days. I am aware I am so wrapped up in what he thinks or how i might come across. Its only because of how desperate/needy/weak I came across. I dont want him thinking I still feel like that. I want him to think I am fine now and I dont care. Am I being pathetic?? Please be brutally honest with me I can handle it No you are not being pathetic. Its very normal the way you are behaving. By not texting back will make him think you are moving on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_84 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 No, but I'd delete the app, or find a way to block him. Same on Facebook. I know you think it might seem like a spiteful thing to do, but it actually says that you are setting boundaries. Then, do some digging online about your anxiety, and drive to Barnes and Noble. Good luck on your exams
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