Stigma of men who have used escorts.

[KathyM]

If someone can't understand why I did what I needed to do, then they probably have too many hang ups about sex and I wouldn't be interested anyway. But I don't feel qualified to suggest doing this or not for someone else. It is a very personal decision that I made in a time of extreme personal crisis. It was right for me. And it has been a huge ego booster. This seems to be an unavoidable consequence of having sex with an incredibly beautiful young woman who has been very good to me.

Paying someone for sex is not an accomplishment, and not something to be proud of. Exchanging money for sex with someone who does not actually want to have sex with you does not boost a person's self esteem. Actually having a relationship with someone who wants to be with you is what will boost a person's self esteem.

[Els]

Either way I'm screwed. If I meet someone, I'm at an age where my lack of R's will get me deal broken by the vast majority of women. If I do it it's a deal breaker for a lot of women, possibly the vast majority. I also fear it would turn out to be more that a "one shot" thing as another poster mentioned.

 

I'm confused, if you think lack of Rs will get you dealbroken, how will seeing an escort help with that? You would still have the same number of Rs...

 

How many Rs have you had and how old are you anyway? My SO has only had one ex (though they were together for a long time). Some women prefer men with lower numbers.

 

When I was 23/24 I was at a party with some coworkers and a girl I know liked me was there. I was going to the bathroom and she was comming out and when she say me she lingered and gave me the "x me" face and guess what I did? Nothing. This was after I lost my V mind you. Like I said I have a sexual shame problem and I've only been aware of it for about a year, mabye a little more. That along with shyness and insecurity is how you wind up with a man my age in a boat like this. Call it rationaizatin and it partly is but I think this will help me because the fact that I'm so desperate that I'm willing to hire an escort is overriding my shame. Will it heal me? Absoloutely not. Will it make me more comfortable with woman since this time will be to enjoy without "fumbling" I really really think so.

 

I would not really classify declining a situation like that (especially if she was drunk AND a coworker) as 'sexual shame'. A guy who refused in that situation would receive more respect in my eyes.

 

I'm not trying to convince you not to go - if you want to, go. Just responding to your points.

[SJC2008]

I'm confused, if you think lack of Rs will get you dealbroken, how will seeing an escort help with that? You would still have the same number of Rs...

 

How many Rs have you had and how old are you anyway? My SO has only had one ex (though they were together for a long time). Some women prefer men with lower numbers.

 

 

 

I would not really classify declining a situation like that (especially if she was drunk AND a coworker) as 'sexual shame'. A guy who refused in that situation would receive more respect in my eyes.

 

I'm not trying to convince you not to go - if you want to, go. Just responding to your points.

 

32 with my longest courtship being 5 weeks. Re-read the OP.

 

The party instance may not be SS but teust me I have it. It was subconscious until I had my light bulb moment a year ago.

[SJC2008]

I'm less than 50-50 now! Probably not going to do it, for the time being anyhow.

[hotpotato]

Props to the OP for honesty. He is more honest than many men I've encountered.

 

Many people are fine with porn. What is that? People on camera getting paid to have sex.

[FitChick]

I'm getting my own place in a few months... I'm going to quit smoking and diet.

Well, that's the crux of your problem right there. Nothing to do with lack of sexual experience since you can't even attract women in the first place. Become attractive first and get your own apartment where you can entertain them. During this time learn to cook a couple of healthful but tasty meals to impress future dates.

 

If you can't quit smoking at least smoke e-cigarettes to wean off slowly.

[SJC2008]

Well, that's the crux of your problem right there. Nothing to do with lack of sexual experience since you can't even attract women in the first place. Become attractive first and get your own apartment where you can entertain them. During this time learn to cook a couple of healthful but tasty meals to impress future dates.

 

If you can't quit smoking at least smoke e-cigarettes to wean off slowly.

 

I see where you're comming from but I can and have attracted women. I just don't do well with women. I blow it even when they approach me, see my hist.

 

TBS I will feel better once I get my own place. I'll never be skinny but I do need to lose weight.

[iiiii]

Would you deal break a woman who had worked as an escort?

 

This is a good question, OP - I'm interested too.

 

Finding this out would definitely put me off a guy, don't know if it would be a deal breaker, depends on the details. From what I've seen some girls have a good time doing this, many more get exploited, I'd probably respect a guy less knowing that he'd been involved in that type of thing.

[Robert Z]

Do you still use escorts? What's your dating life/success with women like now?

 

 

I have been seeing my sugar baby exclusively for over two years now. I did a little dating but then relocated and am just starting to form new social groups. But she has been a godsend.

 

Next stop - Yoga! I prefer to take this approach to meeting women as opposed to internet dating sites. But we will see. If someone comes along and steals my heart, great! And I am working to create more opportunities to meet people. But I have no desire to compromise and my standards are pretty high now. I may spend the rest of my active sex life with sugar babies. This has certainly worked out far better than my marriage ever did. Even after two years she completely blows me away and we get along like two peas in a pod. So when this ends I may try to find another similar arrangement. But if I meet someone who really blows me away, I'll be glad to stop. To be continued...

 

I took a shot at winning her heart, and for a time there seemed to be some progress, but I don't see that happening now. An old boyfriend showed up and she's still nuts about him.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

I know there are all sorts of sad stories including the examples of deb, but I can tell you that no two escorts are the same. The range of experiences are as varied as the number of women who do this. I have no doubt that my sb is going to do just fine in life. She stands out in any crowd. And she would never allow other people to determine her self worth. She knows who she is and is entirely comfortable with her choices in life.

 

After all, she was smart enough to hook up with me, right? But she knows how I feel about her. She could have hooked up with a sugar daddy far richer than I am, but she was smart. She knows I adore her.

 

When I was in my early twenties, I dated a girl and things started getting serious. Then she told me that she had once worked as a call girl. I didn't even know what that was, really, but knew it meant "prostitute". I struggled with this for a time but finally decided that it didn't matter. I loved her for who she was and she was product of her experiences. So I can honestly say that before having any exposure to any of this, I was fine with a woman who had a history in this regard. Eventually we broke up for other reasons [she had a serious hot Latin temper!!!] . She ended up marrying and electrical engineer who was also a friend of mine. The last I heard they were doing fine.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Robert Z

[KathyM]

The ex hooker I know, who is now middle aged, is chronically unemployed, in and out of homelessness, without job skills, on welfare, and no ability to get a job because she spent 20 years in the prostitution business and has nothing to put on her resume to show employers any kind of work record. Not much of a life. These men who are subsidizing this dead end track are not doing these women any favors. On the contrary, they are enabling a destructive lifestyle.

[Els]

I see where you're comming from but I can and have attracted women. I just don't do well with women. I blow it even when they approach me, see my hist.

 

TBS I will feel better once I get my own place. I'll never be skinny but I do need to lose weight.

 

Yes, I think you should focus on this for the time being.

 

IMO if you cannot afford your own place, you cannot afford to be wasting money on escorts. You need to invest in your own future.

[lollipopspot]

She chose her profession. I doubt most pimps offer any kind of 401k.

 

Usually if you're being pimped, you don't have a choice.

[Els]

You always have a choice in life. Some people just don't want to admit they're responsible for their own life.

 

 

Sure, and the miners killed in accidents also 'chose' theirs, because they needed money. Doesn't make the consequences any less tragic.

 

Have some compassion. Deb isn't even blaming anyone, just sharing her experiences and trying to help people. Which is more than can be said for you.

[ascendotum]

The clients of a hooker aren't exactly responsible for her life. Any adult is responsible for their own life. She chose her profession. I doubt most pimps offer any kind of 401k.

 

I agree. The clients actually supported her lifestyle for many years, and I'd say odds on it would have been much better than if she worked minimum wage job. Its up to her to set her self up for the future. Chances are she could still be struggling to get by if she was a waitress or admin clerk. I saw a survey of the brothel industry in my country and most of the working girls are students and single mothers. The single mothers here do alright with govt support. Its either a means to an end (ST or LT financial goal) or to pay off debts, or a way of enjoying the nicer things in life.

[Els]

So this:

 

You always have a choice in life. Some people just don't want to admit they're responsible for their own life.

 

was directed to the OP? In that case I fully agree with it.

[todreaminblue]

I would like to apologise to the op for losing my cool and taking the thread off topic, i will have the post removed where i completely lost it.....it wasnt appropriate and for that i am sorry

 

 

before i leave this thread because it is just too close to my heart to continue.....just one more try.....and i will try with a sinking heart......

 

 

i would ask you op to consider what you are responsible for as a man , i accept my responsibility for my lifestyle i chose when i had no choice..... but isnt every man here now or there in the real world responsible to treat women with respect,and be viewed as someones daughters sisters mothers wives aunts nieces granddaughters, not be seen or disrespected as pleasure buckets to satisfy their own shortcomings and insecurities......

 

 

i ask you to consider the girl before and after you have sex,might not want to be there ...its possible, very possible she doesnt,

i ask you op to consider one day would you be proud of your daughter who became a hooker...or would you be ashamed..or worried or scared or waiting for a phone call like my mum did scared if she picked up the phone it would be to view my body at a morgue when i disappeared for six months.....she cried her heart out when my dad refused for me to come home....and then carry that thought in with you when you hand over money for sex and the call girl sets the clock...watch that time and imagine having to watch it all day for a year on your back ....or the other 6789 positions guys want to try.......realize just how many men might have been there before and after and tell me that disrespect is expected for a woman such as this........i am hoping 50/50 might end up in the 90/10...vicinity

 

 

i wish you well truly ..everyone deserves love and respect but that includes even hookers so please think about that.........we are all responsible to respect others..hookers well,they are all someones daughters, any of these men on here would spit chips if it was their daughter you were thinking of paying for sex...trust me they might not say it but they would....or they would not be fathers at all..or worse

 

 

they would disinherit a call girl daughter like i got disinherited for being a disgrace and shame to my father for having a daughter who couldnt make it on her own.....and i truly tried to ...i just couldnt..i just wanted to go home scared and alone.....and he didnt let me come home..thats my lot though...and this thread is not about me its you so....be safe ...i hope you find a good woman who loves you and you dont go the call girl route and somehow i i maybe or might have touched your heart with this...i doubt it...but i live in hope....best wishes...deb

Edited June 20, 2014 by todreaminblue

[ThatMan]

It deceptively sounds like your taking a very pragmatic approach in dealing with crippling anxiety. It goes without saying that all you're doing is rationalizing away something you've already decided on. You even admit that you're rationalizing.

 

Do your research and you'll quickly learn that emotions like anxiety comes from within yourself and not external things like people, situations, and events. It's your thoughts that create your feelings and not the other way around. Therapy probably never worked for you because it takes a great deal of commitment to take control of your thoughts. The goal of CBT is to literally address your train of thought when you're an anxious mess. You probably looked for some kind of external validation then just as you have now. Looking towards a quick fix won't change anything that needed to be addressed within yourself. Your social anxiety won't get better until you're willing to look in a mirror.

 

The reasons for entering the sex trade always begins from a very dark place. Women aren't necessarily victims of sex trafficking, although each sex worker potentially is. Maybe they struggled to reinvent themselves and sought out the sex trade from of a sense of desperation. It's more likely that they're a victim of physical or sexual abuse, and they went on to become a prostitute because of their revictimisation of those experiences. You do not need to contribute to their decisions that came from a dark place. Something to think about whenever you find yourself knowingly rationalizing away a decision you're not fully comfortable with.

 

You would be using somebody's daughter as a slab of meat to pump and dump before discarding on the curb. Some people are oblivious to that, or they simply don't care, but don't paint soliciting a prostitute to be what it isn't. It's always the lowest of scum that have to rationalize what they're doing when hiring a prostitute. Granted I know Johns/military buddies of mine who committed the very same acts. But at least their balls descended in puberty so they never had to twist prostitution into being something positive in order to feel uncomfortable with themselves. If you really want to succeed socially then don't start off by becoming a piece of **** loser. You need to start by addressing your own flawed thoughts and perceptions - Which is something you can do!

Edited June 20, 2014 by ThatMan

[Revolver]

Every single job in America you are selling your body. Prostitution carries a negative stigma because it's your sexual organ, but look at the got all the former nfl players who now have brain damage or can't work properly anymore because of injuries. They sold their bodies for millions of dollars

[ThatMan]

Granted I know Johns/military buddies of mine who committed the very same acts. But at least their balls descended in puberty so they never had to twist prostitution into being something positive in order to feel comfortable with themselves.

^The bold word is corrected in the quote above.

 

Every single job in America you are selling your body. Prostitution carries a negative stigma because it's your sexual organ, but look at the got all the former nfl players who now have brain damage or can't work properly anymore because of injuries. They sold their bodies for millions of dollars

I expected this. Everybody and their grandmother has something to say about prostitution. Whatever negative stigma that does exist does NOT somehow hold relevance with SJC2008's ability to overcome social anxiety.

 

Whatever views both any of us have won't change that.

 

Not mention what you're doing is essentially self-denial. The "Every vocation sells your body" argument, which is completely oblivious to the fact that sex workers have typically made decisions for themselves from a very dark place in life, while an NFL player likely had other motivations.

Edited June 20, 2014 by ThatMan

[lollipopspot]

Prostitution is not just like any other job, nor is it comparable to NFL players in any meaningful way.

 

Women are kidnapped across the world to be sold into literal sexual slavery. Ever heard of that in the NFL? The vast majority of prostitutes come from circumstances in which choice is nonexistent or only marginally meaningful. From that feminist bastion, the FBI:

 

Analysis of their common circumstances and reasons for prostituting caused investigators to believe that they were sex trafficking victims. Human trafficking is using force, fraud, or coercion to recruit, obtain, or provide a person for sexual exploitation...

 

In a 1998 study, 88 percent of the prostituted women surveyed stated that they wanted to leave the sex trade industry. The majority of prostitutes interviewed by APD vice investigators believed that selling themselves was their only alternative for survival. Further investigation showed that these women shared similar circumstances that led them to prostitution...

Most of the women described their path into the sex trade as a boyfriend transforming into a pimp...

FBI ? Prostitution and Human Trafficking: A Paradigm Shift

 

That doesn't mean you can't find an exception, but people love to think that the exception is the rule.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Hmm...isn't it interesting that the majority of people defending the use of escorts and prostitution on this particular thread (and on others I've read) are men.

 

Why am I not surprised :/

[man_in_the_box]

The right or wrong of prostitution has been discussed death in the consolidated thread - there are no easy answers.

 

Personally i think this is going too far into morality and technicalities that it overshadows the OPs consideration of why he wants to use an escort. Some people have brought this up and i agree with them that hes contemplating buying sex for all the wrong reasons.

[ThatMan]

You shouldn't be surprised. I know plenty of guys, good friends, who have hired escorts. We have people here in this thread saying everyone who does so is a scumbag loser. Well, if that's the case, most of our military that has been stationed overseas must be a loser, because almost every one of them I've known has had an escort.

 

I disagree with that. Plenty of people hire escorts and aren't scumbag losers.

 

Do you know who is pathetic?

 

It's the people who have such a weak fortitude that they need to do all sorts of mental gymnastics to feel comfortable. Real men feel secure with themselves and their own decisions. They do not feel the need to compare soliciting a prostitute to watching sports or buying fast food. So right or wrong be damned, any grown man is liable to look down on you for these antics. Grow up and learn how to be secure in your own decisions. By comparison to people like you - there are men who have no problem hiring an escort. These people certainly do not need to bend over backwards to justify to themselves using a human being like a slab of meat. They know what they're doing and they're okay with it.

 

And that's my whole point - SJC2008 is clearly not comfortable with the entire idea or else he wouldn't be here to begin with. If he's stuck in a rut right now then I can only imagine where he'll be after failing to seriously invest in his own personal growth. Looking for sex to fix something wrong within himself won't help.

Edited June 20, 2014 by ThatMan

[blueskyday]

I am glad OP is reconsidering. He has empathy, which is completely absent in anyone who uses a prostitute. We must care about other human beings and not take advantage of a person who is coming from a bad place of desperation.

 

I doubt most men would screw a drunk woman who is passed out. She can't give consent. How about a minor who says she wants to have sex with a guy? She can't give legal consent. Even if she says yes. It is the emotional and in most states legal equivalent for a prostitute. She may say yes. But it's only for the money. That is not consent to have mutual enjoyable sex. I would think that would turn off any guy.

 

You can dress it up anyway you want, but using a human being is never an acceptable option. If she won't have sex with you for free that means she doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

Just make it a rule in your life that you only have sex with women who want to have sex with you. Otherwise you're forcing somebody to do something they don't want to do...which is sad beyond words.

 

I hope that poster "todreaminblue" does not remove her posts. Her voice is a strong voice of truth.