feelingtorn Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 (edited) My story can be found at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/479685-8-months-later-my-ex-contacted-me I thought I was moving on with my life. But, after my last email exchange, I ended up seeing him and his dog, Sadie, from a distance time to time. Without knowing, my new office is only a block away from his new work. Due to Sadie's bladder problem, he has to take her out for a walk every 2 hours. I see them from my office window a couple of times a day. We exchanged a few texts, and I finally agreed to see him this Sunday. I can still back out. But, at the same time, I cannot help wanting to see him and hear what he has to say. On a side note, I am not sure about my friend anymore. He has been in Montana for the past 2 years almost working on an old truck. I KNOW. He finally got it done, but got drunk and while test driving it, he told his buddy to drive through a fence. Of course, the truck got damaged, and he is still working on it. He grew up rich and rarely had to work for $. I feel like we have different values. Of course, there are MORE men than these two. I am not seeking out my ex out of desperation or fear of being alone. I do miss him and think about him a lot. Is this love? Or, just unsettled emotion from unexpected breakup? Edited June 20, 2014 by feelingtorn Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 pray about it, invite your power in...what is your spirit/gut telling you???? get real still and listen. my thought is it might be worth it just to hear what he has to say. what do you have to lose? some pride/ego? seems like you have things going on for you and you are in a place where man or no man, you will be just fine. content/filled single life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Just do it. You are going to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Just do it. You are going to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if." Hey thanks for the advice. I ended up seeing him yesterday. He looked initially nervous, but we quickly got our old mojo back and had a good conversation. It was nice to catch up and was to hear his apology. Neither of us contacted each other. I won't certainly be the first one. He knows how to get a hold of me. If he contacts me, I will be willing to see him again and talk more. We only got a little into "what happened with us". Not sure what good it will do to re-hash our old problems, but I think it would be good to hear his perspective and share mine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Well done. Nice to hear we don't have to be dead to our exes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) This is terrible. So he texted me yesterday. The day after our meeting. He did not say it was nice to see me or anything, but just a friendly joke about stock trading. I trade stocks FT, so he knew I was up at 5:30 AM and made a joke about it. We used to chat all the time on gmail. And, we ended up chatting for a little less than an hour. Just mundane stuff - lunch options, plans after work, etc. We did not talk about anything serious. Just a friendly chat. I was hoping to hear back from today. Nothing. No text, no email, no chat. I am now checking my hotmail, gmail, and my cell phone like a junke. The terrible side effect of breaking a NC rule. I even re-read my diary - all the heart wrenching stuff i wrote between sep and jan after BU to remind myself how I swore I would never get back together with him. Edited June 25, 2014 by feelingtorn Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 That's why i dont think its worth to break NC. Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 This is terrible. So he texted me yesterday. The day after our meeting. He did not say it was nice to see me or anything, but just a friendly joke about stock trading. I trade stocks FT, so he knew I was up at 5:30 AM and made a joke about it. We used to chat all the time on gmail. And, we ended up chatting for a little less than an hour. Just mundane stuff - lunch options, plans after work, etc. We did not talk about anything serious. Just a friendly chat. I was hoping to hear back from today. Nothing. No text, no email, no chat. I am now checking my hotmail, gmail, and my cell phone like a junke. The terrible side effect of breaking a NC rule. I even re-read my diary - all the heart wrenching stuff i wrote between sep and jan after BU to remind myself how I swore I would never get back together with him. Assuming he has an interest in getting back with you, its not going to happen over night. You need to understand that if anything is going to happen its going to be just like you were dating again. That means light conversation, distance in between and low pressure. He is probably afraid of hurting you/getting hurt, just the same way you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 Assuming he has an interest in getting back with you, its not going to happen over night. You need to understand that if anything is going to happen its going to be just like you were dating again. That means light conversation, distance in between and low pressure. He is probably afraid of hurting you/getting hurt, just the same way you are. I really appreciate your perspective. I read your story too and feel like our brain is wired in a similar way. I thought about emailing him and letting him know how I felt about him, but decided not to. You are right. I am afraid of getting hurt and feeling rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 let him come to you. do your thing, make yourself happy regardless of what he does or does not do Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I really appreciate your perspective. I read your story too and feel like our brain is wired in a similar way. I thought about emailing him and letting him know how I felt about him, but decided not to. You are right. I am afraid of getting hurt and feeling rejected. That is a normal feeling. But again, if you really want to get with this guy you need to take it slow. You would feel rejected if a new person didn't respond to you, this is no different. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket and take your time. Don't over think every action or inaction. If you don't hear from him in a few days (2-3) message him. If you don't hear back you know what you need to do but at least you tried. If you do hear back from him, then let it blossom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 Update: He did contact me back. We both agreed that we did not want to dwell on the past. We did not want to amend our old relationship and neither of us were interested in discussing who did what and who said what. We both said we could date casually as if we just met recently. He invited me to dinner at his place tomorrow night. I am not going to lie. I am excited. But, I am also nervous. I cannot even discuss any of this with my girlfriends. They all think and say he is evil. If I tell them I am having dinner with him tomorrow night, they will think I am a nut case. When I caught him sexting, he told me I was not the one. He also told me he did not feel any butterflies for quite a while. Yet, he wants to see me again after 9 months - we broke up in early Sep last yr. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarlove Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 HI your story spoke to me as it's very similar to what happened in my breakup except I didn't went into NC and kept annoying him. I hope everything's better for you, will love to hear your progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 HI your story spoke to me as it's very similar to what happened in my breakup except I didn't went into NC and kept annoying him. I hope everything's better for you, will love to hear your progress. First, I am so sorry you had to go through it too. I really hope you are doing and feeling better. A quick update: I did have dinner with my ex. He cleaned the house, did grocery shopping, tried out a new recipe, and prepared a dessert. This man never planned anything - the complete opposite of myself - so, it was nice to see he was trying. We both decided we should see each other casually and not exclusively. I know he is not seeing anybody and has not since we broke up. On the other hand, I have this situation with my long-time friend who currently lives in Montana. I think he is great. But, he has some unrealistic expectations and fails to return the same commitment and respect to me. To keep it short, he confessed his love last Dec. He was in town for short 3 weeks and we spent time together almost every day. It was great, but I have not seen him since then. He has repeatedly said TWO WEEKS, but it has been almost 6 months now. He again said he would be driving back next wk. *SIDE NOTE- He has been working on an old truck for the past 2 years. He inherited a large sum of $ from his father and does not have to work. His truck was FIXED two wks ago, but he got drunk and ended up damaging the truck - let a stranger whom he met at a bar drive it and drive through someone else's fence. All very stupid, and he told me how dumb he felt and how much he missed me. He said he would take a train back to Seattle, but in less than 24 hrs, without consulting with me, he changed his mind and decided to work on his truck. I already told him I was upset at and disappointed by his recent behaviors. After I broke up with my ex last Sep, I did not feel like dating. So, it was easy for me to "wait" for my friend. But, now I feel different. I am ready to date. He may actually show up next week. I am just going to let my heart decide. I may decide that neither man is right for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sugarlove Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 I understand the random guys making their appearance at unexpected time. 2 of my exes before my ex bf made contact since my breakup. I'm still not dating either one. I used to adore these guys but somehow, not anymore. I'm slightly different as I found out his sexting in Dec but didn't put much thought into it. Bad move as it did affected me subconsciously and I started pushing him away not realizing why. He did soemthing silly on facebook about a models page.. One of those scantily clad ones and I untag all our photos. He broke up with me. And i went slightly desperate trying to win him back. It's now 3 months. I'm not sure if he will come back.. not after I told him how hurt I was with his sexting. I love this man. Abd he loved me too. But things just went wrong after the Facebook incident. It all feels so stupid now just saying it. Other couples have heavier issues. Ours seemed so weak. I don't know. Just trying to move on. And like you.. hanging around my gay guy friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 UPDATE: My ex and I have hung out 2-3 times a week. All very pleasant. It has been a month, so I told him he needed to make up his mind. Instead of telling me he loved me or he wanted to get back together officially, he said we should discuss what went wrong and if we should get back together. If we could work on ourselves to make our relationship work this time. He is going to be out of town this week for business trip. He will be back next Mon. I guess we will talk sometime next week. Part of me wants love song, flower, and romance like what we see in hollywood movies, but I guess this is a more logical step for those who live in reality? Link to post Share on other sites
smuggy95 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 This sounds like exactly what happened to a friend of mine. The guy told her things would be different, not as whirlwind at first. They even got to serious talks of engagement, where everyone at work new and she was looking for people to make her dress. Then he changed his mind. This continued for 3 years. he is now married to someone else, a week after he told her he loved her and then left for a trip where he met his future wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 This sounds like exactly what happened to a friend of mine. The guy told her things would be different, not as whirlwind at first. They even got to serious talks of engagement, where everyone at work new and she was looking for people to make her dress. Then he changed his mind. This continued for 3 years. he is now married to someone else, a week after he told her he loved her and then left for a trip where he met his future wife. Wow, that's sad. I am going back and forth still, because of what he said right before the break up 9 months ago. Should I not get together with the man who obviously has no passion for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingtorn Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 So, my ex came back after 7 months. We saw each other for a month and had a big talk. He said he did not want to get back together right away, but wanted to work on us first. A valid point, but we broke up because I caught him sexting with a woman whom he met online. He broke my trust, and I just could not agree to see my ex casually while I could be dating my friend - BTW, my friend is now back in Seattle permanently. So, I told him I did not want to see him anymore last night. As soon as I said it, he changed his attitude and suddenly wanted to take a trip out of town. Always one step slow. My bday is coming up soon, and I was hinting that I wanted to go somewhere, but he kept insisting taking a trip was too big of a commitment? Although he said he wanted to work on our communication, the whole month we saw each other, all he wanted to do was food, sex, and dog walk. Every time I wanted to talk about us, he said he did not want to ruin the night? As soon as I told him I would rather date my friend, he was all about talking. Talking about us nonstop. Texting me nonstop. Again, too late. Thought I should update you guys on my situation. GL to y'all and be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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