how long NC needed?

[sisa]

I know everyone's case is different, recently I start NC with the MM and today is the 2x days, few days before seems doing well, but I just cry out very heavy today when I realized he just let me go.

 

I want to know when I will feel better after doing NC? can another single OW,OM sharing your experience?

 

and when you heal, what do you think about MM, is there really no feeling existance?

 

the last question is how long will you find out you can genuine love other single man or woman and build the trust relatioship again.

 

MM still in my mind everyday, when I fall sleep and when I wake up.

Edited June 19, 2014 by sisa

[C00kie]

Hi Sisa

 

Please know that what you're feeling is completely normal and it will go away in time. You will face an emotional rollercoaster, with sometimes unpredictable ups and downs. I can't tell you for exactly how long - I broke up with xMM four months ago and it's still hard. The memories, the thoughts, the dificulty of finding closure - which means in your heart accepting what happened in order to be able to move on...it's hard. It's a long road, processing everything, taking it all in, the constant wondering, etc. But time helps. I don't regret for a second my decision. And it tends to get better in time, even if one day you're feeling good, and the other you're feeling very sad. It's part of the process, accept it. Try to stay away from everything that may trigger feelings of missing him. Places you've been, songs you've heard together. Eventually, you will have to expose yourself to these things, as we can't run away forever, and you'll learn to deal with them. But give yourself time. Also, try to do different things so that your mind isn't focused on him all the time.

 

It will be ok but be patient and fight, don't give up. Know that what you did was for the best, for your dignity.

 

You can read my previous threads for some background info. Who knows, it may help.

 

All the best!

[Speakingofwhich]

I've gone NC with the same man four times (the first time with a 14 or 15 year period of NC, or very limited contact, was NC on my end) and each time has felt different.

 

I've found the pain or lack thereof I experience during my withdrawals in my NC's with him is proportional to how in touch with reality I am with my self esteem. And with facing the reality of his life at home.

 

When I focus on how I deserve to be treated vs how I was being treated I do much better.

 

And, btw, as MMs go he treated me VERY well. It's just that a married person can't give an AP the time and respect that's needed to maintain a healthy R no matter how hard he/she tries. As long as his/her SO is not the only one in his/her life as a companion (romantic or not, sexual or not) disrespect is taking place.

 

I believe every person deserves for his/her SO to hold him/her in regard as the one and only in every way. Unless that's the case the R won't be healthy (again, my belief).

 

Imo, anyone who shares their SO with someone else is in a dysfunctional R and will eventually have problems with it, whether they are having problems at this point or not.

 

In getting out of an A realizing the sickness of what one has been doing is very helpful. In order to do that one has to face some uncomfortable truths about the situation.

 

So in order to move on most comfortably it helps to quit idealizing your exAP and the R you had together. Don't allow yourself to do it. Make yourself face the stone cold truth of what the affair was and was not.

Edited June 19, 2014 by Speakingofwhich

[veryhappy]

I am nor single, but you should find nc easier by 6 months to a year and be able to move with your life within two years...if you don't avoid feeling the pain and you don't go back.