the tank Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Yesterday I received an sms few hours before the second date. She told me we should cancel the date because she doesnt feel the spark. Seriously, Is this common in online dating ? How can spark be there after one date ? Too much expectation before the first date ? Is this an excuse to tell you, she is not physically attract ? Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 An electric spark is a type of electrostatic discharge that occurs when an electric field creates an ionized electrically conductive channel in air producing a brief emission of light and sound. A spark is formed when the electric field strength exceeds the dielectric field strength of air. This causes an increase in the number of free electrons and ions in the air, temporarily causing the air to become an electrical conductor through dielectric breakdown. Drops panties like crazy trust me. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Yesterday I received an sms few hours before the second date. She told me we should cancel the date because she doesnt feel the spark. Seriously, Is this common in online dating ? How can spark be there after one date ? Too much expectation before the first date ? Is this an excuse to tell you, she is not physically attract ? Probably a nice way of saying she wasn't all that attracted to you. I don't think there's a way to "create" that spark and it's not specific to online dating. Its common to human interaction. Whether you meet in a library, bar, grocery store, school or work......you're either attracted to a person or you aren't. However, OLD has that one quirk where you can feel a sense of attraction before you meet and then no chemistry in person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Seriously, Is this common in online dating ? This is common in dating period. How can spark be there after one date ? Too much expectation before the first date ? There has to be something that draws you to the person and makes you want to see him/her again. If you are dreading the second date, there's really no point, so, no, it's not a high expectation for a first date. Is this an excuse to tell you, she is not physically attract? Possibly, but not necessarily. It's more that the romantic connection was missing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 the spark is either there or isn't, you can't force it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Probably a nice way of saying she wasn't all that attracted to you. I don't think there's a way to "create" that spark and it's not specific to online dating. Its common to human interaction. Whether you meet in a library, bar, grocery store, school or work......you're either attracted to a person or you aren't. However, OLD has that one quirk where you can feel a sense of attraction before you meet and then no chemistry in person. This is VERY common w/ OLD; I wish I could magically create it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Spark cannot be created, it's either there or it's not. Also OP, please understand that one of the most common reasons why someone doesn't want to see you anymore is because she or he's not feeling any attraction or "spark". While it's possible that you may have done something wrong on the first date to kill the attraction, it's also possible that neither you nor her did anything wrong...and she just wasn't feeling it. She may have thought you were just fine the way you were, but she wasn't digging you in a romantic way. A guy can match up to a woman's checklist perfectly (i.e. tall, fit, intelligent, educated, etc.) and there's a good chance she still doesn't feel any spark. This is why it's important not to mentally dwell too much on being turned down and not to take rejection personally. Just turn the page and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 If there is an initial spark you can fan the flames but through OLD it is either there or it's not. Basically she means she doesn't have enough sexual attraction to you to continue. Everyone's tastes & pace are different. Hang in there & you will find the one who burns to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 the spark is either there or isn't, you can't force it. You can absolutely create "spark". Granted, I am really really really ridiculously good looking, but ther have been instances where the woman I wanted didn't just fall at my feet in the first 5 minutes and I actually had to talk to her like a person . It's horrible, I know. I dunno how to explain it, but you don't even have to be really really really ridiculously good looking! Just good looking, happy with yourself and accepting of her instead of thinking about yourself and what she thinks of you all the time. Unfortunately, I should already be walking out the door to get to my job. And I really am not sure how to explain, but you absolutely can. Or at least, I can. I will think about it durring work. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Reminds me of The Boss: ♫ You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire, even if we're just dancing in the dark ♫ Yesterday I received an sms few hours before the second date. She told me we should cancel the date because she doesnt feel the spark. Seriously, Is this common in online dating ? How can spark be there after one date ? Too much expectation before the first date ? Is this an excuse to tell you, she is not physically attract ? It means she found you attractive enough for a date, and was hoping you would sweep her off her feet. This happens whether you've met the woman online or offline. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Thanks for input. I think I said something about myself that kill attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Spark cannot be created, it's either there or it's not. Rubbish! You can totally create a "spark". Why do you think this woman would feel it with one man but not with another? Because one is hot and the other is not? No, that's a male way of thinking. When dealing with the female mind... actions, attitude, conversation and confidence have a far greater influence on "spark" than looks. You can't change your looks (well you can dress well and get a haircut maybe), but all of those other things are totally within your control. So the spark is created by your actions, attitude, conversation and confidence... you just have to be charming, pleasant, interesting and confident. That's all! That might seem difficult but it's a lot easier than the strange and abstract task of "creating a spark". Charm comes from practice - just be nice to people. Being pleasant and happy is a choice you make. Being interesting is again practice. Confidence... fake it til you make it. Believe me I was one of the least confident, boring, least charming guys I know until I learned how to do it - mostly just through practice. 2nd date with my gf, she said I am a huge flirt. That's something I NEVER thought anyone would say about me in a million years, it's always been so far from the truth. So in summary. You can totally create a spark with anyone, by being a guy that she finds attractive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) That's what I need to read. Confidence came by having fun in your live by doing what you love and being happy. I will stop looking for a girl . I will enjoy my life and they will come. I just read this : If you’re single, chances are, you’re a victim of bad relationships or heartbreak. Sometimes, we cling to the idea that a relationship will fill whatever voids we have. When you’re out there “looking for love,” you will likely never find it and you will come off as desperate and needy. If this sounds familiar, get your priorities in order; there are much more gratifying and fulfilling things in life than having or getting a man. The bottom line is having a partner should accentuate your life, not complicate or complete it. My motto is to never settle. Don’t partner up just so you can have someone. If you are comfortable and happy with yourself, you will attract the right people naturally. Edited June 19, 2014 by the tank Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Whilst I agree with the sentiment that you should be happy by yourself... this "love will find you when you least expect it" is a load of BS. Generally you have to go out looking for it, or at a bare minimum you have to take the opportunities that present themselves rather than just sitting there waiting. But yes you need to fix yourself first. Learn to be someone who is attractive, confident and interesting. Then when you do meet people (whether potential partners, friends or strangers) you'll have better interactions. It takes practice, practice, practice. And when an opportunity does present itself you'll be ready to grab it by the horns, and you'll create a spark naturally. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Whilst I agree with the sentiment that you should be happy by yourself... this "love will find you when you least expect it" is a load of BS. Generally you have to go out looking for it, or at a bare minimum you have to take the opportunities that present themselves rather than just sitting there waiting. I agree with you that I need to keep looking for it at a bare minimum, but right now I was looking actively. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the tank Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 But yes you need to fix yourself first. Learn to be someone who is attractive, confident and interesting. Then when you do meet people (whether potential partners, friends or strangers) you'll have better interactions. It takes practice, practice, practice. And when an opportunity does present itself you'll be ready to grab it by the horns, and you'll create a spark naturally. I was that man before my last Relationship. My ex was a compulsive liar and a good manipulator. she destroy myself . It took me many months to get over her . But you are right I need to work on myself. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 How can spark be there after one date ? Too much expectation before the first date ? Is this an excuse to tell you, she is not physically attract ? Yes, more or less, but remember being attracted doesn't only mean you have a perfect face, hair and body. It can just mean a person doesn't feel you had a good rapport or are interesting in the particular way that they find interesting, so it's not always personal. I once turned down a date from a perfect nice looking attorney because I'd only ever been interested in rocker types. I wasn't comfortable out of my genre. So yes, it can be not physically attracted, but it's probably just as much other things as well. You'll find someone who does like the way you look and act sometime, don't worry. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 The spark is an energetic thing,spiritual even, it's not just physical thing e.g I've just met the cutest guy I've dated ,we skype all day long ,he is the best guy on paper that I've ever met,he is wonderful - but I don't feel the spark. Remember he is the best looking guy so far,so it's not looks. But I totally agree that it may be too early I usually know after the 2nd conversation but sometimes it's takes much much longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I agree this perfect guy He's not in the arts and that changes things too Yes, more or less, but remember being attracted doesn't only mean you have a perfect face, hair and body. It can just mean a person doesn't feel you had a good rapport or are interesting in the particular way that they find interesting, so it's not always personal. I once turned down a date from a perfect nice looking attorney because I'd only ever been interested in rocker types. I wasn't comfortable out of my genre. So yes, it can be not physically attracted, but it's probably just as much other things as well. You'll find someone who does like the way you look and act sometime, don't worry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Take advice from the confident, successful men. Not from the negative ones that moan and groan and see life as unfair. There are things within your control. -get very fit -dress sharply -smile, stand straight When you first meet, do what my guy did: walked up to me confidently, gave me a nice hug and then said a thoughtful compliment. Then little things that we women notice...made sure I sat in a comfortable chair, helped me with my coat, stood before I sat...all simple things. After that...too much to get into but be confident. Listen to what she says....listen, listen and listen. Don't interrupt or speak over top of her . Men do this all the time. Ask follow up questions as to what she says. I personally think this is where many men don't get it. I want to leave having had a conversation and not both just talking. Ask about pets as a child, grandmother, summer holidays..'stuff' that evokes nice emotions, memories. This way the two of you are sharing part of yourself. No, there won't always be a spark but you can sure influence that middle ground where it can go either way. Ironically, I did ALL of this which you mentioned on dates. I personally classify it as "gentlemanly behaviour". Yet, the funny part is that it was either never appreciated by those I dated, or that they deemed it 'not of this age'. :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 That is because some women don't like the whole gentleman crap and connect more with a down to earth conversation between equals -at least that's how it worked in my dating period. It's about finding someone you mesh with not trying a prefab approach on every women. You conversate differently with various guy friends based on who they are right? Why would it be different for women? Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 That is because some women don't like the whole gentleman crap and connect more with a down to earth conversation between equals -at least that's how it worked in my dating period. It's about finding someone you mesh with not trying a prefab approach on every women. You conversate differently with various guy friends based on who they are right? Why would it be different for women? True with regards to guy friends. Unfortunately, this gentleman stuff is not something I'm forcing, it's how I was raised. Clearly these days it's seen as nothing but a detriment lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Well if that's the way you prefer it then by all means stick to it - as some females in this thread confirmed there are women that respond positively to it. I don't see the point in trying to carry yourself differently just to mislead the opposite sex into something your not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 OP, not everyone was meant to be with everyone. That's just how things are. If it was so easy this forum wouldn't exist. Take heart. Ironically, I did ALL of this which you mentioned on dates. I personally classify it as "gentlemanly behaviour". Yet, the funny part is that it was either never appreciated by those I dated, or that they deemed it 'not of this age'. :/ Your best bet would be going for women who are also culturally conditioned to be attracted to gentlemen - this would usually be slightly more 'traditional' women who are either older or raised in more traditional cultures/families. Nothing is more attractive to me than a gentleman who also has a touch of dry wit/intellect/humor. Obviously, you have to be attracted to those women as well, otherwise it's going to be a bit of a Catch-22... Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 OP, not everyone was meant to be with everyone. That's just how things are. If it was so easy this forum wouldn't exist. Take heart. Your best bet would be going for women who are also culturally conditioned to be attracted to gentlemen - this would usually be slightly more 'traditional' women who are either older or raised in more traditional cultures/families. Nothing is more attractive to me than a gentleman who also has a touch of dry wit/intellect/humor. Obviously, you have to be attracted to those women as well, otherwise it's going to be a bit of a Catch-22... Hmm, true that. The real issue for me is how I could pick out those types in a crowd. For one it would require me getting to know them much better than a few back and forth messages and then arranging a date lol. Don't get me wrong, personally I primarily try to aim for older women as they've outgrown the Bad Boys phase, yet they all deem me "too young" or they're looking for someone older. I wouldn't exactly say that young age is an indicator of lack of maturity. If anything I'm more mature than my friends, hah. ^^ I LOVE dry humour, in real life it's practically all I utter. xD Link to post Share on other sites
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