I don't like to be touched

[Samuelx]

I have a slight problem. I am a bisexual black guy typing this in my college class room. I have just been touched, rather playfully, by a female classmate.

 

 

 

I dont like to be touched. Even by family members. In the past, I've had some sexual experiences with girls and a few with boys but it was a long time ago. When I was little, I used to get beat up by both my dad and my mom. I dont know but maybe that's why I dont like to be touched, especially by females. I need to know and trust someone before I let them touch me. It's complicated and strange, I know. I strongly oppose ALL domestic violence and work hard with the group S.A.F.E. to reach out to MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

I also try to help Gays and Lesbians who are being physically/mentally abused in relationships. At my school, a few girls like me and I like them but I kind of fear being touched.

 

 

I've gone out with both men and women and they've been mad/disappointed because their touch makes me nervous and uncomfortable. To the best of my knowledge, only two people's touch doesn't bother me. My best guy friend Karl and a nice girl named Lauren of Plymouth, MA. She was a total tomboy and made quite an impression on me. I am drawn to masculine gay men and beautiful heterosexual women but I can't seem to have a relationship. I dont know why.

 

 

Can anyone help me ?

[tattoomytoe]

i think once youi figure out MORE who you really are Sam, you will probably alway suffer in some way when physical contact is involved.

 

But there are some touchy-feely people you may come across in your life. i do not like those types too much either, but i usually do not know them enough to warrent them touching my arm or hugging me. Some folks are just touchy and it usually is just a personal quirk.

 

But you have obvious issues with abuse, sexual as you stated, maybe even other physical and emotional abuse.

 

And it seems to me, that you absorb the emotions,i.e....fears, anxiety, anger... from others around you. Be it your parents or victims in the programs you work with.

 

i think you need to find your own ways of dealing with problems and not do as others do, but you first Have to identify what it is that you are really bothered by....maybe it is easier to fight for Human rights, instead of focusing attention on your personal issues.

 

you said you are not happy. why? what about you are you not happy about?

[FolderWife]

ICK. I don't like to be touched either Co workers that want to put their hand on my shoulder, or back, or head....ick! Just don't touch me!

 

I like my hubby to touch me I like to hug certain friends, if I haven't seen them for a while But I can't STAND when someone who doesn't mean a lot to me comes up and touches me in ANY WAY

 

Maybe your relationships are trying to get touchy feely too fast. I had a guy that wanted to hold my hand right away, and I wasn't comfortable with it, but I let him. My current husband was always wanting to touch me, but I wasn't ready for it yet, so it was akward. Once I fell in love with him, though, I like that he can't keep his hands off me

 

Maybe people are touching you before your ready.

[Mary3]

When I was younger my bf's parents wanted to give me a Hug goodbye and was soooo uncomfortable with that.

 

Then every time I said goodbye to them , they initiated a Hug.

 

Eventually I grew accustomed to the hugs and decided I would initiate Hugs for friends .

 

It actually feels good but it takes practice.

 

I dont know if you want to venture out and show affection to others in a slow gradual way. I understand you were abused and touch represents fear at the very least.

 

I too was abused but through all of it I am still here today.

 

I have learned that you can trust people but it takes time.

 

Not everyone wants to hurt you physically.

 

Believing there are good people out there immensely helps.

 

I am sorry your parents assaulted you and if its any consolation , my father used emotional abuse and denial of affection. I never knew I had a * bad dad * until I saw other kids and how their parents treated them.

 

You cannot change the fact that it happened.

 

For all the kids out there that had parents that did not treat them in a way that was appropriate then we can only pity the parents and hopefully make the rest of our life better than how we entered it.

 

The mind believes what you tell it. If you can think of something positive replace the negative with that thought and whenever you think of the bad things your mom and dad did, then you can train your mind to minimize the pain and use key words to train your mind to instead of fear, you feel acceptance by good people out there that DO NOT want to hurt you.

 

None of this is easy for former abuse victims. I am living proof for all that happened to me , that I have learned to trust others to some degree, that we all have * war wounds * and its how we rebound back and make life changes that make us * OK * adults.

 

Please try some affectionate gestures ( when you are ready ) Like any other fear or hurdle , you can accept that people might want to give you a Hug. You may never like Hugs and thats okay too.

 

Would you like to change how you feel about affectionate gestures ?

[Fuzzy Chickens]

I was physically assaulted as a kid by my stepfather, but I don't let it dominate my mind or life.