Author Sunbathe Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 Feeling pretty good right now. Don't know why and I know it's not going to last, but I'm enjoying it in the meantime! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 I leave for a week long vacation next Monday and I can't wait! Bitter sweet though, as the trip marks the end of the summer for me... I will be moving back to my college town. It's been great catching up with friends and I'm really going to miss them since I hardly ever see them during the school year (we all go to different universities). I spent a lot of time with my ex, so I don't have very many friends at my school. I am worried I will be lonely. But I am looking forward to returning to work and I have some really interesting classes this fall! I've seen a few pictures of my ex recently on facebook and he looks totally ridiculous. He is always making goofy faces and posing, and honestly he looks like a total idiot. I always used to admire his unique mind and the way he sees the world, but lately I find myself thinking about how pretentious he is. He prides himself on being different and nonconforming, but he has certainly fallen more in with the crowd since starting college. He used to claim that he didn't fit in during his early high school years and was picked on, and I think since meeting new people in college and making close friends, he has gone nuts with that feeling of acceptance from them and in turn has just completely changed. He does not want to give up any opportunity to hangout with them. While most people grow up during the college years its almost as if he is growing in reverse, becoming more immature. Link to post Share on other sites
sumathi Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 What is the use of making yourself miserable over your boyfriend when you know that there is no hope of reviving your love back. You say that you are an anxious person. Try to change this characteristic as you can never be happy in any relationship. When thoughts about him enter your mind. you should not go deep into it. Time is a great healer and gradually you will forget him. Good luck to you to find the love of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
moniker Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 I've been reading this forum, and several other since my own breakup (I was the dumpee) 3 and a half months ago. Reading your thread actually made me want to sign up and post here. Sunbathe, we are very similar people, even down to the way you write. Somewhat similar situation, except my ex cheated (which should make it easier to get over but it hasn't, thus far). Reading your thread all at once showed progress, and your last post was inspiring. It's nice to see how far you have come so quickly from the initial post. My breakup was before yours and I've progresses less, but it gives me hope. Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 You know what I don't understand? I always tried to get my ex to do new things with me. I tried to get him to join a gym with me to workout together, I mentioned going hiking before, and I have even suggested just getting in the car and driving to where ever. Being spontaneous and adventurous. But he rarely wanted to do anything like that with me. And now that we've broken up, I've seen through the grapevine that he is doing exactly the things that I always asked him to do. He gets up in the morning and goes to the gym with his friend, and he has been hiking lately as well. This kills me. Why is it that I'm not good enough to do these things with, but he has no problem doing them with friends? I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise given it was similar during the last year of our relationship. I remember mentioning several times places I would like to go eat at with him, and what does he do? He goes there with his friends. We never ended up going. And when I would get disappointed or upset, he would always blame shift and tell me that I'm being jealous or insecure. I always wanted to go on a medical mission trip with my ex, but he said he wanted to wait until his son got older. 2 months after our breakup, he takes his son on a medical mission trip with him. It's like a dagger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 Moniker: I'm touched that my thread led you to create an account! I'd like to believe that I've made some progress. I can feel myself starting to heal but it is definitely a slow process! I still think about my ex several times a day, and I still have frequent dreams about him. I still have a long way to go. Don't beat yourself up though! Every dumpee is on their own personal journey and progresses at their own rate. I'm not sure how long you and your ex were together, but 3.5 months is not very far out from the breakup at all. If you reflect on it I'm sure that you too have come miles from when your breakup first happened. BC1980: Definitely a dagger to the heart. It's so hard not to take it personal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
moniker Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I'm not sure how long you and your ex were together, but 3.5 months is not very far out from the breakup at all. If you reflect on it I'm sure that you too have come miles from when your breakup first happened. We were together 8 years (23-31 for me). I had a few gfs prior to her, but she was my first real love, and she lives on my street (sh*t storm trifecta). Oh well, just keep moving, same as you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 We were together 8 years (23-31 for me). I had a few gfs prior to her, but she was my first real love, and she lives on my street (sh*t storm trifecta). Oh well, just keep moving, same as you. Good luck! Thank you, good luck to you as well Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 It's been almost a month since I've posted! Wow! Not much has changed. I'm back in my apartment and at work now. It was a little weird being back at the place that my ex and I shared at first but I'm getting used to it. I recently hung out with a guy from work that I texted with on and off all summer. We kissed. It was fun, I like him, but I'm definitely still not in the mindset to begin another relationship. In other news, my ex still hasn't tried to reach out to me at all. The other day I saw a mutual friend's picture on facebook and although I can't be certain because of the picture quality, it looked like my ex kissing another girl in the background. The girl is a former co-worker of my ex and I, and we used to all hangout sometimes. I'm not close to her by any means, but I do see her once in a while. We even went out together with a few other girls last month. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't painful to see that picture. She's a nice girl too, which almost makes it feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Hi Sunbathe, just spent quite some time reading all three pages of this thread I noticed that you said things haven't changed much. Does it mean that coping is still getting harder? In my personal experience, the time right after the BU really hurted, but the Acceptance phase is much scarier, and I think maybe you're slowly entering that phase? It's always harder to cope when you slowly realize that things ended, the nice good chapter already ended and it's not going to come back. It also seems that your thoughts still focused too much on your ex, especially the part about him not reaching out. I mean, he's no longer your bf, so it's a great waste of time waiting/wishing for him to reach out. I tortured myself before with just being sad/angry over why my ex not reaching out or not reaching out first, but then realized that by doing that, my life basically still revolves around my ex. Healing and moving on is a process about US, not our EXES. So just kick that "he's reaching out to me or not" out of your mind and switch to some other thoughts whenever it comes up. One more thing, I think you're implementing NC? But I can still see you looking at his photos on FB? I think it's really really bad for healing after BU. If able, then unfriend or unfollow him so that you don't have to bump into the pictures anymore. I used to stalk my ex'FB for quite a long time but it really only bring me bad things and negative feelings. I mean, he's not going to post sad/depressed/"oh I miss her so" statuses or photos on FB, instead, it's going to be parties/girls/being happy with friends like the BU never happened. He might pretend, or he might not. But what is important is that it will hurt you and make you feel so damn alone and stupid with your pain. Also, you will feel worried or insecure when he adds new girls as friends, take pictures with them. It's a complete waste of time, because, so what? He's no longer yours. You can not do anything or have any saying even if he flirts or sleeps with the girls. It only kills you from inside, so again, kick that useless part out of your life. Work on yourself, enjoy life, and keep the ex out of your life. For me, one day, I just decide conciously that "Okay, I'm so sick and tired with the sadness and depression, I want to live my file so I don't give a d*mn about his life anymore". Deep inside, I still love him. But for now, I have to remember that myself is more important than a person who chose to walk out of my life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 Hi Sunbathe, just spent quite some time reading all three pages of this thread I noticed that you said things haven't changed much. Does it mean that coping is still getting harder? In my personal experience, the time right after the BU really hurted, but the Acceptance phase is much scarier, and I think maybe you're slowly entering that phase? It's always harder to cope when you slowly realize that things ended, the nice good chapter already ended and it's not going to come back. It also seems that your thoughts still focused too much on your ex, especially the part about him not reaching out. I mean, he's no longer your bf, so it's a great waste of time waiting/wishing for him to reach out. I tortured myself before with just being sad/angry over why my ex not reaching out or not reaching out first, but then realized that by doing that, my life basically still revolves around my ex. Healing and moving on is a process about US, not our EXES. So just kick that "he's reaching out to me or not" out of your mind and switch to some other thoughts whenever it comes up. One more thing, I think you're implementing NC? But I can still see you looking at his photos on FB? I think it's really really bad for healing after BU. If able, then unfriend or unfollow him so that you don't have to bump into the pictures anymore. I used to stalk my ex'FB for quite a long time but it really only bring me bad things and negative feelings. I mean, he's not going to post sad/depressed/"oh I miss her so" statuses or photos on FB, instead, it's going to be parties/girls/being happy with friends like the BU never happened. He might pretend, or he might not. But what is important is that it will hurt you and make you feel so damn alone and stupid with your pain. Also, you will feel worried or insecure when he adds new girls as friends, take pictures with them. It's a complete waste of time, because, so what? He's no longer yours. You can not do anything or have any saying even if he flirts or sleeps with the girls. It only kills you from inside, so again, kick that useless part out of your life. Work on yourself, enjoy life, and keep the ex out of your life. For me, one day, I just decide conciously that "Okay, I'm so sick and tired with the sadness and depression, I want to live my file so I don't give a d*mn about his life anymore". Deep inside, I still love him. But for now, I have to remember that myself is more important than a person who chose to walk out of my life No I wouldn't say that coping is still getting harder. I just meant "nothing had changed" more so in the sense that nothing new or interesting has happened in my life. I haven't shed any tears over him in month or so now! I am in NC with my ex, and I do not actively seek out to view what is going on in his life. I removed him as a friend on all social media shortly after he broke up with me, but unfortunately we have a ton of mutual friends so every so often I do see pictures of him surfacing. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 So it's the early morning. I get up to go to the bathroom, and check the time on my phone... And I have a text from him. I'm sure as hell wide awake now. The jist of the text is "you probably feel weird about talking to me, but you said before that you don't want to become strangers and I figured it would be best to talk before school starts". Not quite sure what to make of it. Obviously not a reconciliation but not really breadcrumbs either. The way he worded the text, it sounds like he's talking to me because he feels like he has to. Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Worse than breadcrumbs. Soggy bread. Make him a stranger. I hope you will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 Worse than breadcrumbs. Soggy bread. Make him a stranger. I hope you will. I have yet to respond. Haven't decided if I'm going to yet. Would it be better to relay to him that I am not interested in a friendship over text rather than in person? There's nearly a 100% chance I will run into him in person, as we attend the same uni and have the same major. I feel like it would be less awkward/painful to deal with this now over texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunbathe Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Told him that I have no desire to be friends (even though I somewhat do. I just know it would hurt too much). He hasn't contacted me since. Yesterday would have been our 4 year anniversary. Found out from a friend that she ran into him the other day and he suggested that the two get together and hangout. He's not even friends with her, he only knows her through me. What an a-hole. Feeling pretty down today. Link to post Share on other sites
Magnet Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Yes what an a-hole. I run into my ex every day at work, either passing by in the corridor or by the water cooler. I totally blank her and don't even look her in the eye. She does the same to me. It's nothing personal, just about me doing what I need to do to protect myself and move on. Someday we may be friends but not now. The only thing I want to hear from her is her begging for me back and saying it was the biggest mistake of her life but she won't and I know that. So I won't be friendly for the sake of it. Keep NC, you have been doing great. Link to post Share on other sites
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