Stigma of men who have used escorts.

[ThaWholigan]

I think we're moving away from the point, which is the OP's situation regarding soliciting escorts - we've done that argument to death already. In this case, I would agree that it's probably not the best idea in the world.

 

I empathize with the OP because it's going to be tough to overcome ones inner problems and it takes proper work - especially with anxiety, something I had problems dealing with, although perhaps not to the same degree. I'm not looking at the escort thing, I'm looking at his situation as it is. And he's going to face similar negative reactions to his very little relationship history at this point, and people should not downplay that. I have a more optimistic attitude towards things nowadays that I know there are women who don't care if they like you. But at the same time, a lot of them don't.

 

I'd say OP should focus on himself for a little while. It's what I've been doing - I don't have a place either (I'm 25), so I've been focusing on sorting myself out instead of dating or worrying about sex. If I'm horny, I'll knock one out to a porno and go about the rest of my day .

 

Don't put too much pressure on yourself .

[hotpotato]

Hmm...isn't it interesting that the majority of people defending the use of escorts and prostitution on this particular thread (and on others I've read) are men.

 

Why am I not surprised :/

 

I'm a female, and I support men going to prostitutes. I would rather them rub one out with a hooker than try to lie to me to get sex or make a transaction with me. For example, I took her on a date, and now she'd better have sex with me. He could just take that hundred dollars and go see a hooker.

 

That being said, I'm not sure if seeing a working girl will solve the OPs issues.

 

 

I'd say OP should focus on himself for a little while. It's what I've been doing - I don't have a place either (I'm 25), so I've been focusing on sorting myself out instead of dating or worrying about sex. If I'm horny, I'll knock one out to a porno and go about the rest of my day .

 

Don't put too much pressure on yourself .

 

And what is porno? People getting paid to have sex or be sexually titillating on camera.

 

It's funny to me that Americans are fine with prostitution on camera but heaven forbid someone see a pro. Many porn stars have side jobs as pros, so often we are even talking about the same women! Maybe that's why americans have some weird laws about sex.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm a female, and I support men going to prostitutes. I would rather them rub one out with a hooker than try to lie to me to get sex or make a transaction with me. For example, I took her on a date, and now she'd better have sex with me. He could just take that hundred dollars and go see a hooker.

 

That being said, I'm not sure if seeing a working girl will solve the OPs issues.

 

Agreed.

 

And what is porno? People getting paid to have sex or be sexually titillating on camera.

 

It's funny to me that Americans are fine with prostitution on camera but heaven forbid someone see a pro. Many porn stars have side jobs as pros, so often we are even talking about the same women! Maybe that's why americans have some weird laws about sex.

I don't have a problem with prostitution in theory. Not at all in fact. The issue I have with it is obviously the conditions with which one decides to enter such a profession, or indeed if one is coerced. As I said earlier in the thread, I have met escorts who, for all intents and purposes, weren't "in a dark place" when they decided to enter and they were fine. But obviously, we can't know for sure, and we are aware of many stories similar to Deb's.

 

I agree that porn is pretty much the same thing, but then, I don't have a problem with either. Simply that I do care about people's wellbeing, and that includes that of escorts/prostitutes/porn actresses.

[hasaquestion]

Why can't you just go to a bar and sleep with a random girl who's bored/on the prowl? Its not like you're looking for a girlfriend here, you say openly you just want sex.

[SJC2008]

Screw anyone who tells me to look in the mirror. I'e been in meds and therapy. There are tons of people in R's who have never looked in the mirror while it's all I've done for the last 3 years. I've stepped out of my CZ like I said. What kind of balls does it take to ask for a phone numbers IRL at the age of 29 when you hadn't been with a woman sice 22? Like I said I've gotten dates and they play games or I deal broke them before asking someone out. Then I startwes OLD which was the worat mistake of my lifw.

[somedude81]

I am glad OP is reconsidering. He has empathy, which is completely absent in anyone who uses a prostitute. We must care about other human beings and not take advantage of a person who is coming from a bad place of desperation.

 

I doubt most men would screw a drunk woman who is passed out. She can't give consent. How about a minor who says she wants to have sex with a guy? She can't give legal consent. Even if she says yes. It is the emotional and in most states legal equivalent for a prostitute. She may say yes. But it's only for the money. That is not consent to have mutual enjoyable sex. I would think that would turn off any guy.

 

You can dress it up anyway you want, but using a human being is never an acceptable option. If she won't have sex with you for free that means she doesn't want to have sex with you.

If you truly believe what you say, then you would never take your car to an auto-mechanic, nor would you pay somebody to paint your house, nor would you ever eat at a restaurant or anything else where you are using a human for services they are offering in exchange for money.

[SJC2008]

It deceptively sounds like your taking a very pragmatic approach in dealing with crippling anxiety. It goes without saying that all you're doing is rationalizing away something you've already decided on. You even admit that you're rationalizing.

 

Do your research and you'll quickly learn that emotions like anxiety comes from within yourself and not external things like people, situations, and events. It's your thoughts that create your feelings and not the other way around. Therapy probably never worked for you because it takes a great deal of commitment to take control of your thoughts. The goal of CBT is to literally address your train of thought when you're an anxious mess. You probably looked for some kind of external validation then just as you have now. Looking towards a quick fix won't change anything that needed to be addressed within yourself. Your social anxiety won't get better until you're willing to look in a mirror.

 

The reasons for entering the sex trade always begins from a very dark place. Women aren't necessarily victims of sex trafficking, although each sex worker potentially is. Maybe they struggled to reinvent themselves and sought out the sex trade from of a sense of desperation. It's more likely that they're a victim of physical or sexual abuse, and they went on to become a prostitute because of their revictimisation of those experiences. You do not need to contribute to their decisions that came from a dark place. Something to think about whenever you find yourself knowingly rationalizing away a decision you're not fully comfortable with.

 

You would be using somebody's daughter as a slab of meat to pump and dump before discarding on the curb. Some people are oblivious to that, or they simply don't care, but don't paint soliciting a prostitute to be what it isn't. It's always the lowest of scum that have to rationalize what they're doing when hiring a prostitute. Granted I know Johns/military buddies of mine who committed the very same acts. But at least their balls descended in puberty so they never had to twist prostitution into being something positive in order to feel uncomfortable with themselves. If you really want to succeed socially then don't start off by becoming a piece of **** loser. You need to start by addressing your own flawed thoughts and perceptions - Which is something you can do!

 

Up yours I'm not scum. I'm not gonna rattle off a list and qualify myself to you...

 

I was robbed of something natural for people. A sex life. I have held sex in pretty high regard and don't expect it right away when dating. I'm just not good with women. And it seems like most people can get an r at the flip of a switch or even have onw lined up because theirs is on the rock. Peoplw date before their divorces are final, peoplw have fwbs, cheat. Not all people but people do. I wanna get laid and only here would a man in his 30's be caled asum when he's only been laid twice. I've been on meds and to therapy, it disn't help.

[ktya]

Would you deal break a woman who had worked as an escort?

 

My ex did it as an amateur for a while

[ktya]

I'm a female, and I support men going to prostitutes.

 

PM me your number. You rule.

[KathyM]

Up yours I'm not scum. I'm not gonna rattle off a list and qualify myself to you...

 

I was robbed of something natural for people. A sex life. I have held sex in pretty high regard and don't expect it right away when dating. I'm just not good with women. And it seems like most people can get an r at the flip of a switch or even have onw lined up because theirs is on the rock. Peoplw date before their divorces are final, peoplw have fwbs, cheat. Not all people but people do. I wanna get laid and only here would a man in his 30's be caled asum when he's only been laid twice. I've been on meds and to therapy, it disn't help.

Then find a new therapist if a previous one has not helped you. The reason you have not been successful in finding a relationship is your social anxiety, as I understand it from what you've said. A therapist should not only be helping you to reduce your anxiety by changing negative thoughts which are contributing to your anxiety, but also a therapist should be working with you on improving your social skills and helping you to gradually put yourself in more social situations where you will become more comfortable as time goes on. Right now, because you avoid social situations, that makes your anxiety worse. The act of avoiding makes your social anxiety worse. You need to break that cycle of anxiety/avoidance. Find a counselor who is knowledgeable about treating social anxiety specifically. You need to take action and be more proactive in turning this situation around. I know you've gone to counseling at some point, but apparently either you or the counselor or both have dropped the ball. Nothing is going to change by going to see a hooker. You will still have cripling social anxiety unless you take action to work on that specifically, and you will likely need to do that with the help of a therapist who is knowledgeable about treating social anxiety specifically.

[ThatMan]

So you went ahead and hired a prostitute or what?

 

If you want to get laid through hiring a prostitute then fine. You're free to do whatever you please. If you honestly need to do some mental gymnastics to feel comfortable with your own decisions then that's really unfortunate. If you're truly uncomfortable with doing something then a general rule of thumb is to not do it. You especially shouldn't do it if you're basing your entire worth on a decision that makes you uncomfortable. Where are you going to be in life if experiences with prostitutes are looked upon with guilt? You know and admit yourself that you'll probably feel guilty, you'll probably have a different approach to having sex with a prostitute than most men ever would, and where would that leave you?

 

It really sucks that you've been robbed of the same opportunities as most people. It sounds like you have a genuine mental disorder called social anxiety disorder. I don't know if you've been evaluated before but maybe you should be. Try working with a collaborated aid of a primary doctor, therapist, and psychiatrist. Nobody gets to choose how they feel and it's extremely unfortunate that you've been stuck in this rut so for long. To be honest with you there are people out there who struggle everyday with these feelings and medication with therapy never brought their disorder into remission. But these individuals are still in complete control of how they choose to behave. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and demanding you go through with anything. Just because there are poor marriages out there does not suddenly rob you of your decision making ability.

 

You're rationalizing away your own decisions, just as you always have been, and admit yourself that you're actively doing it. This is what does/will set you apart from most men who solicit prostitutes - and not in a good way. I think that's a really poor beginning to reclaiming your life in any small way.

[Anela]

Up yours I'm not scum. I'm not gonna rattle off a list and qualify myself to you...

 

I was robbed of something natural for people. A sex life. I have held sex in pretty high regard and don't expect it right away when dating. I'm just not good with women. And it seems like most people can get an r at the flip of a switch or even have onw lined up because theirs is on the rock. Peoplw date before their divorces are final, peoplw have fwbs, cheat. Not all people but people do. I wanna get laid and only here would a man in his 30's be caled asum when he's only been laid twice. I've been on meds and to therapy, it disn't help.

 

I'm in a similar situation, and not only with sex. I wanted a husband, and possibly a family. But I keep attracting creeps (who I run away from - I don't sleep with them), had one guy screw with my head, and then other crap happen to me. I've never been loved, I don't get to crawl onto a couch or bed, and cuddle up to a man who loves and supports me, or to have sex with one.

 

But I can always go to a bar, and find someone to use me, so that's supposed to have me leaping out of bed, full of happiness, like someone in a coffee commercial? Please.

[BarackObama]

Do it op. Release the pressure.

[KathyM]

Do it op. Release the pressure.

He can release the pressure through masturbation, and then there won't be any negative repercussions for him or the woman he would be using.

[nofeelings22]

He can release the pressure through masturbation, and then there won't be any negative repercussions for him or the woman he would be using.

 

 

Highly disagree.

 

Masturbation isn't the same as a woman's skin.

 

Also, he is doing no harm to the woman. He is helping her make good money and if he doesn't go see her someone else will.

[sillyanswer]

Yes this topic again...

 

My thoughts exactly!

 

 

I'm seriously considering hiring an escort.

 

Suggestions and opinions please.

 

 

Go for it.

[todreaminblue]

I'm a female, and I support men going to prostitutes. I would rather them rub one out with a hooker than try to lie to me to get sex or make a transaction with me. For example, I took her on a date, and now she'd better have sex with me. He could just take that hundred dollars and go see a hooker.

 

That being said, I'm not sure if seeing a working girl will solve the OPs issues.

 

 

 

And what is porno? People getting paid to have sex or be sexually titillating on camera.

 

It's funny to me that Americans are fine with prostitution on camera but heaven forbid someone see a pro. Many porn stars have side jobs as pros, so often we are even talking about the same women! Maybe that's why americans have some weird laws about sex.

 

 

agreed.....the op wont benefit from seeing a hooker not in the slightest....it wont help him with the social aspect even in fact could make it a whole lot worse.....i got in so much trouble while i was working talking guys out of paying me and doing it....then, they dobbed me in when i spent a good five minutes of their time trying to build their confidence not to use me .....and the powers that be docked my pay to nothing.....so i had sexc with them for free........justice they said.....

 

 

you are fine with hookers though as a woman because then you dont get lied to, supportive of men who go to hookers when i know without a doubt you would not be one yourself.....i guess every woman needs a plumber to clean out her toilet......just like ssociety needs hookers to deal with sewerage they cant deal with......like rapists, sociopaths ...psychopaths.....and truly scary men.........you are fine with hookers because it makes it easier on you to avoid guys who are not so thoughtful and dishonest by design...you even got "solicited" to send a pm from another guy for your defense of hookers..... you got a rock on sister you rule ..........from someone who has no qualms about using a woman for sex.i would have to say probably paid or unpaid.........make you feel warm inside as a woman..do you feel respected ..?

Edited June 20, 2014 by todreaminblue

[SJC2008]

Why can't you just go to a bar and sleep with a random girl who's bored/on the prowl? Its not like you're looking for a girlfriend here, you say openly you just want sex.

 

Because I could eff up a wet dream. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/384112-you-didn-t-show-interest-long

[SJC2008]

Then find a new therapist if a previous one has not helped you. The reason you have not been successful in finding a relationship is your social anxiety, as I understand it from what you've said. A therapist should not only be helping you to reduce your anxiety by changing negative thoughts which are contributing to your anxiety, but also a therapist should be working with you on improving your social skills and helping you to gradually put yourself in more social situations where you will become more comfortable as time goes on. Right now, because you avoid social situations, that makes your anxiety worse. The act of avoiding makes your social anxiety worse. You need to break that cycle of anxiety/avoidance. Find a counselor who is knowledgeable about treating social anxiety specifically. You need to take action and be more proactive in turning this situation around. I know you've gone to counseling at some point, but apparently either you or the counselor or both have dropped the ball. Nothing is going to change by going to see a hooker. You will still have cripling social anxiety unless you take action to work on that specifically, and you will likely need to do that with the help of a therapist who is knowledgeable about treating social anxiety specifically.

 

Says who? I go to bars, went to a theme park for spring break. I go out with my friends (few that I have). Make small talk at the gas station. I appreicate your empathy but not everybody fits in a box. My problems are a combination of lots of things. Moderate SA, Insecurity and sexual shame and women issues (feel I don't live up to them). It's not just the SA, some people have it bad enough where they don't like leaving the house. I'm the "quiet around the office" type but cool with my friends.

[MoreCoffee]

Stop asking advice from people who have no clue but certainly have an opinion. Google "Ter Mobile," and "USA Sex Guide." Go over the reviews and find someone in your area that appeals to you. No one but no one can say "what you will get out of it," except you after the fact. Good luck.

[Smilecharmer]

I dont know much about the subject, but I just wanted to tell you that I hope you find someone sweet in the future. I know it would make me very uncomfortable if my man ever said he saw hookers in the past, but this is just me and I am in no way trying to say what you should do. I imagine if you are thinking about a prostitute you are very sad and depressed. I really see no need for people to throw their judgments your way. This is a very personal choice and there are pros and cons to every choice.

 

 

What do you mean about sexual shame?

[KathyM]

Says who? I go to bars, went to a theme park for spring break. I go out with my friends (few that I have). Make small talk at the gas station. I appreicate your empathy but not everybody fits in a box. My problems are a combination of lots of things. Moderate SA, Insecurity and sexual shame and women issues (feel I don't live up to them). It's not just the SA, some people have it bad enough where they don't like leaving the house. I'm the "quiet around the office" type but cool with my friends.

Well, I'm trying to help you, and I do know a lot about social phobia, since I did a research project on that recently, and I have clients who suffer from that. You say you go to all these places, but it sounds like you do not approach women very much, or when you do, you come off as ackward and they get turned off. Perhaps what you need most is social skills training, and that is something you can get from counseling. It also sounds like you suffer from low self esteem, and counseling can help with that also. I don't know where the sexual shame is coming from, but there must be something in your past that is creating that, which is something you apparently did not work out in counseling in the past, and you need to explore that. Your issues are not going to go away with a quick trip to a prostitute. You need to work on these issues, preferably with a therapist.

[ascendotum]

agreed.....the op wont benefit from seeing a hooker not in the slightest....it wont help him with the social aspect even in fact could make it a whole lot worse.....i got in so much trouble while i was working talking guys out of paying me and doing it....then, they dobbed me in when i spent a good five minutes of their time trying to build their confidence not to use me .....and the powers that be docked my pay to nothing.....so i had sexc with them for free........justice they said.....

 

I think it will benefit his depression, and maybe also demystify women for him, that they are not some separate species or something special above him. Apart form the sex he can have some 1-1 convos with the girls. It could help a little when it comes to talking to women he meet subsequently IRL. Depends on the women he gets. If he finds a sweet one he can keep seeing her regularly while he works on his issues over the next year. As W pointed out he already has a big stigma due to his lack of relationship/sex experience. He can easily leave out how he saw a pro, but he is going to have a hard time filling in the gaps of his 20s, and he will get rejected for it by plenty. At least with this proposal he gets laid in the meantime and if he sees the working girl for a while he could always use her as a dummy relationship when women ask him about his last relationship (not like women don't fudge on their past). Its totally up to him. No point if he's not going to enjoy it.

 

Sorry to read about your ****ty mgt experiences and getting docked. The thing is (in US anyway), a hardup woman could be working minimum wage in a ****ty job or two, to make ends meet, and most people here would not care less. Not care if she is exploited by bosses in non unionized work in a tough job market who will dock her pay likewise if she is 5 mins late because her child is sick or something went missing on her shift, or a dickhead customer complained about something. Minimum wage people in US have not had CPI rise for 4 yrs but lots of people don't care and don't want them to have CPI increase. Lots also don't want her to have the right to abortion if she gets pregnant and her bf does a runner. But if she wants to work as a pro to makes ends meet (or much more than her ****ty low pay job) then they care.

Not having a go at you deb, or looking for reply, just providing another perspective.

[BarackObama]

He can release the pressure through masturbation, and then there won't be any negative repercussions for him or the woman he would be using.

 

Masturbation can help, but how long? He has waited enough already.

[todreaminblue]

I think it will benefit his depression, and maybe also demystify women for him, that they are not some separate species or something special above him. Apart form the sex he can have some 1-1 convos with the girls. It could help a little when it comes to talking to women he meet subsequently IRL. Depends on the women he gets. If he finds a sweet one he can keep seeing her regularly while he works on his issues over the next year. As W pointed out he already has a big stigma due to his lack of relationship/sex experience. He can easily leave out how he saw a pro, but he is going to have a hard time filling in the gaps of his 20s, and he will get rejected for it by plenty. At least with this proposal he gets laid in the meantime and if he sees the working girl for a while he could always use her as a dummy relationship when women ask him about his last relationship (not like women don't fudge on their past). Its totally up to him. No point if he's not going to enjoy it.

 

Sorry to read about your ****ty mgt experiences and getting docked. The thing is (in US anyway), a hardup woman could be working minimum wage in a ****ty job or two, to make ends meet, and most people here would not care less. Not care if she is exploited by bosses in non unionized work in a tough job market who will dock her pay likewise if she is 5 mins late because her child is sick or something went missing on her shift, or a dickhead customer complained about something. Minimum wage people in US have not had CPI rise for 4 yrs but lots of people don't care and don't want them to have CPI increase. Lots also don't want her to have the right to abortion if she gets pregnant and her bf does a runner. But if she wants to work as a pro to makes ends meet (or much more than her ****ty low pay job) then they care.

Not having a go at you deb, or looking for reply, just providing another perspective.

 

 

i appreciate the way you word your post and the thought fulness behind the words......and the fact i can tell you dont want to upset me......

 

as far as unionization gos and working minimum wage and being exploited......it comes to a whole new level of exploitation for a teen girl say, from working at mcdonalds than to have to take your clothes off and have a guy pound his penis in your mouth over and over till he comes while you gag and retch and no you have no choice than to let him finish while he smiles all the while for he wants to see you retch...i think the pleading eyes of a teen girl wanting a bit more money from her boss to make it through with rent and such, to the pleading eyes of a teen hooker to take it easy so she doesnt have to retch so much might differ a little bit on the explotation thing.........as i said whole other level..and a bit insulting......not on your behalf but the worlds view in general in this regard.......

 

 

...i never once found a guy who increased in confidence from sex......not the right kind of guys anyway......just bad ones who think their penis si a tool for happiness to a woman and influences the wrong types of women to use them up and discard them as well....and they wave ti around like a flag going look at my penis it can satisfy i rooted a hoker gave it to her good....she said so........not attractive in my mind......they dotn walk in with their penis in their hand it matters not that's what i say ...when in actual fact a good open honest conversation could start a fire anyway...most women dont want to be with a guy who uses hookers and thats fact....and well they shouldnt....there was a hooker i knew who just wanted to spread aids so she would..she stole my workout gear i saw her walking down the street with it on....i ddint want it back and surely wouldnt have slept with any of the men she did for she pin pricked holes in condoms.....broke them on purpose.......... ..till she got found out and then suddenly she wasnt around anymore..i know what happened .....she got a hot shot......and became a toe tag she was already dead anyway.......unreal stories ....because the truth is al;ways ahrder to take.....it isnt sugar coated and i am not going to sugar coat it and make it all pretty woman......

 

 

 

 

these are risks you take when sleeping with a hooker and most intelligent women know this as soon as he says it who loses multiple choices at ahappiness with a woman.......to instil in a guy sex is the way.....the way for what.....and what does it really give you in life.....has no bearing on social anxiety in the slightest....trust me....guys who returned and became regulars of girls i worked with ...were still shy around all of us.....and we were actually approachable......sure things.....so yeah....thank you for your thoughtfulness i appreciate you....and i respect yoru opinion i stand firm....and very very passionate...i agree to disagree..deb

Edited June 21, 2014 by todreaminblue