iiiii Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 This is a spin off from Owl's privacy/secrecy thread. For those in LTR or marriages: does your partner know you post on LoveShack? If yes, do they read your posts - or would you let them read your posts if they wanted to do so? If no to either of these questions: why not? Do you think your relationship would be healthier or better if you felt you could share this type of thing with your partner? Or is it appropriate (maybe even healthy) to have somewhere to vent that your partner does not know about? Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 He thinks it's hilarious that I do and always asks me if I'm kicked off yet. He is welcome to read, but would never. I think he hears enough about what I think of things! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 married.. yes my wife knows.. I don't think she knows my name on here. she thinks I spend too much time on LoveShack...she has a point at times.. she is welcome to read anything I have typed and maybe she will someday but right now she is fine with now knowing what I type. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I doubt my exW reads any of my postings anymore but she did know I posted here and my username (it's still the same) and evidently saw enough of LS during the two or so years after I first joined to opine in MC that she thought it was 'stupid' (her word) but, to her credit, she never brought our marital business here, though my best friend got an earful so I guess we were even. I've got too many posts to opine with any accuracy but I'm pretty confident that everything regarding our M which has been shared here over the years was shared with her first, or in MC, long before it ever showed up here. LS was/is more social interaction and advice/experience sharing from my own mistakes and forensics. No real secrets. As example, she knew about my EA long before I ever joined LS, including whatever details my AP wanted to share with her/she wanted to know. We had contact recently when her best friend (also a good friend of mine) died and she didn't mention anything about the past or this kind of stuff so I would imagine it's water long under the bridge or, at most, idle curiosity. In the future, if I am ever partnered again, I'd have no problem with my SO knowing my posting history here, the good, the bad and the ugly. Life's too short to worry about such things, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes. H posts occasionally as well. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes, my SO is aware of my postings and username. Don't know if she reads here but I doubt it. She asks me for a LS update from time to time. Perhaps more relevant to the question though, when I was reconciling with my wife she was aware that I used forums but didn't know any specifics. Some of it was that she had no interest in random opinions (basically thought it was all stupid) but part of it was also that this place was a form of therapy for me. I like to use the joke that privacy is for the bathroom but I do have respect for IC. Most of us mull things over in our minds before we speak and I see therapy as a form of that. I do think that Owl's thread was a good discussion when it comes to delineating privacy and secrecy (the latter being a no-no). On a side note, I think I did also keep LS a secret for a period of time because I wanted to keep my hypervigilance under wraps. A keylogger is of little use if the wayward knows it's there. I actually got my wife to agree for me to investigate whatever I wanted and to do it in whatever way I wanted without any disclosure. This was very much counter to my desire for full honesty and transparency for both of us but the reality is that both of us understood that rebuilding trust was the more critical matter. We recognized that when I investigated and found nothing, we both won. I will say however, that my hypervigilance was waning and I had every intention of transitioning to a policy of disclosing when I had investigated and found nothing to begin to eliminate any lying in our marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes! He reads every single post I make and we even discuss about topics in here. He's really supportive and I dont have any secrets from him. And yes, I even update him on my bowel movements LOL Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yep - my new husband knows I'm here and that I am pretty frank about my history and sex advice. He's never bothered to read anything I've posted, but is more than welcome to if he were ever inclined. Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 This is a spin off from Owl's privacy/secrecy thread. For those in LTR or marriages: does your partner know you post on LoveShack? If yes, do they read your posts - or would you let them read your posts if they wanted to do so? If no to either of these questions: why not? Do you think your relationship would be healthier or better if you felt you could share this type of thing with your partner? Or is it appropriate (maybe even healthy) to have somewhere to vent that your partner does not know about? If I had a SO I certainly wouldn't care as I have nothing to hide. I would be concerned if my SO needed to vent to others instead of dealing with me directly. That would hurt and could lead to emotional infidelity and in some cases abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) Absolutely. And he's read many of my posts already. My life (and his) is an open book and anything I've discussed on here has already been discussed at great length with my man at some point. We have no secrets between us Edited June 19, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes, he knows I post here. He knows my screen name. He's not interested in posting here or reading my posts. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I just read her my comment in the Hipster thread. I can still hear her laughing down the hall................................... I guess this answers the question. But then, I've participated in public forums from time to time, just as a social exercise. I enjoy the readin' and writin'. Never went lookin' for what I already have. Online communities are what they are. And they aren't what they aren't. And the difference between the two is a knock on the door all over my little town. (of 6 millions.) (damn! I love that laugh...) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes, but I don't think he knows my username. I'd "let" him read my posts if he wanted. Don't know if he ever has bothered checking this place out on his own. If he did, it wasn't interesting enough for him to say something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 He knows. I sometimes pass him my phone to read something I've read/written. He's not much interested in forums himself and trusts my judgement on what I would post about us. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Nope - nothing to gain from that. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) For those in LTR or marriages: does your partner know you post on LoveShack? Married and No If yes, do they read your posts - or would you let them read your posts if they wanted to do so? no If no to either of these questions: why not? Unlike most who have responded so far to this thread (I believe - except CD) I am currently in a marriage which has had problems (past affair, current low sex). This is a place to allow me to vent and also learn from others who have gone or going though difficulties in marriage. Its a therapy support group Do you think your relationship would be healthier or better if you felt you could share this type of thing with your partner? If we could reconcile all the issues - perhaps that would be ideal. But practically its not going to happen for us, and I would not be on LS if my wife had been honest and faithful with me from the begging, there would be no need. We have had (having) couples therapy where most general things have been shared by me that I post about here. However, here I am free here to be a bit less diplomatic and more blatant, also sometimes just to get bad thoughts out of my head and to seek support from those who have been there, and offer some advice as well. My wife would be furious to know and read my posts. Or is it appropriate (maybe even healthy) to have somewhere to vent that your partner does not know about? Well it is appropriate to have a place to vent, talk and get support. My wife knows I got to IC sometimes, and sometimes I do not tell her I go to IC in any given week. I have always viewed LS as a anonymous support group and place to learn on various topics not just marriage or marriage issues. I will say I envy those marriages or SO's that are so close and intimate they can share everything, including being here on LS. Edited June 19, 2014 by dichotomy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 She knows. She knew I'd started to post for advice during our reconciliation years ago, and had assumed that I'd stopped as that went well. When she realized that I'd continued to post for a while afterwards, at first she was dismayed, thinking that I was still in some way needed support post-affair. Once she realized that I posted to provide support for others, she didn't mind it. She could figure out my username and pw in about two seconds by coming here...she'd certainly recognize my posts. She simply isn't interested in posting or reading what I post here. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 My guy knows and I share things or topics with him from time to time, but he has no real interest. The title of the forum is a little misleading so occasionally he will jokingly ask if I've met that guy who's going to steal me away yet on here since we ourselves met online. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Married. My H knows that I read and post to this site. He's never read my posts but is welcome to at any time. He could ask or just use my laptop. He also knows that I primarily read/post in the Infidelity forums. He visited another site for a while after d-day but stopped because he thought it was preventing him from moving forward. He mentioned once why I still am here...I told him it's because I'm still always learning, and I feel I can maybe help someone once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
carrie_o Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 My husband does not know. I haven't been posting for a while (lurking for a long time before posting) but nothing I've posted would be a surprise. If he ever asked, I'd tell him everything. He's certainly free to read my posts. I have no intention on telling him anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes he knows. He knows my username and can read whatever he likes. Forums aren't really his thing though so I know that he doesn't. I share stuff that I've read and/or posted occasionally, if I think he'll find it interesting. In fact, we've had some very entertaining discussions about threads on here at times. He created his own account a few months ago, just to respond on a thread we'd been talking about - in the sex section not surprisingly - but he only posted once and hasn't been back since. He didn't tell me he was doing it and I got such a shock when he appeared - we laughed about it for days! Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes, my H knows. He knows my username so he could read my posts if he wanted to; sometimes I'll talk to him about stuff that I'm particularly fired up about that I've read here, but he's just not that interested in reading it himself. Not his sort of thing. Honestly I can't imagine him spending much time reading any forum. He sometimes thinks I should leave (because I'll read things that really irk me and complain about them to him) but I think he understands in general that I find it thought-provoking, if occasionally frustrating. I do feel like it probably prevents me from venting about him here, when I have frustrations. But honestly, I'm not sure I would at this point anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 but he's just not that interested in reading it himself. Not his sort of thing. Honestly I can't imagine him spending much time reading any forum. She simply isn't interested in posting or reading what I post here. Interesting how many of us have spouses like this. My wife knows I post here (and would be welcome to read anything I've posted) but has zero interest in this forum in particular or social media in general. It's a struggle to get her to use email ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 My gf does and has my account info. She comes back to me periodically about some of my posts. Not always in agreement.... Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes, my husband knows. Our agreed upon boundary is no PMs. Link to post Share on other sites
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