Husband doing it again - sending creepy emails too

[fyrwyfe]

It's long but worth reading, and I really need input from all of you....

 

I have been married for 7 years now. There has been many ups & downs, as is typical in all marriages, but some of the things I have had to go through were a little out of the norm. I posted here some time ago, so for anyone wanting detail on past issues you can search my login name & find it - my husband actually posted; I responded. Biggest problems for me have been porn related, & currently we have an agreement that he will not bring it into our home, but if he chooses to look at it elsewhere, fine. This is our current situation. December was a difficult month in that we weren't getting along. We took a week's separation & when we decided to stay together, we considered it starting fresh & were told by our counselor to stop dwelling on history.

 

So, the last month had been going very well. Here's the upsetting part. In December I started receiving male porn in my personal email acct. from somebody named 'Big Joe' - it's not typical to receive porn in my email acct. I didn't delete any of them, & they kept coming - the last one I received was 2/6. Ten emails total. I decided to try to track some other spam (not porn) when realized I could do the same with the porn I had received. Based on the header from each email, I tracked each ip address back to an establishment where, oddly enough, my husband works. I got creative & tracked it to his department. I was sickened by the thought that he was behind it, that he had created a fake email acct to send me porn, and from work no less. I was planning to wait to confront him until our next couseling appt so he would be put on the spot without having any time to think up a story, plus the counselor would see for himself how my husband lies & lies until I am holding the proof right under his nose & can't deny the truth anymore.

 

In the meantime, in 'our joint' email acct came girly porn, and this had been happening for years - the last few months I had suspected he had something to do with it since it usually arrived when he was at work. I checked the ip address - it too originated from his department. My heart sank. This porn had come from a different email address than what I had received in my own acct, someone named 'Jane Jane', so I was left thinking that the only way this could be happening is that he had set up both of these accts with the purpose of sending porn. I felt sick. I had to put it on the back burner until our appt.

 

It all came out a day or so later, before we made it to couseling when I discovered, after checking history, that he had looked at porn - as it turns out he had sent 2 girly porn emails to himself from that same address as mentioned above to an alternative email acct. (we got this one when we signed up for DSL). I was furious & I confronted him about it. He got all short with me & said he looked at it because he wanted to & how can he help it that someone sent it through an email... out came the first string of lies. We argued, he lied some more, & eventually he tried to act like I had no room to talk because I had porn in my inbox. (Yeah, from you!) He said I had left my email open & he had seen porn from this guy named Big Joe - "who's that huh?" he asked me. I thought 'yeah, you know it's in there cause you sent it!'. I basically told I suspected it was coming from him. He tried to act like I was out of my mind. I told him he better come clean or I would print them & take them to the university, then someone in his department was gonna get into big trouble. He said to go ahead (because he didn't yet know how much info I already had). Once I came inside & started printing his attitude changed quite a bit. I told him 'strange how every single email arrived when you were at work - isn't that weird?' I pointed out all these other 'strange' coinsidences, & then I left with emails in hand.

 

I came back several hours later & he fessed up. He said he created Big Joe because we weren't getting along very well in Dec so he thought he could prove whether I loved him or not by whether I corresponded with Big Joe or sent pictures of myself to him (as 'Big Joe' had asked). He said he would've just stopped once he saw I wasn't corresponding, but the he saw them in my email acct when I supposedly left it open. He said he sent the girly porn from the 'Jane Jane' acct to himself so that, when I complained about it to him, he would say 'aren't you calling the kettle black? You have porn in your own acct!' That doesn't really explain why he went into that email just to look at the porn either, even though he agreed a long time that he wouldn't do that anymore.

 

So all this came out less than 1 week ago; counseling is in 2 days. He has apologized up & down, but the next minute he throws divorce around "since I can no longer trust him anymore" he says. Pathetic - he screws me over then talks about divorce, and that is another thing he agreed in counseling that he would not threaten.

Yesterday, out of the blue he told me he was selling this hot rod WE own to his brother for $100 - said he was doing it to protect himself. I pointed out that I own it too & that he can't just sell it to keep me from getting half the value. He seemed to think otherwise. Later he apologized for that too, claiming he was just desperate & didn't know what else to do. He promised he would leave me alone & not badger me anymore; he'd let me feel what I'm gonna feel. Several times now he has asked for a hug or a kiss - I just don't understand why he doesn't get it. He screwed up & know he is gonna badger me for reassurance?!

 

We have 2 kids, one 5 & the other 15. The 15 year old has been in trouble in the past but has completely changed & is now doing wonderful. I'm afraid separating will screw him up. I don't know what to do. Does anyone here think my husband can change & start being trustworthy, or does it seem like he is just selfish & thoughtless and cannot change because that's who he is? Any advice will be so appreciated....

[Ladyjane14]

I think one of the hardest things to deal with in the whole internet-porn situation is the lies. The knowlege that the one you love has the capability to look you right in the eye and tell you such whoppers is mindboggling. It undermines all the faith that you had in him. It makes you feel like you're dealing with a complete stranger.

 

I had a similar situation, and we have worked it out. Currently, we're very happy in our marriage. But our solution involved ALOT of compromise and patience. It also involved my willingness to end the marriage if the boundaries were irrevocably broken.

 

I can't tell you what's best for you, but I can tell you what worked for me.

 

The first thing I had to understand is that internet-porn can be somewhat addictive. That's hard to accept because it doesn't make sense to me. But once I accepted that the behavior has an addictive quality, it explained why he was so willing to lie.

 

It's not possible for my husband to use any computer to look at porn or to interact with porn-people at work. (In your situation, the work computer is enabling him to keep secrets from you. )

 

My husband only had his home computer available to him. This allowed me to make him accountable in what he was looking at, and who he was talking to. I was able to establish boundaries....and more importantly, I was able to police them.

 

The boundaries went like this:

 

All of his contacts that were just for fun were within bounds. That included women, and even flirty conversation. One of the MAIN reasons these guys are interacting with these people is the boost that they get to their egos. They are building self-esteem by having all these other people tell them how great they are.

 

However, women who were pitiful and looking for a boyfriend in order to start a relationship were to be politely discouraged. Women looking for money were not to be given any. Women who were looking for casual sexual contacts were CERTAINLY not to be given any!

 

You'd think that would eliminate all of the women, but in actuality, there are quite a few who are just building low self-esteem like many of the men. The difference in these women are the ones who enjoy the attention, as opposed to the ones who need it. The ones who need it are SICK...and should be avoided.

 

Other boundaries were that cyber-people stay in the cyber-world. No phone contact. No personal information given out. (This is a tough one to police.)

 

The accountability system was that I had all passwords, all cell phone records, all bank statements. Instant messaging was archived, so that I could look at it if I wanted to. And, I was welcome to plop down next to him at the computer at any time and see what was going on.

 

For my part, I kept my critism to myself. I refrained from presenting a negative attitude as well.

 

What this accomplished was to allow him TIME...to really see all these people for what they are.

 

Now, I don't want to make a blanket statement about internet-porn users and say that they are all evil and pervy. That's not true, anymore than it would be for any other group of people. But there are a LARGE number of them with serious ISSUES!!!

 

It took time for him to unmask them. And I gave him both time, and approval.

 

I'm his wife, NOT his mother. He's a grown man, and he can look at whatever he wants as far as I'm concerned. But he may not break my most important boundaries....because these are what make it possible for me to continue being his wife. And he can't expect me to NOT police those boundaries if he's given me cause for insecurity, which he most certainly did.

 

I won't say that he never broke a soft boundary, or that he never felt resentful of my intrusion, because he did at times. But he never broke my most important boundaries.....which of course were physical affairs, continued (or new) emotional affairs, fiscal responsibility, and that sort of thing. The biggies.

 

And I spent a good deal of time in consideration of what my boundaries truly were. I had to separate out my needs from my wants. This helped in all other aspects of the marriage-building process as well.

 

There were underlying problems in our marriage, that had set the stage for this whole "porn" situation to even get started. If the marriage had been healthy and satisfying to begin with, he would never have had to go looking outside of it for emotional support. I had to assume responsibility in my part of that, and lovingly insist that he do the same for his part.

 

The very childish manner in which your husband has tried to elicit your participation and/or permission is very telling about just how addicted he has become. The length of time that this has been going on is also an indicator.

 

The good news about the lying is that is is also an indicator...your husband doesn't want to lose you, and he cares what you think. Otherwise, he wouldn't bother himself to lie.

 

You can take the teeth out of the lies at any time....by removing the reasons for them. And the back-up plan is always at hand...because when all else fails...you can remove the liar himself from your life.

[fyrwyfe]

Thanks for your response Ladyjane. It so appreciated as I am trying to figure out what's best for me & my kids...

 

It's obvious that the interest in porn is on-going. He has gotten better since I've discovered the problem several years ago, but I hate the fact that it's still a problem. Another issue in all this, at least for him, is that like you Ladyjane, I can and do check up on him. He cannot stand it. As a grown man he feels entitled to do whatever he wants on the computer, even though it was agreed in couseling that it won't be brought into our home. I am sure he would be lookin' at it all the time if I couldn't find out, and it's really sad that I am not important enough to him to stop doing it completely.

 

Then there is the fake emails. The one he used to send girly porn to himself was something like '[email protected]' - is that not a pathetic & disgustingly well-thought out way to attempt to disguise where it was really coming from?! Trying to pass it through by making it look like it was coming from a mortgage company or something. It's just so disturbing to me. He actually admitted he thought that was pretty creative...

 

His reasons for sending the porn to me as if they were coming from someone else just don't make sense. What could he possibly have proven if I had corresponded with the sender? My husband created the guy to be GAY, so if I wrote him back it would've been just for fun not for some cyber-fling.... so what would that prove? And did he actually think I would send nudey pictures of myself? If so, then we have more problems than I realize...

 

I think it's all a story; he had time to figure out what he was going to say to me because I had left for a while, and that is precisely the reason why I wanted to bring it up in couseling. I wanted him put on the spot, forced to answer right there without getting ANY time to create a big story. There are obviously many unanswered questions about all this, so where does that leave me I am wondering? How can I trust him? Even if we figure out a way to get him detatched fom porn, how can I trust someone who is capable of doing what he did - the whole picture beginning to end, lies and all?

 

Ladyjane - you said you 'are his wife not his mother'... Do yu ever feel like you shouldn't be 'policing' him? In my situation I monitor because he wont stop bringin' it into our home if I dont. I don't like have to check, but the only reassurance I get is from seeing for myself....

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by fyrwyfe

Ladyjane - you said you 'are his wife not his mother'... Do you ever feel like you shouldn't be 'policing' him? In my situation I monitor because he wont stop bringin' it into our home if I dont. I don't like have to check, but the only reassurance I get is from seeing for myself....

 

I don't feel the need to police him these days. He has proven to me that he can be trusted. He currently enjoys my input into his friendships, and wants me to be involved. And now that his needs are being met at home, he has lost his interest in porn.

 

Before he proved that he was worthy of my trust, I had very few qualms about checking up on him. Remember, he was highly motivated to save the marriage, so he welcomed a chance to prove himself.

 

I had put quite a bit of consideration into setting my boundaries. As I said before, these were the parameters in which I could continue to be his wife! I had pared my needs back to the bare bones in an effort to allow him as much freedom as I could give without suffering from a case of marriage-ending resentment. But at the end of the day, if he crossed these final boundaries....he'd have become familiar with my lawyer.

 

He's the one who initially broke the trust. He took responsibility for the insecurity that HE had caused by becoming completely accountable. Sure, there were times when he grumbled, but he understood that he needed to step up to the plate and reassure me in whatever manner I required. (That's why he's wonderful, btw. )

 

'You broke it, you bought it'. Your husband broke your trust, and caused the insecurity that is currently a problem in your marriage. Now it is incumbant upon HIM to fix that by reassuring you in whatever manner YOU require. Who gets to dictate terms when they're the one who f*cked up?

 

When he's meeting your needs for security, you'll be able to meet his needs in whatever aspects of the relationship that were missing and made it possible for him turn to porn.

 

The key to all of this is REALLY loving your mate. When you really love them, it easy to meet their needs without a sense of resentment. It becomes a gift that you give to the one you love. But if it's not reciprocal....it can't last. Repairing a broken marriage takes mutual committment.

 

He needs to love you enough to offer you "accountability" as a gift. You need to love him enough to offer forgiveness and trust in return. Then, you can start prioritizing each other's needs EVERYDAY. Before you know it, you're BOTH feeling special and loved.

 

I'm not certain that your husband keeping the porn out of the house and away from you is the best way to go. It allows too much room for your imagination to run amuck. When you don't really know what's going on (because your partner is hiding a whole different persona from you), how could you help but to imagine THE WORST?

 

And if it's sooooo bad that he doesn't want you to see it, chances are he's not making the best choices. You're left with nothing but assumptions.

 

If it were me, I'd reverse the circumstances around the porn. It would be off-limits everywhere but at home. And if I wasn't welcome to look at it too, then I'd have to assume he was doing wrong. Secrets and lies have no place in a happy marriage.

 

Talk it over with him, and with your counselor. Remember that if you elect to bring it all out in the open, you'll have to put on your game-face and refrain from criticism. That's the difficult part.

 

I know, it would be so much easier if they just stopped. But they don't, they get hooked, and will continue to lie until the marriage is over, or until the relationship problems are addressed.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by Ladyjane14

He needs to love you enough to offer you "accountability" as a gift. You need to love him enough to offer forgiveness and trust in return.

 

I have to amend that statement. When I say "trust", I mean eventually. The trust will only be earned after a period of accountability in which your husband can prove his trustworthiness.

[fyrwyfe]

Thanks again for your input Ladyjane...

 

The porn issue has been discussed in couseling & because of the way I feel about it, it was addressed by our counselor and agreed upon by my husband that it be not brought into our home. He probably didn't much like that arrangement, but could admit that it was fair as long as I didn't try to control other places outside the home. As for 'other places'... I don't care too much & my imagination really doesn't get the better of me. It's here at home where there is full access to everything porn AND complete privacy to go with (and let's let our minds wander as to what he could be doing with all that porn AND privacy)... under those circumstances I don't see how he would ever get a grip on his addiction. It's not that what he's looking at is so 'bad' that he doesn't want me to see it, he just wouldn't get off on it with me there. However if he and his buddies are standing around a magazine or computer at someone elses house, then whatever... it's something to gawk at but not a situation where he can 'satisy himself' in the privacy of his own home. THAT'S what really bothers me, and he is completely aware of it.

 

That's the porn issue, but I still have the sneakiness and lies to figure to deal with & don't know what it takes for me to regain his trust, if I even should. Don't you think it's a little out of the norm for a spouse to send the other anonymous, unwanted porn hoping she would think it's just your average spam? And from work? And all the lies to go with it? And then preaching divorce (again) and anouncing he's selling his (our) car to his brother for $100 to keep me from getting 1/2 fair value? The porn situation is one thing, but all the rest is another, and I really don't know where to go with all of it... It's just so deceitful that it makes me wonder what all he is capable of (if he can just get a way with it)...

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by fyrwyfe

Don't you think it's a little out of the norm for a spouse to send the other anonymous, unwanted porn hoping she would think it's just your average spam? And from work? And all the lies to go with it? And then preaching divorce (again) and anouncing he's selling his (our) car to his brother for $100 to keep me from getting 1/2 fair value? The porn situation is one thing, but all the rest is another, and I really don't know where to go with all of it... It's just so deceitful that it makes me wonder what all he is capable of (if he can just get a way with it)...

 

I think that sending you the porn from work was an attempt to either get your permission or your participation in his porn agenda. Likely he wants to be able to look at porn in the privacy of his own home.

 

The 'divorce' threats and the sale of the car are borne of his frustration with having his agenda repeatedly thwarted.

 

I had reviewed your earlier threads, and was under the impression that your husband had become interactive with members of the porn community. I assumed this based on the thread where he mentioned emailing of pictures.

 

This is my opinion, some will agree and others will disagree, but here goes.....

 

The real trouble starts when a man begins to interact with the people that he meets on porn sites. Pictures and movies do not present a direct threat to the marriage. Masturbation that does not interfere with the sexual intimacy of the marriage does not present a direct threat either.

 

The marriage is much more likely to become endangered by the control issues involved in one partner enforcing their own agenda on the other. In other words, if you force him to be compliant in not viewing porn because you find it repugnant or distasteful, he feels controlled. If he forces it on you, same thing.

 

The control issue becomes the problem. Only you can decide if it is important enough to end the marriage over.

 

Personally, I found it much easier to allow the porn than to divorce the man. The majoriy of men look at it, so what are the odds I'd be able to replace my current husband with one who didn't. In my opinion, my insistance that he never look at it would be akin to telling him which programs would be appropriate for him to watch on TV. I'm not his mama.

 

All that said, the real problem is the interactive side of the porn industry. This is the one that is destructive to marriages. It begins with on-line contact, and ends in many cases with infidelity. The behaviors observed in porn communities become normalized for the individual who is frequenting these places.

 

If this is not monitored, it gets out of hand very quickly. The people who are chatting with one another in porn rooms progress to photo exchanges, phone contact, and finally meeting in person. They are able idealize one another and form attachments at a breathtaking speed.

 

This is what needs to be monitored, because it gets out of hand fast.

 

I don't know how you could find out if he's interactive or not when he's not using at home.

[fyrwyfe]

I guess you are right Ladyjane.... I think I am too focused on the porn itself. He definately did interact with someone online, & around the same time he signed up for an 'adult friend finder' site for the same purpose. I'm sure he would defend both incidents as just foolin' around with the guys for fun, but I don't know if he's telling the truth on that one. He let me think it was all on him for an entire year before he told me that's not exactly what happened...

 

I do realize how easily they can be sucked in, and although I'm not worried about it at the moment, he could very easily go from lookin' at porn to interacting on those sites... just today my couselor pointed out that my husband has given me reasons to be concerned about what activities he could engage in online. The recent emails for example.... He also pointed out that it's become more about the deceit & distrust than anything else, which is true. I don't think this all stems from his problem with porn, I think it comes from how entitled he feels, like nobody should stand in his way. He actually told me that maybe it's because I am telling him 'no' - he said that makes him want to rebel & do it more. I think that's a teenagers way of thinking personally...

 

I can see where you are coming from about not knowing whether he is being interactive outside of the home. I will never know that, whether I change my mind or not about porn in our home. He can always go elsewhere & chat online if he wanted to and since I'm not around him other places where he would get online, I would have no way of knowing. He has gotten so accustomed to lying about this subject that he'd just do it again if I confronted him.

 

The other issue is the lies. It's not limited to our porn/computer issues, it's just most obvious when those issues come up. He lies about other things too, or will avoid telling me altogether. Later when I find out he'll use the good 'ol "I was gonna tell you..." (let me finish that sentence in my own words... 'but just hadn't done it yet because you didn't think I knew or would find out'). Again, I think it's about him feeling entitled. I'm leary about whether that can or ever will change...

 

I don't trust him because of the things he's done, I don't respect him in many ways because of the things he's done and the way he can look into my eyes & lie right to me... it's obvious he will go to great lengths to get something he wants, even if it means risking his career & family. I am worried things will never change even of I do everything in my power because I am afraid he is 'hardwired' to be this way....

 

I so appreciate any advice anyone has to offer about my situation, and thank you again Ladyjane for taking the time to read & respond.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by fyrwyfe

I don't think this all stems from his problem with porn, I think it comes from how entitled he feels, like nobody should stand in his way. He actually told me that maybe it's because I am telling him 'no' - he said that makes him want to rebel & do it more. I think that's a teenagers way of thinking personally...

 

Well, you've been cast in the role of 'Mama' then haven't you? It becomes a game of cat and mouse at that point. It doesn't work if you refuse to play.

 

Here's the problem though.... A liar will continue to lie until the TRUTH is rubbed on his nose.

 

The only way to do that is to find out what the truth really is. There are some good ways to do that.

 

People who are interactive in on-line chat environments have no way to know that the dainty little Miss Thing that they're chatting up, is NOT in fact a 300# truck driver named Bubba. The usual first step to establishing if the person is REAL or not....is cell phone contact.

 

If the phone is also in your name, you can usually get detail records on-line by establishing an account password at their website. If he's already done that, and you don't have the password, you can call the company and request that a hard copy be mailed to you.

 

Bank statements and credit card bills can also tell you a little bit. Many of the porn sites are by subscription. They need to be paid each month. Even cash withdrawals can tell you something, if there hasn't been an accounting of the money spent.

 

It's always worthwhile to have a peek at your C drive on the home computer. Most people will clean off the history and temp files, but sometimes they d/l things and get careless, either believing that we won't find them, or simply forgetting to go dig them out and delete them.

 

Also, have a look through his car and his closet. Sometimes the d/l will be saved to disc for perusal later on. This isn't really a big deal if it's professional porn, but if it's amatuer from interactive contacts....that's a whole different story.

 

Now, are you his wife or his mama at this point?

 

I suppose the would depend on what you do with the information that you've uncovered.

 

If you wring your hands and cry, lecture him, beg him to be good and stop....then I'd say you're his mama.

 

If you start pitching his shirts onto the front lawn, (I mean that figuratively of course. )....then you're his wife.

 

People will treat you how you let them. Unfortunately, sometimes that includes our mates. This is why we have to set our personal boundaries, and why we have to put consideration into what our ABSOLUTE boundaries are.

 

I really hate porn. I find it repugnant, and a blemish on our entire society. I could go on for pages to describe why, but that's neither here nor there. Because I have to recognise the viewing of porn as a personal choice. My husband's a grown man, he can look at whatever he wants. I'm not going to debate that with him, and I'm not going to judge him by it. (I find reality TV repugnant as well, but where would I be if I went around judging people for watching it! )

 

But this is all different from having my husband form relationships which are deliberately hidden from me, and therefore a danger to my family dynamic.

 

If your husband is only viewing porn and not in any way interactive, then it is YOU who is casting yourself in the role of mother. It is YOU who is instigating the game of cat and mouse.

 

If he is in fact interactive in an on-line environment that is deliberately hidden from you, then it is he, himself, who has cast you in that role.

 

You won't be able to tell the difference until you have all the facts. And if he's making a habit of lying to you, the facts will be difficult to get from him.

 

This adversarial mentality will continue to cross over into all aspects of your relationship, until it is resolved. There's a huge difference between being partners and being adversaries.

 

The difference is living your lives playing on the SAME team, or living on opposing ones. In opposition, somebody always has to lose.

[kimizmat]

I am recently separated from my husband. A big part of what led to the separation was his compulsion toward porn. It ate away at my trust, because like your husband, he'd lie to me bold faced every time, unless I had proof. This always made me wonder what else he could lie to me about so easily. I wish that we had gotten counselling, looking back, because I love him still. Try to realize that it's an addiction, but you are not his mother either. He has to become responsible for himself and his actions. Good luck.

[fyrwyfe]

We went to a counseling appointment yesterday - at first DH refused to go, but I figured it was because he didn't want yet another person telling him how he had screwed up. Later that evening he changed his mind when he saw that I wasn't happy about his decision. Our couselor pointed out to him that, for three years now off & on we have been coming to see him, and the same problems keep coming up. He asked DH "when will you ever be trustworthy? When?"

 

He stated that, although neither one of us is perfect, DH has brought more problems to the table & continues to give me reason to distrust him because he continues to lie. Stated that DH is a narcissist, which I had been thinking myself & read info about it on the internet that totally fits him. Said DH needs his ego stroked all the time, & if it isn't then he doesn't feel loved. Said DH is very needy & is creating these upsetting situations to see my reaction, and me staying with him verifies (for him) that I do in fact love him (don't know if I completely agree with that but there may be some truth to it). He said that he would like to still counsel us but that he wants DH to get additional individual couseling because if DH continues down the same path without trying to change these behaviors then he suspects I will leave him. Said he believes that some of DH's issues are from his childood (how he never felt as 'good' or 'smart' as his younger brother was) - individual couseling wil help him work those issues out because he has carried them into this marriage.

 

Very tough session for DH, basically sat there looking irritated and picking at his nails, sometimes agreeing with the couselor because he is aware that he screwed up bad and how untrustworthy he has made himself. Dh does not understand that only HE is responsible for his behavior - he sits there & tries to put some blame on me for having been cold or distant towards him, almost like I pushed him into being distrustful. Counselor pointed out that his actions are on HIM and if that happens it will be because of him, not because of something I have done wrong.

 

At this point DH doesn't know if he is willing to go to individual counseling. I'm not really sure what to think about that - I know that I would do it to save our marriage and family. I don't know how much hope I should have in this marriage. DH has been this way basically his whole life and now that our couselor pointed out that this is how he was "hardwired" and that 'porn' isn't really the issue, it's the underlying stuff... what am I to think? And now he's not real interested in going to individual couseling knowing that his marriage is on the line??

 

 

Just wanted to update everyone reading this post, and as always would love any advice you all have to offer.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by fyrwyfe

At this point DH doesn't know if he is willing to go to individual counseling.

 

Would he be willing to come back here to LS and talk with some of the guys about it? There are quite a few here who have had really positive results in IC. Devildog, Yikes, Owl, and MassiveAtom spring to mind among others, who might be able to share some male perspective with him.

 

Sometimes men are a little uneasy about counseling. Maybe input some from other men would help. (????)