CadeYeager Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Well as the title stated, I'm out of the game when picking up hints from women in terms of interest. While at a coffee shop this evening, this girl waltz and I'm instantly attracted to her. We made eye contact every now and then. I would watch her, and she would look up at me and look away quick. I think to myself "Hey... maybe she is interested" Then I psych myself out thinking "Well... maybe she just happened to see me when looking up. Not a big deal." I wanted to just walk up to her and talk to her, but I was so stuck on looking for a hint/invitation. I'm tired of missing opportunities... Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I'm right there with you man. I think I'm pretty observant sometimes, but people will point out to me things I stupidly missed. It's kind of amusing to me, really. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I too am in the same boat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
D.Mc. Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Subtle hint #1: we looked at you. Subtle hint #2: we looked at you AGAIN. Smile at us & we'll smile back if we like you (a visual assessment since we don't know anything about you personally yet): doesn't mean you'll end up marrying us but it might just give you enough confidence to actually say "Hi". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 If you hate missing opportunities then just switch it and do something instead. Her looking twice and catching your eye was her reaching out to you (unless of course you look really strange (wearing an Elvis suit for instance). Think about it in terms of animals. In the majority of situations eye contact is threatening to an animal so they avoid it. This is also the case for humans but to a much less degree. A woman won't look into someone's eyes more than once if she feels threatened. A woman walking along the street happens to catch the eye of a creepy guy (I mean very creepy). The last thing she will do is look him in the eye again when he sees that one look as an invite to grab her, (this happened to me 3/4 months ago on my way to my office at 8.30am). This compared to another guy I see every couple of weeks or so who is out jogging when I walk to work. He always says 'good morning' and smiles. First time I was surprised and didn't say anything but since then I reply and smile back. If he were to stop to say hello I would be fine with that as he has now become someone more familiar to me. So, a woman looking you twice or more in the eye and searching you out to look is a sign of encouragement & curiosity. Over time it'll become familiarity too which is a good thing. It doesn't mean you two will skip down the aisle together but it is a signal she is likely to say hello if you respond to her eye contact with a hello. Women don't ordinarily go looking for someone's eyes in the kind of situation you have mentioned above without actually thinking about doing it. If she had been a waitress or worked in a shop the whole situation would be different. In that case she is there to do her job. Eye contact and smiling is a big part of customer service. But...it wasn't that situation. You could always go back to the same place, same time and see if she is there again. She may well be. Did the staff appear to recognise her? It could be a local haunt of hers. If you do go back and see her again and she again makes eye contact acknowledge her by a very quick lift and fall of your eyebrows. (the way your friends and family do when they see you - cos trust me - many of them do and you no doubt do the same gesture to them). That can be a next step up from eye contact and before saying anything when you don't know someone. In fact..thinking about it Mr morning jogger does this to me also. You could also read up on body language. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 If you think you had an opportunity, you should have taken it. If the problem is you reassess everything later and then realize what you missed, next time you are questioning yourself if a girl might be interested.....just go for it. Now. I use to analyze if a girl seems interested. Over and over and over. No action. She could be stripping down naked staring me down and I'd still be wondering if she was interested. This has happened to me twice....that I know of. I am there wondering if a girl was interested based on things she has done. I am pretty sure she is interested, but not really sure and overhear her telling her friend...'guys are so stupid' . And then walk away and leave. It's only funny because it's true The solution? Girls are going to have to be more obvious. I think girls should carry around a green/red flashlight. You look at them and they flash you a red...don't approach. If they flash you a green, get in there! They should also have cue cards saying exactly what they want to hear and you can just go up to her and read off the card. But that is probably not going to happen. If you think a girl is interested, stop thinking at that point and either straight up go for it or flirt to assess her interest before going for it. Whatever you do, don't think things over and over and over or you'll forever miss opportunities. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 How did humans mate in the cavemen days? Maybe we should just go back to those ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Happens to me all the time. The last one was actually so obvious it was comical. I was at the local coffee shop and standing next to this woman who is seated at the counter. She looks over to me and asks if I wanted the seat next to her(with a giant smile). I say to her "No, thats ok I was just going next door with my coffee... Soon after it occurred to me that I could have taken 10 minutes out of my day to sit next to this attractive woman who asked me if I wanted to sit next to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I've gotten better at picking them up, although in the last 2 weeks I've had really obvious ones - women grinding against me on the tube........when the damn thing is still . I was approached twice in 1 day and one other woman decided to flick her hair in my face to get my attention. When women want to be obvious, they can be! All I can say is simply to seize the opportunity and just talk to em. Eventually you get better at it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Don't wait for a sign of interest. It may never come. Women are not typically thinking about scoping the place for prospective dates when they are out somewhere, unless it's a club or bar, and are just there for other purposes. If you're interested in talking to a woman you see out somewhere, and she doesn't have a ring on her wedding finger, then approach her. She may or may not be receptive to your approach, but you will never know unless you try. Don't wait for signals from women, or you will miss a lot of opportunities to meet women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaylaP Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Well as the title stated, I'm out of the game when picking up hints from women in terms of interest. While at a coffee shop this evening, this girl waltz and I'm instantly attracted to her. We made eye contact every now and then. I would watch her, and she would look up at me and look away quick. I think to myself "Hey... maybe she is interested" Then I psych myself out thinking "Well... maybe she just happened to see me when looking up. Not a big deal." I wanted to just walk up to her and talk to her, but I was so stuck on looking for a hint/invitation. I'm tired of missing opportunities... Advice? DAMN its not that serious LML. I think u shoulda made a move on her because if I'm not interested in a guy I wont look at him at ALL! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I've gotten better at picking them up, although in the last 2 weeks I've had really obvious ones - women grinding against me on the tube........when the damn thing is still . I was approached twice in 1 day and one other woman decided to flick her hair in my face to get my attention. When women want to be obvious, they can be! All I can say is simply to seize the opportunity and just talk to em. Eventually you get better at it. This made me recall a trip up North to visit my then bf on a packed evening train. I had my case behind my feet and was leaning best I could against the wall of the entrance part of the train. Due to that my rucksack was in front of me. There was nowhere to move and it was tricky to balance while the train was moving as only one side of my back was against the slippery shiny wall. Some guy in front turned, looked at me and kind of started gyrating..it was wierd! We stopped at the next station and all had to shuffle around a it to let people on and off. He got right back to where he had been and started gyrating again and looked back at me a few times while I was looking out of the window. I finally realised he was having an intimate moment with my rucksack! I pulled my rucksack up (very obviously) and unzipped it to get my book out - it was only then he realised...he went very very red and moved into the seated carriage within seconds. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 If you're that unaware - then take a course on body language. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 One thing I hate about this topic is when women say something like "We looked at you, that's your sign of interest" That's not a sign of interest. That's the single laziest way to "show interest" that you could POSSIBLY perform. If she is interested, how exactly is she not 50% responsible for conversation initiation? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 One thing I hate about this topic is when women say something like "We looked at you, that's your sign of interest" That's not a sign of interest. That's the single laziest way to "show interest" that you could POSSIBLY perform. If she is interested, how exactly is she not 50% responsible for conversation initiation? It really is a sign of interest. Women usually do the 'first part' by eye contact. Maybe a smile too. A man..his response is an approach. This is how it has worked for years...... And yep..it works too! Been there done that and ...always do it if I am attracted. My 14 year relationship would not have happened had I not done this. It's no wonder it no longer really happens though (but it is sure fire..it does work) Everyone's head is bent down looking into their iPhone! Fail! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I'm tired of missing opportunities... Advice? Instead of performing a risk analysis, take a risk. You'll never know for sure unless you do and, at least IME, having done the gamut of approaching, dating, relationships and marriage, you'll never know for sure, ever. I remember my first big 'reading' and it had all the classic signs, the repeated eye contact, the looking away, the hesitation in the voice, the hair twirling, the thrusting of breasts, the leaning in, on and on, along with the engaging conversation and flirtation. Fast forward a month or two and then comes the ultimate flirtation - 'you do know I'm married, right?' If I had a nickel for every 'subtle hint' (and some not so subtle ones) received from a woman I'd be a rich man. As things are, I merely spectate now and watch them working the other guys looking for all the subtle hints. It's quite satisfying. 'Real?' 'Fake?' 'Ooh, that was a good one!' Heh... So, with that disclaimer out of the way, here's my old fart advice: Encounter a woman you 'like'? Chat her up and ask her out. Don't analyze. Go with the flow. If she says no, that's OK! If yes, keep showing up until one of you doesn't like the other or either or both of you are dead. Enjoy life. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 One thing I hate about this topic is when women say something like "We looked at you, that's your sign of interest" That's not a sign of interest. That's the single laziest way to "show interest" that you could POSSIBLY perform. It really is a sign of interest. Women usually do the 'first part' by eye contact. Maybe a smile too. A man..his response is an approach. Sometimes a look is a sign of interest. And a man will approach. But if you give the "look" and maybe a smile as the "first part" and he doesn't approach, do you consider that a rejection? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Sometimes a look is a sign of interest. And a man will approach. But if you give the "look" and maybe a smile as the "first part" and he doesn't approach, do you consider that a rejection? Good follow up question! And..yes..gotta say I do see it as a rejection. Could be any reason but it is a basic rejection. We communicate more through our bodies than any words possibly can, we all know that but still no words mean a rejection after the eye contact and acknowledgement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Good follow up question! And..yes..gotta say I do see it as a rejection. Could be any reason but it is a basic rejection. We communicate more through our bodies than any words possibly can, we all know that but still no words mean a rejection after the eye contact and acknowledgement. The acknowledgement is the key element. Most guys have been guilty of failing to acknowledge the "signs" at times, myself included and did nothing. Awareness can be improved and reading up on body language is a good place to start. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CadeYeager Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Thanks for all of the help so far guys. That's been my issue really when NOT approaching women. I over analyze the situation so hard that the opportunity slips out of my control. Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 C'mon, gals.. I know that I'm not that attractive, I can't be. There's just no way. I lock eyes with attractive girls my age all of the time when I go out to public places, and they couldn't all possibly be desiring for me to ask them out. I'm just very observant, so they look back at me looking at them and noticing them. I can't possibly be making them all feel rejected, because they can't all possibly be sending me their seals of approval. The true irony actually is that 90% of them would most likely politely turn me down for all of the friendliness that they show, and the smiles and giggles at the stupid **** that I say or lame jokes that I crack. If I were actively searching for a genuine "i'm attracted to you, please start a conversation with me" smile.. I'd be smiling back at a bunch of phonies. I'm OK with this, though. Gotta figure that putting any kind of smile on people's faces in general would be better than putting none on any. Just batting an eyelash is soooo lazy.. As if people purposely DON'T take note of their surroundings or have a natural curiosity of people the the places around them. C'mon.. lol Women can't be intimidated by me. So they must just be disinterested enough in general to not want to green light me. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Whilst I agree that a look and smile can just be someone being friendly, its what comes after that 1st look and smile, thats when the persons intentions are made clearer. You might catch them looking at you a few more times, they might open up their body, they might turn their body towards you but not look at you, etc. My favorite one is the slight bow of the head and a sneaky look, followed by another. A classic shy person tactic and one of the easiest ones to spot. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I was told from friends that some women aren't really open to being approached cold turkey in public, though they don't discourage it either and that "going for it" isn't going to hurt anything. But the fact is, she'll likely to be on guard and not open to the cold approach. Usually women like being approached in venues that are conducive as such...typically through a network of social friends. Like a friend of yours is hosting a house party and she ALSO happens to be a friend of the host. That way, even though you two don't know each other from a hole in the ground, you have a REASON to approach her. Some women just have that "don't approach me vibe". When I was in my 20's I would see women in the study hall reading a book or even at a bookstore coffee shop and I'd ask them what they're reading or something entailing what they're doing. They'd answer, but rarely ever made eye contact and give short answers. After so much of this, I moved on to venues or social groups (i.e.- Meetup.com) where women were likely to converse with strangers as they are already THERE with the intention of "making new friends". If you think you had an opportunity, you should have taken it. If the problem is you reassess everything later and then realize what you missed, next time you are questioning yourself if a girl might be interested.....just go for it. Now. I use to analyze if a girl seems interested. Over and over and over. No action. She could be stripping down naked staring me down and I'd still be wondering if she was interested. This has happened to me twice....that I know of. I am there wondering if a girl was interested based on things she has done. I am pretty sure she is interested, but not really sure and overhear her telling her friend...'guys are so stupid' . And then walk away and leave. It's only funny because it's true The solution? Girls are going to have to be more obvious. I think girls should carry around a green/red flashlight. You look at them and they flash you a red...don't approach. If they flash you a green, get in there! They should also have cue cards saying exactly what they want to hear and you can just go up to her and read off the card. But that is probably not going to happen. If you think a girl is interested, stop thinking at that point and either straight up go for it or flirt to assess her interest before going for it. Whatever you do, don't think things over and over and over or you'll forever miss opportunities. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 It really is a sign of interest. Women usually do the 'first part' by eye contact. Maybe a smile too. A man..his response is an approach. This is how it has worked for years...... And yep..it works too! Been there done that and ...always do it if I am attracted. My 14 year relationship would not have happened had I not done this. It's no wonder it no longer really happens though (but it is sure fire..it does work) Everyone's head is bent down looking into their iPhone! Fail! I think the iphones should just do all the flirting for us. They are so much more specifically proficient! If things don't work out, we can just blame it on them. Funny thing about that. Perfectly innocent little social situations......spread all along that yellow brick road that skips through the social sphere. And how to break the ice? Say something funny. If a laugh comes back, your sense of humor wasn't wasted. If it doesn't. Well.....the message that comes back is that non-interest is far more important than the joke was. People (men and women both) often laugh easily when they feel relaxed. Unless they're painfully shy. Or just too damned distracted by externalities. (like virtual existences.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 C'mon, gals.. I know that I'm not that attractive, I can't be. There's just no way. I lock eyes with attractive girls my age all of the time when I go out to public places, and they couldn't all possibly be desiring for me to ask them out. I'm just very observant, so they look back at me looking at them and noticing them. I can't possibly be making them all feel rejected, because they can't all possibly be sending me their seals of approval. The true irony actually is that 90% of them would most likely politely turn me down for all of the friendliness that they show, and the smiles and giggles at the stupid **** that I say or lame jokes that I crack. If I were actively searching for a genuine "i'm attracted to you, please start a conversation with me" smile.. I'd be smiling back at a bunch of phonies. I'm OK with this, though. Gotta figure that putting any kind of smile on people's faces in general would be better than putting none on any. Just batting an eyelash is soooo lazy.. As if people purposely DON'T take note of their surroundings or have a natural curiosity of people the the places around them. C'mon.. lol Women can't be intimidated by me. So they must just be disinterested enough in general to not want to green light me. How do you know that the one girl who is really giving you eye contact isn't hoping you might just say 'Hi' as they walk past you? If you see someone often too there's nothing wrong with a 'Hi' to acknowledge you know they exist. If a guy said 'Hi' to me after I had given him signs of interest (because I do actively use eye contact) then I am much more likely to say something to him. Plus, 'Hi' isn't an embarrassing thing to say. If there is someone who gives you eye contact and you do say 'Hi' when you see her you can just do a simple thing and ask her name and give yours if she asks for it. Next time you say 'Hi' it can be 'Hi Emily'. It can be just that as you walk by but it means you 'register' in her mind...she will think about you. These things breed familiarity like I mentioned in my first post on here. I'm quite shy, this is how shy girls/women roll. Making eye contact deliberately with someone I find attractive is tough sometimes (let's say mostly to be honest) for me as all I want to do is blush and look at my feet! Last week we had a customer at the place where I work. I work in a training centre. I was outside and walking up to my office door and I spotted a guy in the car park who had just got out of his car. He spotted me too. He got to the door way before me but he stopped, looked back and waited for me to get there while holding the door for me. He had gorgeous eyes and a gorgeous smile! He was lovely looking (to me)..no Brad Pitt but just my type. A bit like this guy Google Image Result for http://www.londontheatredirect.com/img/news/SimonRussellBealeandJohnSimmtostarinHaroldPintersTheHotHouseatTheTrafalgarStudios.jpg I noted which car was his and he was there all week on a course. Sadly I didn't see him again but if I had...he would definitely have got a smile from me. ...but I know his car now..so if he is ever back for more training.... Knowing my luck he is probably taken though! Link to post Share on other sites
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