Stigma of men who have used escorts.

[SJC2008]

Yes this topic again...

 

I'm seriously considering hiring an escort. Lot of newbies here so I'll give a brief history of myslef. 32, first sexual exp at 19, lost V at 22 and have had sex once since. Due to crippling shyness (social anxiety) and massive insecurity I've never been good with women; my longest courtship was 5 weeks in which I was a rebound. I make horrible decisions in women by falling for control freaks (mommy issues).

 

Anyway, I don't plan to make this a regular thing but since my sexual experiences are so few and far between (and not that good) I'm strongly considering hiring an escort. I think it will help with my confidence and sexual shame by having some real sex. Not to mention I'm horny as hell.

 

STD arguments aside my reasons for not doing it would be I know I'll feel guilty (but I know I'll get over it). I don't wan't to be one of "those guys" as I know a lot of women don't like this, which I respect. Being deal broken by potential partners is my biggest concern. Not that this topic will come up but if it does I'm not one for lying about it.

 

I know I can get laid on my own, a la my previous exps and a handfull of blwon opportunities in the past but I'm very depressed right now. I don't feel like going through the courting process, I want a slam dunk, and I won't have my own for another few months. I think if I do this once to hold me over for a while will be good. Look how long I've gone without. Suggestions and opinions please.

[Els]

Props to you for deciding not to lie about it.

 

It's really just one of those things that weed out compatibility. Some women don't care, so they will be more compatible with you. I do care, because it says a lot about his mindset re: sex - I'm a 'sex in LTR only' type of girl. So a guy who has been with escorts wouldn't be compatible with me. But, that's just me.

 

I don't think it will help with your confidence and sexual prowess, to be honest. After you're done, if you have any pragmatism at all you'll realize that ALL that happened was that you bought sex as a service. Which is fine if you just want some sexual pleasure and release. But confidence and sexual ability, no. You get confidence through actually challenging yourself and learning to get out of your comfort zone. You gain sexual prowess from learning how to pleasure a woman who's with you for pleasure/love and not money.

[Assasda]

Naa you wont get any confidence from that.

 

If you want to build your confidence, what you do, is approach women, and that will give you real confidence.

 

Think sex will cure your depression? It wont.

Only you can solve that. No woman will ever solve that problem

[littleplanet]

Well OP,

 

I'm not gonna get all moralistic on ya.

Once in 10 years is a real drought......and you're not getting any younger.

 

If you seriously think this will have some therapeutic value to you, then I don't see a problem with it.

You are answerable to no-one but yourself at the moment, and your romantic history doesn't sound like it measures up favorably anyhow.

 

Sex workers are known to provide confidence boosts.

Never used one myself - but that's just me.

 

What I do know about escorts (used to drive them around back in my cabbie days when that work paid my way through college).....is that they definitely have a variable clientele. Not all their customers are shy or inept men - when it comes to romance.

 

You're not criminal for giving it a try.

Either it works for you, or it doesn't.

 

As to your future prospects afterwards.......who knows?

It may just brighten that horizon.

 

(tip) Choose your partner wisely.

[SJC2008]

Props to you for deciding not to lie about it.

 

It's really just one of those things that weed out compatibility. Some women don't care, so they will be more compatible with you. I do care, because it says a lot about his mindset re: sex - I'm a 'sex in LTR only' type of girl. So a guy who has been with escorts wouldn't be compatible with me. But, that's just me.

 

I don't think it will help with your confidence and sexual prowess, to be honest. After you're done, if you have any pragmatism at all you'll realize that ALL that happened was that you bought sex as a service. Which is fine if you just want some sexual pleasure and release. But confidence and sexual ability, no. You get confidence through actually challenging yourself and learning to get out of your comfort zone. You gain sexual prowess from learning how to pleasure a woman who's with you for pleasure/love and not money.

 

I respect that but without even seeing an escort I'd already be deal broken by you and I'm a very good man.

 

I somewhat agree and disagree. Of course I won't turn into Casonova from one exp *but* my first two exp's were when I lost my V which was obviously short and she was super loose, and my last exp was short due to where we were and that there was a lacked flow becasue it was my second time. Now that I have been "in there" I'm ready to get my groove on with more confidence soI think it will be a good experience becasue it will be real sex, not the short lived occurances from before.

[Els]

I respect that but without even seeing an escort I'd already be deal broken by you and I'm a very good man.

 

Not all good people are compatible in relationships. As I said, this isn't about 'good' or 'bad', simply about compatibility. I'm also not single and haven't been for a long time, so my preferences are probably irrelevant...

 

I somewhat agree and disagree. Of course I won't turn into Casonova from one exp *but* my first two exp's were when I lost my V which was obviously short and she was super loose, and my last exp was short due to where we were and that there was a lacked flow becasue it was my second time. Now that I have been "in there" I'm ready to get my groove on with more confidence soI think it will be a good experience becasue it will be real sex, not the short lived occurances from before.

Well, if you really think you would benefit from it, then why not. Just make sure to go somewhere legal and consensual, ask to see STD tests and age ID, and use protection.

[todreaminblue]

As a an ex worker girl.......i wouldn't suggest it will help you at all, what will help is if you wait and find out what the woman likes who you are gong to be with by intimately knowing her hearts desires...not a workers girls desires.....they want to see the clock while they have sex with you.so they can up the ante of oooooh and ahhhhh a oooooh baby yes yes thats it youre the best ....oooohhh ahhhhh mmmmm.......... when you are close to being evicted.......what an average run of the mill sex worker does is not intimate...its mechanics and sex therapy that costs more than a shrink(not that i truly think they care either).....as it should cost more....its risky and hard manual labor......and they are watching the clock...its all time and money, dont fool yourself otherwise....do you think that a sex worker would go overtime if you needed it and had no cash left.....expensive enterprise which could cause more than sexual inexperince to be an issue.......save what you know little about for the woman who you can learn more from..guaranteed a sure thing...deb

Edited June 19, 2014 by todreaminblue

[SJC2008]

I mentioned being depresed because I don't have the drive to do much and certainly don't have the drive and self esteem to hit on any woman right now. I wont do it to cure my depression, it won't.

 

I do think it will have some therapitic value because it will help demistify sex for me since my first two exps were so short lived.

 

I know it carries a stigma but where has being a good man got me? I don't mean that in nice guy entitlement way either. I'm not perfect but I have better morals and self awareness than a lot of people.

 

15-40% of men have used prots/escorts. I know men who have done this while in R's to "mix it up". I knoe a married man who is good a good looking family man, alpha, could have his pick with most women and he used them when he was in the military.

[Els]

Sounds like you have your mind made up. Why are you asking us?

[Ruby Slippers]

To me, this is the male equivalent of a female prostituting herself. It's the kind of thing one only considers during a very dark time, and once you go there, it's something you can't ever undo.

[SJC2008]

Sounds like you have your mind made up. Why are you asking us?

 

I'm 50-50 mabye a little more, still hesitant though.

[todreaminblue]

I mentioned being depresed because I don't have the drive to do much and certainly don't have the drive and self esteem to hit on any woman right now. I wont do it to cure my depression, it won't.

 

I do think it will have some therapitic value because it will help demistify sex for me since my first two exps were so short lived.

 

I know it carries a stigma but where has being a good man got me? I don't mean that in nice guy entitlement way either. I'm not perfect but I have better morals and self awareness than a lot of people.

 

15-40% of men have used prots/escorts. I know men who have done this while in R's to "mix it up". I knoe a married man who is good a good looking family man, alpha, could have his pick with most women and he used them when he was in the military.

 

 

i got clinically depressed handling depression from clientele.....

 

look you wont demystify sex.....straight up not going to happen because every time you are with someone new it is a mystery all over again that needs to be discovered by the two of you, not you and a sex worker and your new partner....the sex worker doesnt have a clue bar the money she shoved in her pocket she just wants to go home op thats it she just wants to go home, she doesnt care what you know or feel or think...... neither will you be any more enlightened for she has slept with 25 men or ten who knows..... that day you see her...and is just plain tired adn extremely sick of men.............good luck and ill say again...strongly...dont do it.....deb

[Assasda]

I dont understand OP putting so much time into seeing a prostitute, when he can put time into meeting a woman that actually cares about him.

 

Want to demystify sex. Watch some porn.

 

The whole ordeal will probably make you emptier than you already are, so I wouldnt even risk it if I were you.

 

I dont even see the NEED in paying for it.

Why not go to a bar, and 1) talk to some one 2) Gain confidence with women 3)Have sex with you for free?

[ktya]

Yes this topic again...

 

I'm seriously considering hiring an escort.

 

Anyway, I don't plan to make this a regular thing but since my sexual experiences are so few and far between I'm strongly considering hiring an escort. I think it will help with my confidence and sexual shame by having some real sex. Not to mention I'm horny as hell.

 

STD arguments aside my reasons for not doing it would be I know I'll feel guilty . I don't wan't to be one of "those guys" as I know a lot of women don't like this, which I respect.

 

I don't feel like going through the courting process, I want a slam dunk, and I won't have my own for another few months. I think if I do this once to hold me over for a while will be good. Look how long I've gone without. Suggestions and opinions please.

 

I've hired escorts a bunch of times. There are good ones and there are bad ones. They are certainly no replacement for a "real girl", it doesnt give you the same satisfaction as picking up a girl at a bar and bringing her home for bang. The girlfriend experience can be quite expensive if you opt for that. But they sure dont beat around the bush and they get the job done better than most women bar none.

 

Ironically, the more expensive ones are the bad ones, all business and they try to get in and out in as little time as possible. If they can get your clothes off in a minute get you off in 5 get dressed and be in and out in 15 minutes all the better for them. Unfortunately these are usually the hottest ones and they get away with it because they know it.

 

The bad ones are of course any street material. Stay clear of this at all costs. If you want to terrify yourself of STDs or diseases go ahead, you never know if they're needle users or already infected. I've never gone this route and I'd highly recommend that if your going for an escort you either go with the high priced ones or the midrange amatuers.

 

The best ones I find are the amateurs. These you can find on sites like craigslist under therapeutic services. These are girls who are just out to make a little extra money and they dont do this professionally. They keep it discreet usually because their friends do not know what they are doing. They usually prefer incalls at their house which is cheaper than calling an outcall escort agency. Beware, the pictures are often misleading because they will know that once you arrive at their house ready for action your probably not going to turn around.

 

With the amateurs they often are not watching the clock like the pros. They tend to do less "work" than the pros so the risk of STDs is a lot less. Some of them just do it because it's been a long time since they got laid and what the hell make money while they're at it. They also prefer a regular over a different guy each time, so if your thinking about doing this a few times you will likely get a discount going cheaper each time as long as you can negotiate half decently. They want the money, but they want to not feel like whores at the same time. Contradictory for sure, but thats not your problem.

 

I've even had these girls give me their own personal cell phone numbers and offer to date me afterwards completely off the clock. One liked me so much when she moved overseas she called me from there and made jokes about what a great lay I was, it was tremendously funny I was laughing my ass off.

 

Just go protected with them and you'll be fine. They usually dont want you to kiss them and since your paying theres no need to go down on them.

 

When it comes to dates with "real women" no dont tell them you banged escorts so it doesn't matter what they think. Hiring an escort is equivalent to an advanced form of masterbation, you are basically hiring a live sex toy for a few hours, its none of their business.

 

Women can say whatever they want about a guy who hires escorts, but their primary concern is that if you can pick up the phone and get laid in under an hour for $80 by 9:30 in the morning (escorts offer half price AM specials I'd highly recommend looking for a morning romp) then they can't make you do their bidding simply because they have a vagina they can dangle in front of you.

 

Sex with escorts is actually safer STD and pregnancy wise than most "real women". They put the condom on you themselves and make sure it's on properly. They avoid fluid transfer like kissing and will usually even blow you with the rubber on in order to keep themselves safe.

 

In contrast to that almost medical attention to safety I find that most women after laying them a few times will simply ask you "are you clean" before going bareback, and will almost never want a condom to blow you. Far less standards. Not that I mind its just a funny reality - the escort is supposedly "dirty" yet follows extremely safe practices while the non-escort is "clean" and follows laxidazical protection practices.

 

So if you want to go for the escort I would say go for it. I recommend it to any dude who just broke up, or who wants to get back into the game after a while of solitude. Just find an amateur you like, stick to that one for a while and remember that this is no substitute for picking up a real girlfriend or one night stand.

 

Plus there's nothing more satisfying than having a "favorite" escort you've used a few times to call at 9am for morning fun after your date just blue balled you the night before. Take that biatch. LOL

 

Have fun, be save.

[d0nnivain]

My husband was the 1st person I have ever asked if he'd been with a pro. He had been in the military as a young man & stationed all over the world. The stereotype make me asked before we were intimate. Had he said yes, I would have had more Q's: how many times? in what countries? at what price point (high end v street walker)? protection? and most importantly whether he'd been tested. Getting re-tested would have been an additional requirement before we became intimate.

 

 

While I don't condone it -- it is illegal for a reason -- if you must, be as safe as possible.

 

 

I also doubt it will cure what ails you. I think you could manage the same result with a ONS.

[ktya]

I also doubt it will cure what ails you. I think you could manage the same result with a ONS.

 

OPs problem is hes been dry for 10 years, is an introvert, and is shy around women. I doubt he could pull off a ONS in his current state if you sat there with a briefcase outside of his house with a million dollars for him if he succeeded.

 

Women can just offer it up and get a ONS even if they're overweight and ugly, some dude will eventually go for it. For guys that takes a lot more game.

 

A few sessions with a good escort will do him some good.

[TXGuy]

I dont understand OP putting so much time into seeing a prostitute, when he can put time into meeting a woman...

 

I dont even see the NEED in paying for it.

Why not go to a bar, and 1) talk to some one 2) Gain confidence with women 3)Have sex with you for free?

 

I haven't formed an opinion about the escort thing yet, but the comment above ignores the reality of a material proportion of me out there. While just about any woman can hook up in a bar with little effort, most men cannot. Some men can. Other men can with a lot of effort. Still other men cannot, even with a great deal of effort. So, I'm not sure if suggesting he just chat up a woman in a bar is necessarily going to work for him.

 

I don't know if I have a better suggestion, other than to research 'game.' But if this guy knows he will be compelled to affirmatively volunteer the fact that he rented escorts (if he goes down that road), I don't know if he will be able to excercise game.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Why dont you spend the money you would have spent on an escort on therapy instead for your social anxiety I think it would be better spent that way x

 

Ps I thought I had social anxiety (seriously I couldnt speak to anyone but I knew there was a time in the past that I could do it) it turned out I was suffering with depression and general anxiety (the two go hand in hand) Im now much better so that could be worth exploring for the sake of a trip to the Drs to make such a big difference to your life x

[ktya]

I don't know if I have a better suggestion, other than to research 'game.' But if this guy knows he will be compelled to affirmatively volunteer the fact that he rented escorts (if he goes down that road), I don't know if he will be able to excercise game.

 

Amen to this.

[maysj18]

Are you on medication? If not, why? Do you understand how much better life could be for you if you sought therapy?

You have to remember that you give off vibes everywhere you go to everyone you meet. If you're the kind of man who is so desperate you would hire a call girl, I'm sure your behavior, words, and attitude reflect that in some way which would push any "real girl" away. If you were just wanting to get laid and that's it, I'd tell you to go for it; however, since you're bringing up the fact that you are concerned about your future dating life, I think you need to steer clear of this and work on your own self image.

 

Also bear this in mind: most girls who sell their bodies battle anxiety and depression. You know what these feelings are like first-hand. Yes, they have personal responsibility for taking this road, but you are equally responsible in your own way. You need to remember that men and women are very different and want different things. A woman who feels all she has left is to sell her body has extremely low self-esteem and I think you can sympathize with that. Just remember these things.

[KathyM]

Only 10% of men have been with an escort, the vast majority of that 10% being married men. If your social anxiety is holding you back from meeting and pursuing real women who would have a real interest in you, then as other posters mentioned, your money would be better spent seeking help from a therapist for your social anxiety. Social anxiety is a very treatable issue, and working on that is what is going to improve your life. Spending a ton of money on an hour or so with an escort is not going to fix or help your social anxiety. You will still have the problem just as much as you did before spending the money on an escort.

[ktya]

most girls who sell their bodies battle anxiety and depression. ... A woman who feels all she has left is to sell her body has extremely low self-esteem and I think you can sympathize with that. Just remember these things.

 

That does not sound like the escorts I've been with at all. I wouldnt doubt that some of them feel that way, but the ones I've been with were just super empowered.

[KathyM]

That does not sound like the escorts I've been with at all. I wouldnt doubt that some of them feel that way, but the ones I've been with were just super empowered.

It's all an act. They get paid to pretend to be into it. You don't know the suffering/low self esteem/addictions/childhood trauma that these women typically have. You only see the acting that she presents in order to get the money. If men would spend some time thinking about the reality behind the act, maybe they wouldn't feel so inclined to use a woman in this way.

[ktya]

It's all an act. They get paid to pretend to be into it. You don't know the suffering/low self esteem/addictions/childhood trauma that these women typically have. You only see the acting that she presents in order to get the money. If men would spend some time thinking about the reality behind the act, maybe they wouldn't feel so inclined to use a woman in this way.

 

The full time professional working girls, yes. Street girls, probably (I have never used them)

 

The amateurs who just want to make a little extra dough for school or rent or whatever, no. I've had great conversations and they have done stuff ranging from working in the court system but are upgrading their schooling to just being between jobs or waiting for their work visa so they can start working as a nurse.

 

See: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=5&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CEwQtwIwBA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nbcnews.com%2Fnews%2Fus-news%2Fsex-workers-need-rights-not-rescue-author-says-n49096&ei=xhijU4WwIpLyoAS07oDgBw&usg=AFQjCNE9-z66LaCKzSIj4y-cDemXJqYbLA&sig2=wI1l259Ett_i-ICeGLPuUQ&bvm=bv.69411363,d.cGU

Edited June 19, 2014 by ktya
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[Michelle ma Belle]

To me, this is the male equivalent of a female prostituting herself. It's the kind of thing one only considers during a very dark time, and once you go there, it's something you can't ever undo.

 

THIS!

 

All morality aside. As much as I may empathize with you on your social anxiety and depression and need for some sexual release, I'm still going to stick to my guns from the previous thread and warn you that this just doesn't seem like the way to go.

 

You should be prepared for the very REAL possibility that once you go down this particular rabbit hole, you may find it surprisingly difficult to climb back out again.

 

What does that mean exactly? It means you may end up using escorts as a crutch to more easily get your rocks off rather than step outside your comfort zone and re-engage in REAL relationships with women who aren't being paid off.

 

Using a sex worker CAN have it's pros for many men but they can also turn into yet another type of addiction particularly for vulnerable and socially awkward men.

 

You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. You seem like you're very aware of your own shortcomings and things you need to work on and you appear to have thought about this a great deal. All commendable things.

 

Instead of taking the path of least resistance (which is what this is) I would much rather see you put as much thought and effort into working on YOURSELF WITHOUT the aid of a sex worker and all the baggage that comes with it.

 

It just seems like you're being very LAZY about what you KNOW you inevitably have to do and instead letting your penis do most (if not all) of the thinking.

 

Regardless of what you choose to do, good luck and be safe.

Edited June 19, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle