GreatDadAlways Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I have always been an active and involved father. Those of you who recall my story, may recall "Happy New Year - I want a divorce" and that I was later removed from the house with a bogus CPO. For this reason, I missed out on my oldest daughter's Jr. & Sr. prom and the pleasure of having her around with her friends. That is what brought me so much joy. The simple fact that I had a wonderful home and my kids would always hang out at our home with friends. This all happened about 3 years ago. My kids have never been comfortable with the fact that I live in an apartment. They seem to really like my girlfriend and said "Dad if you move in with her (and her kids) fulltime I would want to see you more." That was awesome because I meant they yearned for the family home environment. Well I terminated my lease and plan to move in with my girlfriend by the end of the month. Now the kids say they are fine with that but expect me to drop them at their moms house every morning on my way to work. This seems odd because their mom also works. Why is it that their mom apparently provides a better home for them with my money? All I want is to be able to come home to my kids like I once did. Should I just give up on that dream and accept that their mom totally screwed me over and stole the part of my family that I cherished the most? Should I just stop being a parent and start playing the role of Disney Dad that I have resisted from the beginning. I need help here because the rejection from my kids stirs up hurt and anger that I thought I had overcome. It also stresses my new relationship with the amazing woman I now have in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 This is pretty typical. The kids have been alienated from you. You are now just a paycheck for them,except for the occasions that you get them. When one parent has more time with the kids,the kids bond more with that parent.It's simply the way things work. Same is true for an animal that spends more time with one person. Stronger bond to that person. It isn't fair.It isn't right. It's just the way it is.Family court seems to facilitate this very well. As for just being a Disney dad,you'll have to live with yourself on that one.I believe there is an ebb and flow,back and forth,between kids and parents. They're closer to one during one part of their life,and they're closer to the other during another part of their life. When you're time with them is reduced, the closeness to you becomes further apart,timewise. Then,as teenagers,they have their friends and interests in the mix as well,and parents take a back seat. All you can do is be the best dad you can be,with the time you're allowed to be one. Even when it's not your time with the kids,go to their events,their plays,their school for lunch.No one can stop you from being a parent. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I need help here because the rejection from my kids stirs up hurt and anger that I thought I had overcome. As my counselor aptly described it, you're looking to establish a new normal. The old one, built around traditional values and white picket fences is gone. And you have to accept that, no other way to move forward. Holidays, milestone events like your daughter's proms and other family occasions are going to be different. Additionally, transitions like new homes and new GF's create their own set of challenges. Truth is, all you can do is be the best parent you situation allows you to be. You can either mourn the past or embrace the new role ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreatDadAlways Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks for the comments. I try not to let it bother me but that's easier said than done. Mr. Lucky ... you are absolutely right, the life built on traditional values and white picket fences is gone. I found it to be an amazing life but their mother didn't find enough excitement in it. It is what it is ... Time to chart a new course and weather the storm. The kids will either choose to be part of my new life or they won't. I've accepted that it's out of my control. Time for me to fly :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 The kids will either choose to be part of my new life or they won't. I've accepted that it's out of my control. They'll be a part, just in a manner and at a pace that will occasionally frustrate you. I read somewhere that kids can't develop their own expectations until they're done thwarting yours ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Monodare1 Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I know how you feel. My little boy is only 3 and a half and I only get him at weekends and brief chats over FaceTime twice a week. It's really hard, especially now the ex has a new man on the scene, breaks my heart when my son tells me he did this and that with the new guy. I feel your pain and hope it gets better Link to post Share on other sites
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