Affair Anxiety

[solostand]

So its been a while since I posted. Facts are I have been in an affair with a MM for a little over a year and a half. I am single. He is 15 years older than me. As usual, "it just happened" but anyway here we are. I tried to go NC when he was down south with his family for two months, but I couldn't stand it. Not ready yet I guess.

 

Anyway, the point of this thread. I see MM pretty well every day and talk on the phone to him a couple of times a day.

 

So yesterday he said he was coming over today and I thought he said he would call at 11. 11 rolls around and no call, 11:30 I phone his cell, no answer, I start feeling stupid anxiety that I always feel when I can't get in touch with him. Worry, was he caught, hurt, sick. Anyway at noon I called and he said our meeting time was 1 p.m., not 11.

 

I hate that anxiety and I feel it too much. I told him its because the only way I know that he's ok is through HIM. I can't very well phone his home or ask his wife.

 

Anyway, anyone else feel this irrational?

 

And please don't judge me for this affair. I know its wrong, I feel bad for the BS and I know we're on the verge of getting caught. But I love him, and he loves me and that is a pretty stong emotion.

[Scarlet2]

I get anxiety a lot too but usually only if I don't see or hear from him after several days, not hours though. As the OW, we are always on guard because we don't know when discovery day is going to be or if an emergency happens or if he decides to just call it quits. MM don't have to end an A in the same manner as a real relationship, they can just disappear without a word especially if his W finds out and watches everything he does from that day forward.

 

I'm sure my MM is getting annoyed that I'm always asking if everything is okay, is he mad at me, etc, but he knows how I am and reassures me everything is good, stop worrying. I'm trying to stop the self doubts but it is difficult. My fear is that if I don't think about it anymore, then I'll get blindsided. For me it's better to fear the worst and it not happen, than to expect the best and be disappointed.

 

The NC can be hard. One time my MM went on vacation and I couldn't talk to him for a week but I was okay though because I knew where he was and why he couldn't talk. It's the not knowing where or why that it becomes stressful for me but I try to give the benefit of the doubt and wait a day or two before I try to find out what's going on.

[still_an_Angel]

absolutely... I get fidgety when MM goes for out-of-town trips. I tell him verbally, send an email but am watching the timing if I want to send him a text (very careful about this). I do the same before he takes the trip going back home. I know exactly how you feel, you worry that if there's an emergency, no one will tell you and you might never know until days or weeks later on. I did start a thread on this topic (sorry, I don't know how to attach that thread onto here but its entitled "Emergency contact for OM") and I had good responses there.

 

 

What really opened my eyes was when MM went halfway around the world and I ended up climbing the walls just for something to do. I talked to him about this, he already knows I get anxious when he goes out of town and he's assured me he has no plans of dying just yet. I know I get OTT sometimes about this but can't help it. The W has all these rights, not me.

[LadyLee]

I know exactly what you mean! When I was in an affair and also in a LDR I would get antsy when I didn't hear from him for a couple of hours. Our dynamic is that we are always in communication- mostly texts and calls. It wasn't normal for us and that was just the way we were and we got used to it.

 

When I was in the affair, if a significant amount of time went by, I would begin to question where he was and what he was doing- internally not actually to him. I felt totally irrational. It was weird and I don't miss those feelings at all:o

 

Lee