Can I get some ways on moving on from someone you love?

[Jerry17]

I have trust issues, insecurities, and low-self esteem. But I didn't realize it until I became involved with this girll. This girl (Let's call her Jessica) and I are in high school where I'm a junior and she's a freshman. We have had a complicated situation for almost 9 months. She was giving mixed signals to me while she had a boyfriend. Her friends, my friends, and even one of her sisters claimed that Jessica liked me. He say/she say stuff had us arguing early on in our friendship, but it stopped.We used to kik each other almost every day and talk about things in our lives. We even had deep conversations. Only thing is, we only had a few conversations in the hallways. Everytime she felt bad, I was there for her. She even confided in me that she didn't think that she was still with her boyfriend. But, she was also there for me alot. I told her about my insecurities, low self-esteem, and trust issues. It was a long conversation and she told me to let it all go. I planned on buying her a Christmas gift which I hinted to her. But on Christmas break, she went ghost on me. We didn't talk for a good week. Then I found out she apparently spent time with her boyfriend.

 

So, after being jealous, insecure, and not feeling like I was important to her, I told her that I feel like she will eventually forget about me like alot of other girls that I liked did in my past. She told me that it wouldn't happen. But I didn't believe it. I ended up telling her that most of my friends don't want me involved with her, just to spark jealousy from her. She was very upset about it and stopped talking to me. I sent several messages to her, but I ended up sending her a screenshot of our messages, which I really meant to send to another friend who wanted to know why Jessica got mad at me.

 

The next month, on my birthday, she stared at me alot during the day. The whole day, she acted like she wanted to say something to me, but she chose not to. I kiked her and we had a short talk where she put "..." to almost everything I said. She didn't tell me happy birthday. I apologized about what I said over Christmas break and that I regret it. I asked her what do I have to do to get her to forgive me. She told me nothing and to just move on. Then I told her okay and to have a nice life. I didn't apologize about the screenshots because I had completely forgotten about it.

 

A week later, I kiked her again, only to try to get some clarity on everything. I told her that I've moved on, but I want to know what she thinks about everything now. But she told me that she doesn't care anymore and to have a nice life.But soon, she hinted that she was feeling really bad and I care about her alot so I asked, but she said it's nothing. We had a short convo, but it stopped.

 

After a few months of her still looking at me and me not completely moving on, I just told her that I wanted to be friends again. She agreed to be friends again. But it wasn't like it used to be. We still hardly talked. Eventually, I told her everything about how I was jealous and I didn't feel important to her and why I said what I said on Christmas break. She told me that she didn't care anymore. I wanted to know what she exactly didn't care about. And she said she didn't care anymore and doesn't like me like that. I remembered about the screenshots almost the last month of school. And that's when I realized maybe she doesn't trust me anymore. On her birthday, it seemed like everyone was wishing her a happy birthday. She got a hug from some guy, but I happened to be right there and she was looking at me when she got the hug. Later, I kiked her and told her happy birthday. She said thank you and We had a short convo, but it stopped. I have tried to talk to her, but she just ignores my messages now.

 

At this point, I know I messed up bad and I don't think she will ever forgive me. I wish she would, but I don't think so. I've sort of given up. I don't understand about her always staring at me. When I didn't notice it, my friends did and told me. But now it's summer break and I'm just trying to move on, but it's extremely hard. I'm writing a book and I put a situation like this one in the book so it keeps bringing up feelings. And I'm almost finished with the book so I can't just quit. And then I'm friends with her on social media and my friends tell me she thinks everyone takes her for granted. I want to just ignore, but I care about her.

 

I just didn't expect to even fall for her. And I'm just kind of confused. Was I the only one in the wrong? I feel bad about it all, but I don't think I can do anything about it. So what's the best ways for me to move on?

[GemmaUK]

Stop messaging her.

 

She has been very clear she doesn't want contact with you.

 

You're only respecting your own wishes ..maybe respect hers for a change?

[Elle1975]

I have trust issues, insecurities, and low-self esteem. But I didn't realize it until I became involved with this girll. This girl (Let's call her Jessica) and I are in high school where I'm a junior and she's a freshman. We have had a complicated situation for almost 9 months. She was giving mixed signals to me while she had a boyfriend. Her friends, my friends, and even one of her sisters claimed that Jessica liked me. He say/she say stuff had us arguing early on in our friendship, but it stopped.We used to kik each other almost every day and talk about things in our lives. We even had deep conversations. Only thing is, we only had a few conversations in the hallways. Everytime she felt bad, I was there for her. She even confided in me that she didn't think that she was still with her boyfriend. But, she was also there for me alot. I told her about my insecurities, low self-esteem, and trust issues. It was a long conversation and she told me to let it all go. I planned on buying her a Christmas gift which I hinted to her. But on Christmas break, she went ghost on me. We didn't talk for a good week. Then I found out she apparently spent time with her boyfriend.

 

So, after being jealous, insecure, and not feeling like I was important to her, I told her that I feel like she will eventually forget about me like alot of other girls that I liked did in my past. She told me that it wouldn't happen. But I didn't believe it. I ended up telling her that most of my friends don't want me involved with her, just to spark jealousy from her. She was very upset about it and stopped talking to me. I sent several messages to her, but I ended up sending her a screenshot of our messages, which I really meant to send to another friend who wanted to know why Jessica got mad at me.

 

The next month, on my birthday, she stared at me alot during the day. The whole day, she acted like she wanted to say something to me, but she chose not to. I kiked her and we had a short talk where she put "..." to almost everything I said. She didn't tell me happy birthday. I apologized about what I said over Christmas break and that I regret it. I asked her what do I have to do to get her to forgive me. She told me nothing and to just move on. Then I told her okay and to have a nice life. I didn't apologize about the screenshots because I had completely forgotten about it.

 

A week later, I kiked her again, only to try to get some clarity on everything. I told her that I've moved on, but I want to know what she thinks about everything now. But she told me that she doesn't care anymore and to have a nice life.But soon, she hinted that she was feeling really bad and I care about her alot so I asked, but she said it's nothing. We had a short convo, but it stopped.

 

After a few months of her still looking at me and me not completely moving on, I just told her that I wanted to be friends again. She agreed to be friends again. But it wasn't like it used to be. We still hardly talked. Eventually, I told her everything about how I was jealous and I didn't feel important to her and why I said what I said on Christmas break. She told me that she didn't care anymore. I wanted to know what she exactly didn't care about. And she said she didn't care anymore and doesn't like me like that. I remembered about the screenshots almost the last month of school. And that's when I realized maybe she doesn't trust me anymore. On her birthday, it seemed like everyone was wishing her a happy birthday. She got a hug from some guy, but I happened to be right there and she was looking at me when she got the hug. Later, I kiked her and told her happy birthday. She said thank you and We had a short convo, but it stopped. I have tried to talk to her, but she just ignores my messages now.

 

At this point, I know I messed up bad and I don't think she will ever forgive me. I wish she would, but I don't think so. I've sort of given up. I don't understand about her always staring at me. When I didn't notice it, my friends did and told me. But now it's summer break and I'm just trying to move on, but it's extremely hard. I'm writing a book and I put a situation like this one in the book so it keeps bringing up feelings. And I'm almost finished with the book so I can't just quit. And then I'm friends with her on social media and my friends tell me she thinks everyone takes her for granted. I want to just ignore, but I care about her.

 

I just didn't expect to even fall for her. And I'm just kind of confused. Was I the only one in the wrong? I feel bad about it all, but I don't think I can do anything about it. So what's the best ways for me to move on?

 

The best way is to work on your issues. It's good that you're aware of it, but it doesn't mean anything till you start the process of fixing them. I believe anxiety never goes totally away, it's how you manage it that makes a difference.

 

I'd probably work on communicating your feelings more efficiently. Stop trying to control someone the way you did, It's linked to your codependency, but it's still not right.

[Jerry17]

The best way is to work on your issues. It's good that you're aware of it, but it doesn't mean anything till you start the process of fixing them. I believe anxiety never goes totally away, it's how you manage it that makes a difference.

 

I'd probably work on communicating your feelings more efficiently. Stop trying to control someone the way you did, It's linked to your codependency, but it's still not right.

 

I don't understand. How am I trying to control her?

[salparadise]

Jerry,

She enjoys keeping you on the string, knowing that you're heartbroken and pining for her. She acts histrionic, immature, but that's probably not abnormal at her age. You have to reverse this situation if you want to get and keep a girlfriend. Once a girl like this knows that she's got you, that you're no longer a challenge, she loses respect and interest in you. If you're going to play with drama queens you have to be the one pulling the strings or you'll just be miserable.

 

So, quit letting it be known that you even think of her. You already know what it would be like to be with her––miserable. She dumped you at Christmas, got back with the other guy and didn't even tell you. No class whatsoever.

 

So move on to the next one and do three things: a) stay a step ahead and be assertive, be the one who is calling shots, and b) choose someone who doesn't dangle it for multiple guys at once and play games with your feelings. c) Do whatever it takes to fix the insecurity and anxiety issues, and until then don't confess or let them show.

[Jerry17]

Jerry,

She enjoys keeping you on the string, knowing that you're heartbroken and pining for her. She acts histrionic, immature, but that's probably not abnormal at her age. You have to reverse this situation if you want to get and keep a girlfriend. Once a girl like this knows that she's got you, that you're no longer a challenge, she loses respect and interest in you. If you're going to play with drama queens you have to be the one pulling the strings or you'll just be miserable.

 

So, quit letting it be known that you even think of her. You already know what it would be like to be with her––miserable. She dumped you at Christmas, got back with the other guy and didn't even tell you. No class whatsoever.

 

So move on to the next one and do three things: a) stay a step ahead and be assertive, be the one who is calling shots, and b) choose someone who doesn't dangle it for multiple guys at once and play games with your feelings. c) Do whatever it takes to fix the insecurity and anxiety issues, and until then don't confess or let them show.

 

Thanks for answering me. And I honestly don't think it would be miserable dating her. She was actually very nice to me. We always texted after we got home from school and we would have deep conversations about my life and her life. But as soon as I broke her trust, she's never let me get close to her like that again. And I thought when we finally talked about everything, everything was going to go back to how it used to be. I was just confused about everything. Everyone said one thing and she said another. Her actions were one thing and she said another. I've even had to verbally defend her whenever my friends talked bad about her. But any time me and her ever seemed to be getting closer, she'd kind of pull back for some reason.

 

I just don't want to completely lose her as a friend. Honestly, I felt she was one of my true friends. It's not even about me still trying to date her. I just want to be friends with her again. That's what it's all about. But it seems like I have to move on.