New guy, or old relationship?

[completelyconfused07]

My relationship for the past year has been off & on.

Super connected guy to me, all the same hobbies, all the same outlooks on life, going the same direction & he talked to me with such intelligence.. I feel like I don't get that from many people.

Sadly, he would lie a lot, sneak around w an ex but never cheat, supposedly, see other people who he dated before who I told him I was very uncomfortable with the thought & hated how he would disrespect me. He's gotten physical a few times. But regardless, I loved him through it. We did everything together.

After the last few months I was just over it.. every time he'd be mad & not talk to me for 3 days, because he needs to cool off, I'd talk to someone else. Recently started seeing a guy I used to date a little over a year ago and I really like him. Yet can't leave my old relationship? I'm not happy with the old guy, but the connection & the feelings I did have make me stay. But the feelings I know I could have for the new guy..

My old guy now says he dropped his ex, dropped other women, completely all about me now, wants to please me, wants to return my love everything. He's doing everything......... Everything I needed 6 months ago.

What do I do? I really feel like I'm losing something great, but at the same time I'm not. He now agrees he never treated me properly, he's surprised I stayed so long, ect.

For the past month we've talked once a week and it was great then I just ignored him the rest of the week. I feel weak when I see him like yess the feelings are there, and the next day they're gone as long as I don't see him I feel like I'm doing right then I see him and it's back.

Though, I really want to pursue with this new guy. I know my old guy is now down to love me through anything, how can I be sure about this new guy?

Am I just comfortable in the relationship, though I feel like he had his chance & he's trying too late to save the relationship - I don't care anymore.

 

 

How do you know it's right leaving someone?

[preraph]

There is no reason at all you need to pick between the two right now. The old guy has no right to ask for you to choose him and the new guy is a new guy. You should date them both but perhaps only sleep with one of them or neither of them until you figure it out. You do not need to commit to either, but if you plan to see both, they both have a right to know you are still dating other people but not the details at all and then they have the right to stay or move on or date other people.

 

You know, this post reminded me that back in the hippie days, a lot of people remained friends with a lot of people they slept with and hung out with them into the future. The difference I see in what I read generally on this board about that type situation and the way it was then is that the hippies were all friends with each other, no matter who slept with who, though of course a few hearts were broken, a few people pining in the process. The key difference though is that it was one big family and they all hung out together, often living under one roof, instead of hiding from each other if two people had sex with the same person. It was all pretty out in the open. It was a lifestyle. It was free love, man. I think everyone just loved everyone else too much to discard them.

[d0nnivain]

You need to pick yourself.

 

 

Your connection to the other guy wasn't all that. In fact the whole interaction seems pretty dysfunctional to me with all the back & forth, not talking for days, possible cheating. He's the last thing you need again.

 

 

The new guy, well, he's the 2nd to last thing you need. You are not ready. You haven't done a post-mortem on the prior relationship. You don't yet even really understand that it was problematic.

 

 

Take some time. Get to know yourself. Figure out what you want. then go out & get it. Jumping from one thing to the next isn't going to help.

[completelyconfused07]

I really do need to take a step back & realize what was wrong with that relationship & what I don't want from that again.

Truly helpful.

[Miss Awesome]

How do you know it's right leaving someone?

 

You've answered your own question..

 

My relationship for the past year has been off & on.

Super connected guy to me, all the same hobbies, all the same outlooks on life, going the same direction & he talked to me with such intelligence.. I feel like I don't get that from many people.

Sadly, he would lie a lot, sneak around w an ex but never cheat, supposedly, see other people who he dated before who I told him I was very uncomfortable with the thought & hated how he would disrespect me. He's gotten physical a few times. But regardless, I loved him through it. We did everything together.

After the last few months I was just over it.. every time he'd be mad & not talk to me for 3 days, because he needs to cool off, I'd talk to someone else. Recently started seeing a guy I used to date a little over a year ago and I really like him. Yet can't leave my old relationship? I'm not happy with the old guy, but the connection & the feelings I did have make me stay. But the feelings I know I could have for the new guy..

My old guy now says he dropped his ex, dropped other women, completely all about me now, wants to please me, wants to return my love everything. He's doing everything......... Everything I needed 6 months ago.

What do I do? I really feel like I'm losing something great, but at the same time I'm not. He now agrees he never treated me properly, he's surprised I stayed so long, ect.

For the past month we've talked once a week and it was great then I just ignored him the rest of the week. I feel weak when I see him like yess the feelings are there, and the next day they're gone as long as I don't see him I feel like I'm doing right then I see him and it's back.

Though, I really want to pursue with this new guy. I know my old guy is now down to love me through anything, how can I be sure about this new guy?

Am I just comfortable in the relationship, though I feel like he had his chance & he's trying too late to save the relationship - I don't care anymore.