My story a year and a half after being completely heartbroken.

[Ben Dover]

I hope everybody is sticking to NC and working towards moving on with their lives! You can allll do it.

 

Trust me if I can do it (a guy who literally made every mistake post breakup that you can think of and hit rock bottom), then YOU can definitely do it.

[Mistercash]

Me and my ex broke up early May. Our relationship started going downhill as it got closer to her moving back to her hometown. Turns out she had lined up another guy in her hometown which made it easier for her to throw me to the wolves. We were still talking for a couple weeks after BU.

 

Its been a little over 4 weeks NC for me. She called 2x in the past week and I ignored.

 

I am much better now than when all of this was fresh.

[Michael 93]

Very very good post. Thank you bendover

[newenglandkid]

Ugh I feel terrible right now...

 

Last night I went to the wake of our friend who passed away. I gave my condolences to the family and the GF (who is friends with my ex). I then left, not wanting to run into my ex, but as the night went on I started thinking about how short life was and became a little emotional. So of course I text my ex asking her how she's doing (because she's told me how upsetting it's been for her), and of course she was a mess. Then I told her that if she ever needed to talk or whatever I'll be here for you. We then had some small talk for a few mins later before goin to bed.

 

 

Last night it felt like the absolute right thing to do, I was just real emotional and thought she needed to hear that from me. But now waking up, I don't know whether saying all that will help or hurt my chances into getting back together with her. These past few days have made me think a lot about what I want in my life, and I know I want my ex back in my life. I really hope I didn't screw things up though.

 

Did I guys?

[Ben Dover]

Ugh I feel terrible right now...

 

Last night I went to the wake of our friend who passed away. I gave my condolences to the family and the GF (who is friends with my ex). I then left, not wanting to run into my ex, but as the night went on I started thinking about how short life was and became a little emotional. So of course I text my ex asking her how she's doing (because she's told me how upsetting it's been for her), and of course she was a mess. Then I told her that if she ever needed to talk or whatever I'll be here for you. We then had some small talk for a few mins later before goin to bed.

 

 

Last night it felt like the absolute right thing to do, I was just real emotional and thought she needed to hear that from me. But now waking up, I don't know whether saying all that will help or hurt my chances into getting back together with her. These past few days have made me think a lot about what I want in my life, and I know I want my ex back in my life. I really hope I didn't screw things up though.

 

Did I guys?

 

Remember never be the NICE GUY post breakup. I did say it was ok to say you're sorry for her loss but the key is to keep it JUST AT THAT. Never ask questions or anything. That way you have no expectations for a response. Look ya broke NC and now ya feel terrible. It isn't the end of the world. Just remember this feeling next time ya get tempted to text her. Remember how crappy you feel right now. Hopefully that'll be enough to remember not to hit her up. Wipe yourself off and get back on track.

 

I broke NC too just like you, and regretted it so bad. Went back to STRICT NC and look at me now. I'm wayyyy better. You can do it.

[erklat]

Ugh I feel terrible right now...

 

Last night I went to the wake of our friend who passed away. I gave my condolences to the family and the GF (who is friends with my ex). I then left, not wanting to run into my ex, but as the night went on I started thinking about how short life was and became a little emotional. So of course I text my ex asking her how she's doing (because she's told me how upsetting it's been for her), and of course she was a mess. Then I told her that if she ever needed to talk or whatever I'll be here for you. We then had some small talk for a few mins later before goin to bed.

 

 

Last night it felt like the absolute right thing to do, I was just real emotional and thought she needed to hear that from me. But now waking up, I don't know whether saying all that will help or hurt my chances into getting back together with her. These past few days have made me think a lot about what I want in my life, and I know I want my ex back in my life. I really hope I didn't screw things up though.

 

Did I guys?

 

I can feel your anxiety from your sentences and I wouldn't be on your spot.

 

Let me just tell you that the last one that 'fought' and 'was there' for her,

reconciled.

 

 

... and is now in a relationship where they don't go out and

she announced they reconciled to no one.

 

You took a step in that direction last night. Be smart.

[newenglandkid]

I can feel your anxiety from your sentences and I wouldn't be on your spot.

 

Let me just tell you that the last one that 'fought' and 'was there' for her,

reconciled.

 

 

... and is now in a relationship where they don't go out and

she announced they reconciled to no one.

 

You took a step in that direction last night. Be smart.

 

 

Can you explain that last part again? I had trouble following...

[newenglandkid]

Remember never be the NICE GUY post breakup. I did say it was ok to say you're sorry for her loss but the key is to keep it JUST AT THAT. Never ask questions or anything. That way you have no expectations for a response. Look ya broke NC and now ya feel terrible. It isn't the end of the world. Just remember this feeling next time ya get tempted to text her. Remember how crappy you feel right now. Hopefully that'll be enough to remember not to hit her up. Wipe yourself off and get back on track.

 

I broke NC too just like you, and regretted it so bad. Went back to STRICT NC and look at me now. I'm wayyyy better. You can do it.

 

 

Thanks Ben D. I realized today (and in therapy today) that going NC is the best way to recover fully. I tried to do LC and convince myself that I would be fine but that's simply not the case. I'm glad I'm going to therapy, I've found out I was codependent on her throughout the whole relationship.

 

So while she's shacking it up with another guy (and not taking the proper time to grieve and better herself), I feel I'm taking the right steps to make sure my next Gf gets the best that I have!

[Ben Dover]

Thanks Ben D. I realized today (and in therapy today) that going NC is the best way to recover fully. I tried to do LC and convince myself that I would be fine but that's simply not the case. I'm glad I'm going to therapy, I've found out I was codependent on her throughout the whole relationship.

 

So while she's shacking it up with another guy (and not taking the proper time to grieve and better herself), I feel I'm taking the right steps to make sure my next Gf gets the best that I have!

 

Sometimes we need things like this to happen just to get it through our heads that NC is the only way to go. After a breakup were so stubborn and believe we can do LC or other things to win back our ex. I know I did the same thing as you and I just I didn't. But sometimes we gotta go through it for ourselves to really understand. Just be happy it happened now and not like 4 or 5 months down the road. At least you see now that NC really is the only way to fully move on. You can do it NEK. Keep moving forward bro.

[newenglandkid]

Sometimes we need things like this to happen just to get it through our heads that NC is the only way to go. After a breakup were so stubborn and believe we can do LC or other things to win back our ex. I know I did the same thing as you and I just I didn't. But sometimes we gotta go through it for ourselves to really understand. Just be happy it happened now and not like 4 or 5 months down the road. At least you see now that NC really is the only way to fully move on. You can do it NEK. Keep moving forward bro.

 

thanks man, I've posted on a few other threads here (barkys thread especially) and everyone had been telling me NC is the way to go. Of course being stubborn I convinced myself I could do LC, well after being burned and realizing that (right now) she doesn't want to be with me that I need to just let her go...

 

I'm still a long ways from letting her go and being convinced that we will never be together (because secretly I still hope we end up together in the future), but I feel like I am making little steps!

[lovebug_5858]

Thank you. Thank you for posting this link on my thread...

I will take so much from this especially to make myself a better person and to use this as fire to do so.

 

All I can say is thank you.

[Ben Dover]

thanks man, I've posted on a few other threads here (barkys thread especially) and everyone had been telling me NC is the way to go. Of course being stubborn I convinced myself I could do LC, well after being burned and realizing that (right now) she doesn't want to be with me that I need to just let her go...

 

I'm still a long ways from letting her go and being convinced that we will never be together (because secretly I still hope we end up together in the future), but I feel like I am making little steps!

 

Thats the thing getting over somebody is like working out. It's when you start seeing improvement then you're like yay its working! I gotta keep it up.

 

Slowly but surely the pain fades away. Many of us made the same mistake as you NEK so just keep moving forward and be ready for those good and bad days. Prepare yourself. But you're a smart dude, you know what to do.

[an_also]

I'm almost at the one year anniversery from my breakup. I'm getting disheartened and frustrated that I'm not over the whole ordeal yet. I guess I'm a slow healer. Clearly I'm hitting the lows of grief ATM. The only positive is that over the last couple of months I've had a lot of weeks where I felt fine. Just hate that every time I think I'm getting close to the end I keep getting hit with sadness.

[lovebug_5858]

Me and my ex broke up early May. Our relationship started going downhill as it got closer to her moving back to her hometown. Turns out she had lined up another guy in her hometown which made it easier for her to throw me to the wolves. We were still talking for a couple weeks after BU.

 

Its been a little over 4 weeks NC for me. She called 2x in the past week and I ignored.

 

I am much better now than when all of this was fresh.

Always great to see posts like this!

[Mrquint]

My wife divorced me today. I know I have a lot of pain to deal with, but I'm telling myself that she'll come back to me one day ... But we have 3 kids so NC is impossible. So WTF am I supposed to do?

[lovebug_5858]

My wife divorced me today. I know I have a lot of pain to deal with, but I'm telling myself that she'll come back to me one day ... But we have 3 kids so NC is impossible. So WTF am I supposed to do?

 

I don't have kids so I honestly have no idea but I have seen by other posters that you should cut contact down to the bare minimum.

[Ben Dover]

My wife divorced me today. I know I have a lot of pain to deal with, but I'm telling myself that she'll come back to me one day ... But we have 3 kids so NC is impossible. So WTF am I supposed to do?

 

Sorry to hear that bro.

 

She might come back, she might not. Holding on to hope that an ex will come back is the worst thing you can do. Hopefully this just encourages you to work on yourself and become and even better version of you.

 

Your situation is different from most. Since ya have kids NO CONTACT is impossible. Just keep it strictly business whenever you do have contact with the ex. If she starts to ask questions about you and your life keep it VERY SHORT. Don't give her any info about yourself unless she needs to know for some reason because it involves the kids. Strictly business, thats the best advice I can give you when it comes to being in contact with her. Its gonna be an emotional roller coaster but I promise you there is a light at the end of tunnel. Stay strong brother. You can do it.

[newenglandkid]

@ Ben Dover

 

So last night and today, I succumbed to her....

 

yesterday I found out my best friend was getting married and wanted me to give the wedding toast, it felt awesome so I put up a social media post about it.

 

Within two minutes, my ex texts me asking who's getting married...

 

I'm strong initially and don't respond, and then I go out with my friend and his fiancee to celebrate. Another two hours later I get a text "Hellllooooooo" from the ex.

 

Still don't respond, I feel strong, but at the same time, feeling guilty. I felt wrong not responding to her and letting her know at least who was getting married.

 

5 hours after her initial text, I broke NC and told her who was getting married. She started to go on how young they were and couldn't believe it. I kept my responses very short and concise. She then mentioned how she heard from a mutual friend that I was about to propose, I responded saying I was thinking about it, but not any time soon. Finally I told her I was looking to sell a concert ticket, if she knew anybody that wanted it.

 

This morning I wake up to an email from her saying one of her girlfriends wants to buy the ticket. After a series of "playful" emails, we finally settle on a price and agree to meet up later (I KNOW GUYS, I KNOW. STUPID).

 

Meet up with her and her friend after work and she is a little nervous/gigglying around me, I try to make small talk for a few minutes. Try to crack a joke or two to break the tension. They both start laughing and make small talk before I leave.

 

So right now, I can say the only thing that I am feeling is the reassurance that I want her back in my life. I'm not staring at my phone waiting for her to message me, I'm not waiting for a phone call or stalking her social media pages. All in all, I just really want her back. Even though she's with another dude, I want to believe its just a rebound.

 

So theres where I am right now.

[Simon Phoenix]

@ Ben Dover

 

So last night and today, I succumbed to her....

 

yesterday I found out my best friend was getting married and wanted me to give the wedding toast, it felt awesome so I put up a social media post about it.

 

Within two minutes, my ex texts me asking who's getting married...

 

I'm strong initially and don't respond, and then I go out with my friend and his fiancee to celebrate. Another two hours later I get a text "Hellllooooooo" from the ex.

 

Still don't respond, I feel strong, but at the same time, feeling guilty. I felt wrong not responding to her and letting her know at least who was getting married.

 

5 hours after her initial text, I broke NC and told her who was getting married. She started to go on how young they were and couldn't believe it. I kept my responses very short and concise. She then mentioned how she heard from a mutual friend that I was about to propose, I responded saying I was thinking about it, but not any time soon. Finally I told her I was looking to sell a concert ticket, if she knew anybody that wanted it.

 

This morning I wake up to an email from her saying one of her girlfriends wants to buy the ticket. After a series of "playful" emails, we finally settle on a price and agree to meet up later (I KNOW GUYS, I KNOW. STUPID).

 

Meet up with her and her friend after work and she is a little nervous/gigglying around me, I try to make small talk for a few minutes. Try to crack a joke or two to break the tension. They both start laughing and make small talk before I leave.

 

So right now, I can say the only thing that I am feeling is the reassurance that I want her back in my life. I'm not staring at my phone waiting for her to message me, I'm not waiting for a phone call or stalking her social media pages. All in all, I just really want her back. Even though she's with another dude, I want to believe its just a rebound.

 

So theres where I am right now.

 

I mean, you're your own worst enemy at this point. You really need to toughen up and stop caving like this. Sorry dude.

[orangetree]

I don't wanna open a new thread but I thought I'd share this- What really helped me to feel better these days was listening to music that remind me of times when I didn't even know my ex. Songs that remind me of my university time, of trips to Spain etc. I remembered how was I was before I met my ex, what I great time I had and how much I loved these songs. Give it a try!

 

Listening to Radiohead- Karma Police- Reminds me of studying abroad in Spain

[Ben Dover]

@ Ben Dover

 

So last night and today, I succumbed to her....

 

yesterday I found out my best friend was getting married and wanted me to give the wedding toast, it felt awesome so I put up a social media post about it.

 

Within two minutes, my ex texts me asking who's getting married...

 

I'm strong initially and don't respond, and then I go out with my friend and his fiancee to celebrate. Another two hours later I get a text "Hellllooooooo" from the ex.

 

Still don't respond, I feel strong, but at the same time, feeling guilty. I felt wrong not responding to her and letting her know at least who was getting married.

 

5 hours after her initial text, I broke NC and told her who was getting married. She started to go on how young they were and couldn't believe it. I kept my responses very short and concise. She then mentioned how she heard from a mutual friend that I was about to propose, I responded saying I was thinking about it, but not any time soon. Finally I told her I was looking to sell a concert ticket, if she knew anybody that wanted it.

 

This morning I wake up to an email from her saying one of her girlfriends wants to buy the ticket. After a series of "playful" emails, we finally settle on a price and agree to meet up later (I KNOW GUYS, I KNOW. STUPID).

 

Meet up with her and her friend after work and she is a little nervous/gigglying around me, I try to make small talk for a few minutes. Try to crack a joke or two to break the tension. They both start laughing and make small talk before I leave.

 

So right now, I can say the only thing that I am feeling is the reassurance that I want her back in my life. I'm not staring at my phone waiting for her to message me, I'm not waiting for a phone call or stalking her social media pages. All in all, I just really want her back. Even though she's with another dude, I want to believe its just a rebound.

 

So theres where I am right now.

 

Eeeeek! Look man, I understand how hard it is to NOT respond at all. I remember getting a text from my ex out of nowhere and feeling guilty as well for not responding. Almost like a jerk. Then I caved, but I felt like crap afterwards. Bottom line, I wish I never responded. Truth is its them that are being jerks and selfish for contacting us. I had to learn the hard way that you just CAN'T write back cause it just takes ya back to day 1 of NC. Plus this reassuring you that you want her back in your life FOR SURE just isn't good. ESPECIALLY since she has a new guy in the picture. I really wish you hadn't done it man but hey, I gotta say I failed with NC like three times. I was stubborn and weak. I really hope you go back to NC and truly stick to it NEK. I'm rooting for ya. Hope you aren't feeling too down brother.

[Ben Dover]

I don't wanna open a new thread but I thought I'd share this- What really helped me to feel better these days was listening to music that remind me of times when I didn't even know my ex. Songs that remind me of my university time, of trips to Spain etc. I remembered how was I was before I met my ex, what I great time I had and how much I loved these songs. Give it a try!

 

Listening to Radiohead- Karma Police- Reminds me of studying abroad in Spain

 

Its funny because I do that too actually. Listen to albums from when I was way younger and they actually remind me of other chicks I went out with at the time. Before my ex. They also remind me of the dumb crap I did with my friends when I was younger. Certain albums will remind me of certain years of my life. Total nostalgia. So yeah I get what ya mean.

[newenglandkid]

Eeeeek! Look man, I understand how hard it is to NOT respond at all. I remember getting a text from my ex out of nowhere and feeling guilty as well for not responding. Almost like a jerk. Then I caved, but I felt like crap afterwards. Bottom line, I wish I never responded. Truth is its them that are being jerks and selfish for contacting us. I had to learn the hard way that you just CAN'T write back cause it just takes ya back to day 1 of NC. Plus this reassuring you that you want her back in your life FOR SURE just isn't good. ESPECIALLY since she has a new guy in the picture. I really wish you hadn't done it man but hey, I gotta say I failed with NC like three times. I was stubborn and weak. I really hope you go back to NC and truly stick to it NEK. I'm rooting for ya. Hope you aren't feeling too down brother.

 

Hey Ben D,

 

So ever since that conversation I had with her, I've been goingg strong on NC! Today is day 12 and initially it was hard especially when she texted me last week. But I didn't respond, which felt really good. Like REALLY GOOD. I've finally taken a lot of advice that people on LS have been telling me since the BU.

 

Do I still want to get back with her? Yeah, but it would have to be a COMPLETELY different RS this next go around. So everyday I'm just working on improving myself and doing things I enjoy.

 

Everyday gets better though which is an awesome feeling.

[Pickmeup]

Thank you for sharing your journey, it has helped.

 

I am at that point of crisis searching all these sites for hope and answers and one thing has been missing for me, how people are one year or more down the line - what happened to them and how they survived it. So your post hit the spot for me.

 

I am trying the NC route, I certainly haven't pleaded or begged (although I felt like it). I am 8 week's into my separation after 20 years, I am just starting to have an odd good day when I manage no tears.

 

NC is hard though, my husband and I both work together - self-employed. We still have to sort out what we will do about the business so it's all tough.

 

He said he needed space and cannot find his feelings of love for me although he wants to. He rang me on Sunday in tears but only cos he wanted to check how I was but didn't want to give me false hope. Leaves me confused but as you put it am I his emotional crutch whilst he gets stronger?!

 

I don't want this, not my choice, I want to save our 20 year marriage and believe the issues we had are fixable with work, it would take time but he needs to be willing to try to.

 

So for me it's minimal contact - work only and dig deep and find the strength. I really HOPE he comes round but as time goes on I am losing that HOPE.

 

Still 2 months apart after 2 years of not being so happy in our marriage (him not mean) is little time at for him to sort himself out. I, meanwhile, am definitely working on ME and my issues.

 

Thank you again for your post and I will certainly update this forum with my journey in a year's time - I know I will survive whatever happens.

[siochana]

Thank you for sharing your journey, it has helped.

 

I am at that point of crisis searching all these sites for hope and answers and one thing has been missing for me, how people are one year or more down the line - what happened to them and how they survived it. So your post hit the spot for me.

 

I am trying the NC route, I certainly haven't pleaded or begged (although I felt like it). I am 8 week's into my separation after 20 years, I am just starting to have an odd good day when I manage no tears.

 

NC is hard though, my husband and I both work together - self-employed. We still have to sort out what we will do about the business so it's all tough.

 

He said he needed space and cannot find his feelings of love for me although he wants to. He rang me on Sunday in tears but only cos he wanted to check how I was but didn't want to give me false hope. Leaves me confused but as you put it am I his emotional crutch whilst he gets stronger?!

 

I don't want this, not my choice, I want to save our 20 year marriage and believe the issues we had are fixable with work, it would take time but he needs to be willing to try to.

 

So for me it's minimal contact - work only and dig deep and find the strength. I really HOPE he comes round but as time goes on I am losing that HOPE.

 

Still 2 months apart after 2 years of not being so happy in our marriage (him not mean) is little time at for him to sort himself out. I, meanwhile, am definitely working on ME and my issues.

 

Thank you again for your post and I will certainly update this forum with my journey in a year's time - I know I will survive whatever happens.

 

You will probably go NC in time.

 

Hey, its actually good in a way that you are still talking.

 

When someone can leave you without a backward glance (not even a drunken text, ever) well that hurts.