MY little brother

[Lil'Wormie]

Alright, I literally made this account to get this out, so it's gonna be long.

 

My bro and me have a pretty strange relationship.

 

__He is 2 yrs. younger than me and up until a few months ago we used to share a room. He can be cool sometimes, like some nights he'll come up to me and ask if I'm gonna stay up much later so I could come to the living room and keep him company while he plays Xbox. Normally I will and I'll be on my computer and he will be playing his game, we'll talk a bit and we are fine.

But most of the time we will be fine and then he will explode over nothing. He acts all self-important, like nothing is ever his fault, and me and my parents should give up our lives if it would make him happy.

__We could be talking and he will act really cool, and I get the kind of feeling that you get when your parent takes you out for ice-cream or something like that by surprise. Just when I start thinking that he has changed and we will be fine he gets upset over my "attitude" or whatever little thing.

Sometimes we'll be okay and I'll be talking and he'll interrupt me to say, out of the blue "that hairstyle looks terrible on you" or "why do you have so much acne?" or "that shirt doesn't look good on you" as if commenting on the weather. It may be true, but for goodness sake we were taking about this new game I found online, why would you say that?? As if I wasn't already an insecure teen. Geez.

__One time my brother was at a sleepover with me at my friend's house (I've known that girly forever so by default he does as well) and he broke the bag I had packed my stuff in. Well my friend's dad was AWESOME enough to sit there and fix it. I thanked him when he was done and I went to my friends room to put my stuff back in it. My bro followed me and I kinda blamed him for him having to fix it then he said no and it escalated quickly. It was a short exchange but he got really upset, I was almost scared of him, and it ended with him lifting a fist and saying "you know, sometimes I really want to . . ." and he left. when I came out of the room he acted as if nothing had happened.

__My parents are good parents and they can control us for the most part but, sometimes my brother rebels, one time it got so bad that my dad even said something along the lines of "I wonder what your problem is sometimes, you always seem to be upset" he said it in a borderline rude way, but kept his diplomatic parental-ish voice. I was kinda glad, because I had been wondering If I only thought that because I was his sister and it was reassurance that I wasn't alone.

 

 

 

TLDR:

Well, right now I was playing a song on the computer and by brother started blasting another song. I raised the volume to try to compete but the result was extremely annoying. I muted my song and poked him on the chest telling him that it had been annoying. He was laying on his back on the floor and I was on my stomach on the couch so he grabbed my wrist hard and pressed it into the bottom part of the couch in such an angle that my bone was pressing into the couch. I tried to get away and he let go after a bit. I told him it hurt and he called me stupid, and said it was my fault for poking him.

 

I worry about the girlfriends he is inevitably going to have. He acts this way with me and my parents and says things to his friends that border on verbal abuse. One of the characteristics of an abusive boyfriend is he hurts you and then blames you for it. What just happened was not abusive or anything and I am not worried about myself but I worry for what it might lead to.

Confronting him is not an option, as I have already attempted it.

Anything would be nice . . .

[GorillaTheater]

Have you talked to your parents about what's going on, particular the times he's hurt you?

[Lil'Wormie]

I don't see any reason to.

He doesn't hurt me enough to leave a bruise or anything, so its not a big deal.

What I worry about is his aggressiveness and my parents have seen first hand how out of hand he can get.

Like I said, my dad has even told him to his face in front of both me and my mother and she didn't object or tell my dad to back off so obviously she agreed enough to not say anything.

[jbelle6]

Hey OP!

 

You do seem to have good times with your brother too, I would take advantage of that. Maybe next time you guys are having one of your cool moments together, you could mention how things he says really hurt your feelings and ruin your confidence. Hormones are insane in males and females in the early to mid teens. I actually think he would feel pretty bad.

My brother went through a stage like this and he's a sweet man now.

 

 

I will say the fighting is pretty normal/tame (to me at least) I had a sister as well and you don't want to know the nasty crap female siblings can say to each other. Not to mention the pulling hair drag em down actual physical fights. I'm talking meat tenderizer thrown and sticking out of the wall when my parents would come home.

[emeryentropy]

You've described my brother exactly. I always wondered why he felt the need to make such tacky mean little comments to me when I would go and keep him company or try to have some sister-brother bonding time with him but eventually as he got older it just became worse. Things got so bad by the time I was 19 that I just moved out, and he sat in the living room and said, "I'm so happy the witch is leaving" (usually he cusses but not in front of our family that day).

 

Now no matter what I do, or how I ignore these rude comments and try to let it go as his older sister he consistently bullied me and threw giant raging tantrums to the point that I couldn't stand it anymore. I sincerely hope things get better between you and your brother because I am 21 now and the last time I saw my brother was about a year ago and that was only because we went to a tornado shelter. He refuses to come over on holidays or birthdays because I live with my grandmother now who hosts those events and I'm not longer allowed to visit at my mother's house because apparently I "make him uncomfortable". I live in a family who has NPD and chronically gas lights me though so I know things aren't going to just turn around and I have let most of the pain go.

 

Unlike your brother who is only 2 years younger mine is 6 years younger and always felt the need to verbally put me down and try to compete with me for the same privelages even though the things I did were not appropriate for his age and throw fits until mom finally gave in to him. Your brother might feel some similar threat towards you but I think since your age gap is smaller that there is still hope for improvement.

[Lil'Wormie]

@jbelle6

Yeah, we can have our moments, but the times we are truly close are few and short lived. And, believe me cuz I have tried, if we are having one of those "moments" and I say the smallest thing that doesn't agree with him, its over faster than it would have been.

I kinda just try to enjoy them while they last and not intentionally provoke him.

[suchamamasboy]

I don't see any reason to.

He doesn't hurt me enough to leave a bruise or anything, so its not a big deal.

What I worry about is his aggressiveness and my parents have seen first hand how out of hand he can get.

Like I said, my dad has even told him to his face in front of both me and my mother and she didn't object or tell my dad to back off so obviously she agreed enough to not say anything.

 

Hi Lil'Wormie. I just want to say that I'm sorry that you're going through this right and I know that your brother's behavior towards you has to hurt a lot. I also want to say that although your brother doesn't leave bruises, you still need to talk to your parents and let them know what's going on. It's never okay to hit another person. It's also concerning that your brother treats his friends in such a way. It seems like he doesn't care about the feelings of others, and it pains me that you have to be in such an environment. A few years ago, I still lived at home (because I was in high school) and my younger brother was physically and verbally abusive and no one really did anything to stop him. Talk to your parents. How old are you? Do you have to stay there much longer?

[Lil'Wormie]

you've described my brother exactly . . .

Really?

I'm glad I can share the experience with someone but not glad that it happened to you.

My parents don't foster his behavior as it sounds like yours did once you left, but I feel like the only action they've ever taken against him was to say something was wrong with him. I remember that he threw crying tantrums up until about 4th or 5th grade. His last one was over the latest "Diary of a wimpy kid" book I believe and my mom had said she was going to get it that day but it had gotten too late and she was gonna go the next day. So he started crying and she took him to get the book there and then.

He used to a little (not to be mean but,) wimp like that just crying over everything then he met public school and graphic video games and became agressive. I always wondered if assuming that that was what changed him was accurate.

Do you think anything caused your brother to act like that or was he just always that way??

[Lil'Wormie]

@suchamamasboy

Well I'm 16 and like I had said before, I am not worried about me. I can <for the most part> take whatever he does and he doesn't do anything to my parents. It might be a bit upsetting at certain times but its not that big a deal and no reason to up and leave my family.

 

Thank you so very much for your concern but I'm wondering if maybe it sounds a bit worse than it really is. It's not like everyday he says rude things or we get in fights or he hurts me. I just worry for him and those he's bound to be with in the future, the people that (if he keeps up like this) I'm worried he might abuse. I've often worried for his future family and then brushed it off but IDK . . .

I worried that if I didn't figure out how to fix this then I might regret it, I would regret seeing the "signs" it but ignoring them.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this or drawing connections where there aren't any but I suppose that is mainly the reason I came here. I'm trying to stop the future I envision for him if he stays with this attitude because obviously my parents see it and aren't trying to stop it.

(I can only imagine how silly I sound )

[suchamamasboy]

@suchamamasboy

Well I'm 16 and like I had said before, I am not worried about me. I can <for the most part> take whatever he does and he doesn't do anything to my parents. It might be a bit upsetting at certain times but its not that big a deal and no reason to up and leave my family.

 

Thank you so very much for your concern but I'm wondering if maybe it sounds a bit worse than it really is. It's not like everyday he says rude things or we get in fights or he hurts me. I just worry for him and those he's bound to be with in the future, the people that (if he keeps up like this) I'm worried he might abuse. I've often worried for his future family and then brushed it off but IDK . . .

I worried that if I didn't figure out how to fix this then I might regret it, I would regret seeing the "signs" it but ignoring them.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this or drawing connections where there aren't any but I suppose that is mainly the reason I came here. I'm trying to stop the future I envision for him if he stays with this attitude because obviously my parents see it and aren't trying to stop it.

(I can only imagine how silly I sound )

 

You don't sound silly at all! Hmm...so now that I have a little more information about your thoughts, I would suggest that you tell your parents that you think that therapy would be good for your brother. He'll learn how to deal with his anger in the correct way and he'll learn that his current outlets aren't okay. Give it a try! You're a very mature and incredible person and just know that everything will be okay.

[Lil'Wormie]

I would suggest that you tell your parents that you think that therapy would be good for your brother.

 

THERAPY . Hmm . . . I had never though of that path, Ha! Guess I didn't think it through enough.

I'll see when I can bring up the idea to my parents.

 

Thank you SO much for being understanding and helping me!

[emeryentropy]

Really?

I'm glad I can share the experience with someone but not glad that it happened to you.

My parents don't foster his behavior as it sounds like yours did once you left, but I feel like the only action they've ever taken against him was to say something was wrong with him. I remember that he threw crying tantrums up until about 4th or 5th grade. His last one was over the latest "Diary of a wimpy kid" book I believe and my mom had said she was going to get it that day but it had gotten too late and she was gonna go the next day. So he started crying and she took him to get the book there and then.

He used to a little (not to be mean but,) wimp like that just crying over everything then he met public school and graphic video games and became agressive. I always wondered if assuming that that was what changed him was accurate.

Do you think anything caused your brother to act like that or was he just always that way??

 

Our father was always in and out of the picture as an alcoholic and once he finally left for good my mother just let him turn into a bad seed, and never disciplined him for any of his behavior. She always found a way to pin it on me or make an excuse for him. Our sister is only 2 years younger than he is though and she gets disciplined for the stuff he gets away with. Overall though as you can see our mother is an enabler. She's let him go on like this for so long though that I'm pretty sure he's going to be a ****ty adult with no respect for anybody who will huff and puff til he gets his way or ends up punished by real authority figures.

 

My brother has thrown tantrums his whole life with little to no reprecussions, the only difference is it's over other stuff like staying up late or playing video games. I'm so happy I left.

[Lil'Wormie]

Our father was always in and out of the picture as an alcoholic and once he finally left for good my mother just let him turn into a bad seed, and never disciplined him for any of his behavior. She always found a way to pin it on me or make an excuse for him. Our sister is only 2 years younger than he is though and she gets disciplined for the stuff he gets away with. Overall though as you can see our mother is an enabler. She's let him go on like this for so long though that I'm pretty sure he's going to be a ****ty adult with no respect for anybody who will huff and puff til he gets his way or ends up punished by real authority figures.

 

My brother has thrown tantrums his whole life with little to no reprecussions, the only difference is it's over other stuff like staying up late or playing video games. I'm so happy I left.

 

 

Oh, so you guys had a MAJOR life change!

I understand now, and I can totally see that affecting everyone including you.

I'm sorry for what happened and I'm glad you left as well.

 

Me and my brother never went through anything big like that. The only things I could come up with was my parents letting him play violent video games and going from private (catholic) school to public school, but even then I'm not sure those things could change a person that much . . .

 

Thank you for your input!

[mrfyzv]

luckily I do not have a younger brother but has a younger sister

[Lil'Wormie]

luckily I do not have a younger brother but has a younger sister

 

So you didn't have problems with your sibling?

[whichwayisup]

He sounds like a little brat with a sassy attitude who needs to be put in his place..BY your parents, not you. He isn't going to listen to you. He is 14 years old and shouldn't be so cocky and full of himself, expecting others to bend to him.

 

Your parents need to be stricter and put their foot down, set some ground rules and your brother needs to chill out.

[Molly01]

My advice will be to talk to him next time you both are having your nice moment. Talk to him about all that you have written here. I have a feeling that he will understand.

And sibling problems are really common, believe me me and my brother used to fight like hell until a couple of years before. But we are still in good terms.

[Lil'Wormie]

He sounds like a little brat with a sassy attitude who needs to be put in his place..BY your parents, not you. He isn't going to listen to you. He is 14 years old and shouldn't be so cocky and full of himself, expecting others to bend to him.

 

Your parents need to be stricter and put their foot down, set some ground rules and your brother needs to chill out.

 

Hee Hee! I know he won't listen to me, he never does.

 

 

 

My advice will be to talk to him next time you both are having your nice moment. Talk to him about all that you have written here. I have a feeling that he will understand.

And sibling problems are really common, believe me me and my brother used to fight like hell until a couple of years before. But we are still in good terms.

 

Yeah, I knew about the fighting thing. When I was little my mom always made it sound like her and her siblings never got mad at each other and me and my bro shouldn't either. But, from what I've seen it IS normal.

 

While I'm sure I'd be such a relief to tell him about my concerns, I'm not as sure as you that he'd understand.

You see, he acts like anything that is not to his liking is WRONG and after that he'd probably go and act like I was the one with the attitude problems. This wouldn't be the first time that I tried to tell him that he needs to change something (about his attitude). First time I told him, he completely rejected the idea and was too upset to even listen to me after.

I wish it was as easy as just talking to him.