My story a year and a half after being completely heartbroken.

[Ben Dover]

Hey Ben D,

 

So ever since that conversation I had with her, I've been goingg strong on NC! Today is day 12 and initially it was hard especially when she texted me last week. But I didn't respond, which felt really good. Like REALLY GOOD. I've finally taken a lot of advice that people on LS have been telling me since the BU.

 

Do I still want to get back with her? Yeah, but it would have to be a COMPLETELY different RS this next go around. So everyday I'm just working on improving myself and doing things I enjoy.

 

Everyday gets better though which is an awesome feeling.

 

Same thing happened with me. After breaking NC a few times I realized all those people that gave me all that advice on these forums that I didn't listen to were 100% right. Everything they predicted was so spot on it was crazy. All I could do was laugh. I just wish I would have listened from the start. Sometimes we gotta get slapped in the face for us to really realize what not to do. Certainly was that way with me. Good job NEK. I'm glad you're back on the NC train. After doing NC for months and months I realized so much and my vision really cleared up. I wasn't so emotional about the situation anymore. I finally had accepted that my ex and I just weren't compatible. Maybe a long time down the road things could work someday, but I let go of the thought of getting back together anytime soon. After a long while of NC you'll come to this point too. Once you really let go, thats when my recovery really started and a new ME was born. A better me.

[Pickmeup]

You will probably go NC in time.

 

Hey, its actually good in a way that you are still talking.

 

When someone can leave you without a backward glance (not even a drunken text, ever) well that hurts.

 

Thanks and yes I do consider myself lucky we are still talking. Sounds like you had it tough..hope you are doing ok.

[Ben Dover]

Thank you for sharing your journey, it has helped.

 

I am at that point of crisis searching all these sites for hope and answers and one thing has been missing for me, how people are one year or more down the line - what happened to them and how they survived it. So your post hit the spot for me.

 

I am trying the NC route, I certainly haven't pleaded or begged (although I felt like it). I am 8 week's into my separation after 20 years, I am just starting to have an odd good day when I manage no tears.

 

NC is hard though, my husband and I both work together - self-employed. We still have to sort out what we will do about the business so it's all tough.

 

He said he needed space and cannot find his feelings of love for me although he wants to. He rang me on Sunday in tears but only cos he wanted to check how I was but didn't want to give me false hope. Leaves me confused but as you put it am I his emotional crutch whilst he gets stronger?!

 

I don't want this, not my choice, I want to save our 20 year marriage and believe the issues we had are fixable with work, it would take time but he needs to be willing to try to.

 

So for me it's minimal contact - work only and dig deep and find the strength. I really HOPE he comes round but as time goes on I am losing that HOPE.

 

Still 2 months apart after 2 years of not being so happy in our marriage (him not mean) is little time at for him to sort himself out. I, meanwhile, am definitely working on ME and my issues.

 

Thank you again for your post and I will certainly update this forum with my journey in a year's time - I know I will survive whatever happens.

 

I have to say you're in a unique situation since you two work together and are self employed. Good job on not begging for him back after the breakup. Very impressive. Minimal contact is the only thing you can do right now. Keep it strictly about work and business. I'm glad you can see you're getting set up as an emotional crutch here. More of a reason to stick to minimal contact. Just stay to NC and work on yourself. This is all you can do at the moment and yes update us with your progress. It's a total emotional roller coaster and is the hardest thing you could imagine but if I can do it believe me you can too. I'm rooting for ya.

[mightycpa]

OK Boys, here's a little inspiration:

 

My first love dumped me on the night of October 15, 1976. Today is July 15, 2014. I've been no contact with her for 13,786 days straight, beginning October 16, 1976. Pretty safe to say she isn't coming back. :-D But, you never know!

 

I dated a ton of really nice girls over the next 14 years, had 7 serious romances, fell in and out of love a couple more times, then finally met the one I wanted to marry.

 

23 years later, I'm still married to her, and strangely enough, I still have feelings of love for my first love. The difference between now and then? I don't need her to love me back these days. I can remember and love her, and I'm fine with it.

 

You'll get there, just wait it out and learn to love yourself. Get involved in doing things you like, surround yourself with friends, and remember this:

 

That rejection you feel now? When you get a little jittery about asking a new girl out, remember this pain. Ain't nothin' compares to it, right? So don't be afraid, because the girl who says NO to your advances can't begin to make you feel like you feel right now. Her NO will feel like a picnic, and you'll feel better for trying.

[JimmyWeezy]

What a beautiful post. Thank you.

You give me hope. I am exactly in the situation you described, as in sending a long a** closure text to my ex telling how I feel. Obviously it didn't change anything, but I needed to speak my truth about the breakup since I didn't have the chance to when he left me via text. I refused to meet after, so I had all this thoughts inside and just needed to free them. Now I feel free, but I wish things could start over and fresh with him.

 

Thanks, again, you are amazing

[newenglandkid]

Whats up everyone, so lately before I've been going to bed I've said a quick prayer asking that me and my ex will one day get back together because the love we had I believe was pure and whatnot.

 

So last night I have one dream that we end up getting back together!!! I woke up in the middle of the night with a smile on my face but quickly realized it was a dream, and went back to bed. Then I had another dream about us going out somewhere and then on a date!

 

I woke up with another smile on my face and now my hope is like at an all time high right now...

 

anyone have any thoughts or similar situations like this?

[Simon Phoenix]

Whats up everyone, so lately before I've been going to bed I've said a quick prayer asking that me and my ex will one day get back together because the love we had I believe was pure and whatnot.

 

So last night I have one dream that we end up getting back together!!! I woke up in the middle of the night with a smile on my face but quickly realized it was a dream, and went back to bed. Then I had another dream about us going out somewhere and then on a date!

 

I woke up with another smile on my face and now my hope is like at an all time high right now...

 

anyone have any thoughts or similar situations like this?

 

It's normal. Doesn't mean anything unfortunately and definitely not an excuse to break NC and definitely not something you should put a whole bunch of hope behind. I know I'm being a Debbie Downer, but you have had little self-control in this whole thing and I would hate for some irrational impulse to get you back in a downward spiral. Honestly, I think the fact she texted you recently and that you openly prayed about getting back with her is why you had those dreams.

[newenglandkid]

It's normal. Doesn't mean anything unfortunately and definitely not an excuse to break NC and definitely not something you should put a whole bunch of hope behind. I know I'm being a Debbie Downer, but you have had little self-control in this whole thing and I would hate for some irrational impulse to get you back in a downward spiral. Honestly, I think the fact she texted you recently and that you openly prayed about getting back with her is why you had those dreams.

 

 

haha Simon, always bringing me back down to earth...

 

Yeah I had a feeling that it didn't mean anything, I just thought it was interesting because I have been trying to move on but still holding out hope that ONE day we could maybe get it to work out. And then to have that dream was like Woah...

 

Haven't broken NC though, going 11 days strong..pretty tough but each day gets easier.

 

Thanks Simon

[Simon Phoenix]

haha Simon, always bringing me back down to earth...

 

Yeah I had a feeling that it didn't mean anything, I just thought it was interesting because I have been trying to move on but still holding out hope that ONE day we could maybe get it to work out. And then to have that dream was like Woah...

 

Haven't broken NC though, going 11 days strong..pretty tough but each day gets easier.

 

Thanks Simon

 

Dreams are basically your subconscious taking over. Because you think about her all the time during your waking hours, of course you are going to have dreams about her. As you think about her less, you'll dream about her less and the tone of your dreams will be different.

[newenglandkid]

Dreams are basically your subconscious taking over. Because you think about her all the time during your waking hours, of course you are going to have dreams about her. As you think about her less, you'll dream about her less and the tone of your dreams will be different.

 

 

Yup that totally makes sense, I've only had maybe 2-3 dreams about her since the BU, but that totally makes sense especially bc I've thought about her a lot the past few days!

Thanks for clearing that up simon!

[bluesgirl]

Awesome post!! I really needed to read this! Thank you so much!

[Ben Dover]

Awesome post!! I really needed to read this! Thank you so much!

 

I'm really happy you enjoyed it. Stick to NC! It'll do you wonders bluesgirl.

[Ben Dover]

Yup that totally makes sense, I've only had maybe 2-3 dreams about her since the BU, but that totally makes sense especially bc I've thought about her a lot the past few days!

Thanks for clearing that up simon!

 

Simon just always has the answers. HA.

 

I know what ya mean about the dreams thing I remember that happening to me and waking up feeling like crap. They stopped though. NC will do that for ya. Hope all is well NEK!

[newenglandkid]

Hey guys,

 

So I'm at 4 months post BU. Tonight I'm still really thinking about my ex and how I wish I had her back.

 

About ten days ago we had a conversation together which ended with me saying, "if your with someone else right now I don't think we should be friends or try to. If you change your mind then let me know." So ten days later I've been pretty good for the most part, haven't thought about her that much, but tonight I just can't shake her from my mind.

 

I'm not about to contact her, but I just wish things were different, any ways to help me get over this.

 

Anyone think theres a chance she comes back?

[tim_tom]

LAST THING!

If none of you have seen the movie "Swingers" I highly suggest you do. It's an amazing breakup movie. Go check it out NOW. You'll thank me later.

 

Great post! I have to comment on this last bit. 2 weeks post BU i decided to watch this movie again..

 

The opening song is "You're nobody till somebody loves you".. you're nobody till somebody cares.. Hearing that really brought the sad

[l.k]

My situation is kind of similar to urs ben dover....

Please do read it and give inputs....

 

My sutuation is.. Had a 4 yr true love relatnship (3 yrs were long distance)... She broke up 7 months ago (i chased for first 3 months she was all cold then went nc for 4 months) coz she wanted to exprience bew college life with new frnds... Started partying drnking and stuff and in between nc period i also came to know that she has logged into my fb account nd has started stalking.. its then when i pretended that m dating some1 via fb which in real i wasnt and next day after she texted me "do you have a girlfriend ?" And i ingnored this message and changed my fb password... Then yesterday i broke nc cz i was missing her like hell nd cared about her...

 

Me- hii.. Hope u r doing fine

She- sup

Me- nthing much u say

She- u want somthing ?

Me- no

She- ok then ?

Me- cant i even text u ?

She ignored this message

Then i sent a last msge saying that i just want to c her happy and i will not bother her again

She blocked me on whatsapp after reading this message.. mean i dint even abuse her or tortured her... I cared and sent a friendly message... Why did she block me... She always said she will never block me.... I love her allot... It was the truest love any1 could ever experience..*I know the only option i m left with now is to move further in life.... But most part of me wants her back...Will she ever realize wt she has lost... Will she ever come back saying she missed me or anything like regret ??

[Ben Dover]

Hey guys,

 

So I'm at 4 months post BU. Tonight I'm still really thinking about my ex and how I wish I had her back.

 

About ten days ago we had a conversation together which ended with me saying, "if your with someone else right now I don't think we should be friends or try to. If you change your mind then let me know." So ten days later I've been pretty good for the most part, haven't thought about her that much, but tonight I just can't shake her from my mind.

 

I'm not about to contact her, but I just wish things were different, any ways to help me get over this.

 

Anyone think theres a chance she comes back?

 

NEK I remember you man. So were you and your ex communicating? Sounds like you two have been in contact.

 

**YOU KNOW FRIENDS WITH AN EX WILL NEVER WORK UNLESS ALL FEELINGS ARE GONE ON BOTH SIDES. THAT USUALLY TAKES YEARS**

 

But you cutting off contact was the absolute right thing to do. Friends with an ex will never work if feelings are still there. Everybody thinks they can do it but it isn't until they see no progress towards reconciliation that they realize it isn't worth it. Oh believe me I made that mistake too.

 

That's the famous question that everybody has to ask. Will she come back?

You know the answer and I know the answer. POSSIBLY ONE DAY. But you don't want possibly or maybe. You want "YES NEK I WANT TO BE WITH YOU". Never ever be with somebody unless it is 100% that they want to be with you. Not even 99.9% will cut it. NOPE. Not going to happen. 100% or nothing.

 

You know what you need to do NEK. Keep doing NC. Strict NC. You can do it buddy. Keep me updated.

[h20-50]

Amen to the OP! If they want you back it will take months and months, years as well! That's the only way you can start over fresh and on a level playing field.

 

I went NC with one of my ex's for 5 years. I always thought of her (randomly and in a good light) after 5 years I was laying there in bed and got a text from a number I didn't recognize "Hey this is so and so, I've always thought of you and regret ever ending it. Don't know if this is still your number but I would love to hear back"

 

I was floored! Returned the text, starting talking through text and finally we meet up. She apologized and told me she would do anything to prove that I was always the one she wanted and that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Needless to say we have it a shot but we were to completely different people. Even though we still loved each other and and still had that amazing connection like we had back in the day we knew we couldn't make it work because it would be an LDR and had life experiences such as kids and an ex-husband that restricted my job choices and job offers I could take if I were to move to be with her.

 

However it gave me the greatest feeling knowing that she regretted it everyday and always thought of me. I got my closure 5 years later and never felt better, plus I gained a great friend from it as well. Time heals all wounds, go NC and heal yourself. If they want to come back they will, but that is not your motive to go NC. I was hurt and lost when she left me the first time but I went NC to clear my mind and heart of our relationship.

 

All my exes have came back after over a year of NC but she was the only one that I truly could have taken back. had I not gone NC for me I would have burnt all bridges. I've used some if my exes for jobs and social opportunities. Had I never gone NC with any of them I would never be in the spot I am now. I am currently 2 weeks NC with my most current ex, and I know I will hear back one day but that is the day that I CHOOSE to take her phone call and that won't be until she is purged from my system. NC for your mind, NC for your heart, NC FOR YOU!

[Sugarkane]

I'm jealous, I've always only done NC and have never gotten this.

Amen to the OP! If they want you back it will take months and months, years as well! That's the only way you can start over fresh and on a level playing field.

 

I went NC with one of my ex's for 5 years. I always thought of her (randomly and in a good light) after 5 years I was laying there in bed and got a text from a number I didn't recognize "Hey this is so and so, I've always thought of you and regret ever ending it. Don't know if this is still your number but I would love to hear back"

 

I was floored! Returned the text, starting talking through text and finally we meet up. She apologized and told me she would do anything to prove that I was always the one she wanted and that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Needless to say we have it a shot but we were to completely different people. Even though we still loved each other and and still had that amazing connection like we had back in the day we knew we couldn't make it work because it would be an LDR and had life experiences such as kids and an ex-husband that restricted my job choices and job offers I could take if I were to move to be with her.

 

However it gave me the greatest feeling knowing that she regretted it everyday and always thought of me. I got my closure 5 years later and never felt better, plus I gained a great friend from it as well. Time heals all wounds, go NC and heal yourself. If they want to come back they will, but that is not your motive to go NC. I was hurt and lost when she left me the first time but I went NC to clear my mind and heart of our relationship.

 

All my exes have came back after over a year of NC but she was the only one that I truly could have taken back. had I not gone NC for me I would have burnt all bridges. I've used some if my exes for jobs and social opportunities. Had I never gone NC with any of them I would never be in the spot I am now. I am currently 2 weeks NC with my most current ex, and I know I will hear back one day but that is the day that I CHOOSE to take her phone call and that won't be until she is purged from my system. NC for your mind, NC for your heart, NC FOR YOU!

[h20-50]

I'm jealous, I've always only done NC and have never gotten this.

 

I always have been honest and treated my GF's very special because they were to me, and always end my last goodbye on a good note. Not saying that's why they came back but it seems there are a lot of douches out there and they always remember the guy that treated them amazing.

[newenglandkid]

NEK I remember you man. So were you and your ex communicating? Sounds like you two have been in contact.

 

**YOU KNOW FRIENDS WITH AN EX WILL NEVER WORK UNLESS ALL FEELINGS ARE GONE ON BOTH SIDES. THAT USUALLY TAKES YEARS**

 

But you cutting off contact was the absolute right thing to do. Friends with an ex will never work if feelings are still there. Everybody thinks they can do it but it isn't until they see no progress towards reconciliation that they realize it isn't worth it. Oh believe me I made that mistake too.

 

That's the famous question that everybody has to ask. Will she come back?

You know the answer and I know the answer. POSSIBLY ONE DAY. But you don't want possibly or maybe. You want "YES NEK I WANT TO BE WITH YOU". Never ever be with somebody unless it is 100% that they want to be with you. Not even 99.9% will cut it. NOPE. Not going to happen. 100% or nothing.

 

You know what you need to do NEK. Keep doing NC. Strict NC. You can do it buddy. Keep me updated.

 

Thanks Ben for the response, to answer your question ya we did keep in contact up until a few weeks ago when I told her I couldn't do this if she was with someone and we shared different feelings towards each other.

 

I'm happy to say though, today's two weeks of solid NC (first time I can say that since the BU). I haven't felt the need to contact her and made sure I muted her on social media so I won't see her anymore. I still have days were I miss and think about her a lot but since I've gone true NC, I haven't really had the urge to see what she's doing which again is a first.

 

Hopefully things in the future will work out because I still do care about her a lot, but for the first time since the BU, I think I'm finally making some progress.

[Ben Dover]

Thanks Ben for the response, to answer your question ya we did keep in contact up until a few weeks ago when I told her I couldn't do this if she was with someone and we shared different feelings towards each other.

 

I'm happy to say though, today's two weeks of solid NC (first time I can say that since the BU). I haven't felt the need to contact her and made sure I muted her on social media so I won't see her anymore. I still have days were I miss and think about her a lot but since I've gone true NC, I haven't really had the urge to see what she's doing which again is a first.

 

Hopefully things in the future will work out because I still do care about her a lot, but for the first time since the BU, I think I'm finally making some progress.

 

I'm really happy to hear that man. She's with someone else now and there is nothing else you can do but go NC. I was just like you man, I had to shoot myself in the foot a few times to finally get it through my head that NC is the only way to go. I'm just glad you can feel some progress within yourself because little by little it's going to get easier and easier as long as you stick to strict NC.

 

Just think of good you'll feel at the one month mark. Then the 3 month mark, and so on and so on. It's going to take awhile but you're already on your way. Please man before you do anything you think might not be a good idea (have the urge to text her, she sends you a breadcrumb and you get the urge to write back) COME HERE FIRST before you do anything you might regret. This is it NEK. No looking back now. Start of a brand new chapter in your life. Rooting for ya man. Better days are here.

[Ben Dover]

Amen to the OP! If they want you back it will take months and months, years as well! That's the only way you can start over fresh and on a level playing field.

 

I went NC with one of my ex's for 5 years. I always thought of her (randomly and in a good light) after 5 years I was laying there in bed and got a text from a number I didn't recognize "Hey this is so and so, I've always thought of you and regret ever ending it. Don't know if this is still your number but I would love to hear back"

 

I was floored! Returned the text, starting talking through text and finally we meet up. She apologized and told me she would do anything to prove that I was always the one she wanted and that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Needless to say we have it a shot but we were to completely different people. Even though we still loved each other and and still had that amazing connection like we had back in the day we knew we couldn't make it work because it would be an LDR and had life experiences such as kids and an ex-husband that restricted my job choices and job offers I could take if I were to move to be with her.

 

However it gave me the greatest feeling knowing that she regretted it everyday and always thought of me. I got my closure 5 years later and never felt better, plus I gained a great friend from it as well. Time heals all wounds, go NC and heal yourself. If they want to come back they will, but that is not your motive to go NC. I was hurt and lost when she left me the first time but I went NC to clear my mind and heart of our relationship.

 

All my exes have came back after over a year of NC but she was the only one that I truly could have taken back. had I not gone NC for me I would have burnt all bridges. I've used some if my exes for jobs and social opportunities. Had I never gone NC with any of them I would never be in the spot I am now. I am currently 2 weeks NC with my most current ex, and I know I will hear back one day but that is the day that I CHOOSE to take her phone call and that won't be until she is purged from my system. NC for your mind, NC for your heart, NC FOR YOU!

 

Yup, you hit it right on the head. Reconciliation will only work after an extended period of time. Months and months sometimes even years. Anything less than 9 months is too soon in my opinion but of course it varies.

 

Your story is pretty crazy man. To just get a text like that out of the blue. Wow. It's good to see that with your current ex you know EXACTLY what to do post breakup. Hope you're feeling alright!

[h20-50]

Yup, you hit it right on the head. Reconciliation will only work after an extended period of time. Months and months sometimes even years. Anything less than 9 months is too soon in my opinion but of course it varies.

 

Your story is pretty crazy man. To just get a text like that out of the blue. Wow. It's good to see that with your current ex you know EXACTLY what to do post breakup. Hope you're feeling alright!

 

Thanks! Some hurt more than others and this one def hurts one of the worst but it's all controllable. I do get anxiety waves every now and then which I've never gotten in the past but I felt deeper for this last one than any if them, thought she was the one. I just know how to handle it better. I will hear from her one day, that is no doubt about that but until that day comes I have to purge my system for me, and that is truly what NC is about.

[me85]

Amen to the OP! If they want you back it will take months and months, years as well! That's the only way you can start over fresh and on a level playing field.

 

I went NC with one of my ex's for 5 years. I always thought of her (randomly and in a good light) after 5 years I was laying there in bed and got a text from a number I didn't recognize "Hey this is so and so, I've always thought of you and regret ever ending it. Don't know if this is still your number but I would love to hear back"

 

I was floored! Returned the text, starting talking through text and finally we meet up. She apologized and told me she would do anything to prove that I was always the one she wanted and that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Needless to say we have it a shot but we were to completely different people. Even though we still loved each other and and still had that amazing connection like we had back in the day we knew we couldn't make it work because it would be an LDR and had life experiences such as kids and an ex-husband that restricted my job choices and job offers I could take if I were to move to be with her.

 

However it gave me the greatest feeling knowing that she regretted it everyday and always thought of me. I got my closure 5 years later and never felt better, plus I gained a great friend from it as well. Time heals all wounds, go NC and heal yourself. If they want to come back they will, but that is not your motive to go NC. I was hurt and lost when she left me the first time but I went NC to clear my mind and heart of our relationship.

 

All my exes have came back after over a year of NC but she was the only one that I truly could have taken back. had I not gone NC for me I would have burnt all bridges. I've used some if my exes for jobs and social opportunities. Had I never gone NC with any of them I would never be in the spot I am now. I am currently 2 weeks NC with my most current ex, and I know I will hear back one day but that is the day that I CHOOSE to take her phone call and that won't be until she is purged from my system. NC for your mind, NC for your heart, NC FOR YOU!

 

All my exes have came back as well. I'm sure one day my current ex will too…but only after failed RSs with other girls…because he's pulled that on me before. Happy to say I wouldn't take him back a second time.